The Phoenix
by Lalaland972
Summary: When Edward left, Charlie described Bella's demeanor as if she lost someone who died. She soon found out true pain of loss from death. In the wake of her grief, she rises from the ashes to take on their murderer, Victoria. (Full summary inside) Part I: Complete (Bella,Paul,Jessica). Part II: Discontinued. Plot summary of ending provided. (Bella,Paul,Jessica,Garrett).
1. Part I - Preface

**_WARNING: _Part I can be read on its own and is complete. Part II can be read if you wish to know what I had planned. It only goes a few chapters in and then I just summarizied what the rest of the plot would have been. **

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**S****ummary: **Bella Swan thought she was hollow and empty when Edward left her. She was wrong. She was capable of feeling so much pain. Her rude awakening came out with the loss of someone she loved. Instead of succumbing to her grief, she is reborn to take on their killer. No longer was Bella a girl who needed to be saved. She would be the one to save her family and friends from this enemy. She was a Phoenix risen from the ashes. This is her journey of self discovery and finding strength within herself. To be her own hero. For redemption of the loved one she lost.

**Story Themes:** Adventure/Friendship

**Main Characters:** Bella, Jessica, Paul

***Garrett will not come into the story until Part II.**

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_Dedicated to Sharpeyes_

**The Phoenix - Part I**

_Preface_

I_ always_ knew I would meet Victoria head on eventually. I never dreamed it would actually go this way. I conceded subconsciously she would sneak up on me when I least expected it. Today I am at the advantage though.

Her and me.

No one else.

I didn't need someone like Edward or Jacob to show up to save me. The last few months everything I had done had been leading up to this moment.

She was mine. Human versus vampire.

This wasn't supposed to be a fair fight in her eyes. It was a joke. But she didn't know what I had gone through to be here today. **What I endured.** To show her that humans weren't as weak as she thought. Her underestimation of me would be her undoing. I, Isab_ella Marie Swan_, was going to kill my first vampire today. I would be the one to dim the glowing crimson eyes gazing upon me.

Just me.

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_**Author's Note:** This idea popped into my head today. Thanks to a guest reviewer (Sharpeyes) on Vindicated who complained not enough Bella "I can save myself and don't need a man to save me" stories. Really didn't foresee myself tackling another Twilight story when JHEA ends here soon. But...I see possibilities with this. I don't know if this is already done, over done, or...no one really cares to read it. So, I will leave it up while I finish JHEA. If you're interested taking this journey with me to see what happens, leave a review (encouraged) or follow. Otherwise I'll just remove it from my stories at some point. Cool? -Lalaland972_

_P.s. Future chapters would be much longer than this. Also, not **100%** sure of other Main characters for this story yet or if I will stick to the current genre tags. This is just a prologue. Could have a hint of romance, but idk and it would not be the focus of this _


	2. Chapter 1

_**Chapter theme:** When in doubt, improvise. __Response to reviews at the end of the chapter. __Enjoy!_

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**The Phoenix**

**Chapter 1**

Every day I woke up, it was a reminder _he_ was gone. Time should have halted when Edward left me. The cruel world I lived in, _however_, seemed to continue to go on without taking this into consideration. I was left to battle inner demons of self-doubt as a result of his rejection. It imprinted on me the fact I was not worthy of _his_ love.

The burden of living without Edward was still not any easier to grasp than the first day he left me. The agonizing pain was just as present and crushing. As I walked into the front door of the house, I tried to package my pain into a pretty lie of a neutral expression Charlie had become accustom to over the last few months. I tightened my grip on the strap of my backpack as I wondered through the kitchen. I eyed the closest chair at the kitchen table to set down my backpack on. My stomach folded within itself, and for some reason, I hesitated from throwing my backpack on the chair as normal post-school routine would dictate. My fingers preceded to tighten around my backpack strap to the point the pressure was straining my knuckles.

"_Dad?_ I am home." I waited in silence for Charlie to reply to my greeting. The quiet humming in our house was normal between the two of us, but something else hovered in the air. I attempted to shake off whatever suspicion was jumbling through my stomach causing it to knot up. My brief time spent dabbling in the world of vampires had allowed my imagination to jump to extreme conclusions no matter how unwarranted.

I emitted a halfhearted laugh to myself at my foolishness and to prove those vocal cord strings still worked. After, I slung my backpack on the free chair as I should have in the first place. I assessed the kitchen counters across from me. They were clean and ready for me to begin preparing dinner. _Almost too clean…_ Charlie preferred to clutter a portion of the counter space when he came home from work. The grey countertops were missing a messy array of his keys, watch, wallet and gun. I shrugged off my misgivings over the missing objects and leaned towards the fact he was finally listening to my simple request for clean counter space to prepare meals on. Granted I made that before Edward left, _but_ it was plausible he finally remembered it. My conversations with Charlie had been few and far in-between one another at my own fault. I had accepted my pathetic existence and apathy towards the living world. He had still yet to.

After an hour dinner was ready, and I hadn't seen Charlie the entire time I was home despite his car being in the front driveway when I pulled up after school. I bit my lip as I pondered the repercussions of actively seeking out Charlie to tell him dinner was ready. The established norm was us eating in silence. He was usually in the kitchen at this point though, hovering in the area in anticipation of when the food would be ready eat. He had given up pulling words out of me quite some time ago, except on special occasions.

As I sat his plate of food on the kitchen table, I felt my eyes persistently linger on my school backpack. _Why did I want to cling on to it when I first came home?_ It was an abnormal feeling, even for me who avoided feeling much of anything these days when possible.

I decided to bite the bullet and sacrifice my silent dinner to inform Charlie that dinner was ready. He would at least be pleased I was coming to him for once. It was a foreign response at this point, but I felt the right corner of my mouth almost curve into a smile at the thought of satisfying Charlie's desire for me to act more lifelike. He had just threatened to ship me off to Jacksonville just last week. I was making progress. _Baby steps_.

I actively looked for Charlie upstairs, after calling his name for over a minute from downstairs yielded no results. He was not in the house. His car was out front. His keys and personal items weren't on the counter. I was missing something, but I wasn't sure what it was. A short, bitter laugh escaped my mouth at my Nancy Drew like nature. It was just Charlie. It wasn't like he would be gone forever.

I thus decided to cave into my body's desire to resume its auto-pilot mode and let Charlie eat his food when he was _finally _ back. My mind was beginning to shut off as I descended down the stairs. Before I turned to head to the kitchen from the bottom of the staircase, my eyes caught a bright reflection shining through the window to our backyard. The setting sun was poking through the clouds and hinting to me to take notice of _this_ object. I drew closer to the window and squinted my eyes to justify what I believed I was seeing.

Car-

_Car keys._

Attached to the faded Seattle Seahawks lanyard I gave to Charlie for Christmas three years ago.

Anxiety pulsed inside my chest as I staggered away from the window in disbelief. I began to vigorously shake my head at the preposterous theories taking form in my mind. C_harlie must have dropped them because…_

An abrupt halt came to concluding that thought by the direct orders of my heart. It instead commanded my feet to find the nearest exit to the backyard. Each foot was driving forward at an unknown registered speed for my body. I wasn't a runner, but I found myself sprinting as if my life depended on it.

…

I fumbled with Charlie's keys in my hand before I registered my surroundings while outside. The thick sent of…_rust and salt _was in the air. My head whipped around as I began screaming Charlie's name in reassurance he was not around.

Grass. Grass. Grass. Tree. Grass. Grass. Tree. Grass. G-

_Gun._

Charlie's gun was in my line of sight. I rushed forward towards it as my eyes fixated on an object further in the distance from the gun. I tripped over a rock when I was so close to retrieving it. My heart squeezed in fear, and despite it, I thrusted my hands on the ground and forced myself back on my feet. I had to get to the gun. I continued to sprint forward.

The gun was at my foot. My hands trembled despite their lightning speed to take the metal weapon into my own possession. I didn't know what I was doing, but my fear to run was overruled by the terror of what happened to Charlie.

The pace of run quickened as I neared the object in the distance.

My eyes locked on to _it_.

I stopped moving. Then I stopped breathing.

The breath caught in my chest when I realized it was not an object I was approaching.

My chest caved while my spine curled forward. I couldn't inhale.

The breath was caught.

Caught in a place I didn't know existed.

**Grief.**

Charlie was dead.

…

My lungs inhaled in another uptake of the crisp morning air. It was a long-forgotten feeling for me to take in such a moment. To concentrate on the air passing through me as if it were a gift. **Life was a gift.** I understood this now more than ever.

I twisted my left wrist towards my face on my extended exhale. The rotation was restricted since my hand was still within the tight grasp of my mother's hand. She hadn't let go for the last hour. Renee leaned into me and released a faint whimper against my shoulder. I witnessed her damp mascara smudge on my shirt. _At least both are black..._

I redirected my attention to the watch face on my wrist I could now read. I didn't need to squint to confirm the early morning hour for myself. I let the placement of the hour and minute hands sink in.

It was 9:38 AM on Saturday morning. Charlie _should_ have been attempting to rouse me for the second time by now to join him at the diner for breakfast. His begging would not have worked. I would have said no. Stayed under the comforter of my bed wasting another weekend day away.

Instead, I was now watching Jacob Black, Harry Clearwater and other close friends of Charlie's lower his casket into the ground.

My lungs were still functioning. Every once in a while, I felt another pair of eyes on me. Assessment. Everyone thinks I am still in shock. They expect me to stop breathing. To collapse on the ground.

_Oh, I will. But not today. Not here. _

Under normal circumstances, perhaps I would have succumbed to their expectations. If Charlie had died of but a heart attack or _anything_ else. Just not by a vampire's hands.

One of them killed Charlie. In cold blood. Right outside of our home. It was **_no_****_t_** a bear attack.

When I found Charlie...a lifeless body shredded beyond human repair, I didn't have time to grieve. As soon as the feeling surfaced, I locked it away. No one was going to save me in that moment if that vampire was still present. I surveyed the area with the gun to verify the vampire was gone, despite knowing it would not be of any help.

When I collected myself together and made the call to 911, I felt what was left of Isabella Swan _die _as real pain of loss streaked unforgivingly through me. Losing Edward was nothing compared to this after all. **I was mistaken before. **Incredibly naive and wrong.

Edward _was_ _still_ gone. The rest of his family _was still _gone. There was no one left to take on such a creature in Forks. No one but me knew what they were up against. We were dealing with a vampire.

_And_ only I was aware of its existence.

Renee jostled my shoulder to pull me from my thoughts. My eyes widened at the shovel I was being summoned to take up. It was my turn to add a shovel of dirt to the hole in the ground where Charlie's body was laid to rest. I refused to meet Jacob's eyes as I passed him to accept the shovel.

I planted my feet in the ground and firmed my grip on the worn wooden handle, before I pushed the metal tip of the shovel into a large pile of dirt.

I struck the shovel too close to the bottom of the dirt pile because it was too heavy to lift up.

_Dammit. I am screwed. _

I glared at my scrawny pale arms struggling to withdraw dirt from the pile. I caught a faint glimpse of Jacob's lean frame standing up. He wanted to help me. _Oh god how humiliating._

I shook my head at him as I ignored the sympathetic eyes from my audience. I released the handle of the shovel. It did not succumb to gravity and remained floating in the air thanks to its wedged position in the dirt mound. I stifled a displeased groan towards the stupid shovel.

_Improvise!_

I huffed at the ground before I stepped on the handle with my full body weight and felt the shovel rise from the heavy load. With the fulcrum angled to my advantage, I withdrew the shovel with the largest pile of dirt anyone had yet to collect. I was able to move it, despite the struggle, the few feet of required distance to be over to the hole. I turned the shovel over and released the dirt. I watched it cascade into Charlie's grave.

After I returned the shovel to Harry, I reviewed the size of the dirt mound and the amount of airspace left in Charlie's grave. We still had a long way to go. At least if my turn came up again...I could approach retrieving the dirt with a different tactic. _He_ would have been proud that I figured it out for myself and didn't need anyone else's help.

I was Chief Swan's daughter.

Deep within my soul, I felt the box I locked my grief in begin to tremor. The larger box next to it, fear, was slowly turning its key in the keyhole.

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_**Author's Note: **__ Okay, my take is that Bella can't be strong (mentally, physically, emotionally) off the bat no matter how much I want to write her there starting now. If she is going to be OC from canon, I want it to be understood of how she got there by the readers. _

_I have a hunch about someone possibly mentioning what Alice has seen of this and future events. That will be explained. The Cullen's will come back and if you caught it, Jake has not phased yet, so Bella feels entirely alone in dealing with this vampire who killed Charlie. I mean we all know who, but she has to figure it out herself. Also, this will **not** be a **woe is me story**. But like in my first note, I can't have her be strong off the bat but we see how she gets there and becomes a badass ^_^ Also, feel free to mention any character cameos you would like to see and I will do my best to work them in the story!_

– _Lalaland972_

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_Response to Reviews:_

_Thank you each for your review!_

_**Ray Star Hinamori:**__ Sweet! Glad you like the idea! Please feel free to offer input of what you would like to see in this journey as well, if you have any!_

_**LunaM303:**__ Lol! Oh, she will! I look forward to writing her interactions with Jake/Edward in the future as they come to terms with a different Bella than they both fell for originally. Jake's will be a little different since where we begin he has a crush but hasn't spent the New Moon plot with her yet to 'love' her._

_**DxGRAYxMan:**__** Ha!** Good one! And right on the money!_

_**Nicky146:**__ I look forward to the reactions of the Cullen's too! As I develop her character, please feel free to offer input on what you think or what you would like to see!_


	3. Chapter 2

_**Chapter theme:** Bella begins to rise. Response to reviews at the end. **Enjoy!**_

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**The Phoenix**

**Chapter 2**

I wiped my clammy hands on the napkin in my lap. My eyes couldn't focus on the untouched plate of food that Jacob had graciously brought over to me. I was surrounded by people at this "celebration" of Charlie's life gathering, and yet I expected a vampire to come and massacre us all at _any_ second. That wasn't subtle -_which vampires tended to be_\- but my quivering bottom lip would protest in favor that this was _highly _possible to occur. My eyes shifted around the room like some seedy character. I was on the verge of descending into madness once it all hit me but thirty minutes ago. The Bella has lost it show was on display in color and everyone sympathized. **They expected this.** I wasn't as strong as I first thought. The shock had worn off. What they didn't get was that I wasn't displaying grief…it was **FEAR**. A vampire killed Charlie _and everyone_ thought it was a bear attack. Nothing was here to oppose it. We were all goners, _if_ the vampire showed up here and now. _If_ it showed up tomorrow, I would be hopefully halfway to Jacksonville with Renee.

"You're shaking." I tilted my head up and found Jacob looking down at me. My eyes blinked rapidly in response as I processed his observation. I craned my head down and confirmed he was right. _When did this begin to happen?_ I wet my throat. It still worked, so why couldn't I speak then? I nodded to Jacob in confirmation, giving up on a verbal reply.

"You remember my mom died in a car crash, right?" I felt the napkin release from my grip. I nodded to Jacob because I did in fact remember this. Jacob bent down to meet me at my eye level while I remained sitting in the seat I couldn't move from if I wanted to. I was stuck. Glued in place. His dark brown eyes passed with an emotion that trumped sympathy. His brown orbs reflected…_empathy_. He was wrong, though. He couldn't empathize to the same degree because he thought Charlie died from an 'accident' like his mom.

"I get it Bella, and I will be here for you if you need me. You can talk to me." A tragic smile surfaced on Jacob's beautiful face. It was soft and subtle. His lips slightly curled up to offer me support, _but_, they didn't want to have to be giving me this support all the same. No one wants to be a member of the dead parent's club at our young age.

I extended my shaky hand forward towards Jacob's right shoulder. "You're a good friend, Jacob. I appreciate it." This time, Jacob nodded at me with a loss of words.

"I got the bikes waiting… for when you're ready to work on them again."

"_Oh_…I am moving back to Jacksonville to be with my mom and Phil." Jacob's once focused gaze on my face glazed over as he stood up.

"Of course, that makes sense. We will miss having you around, _Bells_." My face felt flush at the remote stillness in his voice. I didn't dare to look up to meet his eyes.

"Same. Scrap, sell, or trash the bikes. Up to you. If you don't mind?"

"Sure. I'll figure it out one way or another." Jacob waved before he walked away in disappointment. Our friendship was only beginning, but this was for the best. I was never being fair to him. He was a crutch for coping with my despondence over the absence of Edward. _Now_, no one could be my crutch. I had to pick up the pieces _myself_.

I lost count of all the people who came up and offered their heartfelt sympathies. Eventually, it was over, and Renee was driving me back to the hotel with her. She insisted I did not stay at the house. I agreed, but I needed to pack up my stuff. We would come back to do a final clean out of the house at some point, but for once my sporadic mother was right in saying I needed to get away.

"_Mom_?" Renee kept her eyes on the road but nodded for me to continue. "I should really just get it over with now. Packing." Renee leaned back into her seat before sighing.

"Can you make it quick? I promised to call Phil."

I green lighted my second response that churned in my head and removed the initial desire to offer a clipped response with a sharp tone. Her selfishness should not have surprised me, _but of all days_, I thought she could have stepped up to the plate. "Sure thing, mom."

My clumsiness was coming out in full force as I dashed around my bedroom. I piled everything into "Keep", "Maybe", and "Deal with later" categories. Periodically, I looked out my window to confirm Renee was safe in the car. After she parked, she refused to come inside to wait. She uttered to me it was "too traumatic" yet, _ironically_, I was the one who was truly traumatized between the two of us.

I clocked an impressive twenty minutes for my packing skills that would have to support a decent stretch of living in Jacksonville. I was about to zip up my second dufflebag but felt a stinging sensation in my eyes. I drew my right index finger to understand the burning source. I discovered a damp moisture under my eyes. I ran to the bathroom between Charlie and I's room to confirm it. I was…_crying_. Bloodshot eyes stared back at me and I did not recognize the frail girl in the mirror who had tears streaking down her face. A hollow feeling in my chest surfaced, and I ran back to my bedroom before it could do more damage to me.

I grabbed my packed duffle bags and scurried out of my bedroom. My heavy breaths were not slowing me down. I was almost at the top of the stairs, when I tripped over myself._ But of course. _Spots were forming in front of my eyes as I tried to force myself to stand up and leave Charlie's real grave. This house.

As I rose ungracefully from the wood floor, I found myself staring at _it _on the wall. The picture Charlie insisted we take after I first arrived in Forks. Father and daughter. Just us. I squeezed my eyes shut before my hands covered my face. My knees trembled before collapsing to the ground. The rough impact of my knees slamming into the wood should have hurt. I would have bruises from it. My heart hurt worse and the physical pain was nominal at this point. "**WHY YOU AND NOT ME?**" I cried out for no one but myself. "I had all but given up **AND** you're the one who dies? Did I doom you because I was involved in that world? Why you, _Dad_, why you?" My voice lost its power to ask any more questions no one would ever answer for me and I just submitted myself to my long overdue tears.

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"_There is no guarantee that life is easy." I looked up from chewing on my mouthful of cereal to acknowledge to Charlie that I did in fact hear what he said. I swallowed the lump in my throat more than I swallowed the mush in my mouth. I took my next bite expecting __it__ was only that one-liner that Charlie had in his arsenal. "Rise from it. People worse off than you have, Bella. You can recover from heart break, but you never will if you don't put in effort. I did, and look at where I am?" I choked on the bite I swallowed when I meant to scoff at Charlie's reasoning. To appease him, I mumbled half-heartedly, "Working on it, Dad." Charlie and I both knew this was blasphemy. But after the threat of sending me off to Jacksonville, he knew I was making an effort. Sort of._

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"**I was such a bitch**!" I shouted at myself in anguish after recalling my last conversation with Charlie. I grabbed the duffle bags and marched back into my room in defeat. I couldn't run away. If I ran away, it would be a slap in Charlie's face. He was Chief Swan, protector of Forks; and no one could protect Forks without knowing what they were _really_ up against. I was good-for-nothing, empty without Edward, Bella, and I was Fork's saving grace at this point. I knew what we were up against and that was the only positive that made me a step above the others as a candidate to stand up to this monster. It was a vampire I was sure of. And vampires like the Cullen's were good, _but also exceptions_. This motherfucker was a monster and I had to stop hiding under the covers from it. I had to look under the bed, open the closet door and turn on the lights. I had to confront the monster. _Well_…someday. Right now, I was a lost cause. But I could do better. Because if not me, then who? Buffy the vampire Slayer and Van Helsing weren't showing up on my doorstep to team up anytime soon.

I dumped out the contents of the duffle bags on my bed as insurance I wasn't backing out of this stupid notion I was remotely capable of the shit storm brewing in my head. Each step down the stairs I took, I fought back flashing signs of doubt appearing in my vision. _Clumsy. Trouble Magnet. Accident-prone Klutz. Weak. Human._

I pushed each one over before I exited the front door. As I drew closer to the light hitting Renee's car, I focused on her antsy fingers drumming on the steering wheel. Her fingers stilled when her attention was directed toward me. A relieved smile sprawled on her face. I was about to make it falter.

I motioned her to roll down the window in fear if I stepped in the car, she would drive me away against my will. "Something wrong, honey? Where are your bags?" She asked in a strained voice.

"I have to stay, Mom." Her mouth gaped open. She shook her head in disbelief. "It is _only_ a couple months. Finishing off senior year here makes sense."

"_But honey_, you'll be on your own. And…" She hesitated before she whispered, "in _that_ house."

"I am 18. Charlie left everything to me to inherit and he showed me once every couple of months where his will is and explained what happened if he died on the job…" I trailed off as my heart tensed. The words sputtered out of my mouth, but they were the truth. I had forgotten these details until they just spilled out now. I am more capable than I give myself credit for is what I partially realized. Others underestimated me, but Charlie…he _never _did.

I expected her to protest and put up a decent fight before she caved in. _But_, she did not. "We will give it a couple weeks and you can let me know if you change your mind. Sound good?" This time I nodded in disbelief that my mother gave up on me so quickly. I wasn't sure what I expected in the end though. "I_ really _have to call Phil now. He is on a wonky schedule. You're good staying here tonight then, right? We can meet for breakfast tomorrow morning before I fly back, okay?" I continued to nod dumbly with this plan and before I knew it, she abandoned me in the driveway in a town inhabited by a vampire on the loose. I rushed inside, turned on all the lights, and fell asleep on my bed with Charlie's shotgun by my bedside.

I woke up the next morning to the persistent buzzing of the doorbell. Without a second thought, I rushed downstairs expecting Renee on the front doorstep picking me up for breakfast. Instead, I found Jacob and Billy Black on the front porch.

"Hi?" I greeted before covering my mouth and mentally scolding myself for my bad breath and not offering a normal "good morning" to my unexpected guests. Jacob raised his hand to poorly cover a "cough" that was obviously a chuckle. Besides sounding like a loon, I assumed I looked the part as well. I didn't bother fixing my appearance, well, because it was Jacob and Billy.

I ushered them in before they could explain their morning appearance. I didn't have to wait for them to speak before I understood. In Billy's lap was an aluminum pan covered in tin foil. _Food, of course. Someone told me yesterday this is very common. Friends bring meals over to those that are grieving. _

I felt my smile tinge with a touch of gratefulness as I extended my hands forward to receive the dish they brought for me. "We didn't bring much because Jacob mentioned you were moving back soon. But still…" Billy's thoughts drifted off as he assessed the house.

"Change of plans," I chirped. I led them into the kitchen and set the mystery meal in the fridge. "I am finishing out senior year here it turns out." I turned around to find Billy's surprise marked by his raised eyebrows, and Jacob's face split into a wide grin. "Surprise," I joked as I extended my hands in the air to lighten the mood.

"I knew it. I felt like I should have brought more food, but Jake said…" Billy grumbled into his lap. I chuckled while I stared at the sheepish face that Jacob paired with a shrug.

"Don't sweat it. It was a last-minute change. Plus, unlike Charlie, I cook." My heart tensed when it pointed out I was talking about Charlie like he was still here. I needed to change the subject. "What time is it?" I asked them. Billy and Jacob looked at each other with weary glances.

"A little past two o'clock," Jacob informed me.

"**PM?!**" I asked without reservation of my incomprehension. They once again exchanged troublesome glances, and both nodded at me. I gulped and let the horror sink in that Renee was already halfway to Jacksonville on her flight and hadn't even bothered to say goodbye.

I swallowed the despair rising in my throat and returned to the fridge. "Looks like I missed out on my meal ticket this morning," I laughed off the pain like it was no big deal. They didn't need to know what I just figured out. "You guys hungry as well?" Billy and Jacob replied with a "sure" that made me believe they were sticking around for more of my benefit rather than being hungry.

I began to set the table and a brilliant idea crossed my mind. "Say Billy… I heard rumors about the legend of the Cold Ones. Could I pick your brain on it?" Jacob's shoulders tensed and Billy's once neutral mouth deepened into a frown. It was a ballsy ask, but this was the perfect opportunity and I was riding on the coattails of sympathy which seemed to be of my benefit in the moment. Billy exhaled a deep, solemn sigh and I knew he was giving in. I didn't expect him to share much more than I had once learned from Jacob, but any new information I could possibly gain would prove useful against my enemy.

…

On Monday I was back at school to the shock of everyone in Forks Highschool. Every teacher was offering me a free pass to skate by in classes today, but I didn't want that in gym class.

"Swan?" I looked up to Coach Carter while I continued to stretch my legs. I wasn't even sure if I was doing it right. I extended my right calf forward while shifting my toes up as I mimicked Angela's movements next to me. _Am I stretching my quad, calf or hamstring with this?_

"You can sit this one out," he offered with a hesitant voice. He was _usually _so strict. This was out of character for him. No one gets to sit one out on Coach Carter's watch. _But_ he was at Charlie's funeral with half of the town as well.

"I want to participate." Coach Carter's blonde eyebrows rose up in skeptism, but he grunted in approval. I offered him a thumbs up with a sour smile. Of course, I didn't want to participate. But my life wasn't any more about what I wanted, but what I _needed_ to do. Running a mile was a start. A pathetic one. But we all have to start somewhere, right?

The bitter cold this afternoon in Fork's, however, supported the case that I was an idiot AND I should have taken the out to go back inside and slack off this gym period in the locker room.

I lined up with my peers on the starting line. Okay, I am lying. I wasn't at the 'starting line'. I strategically positioned myself at the back of the group with no real hopes that I was some great runner with untapped talents and limitless potential that would be discovered during this one mile run in PE. When Coach Carter yelled "go!", for the first time in gym class, I started the timed mile with a pep in my step that mimicked more of a jog than my understanding of what running actually looked like. **But!** I wasn't walking! In the end, that is what really mattered to me.

_Running is hard._ This chant repeated endlessly in my brain as I resisted the urge to slow my trot to a walk every second my feet remained on the tar track. The seconds dragged on, but my mind's attention finally drifted to something else. Jessica Stanley. She started at the front of the group and now she was lapping me. This was nothing new. Jessica was an athlete. A damn good one who let everyone know it. But I felt a little more ashamed being lapped when I was actually trying for once. I felt the sweat sheening my face, with origins of physical fatigue and embarrassment, as her face assessed my own.

"But you don't run, Bella," Jessica commented matter-of-factly and without a sneer as I would have expected. She had given me the cold shoulder since our movie fiasco where I almost got myself killed. I presumed I was given a "get out of jail free card" from her shit list since Charlie just died.

"I know," I huffed in agreement between my gasping breaths. Dropping the focus on my internal chant, I realized how much of a struggle my body was in. My lungs were in over drive keeping pace with my feet, and I hadn't even finished the first damn lap.

"You _can_ walk it," Jessica suggested without smugness. Just a hint of exasperation in her words though. I shook off Jessica's advice and she whispered "whatever" under her breath. We both knew I heard her before she left me in the dust.

The second time Jessica was crossing my path to lap me, I noticed her pace slowing. She began to keep stride with my trot. She most likely could have walked at the pace I was suffered to keep, but she didn't. She 'trotted' along with me.

"Why?" I found myself gasping through the air I tried not to choke on.

"You look like you could use the support. _Plus_, it's not a race." Jessica winked at me and I finally felt like I could swallow air again. Fourteen minutes later, Jessica _actually_ finished with me. I completed my first mile run. In my **ENTIRE** life. She laughed when I fell to the ground once my mission was complete. My laborious breathing eventually relaxed and felt unearned when it became easy for the air to flow in and out of me. It took a while until I noticed that Jessica's eyes never left my face. When she caught my staring, she bent forward to me and extended her hand. I took it and she pulled me to my feet.

"Good job, Bella. It's nice to see you…_trying_." A soft smile touched her lips before she turned away from me and walked towards Lauren and Angela.

* * *

**_Lalaland972's Response to Reviews:_**

_Thank you each for your review!_

_**marlastiano:**__ I'll take a " : )"__ review any day!_

_**LunaM303:**__ Hell to the yeah especially in this chapter I think? : )_


	4. Chapter 3

_**Chapter theme: **Rome wasn't built in a day. Enjoy!_

* * *

**The Phoenix**

**Chapter 3**

My arms crossed around my chest while I glared at the phone mounted on the wall. It was ringing. I had nothing against the phone, just more who would be on the line when I picked it up. Highest odds were that is was someone who missed the funeral and wanted to offer their condolences. Worst case, it was someone calling _for_ Charlie and I had to break the news to them. Less worst case, it was Renee calling to apologize for leaving without saying goodbye. I was in the mood for neither of those options. _But_, this was the second time in one minute the phone was ringing.

I picked it up and intended on immediately hanging up. "Bella?" It was Jacob's soft voice I heard through the speaker though. A surprising exception to my list.

"Hi Jake." My surprise was evident in my voice.

"Hey. So, are you the type of griever who needs isolation and to be left alone for some time? Or can we still hang out every now and then?"

He asked a thoughtful question no one had honestly asked me yet. I didn't know the answer myself, but that was because my grief was stored up. We agreed to leave it on pause while I dealt with this vampire problem. Either I died or I would cope with Charlie's death once we were safe in Forks.

"We can hang out..." Did I mean that? I mean it's Jacob. Couldn't be in Forks though. I wouldn't put him in danger here. "But it can't be here."

"Bad memories?"

"Yeah." That wasn't a lie, but he also didn't need to know it was for his own safety I was more concerned with. "Also, I want to side line rebuilding the bikes. For now. If you still have them, I mean." I stumbled through my words in Bella like awkward fashion.

"Oh, I still got them." I imagined a smirk appearing on Jacob's face being all knowing he was right to not throw them away. "What will we do instead? Not just homework I hope?" I laughed. It came so easy with Jacob.

"We _will_ have to set aside time for homework, but I am working on...training."

Jacob choked back a laugh before he regained his composure. "_Training_ for what, Bells?" I rolled my eyes but also expected no vote of confidence from anyone in my current endeavor.

"Athletics." Well geez, that doesn't sound right. If Jacob was standing in front of me having this conversation, he would so call bullshit on me.

"Athletics?" Jacob murmured thoughtfully with a hint of disbelief. "You want to...be an athlete? Or try out for some sport?" I cringed but appreciated Jacob's effort to fill in the gaps for me. Thank god for Jacob pointing me into the right direction with my lie. This trial run was a good way to perfect my story going forward.

"Yup! College Athletics. I want to try out for some sports team. But I can't do that how I am now."

"Usually they recruit when you're in high school."

"Oh," I commented with disappointment. Of course, my lie was already crashing and burning.

"But! They do sometimes accept walk-ons. Which sport are you interested in trying out for?"

"As many as I can to increase my chances. So, I need to do...all around training, you know? Cardio. Muscles. And, um, whatever else you do to get in shape to be considered athletic."

Jacob chuckled. It was soft. He may have been covering his mouth to hide his amusement from me. "Okay, sure. We can "train" together when you come here. Embry's mom teaches some fitness classes at the rec center. I can ask her for some pointers for girls."

"Great. I need to transform this skinny body into something."

"_Bella_." Jake's tone turned serious. Why? "You look perfect as you are. Just so you know." My face pinched in protest and I wanted to punch something.

"Um, sure. But, I would like to build some muscles because becoming an athlete and all. Thanks for the compliment though, Jacob. And everything you're willing to do with me. You're a good friend." I was hoping he was willing to go along with this because of sympathy versus his crush on me. Things would be different now. I would draw lines and offer no encouragement. Friendship was all I could offer in these trying times. My primary focus was on me and getting into fighting shape. While continuing to figure out how to take on a vampire. Edward once told me it was only a vampire that could kill another vampire. But that just didn't seem fair. Humans had to be capable, right? Or sooner or later vampires could rise up and just take over and kill us all. I shuddered at the thought.

"Bella?"

"Sorry Jacob, lost in thought."

"When did you want to start up?"

Today was Monday. I had just run my first mile. I should take baby steps. "Let's plan to do Tuesday's and Thursday's." My words betrayed my thoughts, but they were right. Time wasn't on my side. I had to train as often as I could.

"Just Tuesday and Thursday?" Disappointment dripped from his voice. I sighed but didn't let myself feel guilty. If things worked out well with Jacob, maybe I could increase the frequency we trained together. But for now, I still had leads to follow up on that Billy mentioned to me over lunch yesterday.

"For now. It's hard being social right now..." I played the grief card and it worked.

"Of course. Sorry. I should have realized."

"Give me time. I also should work on rekindling other friendships too or you could get sick of me," I joked.

"Never." The assurance in Jacob's voice was troubling but I shook it off.

"I should go. Homework."

"They still gave you homework today?!" Jacob asked incredulously.

"It's school. Of course, they did," I giggled.

"Bastards," Jacob muttered, and my giggling resurged.

"Bye, Jacob."

"Wait, Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"Would you mind just calling me Jake?"

"Sure." I smiled to myself. "Goodbye, Jake. I'll see you after school tomorrow. Be prepared!"

"Bye, Bells."

I hung up the phone and returned to the cold soup on the stove. It was from a can. Very un-Bella like, if I had to admit to myself. But when I added up all the time I spent cooking… I realized with soups, TV dinners, and ingredients to make a sandwich, I could save myself hours over the week. That time could be spent reading. I had legends to delve into after all.

...

"Bella, _honey_, you can give it a rest. Rome wasn't built in a day." The way Jacob referred to me as honey irked me. He didn't mean it, but I felt it was condescending. Here I was busting my ass to finish 20 push-ups and he was saying I could quit at 12. And I was even on my knees!

My scrawny arms continued to shake while I lowered my chin to the mat on the ground. I ignored Jacob and carried on. I quit at 15 when my arms became jelly. However, it wasn't 12 or at someone's suggestion. It was my decision. I would work my way up to 20.

When I rose from the ground, I glared at Jacob. His face twisted in confusion. "This won't work if you encourage me to give up."

"What are you talking about?"

"I can push myself. When I am here with you, I expect you to push me further than I can do on my own. If instead you're coaxing me to quit before I think I hit my own limit, you're only holding me back. And that won't work for me."

Jacob's gaze fixed on me. He was trying to determine who this was in front of him. Surely not the Bella Swan he knew. I should have figured this would happen in hindsight. The Bella he knew died when Charlie did. I am a different Bella now. I am still shaping her and figuring it out, but I can't go back to how I was before. If that's what Jacob wanted from me, we weren't meant to be friends this time around.

I turned away from flabbergasted Jacob and headed back to my truck. I would just resume training back at home.

"**Wait!**"

"Why?"

"You're serious about this? This isn't just some grief coping mechanism you'll give up on in a month or two?"

I was appalled at what he assumed of me. "No, Jacob! I am serious. You are proving my point further. This won't work. Sorry." My hand was on the handle of my truck's door when Jacob caught up to me.

"I am sorry. You're right. I didn't take you seriously. But come on, I know you Bells. This isn't like you." My vision was turning red. Rage seeped from my core. As soon as acidic words were about to form on my tongue, I retired them. Instead I released a heavy sigh.

"I am rising," I remarked before I opened the door and stepped inside the cab of the truck. Jacob's puzzled eyes didn't let up from their stare.

I rolled down the window of the truck. "I can't go back to her, Jake. The girl you knew before. If that's what you expect from me, being friends is pointless. I am sorry." I turned the engine and punched the gas before he had the opportunity to reply. It hurt leaving a friend, but his lack of faith in me hurt worse. But no hero has a happy origin story, right? I was no hero obviously, but I could not idly stand by either.

When I got home, I found Jessica sitting on Charlie's favorite rocking chair on our front porch. "Hi Jessica," I greeted politely. I didn't have to ask her an explanation for her presence. She had a glass bowl in her lap covered by tin foil.

"My mom's famous Alfredo and chicken," Jessica snickered. The porch light reflected off Jessica's eyes. The depth of blue in them was astonishing. It was like looking into an ocean. I mumbled "thank you" before I grabbed the bowl from her.

I unlocked the front door and found Jessica still standing on the porch. "Uh, did you want to-"

"Great, I am starving!" She exclaimed as she cut me off to enter in the house first. I should have found it rude but instead found myself laughing. Earlier, my encounter with Jacob was rude. This was Jessica just being..._Jessica_. It was no harm to me.

"So, uh, what makes it famous?" I asked while I pointed Jessica to the kitchen table. I set the bowl down and began to work my way through the cupboards to set the table.

"Absolutely nothing. The sauce comes from a jar and the chicken is from a Tyson's frozen chicken bag." Jessica was busying herself in the kitchen rummaging through drawers.

"Second drawer left from the sink has the silverware." She nodded in appreciation before collecting two forks.

"It's famous because she never cooks. The most she does is make toast or a sandwich. But...on rare occasions she puts forth the effort to make, well, that." Jessica's eyes landed on the bowl and I wondered if it would actually taste good or not.

"Do you cook?"

"Ha, me? Never. Why do you think I buy my lunch every day at school?" I really had never picked up on that before. But when I dwelled on it, I hadn't ever seen Jessica show up with a packed lunch.

"I figured you like the fine cuisine the cafeteria has to offer." Jessica roared with laughter. I had never made her genuinely laugh before. This was..._strange_. It was probably a sympathy laugh at my lame joke.

As we were set at the table with the pasta on our plates, I noticed Jessica was delaying on starting to eat from her plate. My stomach began to knot, thinking what I had three bites of was surely going to make me sick for some reason. Jessica finally picked up her fork, but only to shove her food around the plate. _I thought she was starving? _Eventually she began to dig in and my stomach began to accept _maybe_ I wouldn't be sick later after all.

After we finished the meal, which was surprisingly delicious, Jessica helped me clean up. She dried the dishes after I washed them. I kept waiting for her to leave but she hadn't. Her sticking around to clean up was a shocker too. Maybe I didn't know Jessica that well after all.

"Did you start the calculus homework yet?" She asked as she was drying the last dish.

"No, I thought I would sneak it in during English." Jessica stopped drying the dish in her hand. She was pondering something.

"You're either really smart or dumb. This assignment was a trip." She resumed drying the dish and I weighed her words.

"Probably just being stupid. But, I don't feel like doing it tonight."

"Better plans in mind tonight?" I glanced at the clock on the microwave. It was late. I would have to resume training tomorrow.

"Not really." I looked Jessica up and down. Jessica was an athlete. "Hey Jessica?"

"Yeah?" Jessica finished drying the last dish and set it back in the cupboard with the others.

"Can you train me?"

"For what?"

"To be athletic?"

"Any sport in mind?"

"No, just all around. I don't know where to start and when I look at you, I, uh-" my words began to stammer and I lost my confidence. It was a stupid idea. Jessica would not waist her breath on me or free time.

"Sure. We both have second period free. We can go to the gym and...well, I'll see what you can do and we can work our way up from there." I smiled in relief that she was receptive of my idea. She didn't discourage me or think it was incomprehensible.

"Seriously?"

"Seriously. But if you're not serious, don't waste my time, Swan."

"I am!" I reassured her. My confidence rising again.

"Good. Don't disappoint me. I was impressed by your effort yesterday. So, I believe you when you say you want this. I think..." Jessica was unsure if she should continue. But I nodded to encourage her to finish.

"I think you have potential to do more. First impressions can be wrong, Bella. _Just_, please don't make me regret this," Jessica said in a light tone of voice.

I turned to fully face Jessica. I stood over her by a couple inches, but she had all the power in the moment. "I believe in myself."

"And why do you want to do this?"

"Because they don't think I can," I stated simply. She assumed I meant the people of Forks. I was referring to the vampire who wouldn't ever fathom a human desired to train to kill it. But she didn't need to know_ that_ bit of information.

Jessica extended her hand to me and I took it without hesitation. We shook on our agreement. "Bring your gym clothes tomorrow. I'll meet you in the locker room when second period starts. Don't be late, _Swan_."

"Wouldn't dream of it." Jessica smiled at me before she left the kitchen and saw herself out. Upon her exit, I realized that Jessica Stanley and I may have been actually becoming _real _friends.

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_**AN:** IN __Ch 4, we find out why Jessica is being so nice to Bella. Jacob has some groveling to do and we will see if he can be on board with being friends with this new Isabella Swan. No Cullen appearances yet. AND…that's all folks! – Lalaland972_


	5. Chapter 4

**_Chapter_**_** theme:** Bella can **almost** taste the limitless potential. __Response to reviews at the end. **Enjoy!**_

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**The Phoenix**

**Chapter 4**

When I woke up, the aching weight of the first real workout of my life flooded my muscles and I whimpered in pain.

Everything. Hurts. _**Everything**._

If Edward hadn't saved me from Tyler's van _and _I survived that collision, this feeling wouldn't be new to me. Apparently, it only took 20 minutes of my attempt at working out to wreck my body. I shuddered to think what I would feel like if I hadn't abandoned the workout early because of Jacob's abysmal coaching. I dared to think the extra 40 minutes I missed out on I would have resulted in me feeling like I jumped out of a plane without a parachute and _some _sick bastard dropped an anvil after me this morning. Now, Tyler's van ramming into me _seemed_ preferable.

After luring my body out of bed with the promise of scrambled eggs for breakfast instead of cereal, I knew I was fucked. I made a sloth look like a cheetah as I got ready for school. My movements were slow and stiff while my muscles screamed for me to stop moving and to just lay in bed all day. It was tempting, but vampires didn't sleep. _So_, my muscles didn't get a day off. We were making it to school _and _second period to have at it again with Jessica.

When I walked through Forks High School that Wednesday morning, the countless eyes focused on me were nothing new for this week. What _was _new were the mouths paired with the faces as most were stifling a laugh or bemused smile. I was _literally_ walking down the hallways like a cowboy from a western movie gearing up for a duel. Wide leg stance, shifting each leg like I was waddling with a stick up my butt. My legs were not receptive to functioning like normal.

I would have been embarrassed if I _wasn't _in so much pain. I never imagined that this would be a side effect of training. **Now** I couldn't be disillusioned and was faced with the bleak reality that there were _many _dark days ahead for my muscles. And the thought of that...made me smile.

I hauled ass out of Economics the moment the bell rang signifying the period was over with. I had five minutes to make it to the gym on the other side of the school, and I needed every second to force my miserable, poorly functioning legs to complete the task.

"Bella?" My eyes shifted to my right side and landed on a concerned face belonging to Mike Newton.

"Walk and talk, Mike."

Mike scratched his cheek before fumbling over his words. "Yeah, sure. So, Jess, says you guys are busy during free period."

"That's right," I huffed as I tried to not focus on the muscle fibers straining with each step I took. I would have to learn what to call these muscles. Upper leg and lower leg ouchies doesn't seem fitting. I **need** to know what muscle names to curse in the future.

"Can I hang with you guys?"

I barked out a laughter before I could cover my mouth. The image of Mike Newton joining me to be whipped in shape by Jessica was hilarious. Did he even know what we were doing?

"Did she tell you what we were doing?"

I glanced over at Mike, not losing my pace, and he offered me a flash of a smile that did not reach his eyes. "Um, no," he confessed in a strained voice. His cheeks were tinging red. I was at a loss of why he was acting this way. "She said it was none of my business and to figure out my own thing."

"Trouble in paradise?"

"You know we broke up, right?" I did. Which made me all the more curious as to why Jessica just didn't let Mike join us without telling me. She still liked him. Myself and the rest of the school, _Mike included_, knew this. Why did she pass on this opportunity to spend time with him? Thinking on it, I didn't even know what she did before with her free period. I usually hid out in the library by myself. Until now.

We were closing in on approaching the gym doors and I knew I had ten seconds to spare to Mike _and_ make it to the locker room when the bell rang. At the door I stopped and finally gave Mike my full attention. "I asked her for a favor, and she is helping me out. This is day one. Maybe you can crash with us another time, but today it's just got to be me and her. I need to get going, but I'll catch you later?" Mike nodded dumbly at me before turning away. Something was off. Were him and Jessica on the mend?

I found Jessica in the locker room tapping her foot and not hiding the display of her clenched jaw. I wasn't late though. I kept my eyes down as I found my locker and began to change. "Mike hounded you to join us, didn't he?" The irritation in her voice unsettled me. I gulped before confirming her suspicion then proceeded to put on my gym shorts.

Jessica began to pace around the hallway between the lockers. Her stomping feet echoed. She was clearly enraged. "Not once this semester does _**he**_ care about seeking me out during second period, but he overhears I am spending it with you in English and suddenly he wants to hang out with me because of you?!" Jessica raked her fingers through her hair and destroyed the pony tail it once displayed. Her wild, thick brown waves cascaded down and drew my attention to her eyes. The ocean I once saw in them was being stirred up into a hurricane.

Jessica released a frustrated grunt before she snapped her arms up and retied her hair into a sloppy bun piled on her head. I was just finishing tying my shoes when she was ready to continue venting. "It **pisses** me off. _So much_. Before, I would have blamed you because you're here and took his focus. But I can't do that anymore." Jessica released a heavy sigh and her anger disappeared to my astonishment. Her face softened as all the tension left it. Her blue eyes had recovered to just reflect the ocean again. She now looked like the Jessica who was drying dishes with me the night before.

"Why not anymore? You're taking pity on me because Charlie died?" I assumed this was true but didn't mind. I needed the coaching.

"_Bingo_." I knew that was coming but the confirmation of it still stung my heart. "We got to stick together."

"Huh?" I was at a loss over what Jessica was implying.

"_Oh yeah_, you don't know. My dad died when I was like, 14. Heart attack. It was before you arrived here." Suddenly it all made sense. She understood. Her 180 towards me was not out of pity but solidarity. "It sucks. Coming back to school and everyone knows. I kinda expected you couldn't go any lower than your whole deal after Edward left. But...you were nothing like I expected. You weren't giving up anymore. I don't get why you're having this **"I want to be an athlete"** calling. But who am I to burst your bubble? I went into a punk phase, so we all have shit we do to cope. And if this is how you want to handle it, I can help. No one wants to be in the Dead Dad's club. You're the newest member and welcome. Now," Jessica's gaze scrutinized me as she moved her head up and down for her assessment. "Let's see what you got, Swan."

I followed Jessica out to the gymnasium doors. She stopped once we crossed the threshold and were facing the only basketball court in Fork's High School. She pointed me to the furthest end of the gym. I was only halfway there when Jessica asked me to stop.

"What is wrong with you? Why are you walking like you have a stick up your ass?" I knew this was coming. If she was honest in the locker room, I could at least do the same.

"I fired my first coach yesterday, and-" I stopped mid-sentence when Jessica released a "pffffffffft" through pursed lips before she began to cackle. Soon enough, she heaved over to support herself without her amusement showing any signs of resignation. I just waited. As her laughter died, Jessica walked into the equipment room and brought out two blue mats. She tossed one to me and I fumbled my catch. She shook her head and slid her mat on the ground to knock against the one meant for me I supposed.

"You can't do shit in your current state. Trust me. We are going to stretch today; it should help some with the recovery and you're going to tell me about this _first _coach who seems to have been fired on the first day on the job. I need to know what I am getting myself into." She patted me on the back before she instructed me to sit down.

…

Speak of the devil and he shall appear. _Well_, Jacob Black wasn't the devil, but he _also_ wasn't on my "we're good" list at the moment. I also hadn't talked about him since second period with Jessica, but I assumed that must have been a summoning or a bad foreshadowing I was going to see him today. Not in like a "_oh we happened to cross paths by chance_". That would have been great because I could have ignored him and walked away in the opposite direction. Jacob was deliberately waiting for me outside of school, on the side walk before the parking lot, blocking my getaway to my truck.

What Jacob didn't expect was that I wasn't alone. My replacement coach was feeding me my new meal plan to bulk up as we were leaving the school grounds. Jessica's eyebrows squished together in sync when I abruptly halted from moving forward. Those same eyebrows instantaneously shot up when she followed my line of sight to Jacob. Her body once slumped forward perked up and a slow smile began to build across her face. Jessica nudged into my shoulder before whispering up to my ear, "_well looky_ who we have here." Jessica pranced over to Jacob ahead of me. I was curious as to what her intentions were. She agreed with my assessment to fire Jacob from what I divulged during our stretching session. She mentioned that boys like to underestimate girls. She added it didn't help that in my case I showed domestic signs which made men want to pigeon hole me into that category of helpless and frail. A damsel in distress type. She said my vibes shouted that from the first day she saw me in school. They didn't like us challenging the status quo.

"Sorry bud, Bella's already replaced you."

"As her _friend_?" Jacob asked in doubt.

"She should ditch you as that too. I am referring to you as her Coach though. She needed someone who can…" I was finally back by Jessica's side as she let her unwavering stare meet Jacob's eyes. Her confidence was on full display. "_Get her results,_" she finished with a cheeky grin. Jessica turned to me. "We'll continue this tomorrow. Good work today. It was a good start. We're on the right track. Sometimes it just takes finding the right _coach_." Jessica winked at me before turning to Jacob and flipping him the bird. "Bye Bella. He's not worth your breath." Jessica sauntered off to her car and while she wasn't facing us anymore, I just knew she was wearing the smuggest expression on her face.

Jacob cleared his throat and I redirected my attention to him. His face hadn't released its hold on wincing. Jacob began to squirm now with my full attention on him "Well that was… _something_."

"She _is_ a character." A faint smile touched my lips thinking on how _much more_ I liked being on Jessica's good side than on her shit list.

Jacob stuck his hands in his front jean pockets and craned his head down to the ground. "Replaced me so soon, huh?" Guilt began to rear its ugly head within me, but I immediately squashed it. Confidence was beginning to embolden me, and I was only on day one under Jessica's wing. I could almost taste the _limitless _potential I could have with becoming what was needed of me.

"It's for the best, Jake. She gets it." Jacob withdrew his right hand from his pocket and brought it to rub his forehead. As I followed his hand, I had to stop at his eyes. The dark circles residing under them were new. They were_ not_ present yesterday.

"Do you not want to hang out with me anymore?" I bit my lip while my mind began to race through the possibilities of what our friendship would look like going forward. I felt trapped to make a decision I _wasn't _ready to make.

"Can we talk another time? Maybe…we should give it some space."

"By "it" you mean "us", right?" I paused before I nodded at him because I lost the courage to verbally confirm it.

"I am sorry. _Really_, Bells. I wanted to make it up to you by asking for a do-over and being what you asked. It's too late for that now, but we can find other ways to spend time together. We can get back to working on the bikes."

I shook my head. "I am strapped for time right now."

"I can come over and cook with you?"

"You're trying too hard right now, Jake. Just give me a bit. How about I call you next week and let's go from there?" I kept calm despite his persistence because I knew he _was _sorry and he did just want to spend time with me. But his apology hadn't really showed me that he accepted this new me because he should have acknowledged our closing argument from yesterday. That, however, was next week Bella's problem to deal with. Today, I need to take care of Charlie stuff (paying bills, transferring accounts in my name, and other real-life BS you have to deal with when someone dies) when I got home and then soak in the bath.

"Sure, call me. I'll be waiting." Jacob looked down at his feet. "I'll get going now. And Bella?"

"Yes?"

"I _really_ am sorry."

"I know. I will call you next week. Bye Jake. Get home safe." Jacob made a valiant effort to smile at me as he waved and walked away. I was ready to go home. As I was driving home, an eerie thought crossed my mind. _Why hadn't Alice showed up to ask about Charlie? _I had always felt alone in this battle I was setting myself up for. But in that moment, the alone feeling was a million times worse when you realize you were _abandoned_ to be alone to face the monster.

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_**AN:** __In Ch 5, we jump a bit in time. What progress has Bella made? Are her & Jake on good terms now? When is Jake turning into a vampire? Jk, I meant wolf. Lolz. And __**WHEN **__will someone from the CULLEN CLAN show up? Some q's will be answered, those not will be answered in some other update I suppose ;) – Lalaland972_

* * *

_**Lalaland972's Response to Reviews:**_

**Ray Star Hinamori:** _**Great!** _Thanks for sharing that with me. I really needed to read that to feel confident. I wasn't sure if I made her too OOC. Groveling by JB has only begun. What he did today was a step in the right direction but Bella needs more. So glad you like Jessica! I really like her too, especially in this chapter! : ) Thank you for the encouragement!

**LunaM303:** (Comment on ch 3) Haha I cannot wait until we get there too! T_T I just gotta build her up first lol


	6. Chapter 5

_**AN: **__Bella's time spent with Jessica has made her really OOC from canon as we FFWD in time. I __**love**__ writing her now. I hope you like her too but if you don't, do not plan on her changing back. She is a bit eccentric but wouldn't that weight of responsibility on anyone's shoulders make them a little mad too? Or badass hahaha I didn't think I would, but goodness I adore writing this story and where I see it going!_

_**Chapter theme:** Shit goes down somewhere in this chapter. Response to reviews at the end. __Enjoy!_

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**The Phoenix**

**Chapter 5**

My body began to stiffen, going still as my eyes trailed the braided rope from the ceiling of the gym to the gym floor. "You're kidding me, right?" I asked Jessica incredulously. I wiped my sweaty palms on the end of my t-shirt. "That has to be...**a 40-foot climb.**"

Jessica's hands flew to her hips. It was a trademark sign I could be trying her patience if I resisted more. "38 feet to be exact," Jessica corrected me with a smug grin _but_ narrowed eyes. She always knew how to pull off a cryptic look that wouldn't fully communicate her thoughts when she trained me. "I told you week four would be themed as "no mercy"." I rolled my eyes. Jessica relished in her clever names for the theme of each training week:

\- Week one was, "bitch is a beginner".

\- Week two was, "can I make you cry?".

\- Week three was, "killin it with cardio".

Now this week I thought "no mercy" was a little less clever of Jessica, but what she lacked in cleverness for the name she made up for in delivering on the theme's promise.

"I expect you to make it one-third of the way up by the end of this week."

"And if I don't?"

"_Bitch_, did _**Mulan**_ give up when Sheng told her to give up and go home? No; she strapped on those _heavy ass _discipline and strength medallions and _shimmied_ her way up to the top of the pole to retrieve that arrow." Jessica's blue eyes glowed fiercely as she ranted with pleasure. She loved Mulan. _Loved_.

After her second Mulan reference during our first real training session and she realized I had never seen the movie, that was an extra assignment she gave me. Watch Mulan. So, I did over that weekend before "can I make you cry?" week. It was inspiring. To a certain extent. Mulan just had to deal with mortals, as gruesome and fearsome the Huns were. When you compared it to dealing with a vampire, it just didn't seem as inspiring. Then again, she was a real, normal girl who saved China. For some reason after watching it though, I felt slightly encouraged that _just maybe_ I_ really_ could just save Forks.

However, I didn't see the purpose of how climbing a rope would help me take on a vampire. I looked at Jessica's expecting gaze. She knew as just as well as I did that I was going to try. As crappy and clumsy I may have seemed over the last few weeks, one thing Jessica gave me credit for was that I never gave up. Which is why she stuck around despite my slow progress. She didn't make excuses for me. If I klutzed up anything, she didn't let me pass it over as a quirky, endearing trait of mine. She told me to do better. Concentrate more.

* * *

_"You can be a klutz anywhere but this gym, Bella. When you step on this floor," Jessica eyed the entire space of the wood floor underneath us, "you get no free passes. You trip, fall or fumble on some move, and you get up and do better. Your muscles will hold you in place. You put your focus on your every move and concentrate. And I guarantee when you perform any athletic activity when we are done, you won't have that 'I am clumsy' shield to default back to anymore."_

* * *

I marched up to the rope and laced my fingers together, in the firmest grip I could make, just above my head. With one quick motion, I jumped off the ground and let my body dangle on the rope only supported by the muscles flexing in my arms. "Climb," Jessica demanded, and I offered her a curt nod.

I extended my right hand upward first and felt my left arm straining to keep me on the rope. I grunted as my hand reconnected with the rope. I willed my left hand up next. Two more hands reaches on my vertical extent, and I felt both of my arms twitch before my hands were compelled to release the rope. I hit the mat underneath me with a thud. I turned to look at Jessica.

"Not pathetic, Swan." A relieved smile flashed on my face. "Now again," she barked. My smile downturned to a grimace.

Thirty minutes later with extensive rope burns on my hands and stomach, Jessica _kindly_ let me run suicides to give my upper body a break.

Classes for the rest of that Monday at school blurred together for me. I had been growing more antsy each passing day over certain doubts plaguing my mind recently.

My progress seemed slow. I hardly had any new muscles to show for all my hard work. Jessica insisted my frame just seemed to support a lean build which wasn't a bad thing. She poked and prodded my muscles to show me I wasn't squishy anymore, but I was firming up.

A more defined physical transformation, to my own liking, would _eventually _happen with time and effort I was sure. I wanted my body to be capable after all. But of what? I could not match a vampire's speed or strength. That's where the importance of pouring over _any_ and _all_ legends of vampires was critical. I needed a weakness- something in my arsenal that offered me a _small sliver _of hope that I could do it. My last few weeks of research in the evenings when I didn't put in a second workout, offered no fruition of my labor.

The most critical _and_ crushing wave of doubt that was drowning me lately was _time_. Acknowledging I didn't know when and if_ it_ would strike next. Would it be tomorrow or in a few months? How long did I have to prepare? This wave usually hit every night around my bed time like clockwork and produced the listless skin and the bags under my eyes Jessica knit picked on at_ each_ training session. She would hammer into me that proper sleep was another part of training. My body needed the recovery.

But _if_ she knew what kept me up at night, she probably would have mirrored the same haggard look as me.

...

At the end of "no mercy week", I meant to drive home after school on Friday. Instead, I found myself in La Push. I researched the night before that they had a small local museum of Quileute history that I wanted to check out. I had run out of leads to follow up on. Billy's leads on the cold ones ran dry during my first week, as I figured they would. Much to my displeasure but also again not surprising, the internet only seemed to cover "vampire" theories that Edward already dispelled when we were dating. My heart panged when I thought of Edward, but it was miles away from the gaping hole I felt in my heart for _months_ after he left. I didn't know if it was closing or if my new vampire vendetta made me patch it up for self-preservation, but I thought about him less frequently and with less agony. Usually my recent thoughts concerning him surrounded what vampire lessons I could take away from the time we had spent together.

My only hesitation from exiting my car, once parked front and center in front of the museum, was running into Jake. Things hadn't turned out pretty in our recent phone conversations. I had yet to see him in person since he surprised me at school after our training fiasco because he didn't let go of his perception of old Bella. I had been trying to give him a chance to change- out of respect for Charlie's relationship with Billy...but I didn't need someone to coddle me. That's all he seemed to do even when he hadn't meant it intentionally. I was waiting for a phone conversation where he proved he changed. But that time hadn't come yet. He hadn't called me in the last week anyways, so I assumed he had all but given up when I was the one who stopped calling him. It was probably for the best. One less person to worry about coming around Forks while a vampire was on the loose.

I tightened my fists on my steering wheel and plucked up the courage to exit the car door. If I saw Jake, I would deal with it. Looking into more resources was critical. I was out of options and needed new leads to trace down. I exited my truck while chanting in my head "_please let me find something of use here_".

I found myself backing out of the entryway instead of moving inside when I opened the front door of the museum. A _very_ large, russet skinned man shoved past me on the way out. If Jessica had been here with me, she would have mouthed off to the intimidating man and demanded he apologized. I, however, wasn't Jessica and proceeded to turn inside. Well, until I heard my name called. The voice was unfamiliar, but I still turned to face its owner.

"Oh, you got to be kidding me, _**you're **_actually here? Please for the love of god don't tell me you're looking for Jake," the stranger spat out at me with an obvious look of disgust on his face. Obviously, I was oblivious to this drama amongst Jacob and his friends. But this wasn't Quil or Embry whom I met but once. This stranger was large, stalky and almost frightening with the rage storming in his brown eyes. However, the eyes weren't red. _So_, I was _a lot less_ scared of him.

"Nope." I popped the "p" and spun around on my heel to walk into the museum. I wasn't in the mood to deal with this drama. My life was already a damn drama. No need to add in an unnecessary sub-plot.

"Yeah, whatever leech-lover," he sneered, and my breath caught in my chest. Then, from somewhere deep within me a manic laugh spilled out and engulfed my body in an unnatural tremor. I felt tears prickle my eyes. I had laughed so hard I made myself cry.

"We all are stupid once, right?" I let slip out. A mortified expression creeped on my face that I _maybe_ somewhat confirmed the Quileute's suspicion of the Cullens. They weren't here anymore though...did they still deserve my undying allegiance while I was left alone to take on a vampire? On the other hand, I did not need to go spreading rumors no matter what truth they had to them.

I turned away from the stranger and darted inside the museum. I had no vested interest in continuing to converse with this angry man who looked like he wanted to pick a fight with me, _and_ to prevent myself for saying more stupid/_revealing_ things.

"**Hey**, I wasn't done talking to you," the contempt reverberating off this guy's voice was impressive. I sucked my cheeks in when an interesting question floated in my head. Was Jake telling a skewed version of the truth of our recent conversations to his friends?

"_Look_, I am not here to talk to you or Jake. I am minding my own damn business; why don't you do the same?" I insisted through gritted teeth while continuing to keep my pace forward.

"Aren't you supposed to be docile and," the stranger held an awkward pause, "_skinnier_." I laughed with a hard edge in my tone. _Once upon a time._

"Shit changes when your dad dies. I don't know what Jake has told you, but..." I stopped myself in my tracks. I owed this stranger nothing. Luckily, I now found myself at the ticket counter just in time for the guy to leave me alone.

"Make it two," a now _familiar_ gruff voice called from behind me. _What the fuck?_

"I think not. Just one. **Please**." The old woman behind the glass wearily looked at me and the man standing behind me. She shook her head in exasperation before we exchanged my $5 bill for her ticket through the slot in the glass window. I turned around and mustered up my most deadly glare. "Look, I **don't** have time for this shit. Pretend I was never here, and you don't have to tell Jake anything."

"_You_ are heading into a _museum _on a Friday afternoon. How do you _not_ have time for this "_shit_"?" He barked back with a dark comical edge. "Whatever. Do what you want. **But,** not here. Stay away from La Push. **And** away from Jake." His authoritative tone made my blood boil. I wouldn't be here if I didn't have to figure out how to kill a vampire!

I determined in the moment that speaking to him any further would be pointless, so I ignored his warning and walked into the first exhibit of the museum. Not before waving goodbye to him with my middle finger. To my relief, he did not follow, and I realized that Jessica was rubbing off on me _way too much_.

…

Every section in the museum I passed through contained enriching culture and history surrounding the Quileute people. None of that enriching culture or history contained reference to the Cold Ones to my utter surprise. Probably because it was passed over as a legend and not factual _but_...I **needed** those damn facts. Very badly.

It made me wonder _how _popular the legends of them were after all. I wasn't sure what I had been hoping to find, but I was becoming so desperate that _anything_ would have been the holy grail for me even if it didn't actually kill a vampire. Like….a shield or recovery potion that stopped venom from a vampire bite. Those thoughts were wistful fantasy though.

I found myself grumbling at my reflection in a glass display case filled with beautiful, elaborate pottery when I heard, "Excuse me, miss?"

My eyebrows squashed down as I realized I was most likely looking like a lunatic in public. My face tried to recover from its wincing state as I turned to the stranger beckoning me.

I found myself looking a few inches upward to meet the round face of a young Quileute boy. By young, probably mid-teens. His boyish face didn't mask its concern while he held a piece of paper and pencil in his hand.

I cleared my throat. "_Yes_," I squeaked out like the total adult I was.

The boy drew his paper up towards my face and tapped it lightly with his pencil. I honed my focus to read the top line of the paper.

Name: Seth C.

History HW Assignment 33

I felt my mouth draw to an "O" as I realized I was _possibly _blocking a display case that contained an answer for his homework. I sheepishly mumbled an apology before stepping out of his way.

"Sorry about that," I sincerely apologized. "Lost in thought."

"You're fine. I was reading over your shoulder, but it was starting to feel awkward." I laughed at the boy's innocent authenticity.

"It's good to have boundaries with women, kid. We can be fickle creatures," I lectured him in good fun.

"Boy don't I know it." I laughed again and felt better than I had before. I watched him stick out his tongue and scribble his answer on his assignment. His concentrating face was endearing. For a millisecond, it made me wish I had a sibling. _Good luck to his teacher on reading that chicken scratch._

I should have taken the interruption as my cue to head back home, but I felt myself wanting to linger around _just_ a little longer.

"Personal experience?" I asked lightly, not wanting to overstep though I probably was.

"_Nah_. They seem like a headache." _Good call kid. Save yourself the heartbreak._ "My friend, Jake..." My heart dropped. "He has been going through a rough time with this girl."

"**Oh you gotta be kidding me****!**!" I wailed aloud in frustration. Show up in La Push, and it turns into the fricken Jake and Bella show and we are ONLY friends. What on earth has he been telling everyone?!

I reigned in my rage by tightening my fists and took notice I caught the kid off guard with my outburst. His eyes turned as wide as saucers as his face was frozen in shock. _Oops! Guess I didn't make a friend after all._

"Nothing personal, kid." I lightly punched him on the arm in a "bro-like" way with an oddly paired laugh. "Good luck with the homework!" And in a flash, I was leaving the museum with what dignity I still had left for the day.

When I was driving home, after no more run ins with strange Quileute men who knew Jake, I contemplated booking a flight to Transylvania or Amsterdam to trace Dracula's origin story or the birthplace of the fictional vampire slayer Van Helsing. I had the money with my inheritance from Charlie, but…I was weary of what would happen if I went away. Not that I was in any way, shape or form ready to take on the _monster_, but could I really just abandon Forks to a creature no one knew nothing of?

My mind spun around on that topic the whole trip back home. I sighed with disappointment when I parked that I wasn't going anywhere. Upon exiting the truck and locking the doors, I heard, "Why hello there, _Bella_. I thought it was you."

My grip strengthened on my backpack strap slung over my shoulder, my only weapon in the moment. My quadricep, hamstring and calf muscles tightened in each leg while my heart began to pound against my ribs. Despite all my effort, my voice tremored as I looked up to_ him_ and replied, "Laurent, I thought you were off visiting some of the Cullen's friends?"

"I was. I just happened to pass through and noticed that the Cullen's aren't around. I am surprised you are still here. Your _delicious _scent had faded in their residence but picked up on this side of town." I wanted to lie and pretend they were still here for my own protection. Laurent was smart _enough_ though; he would see through my bullshit. _Now what though?_

Beads of sweat prickled my forehead as I dug around within myself for some form of courage. I lifted my chin to stare Laurent in his chilling crimson, undead eyes. "Do you know of any other vampires in the area?" I asked boldly.

Laurent's eyebrows arched and a soft grin took form on his face. "Why do you ask, Bella?" He _knew _something. His smile said it all.

"I think you know why," I released with a desperate breath. My chest began to tighten as I felt so close to knowing the truth. _**Who**_ was my enemy?

Laurent began to offer me a lazy nod. "I guess I can tell you the truth _before_ I kill you." I wasn't surprised by what he said. I had expected nothing less from his surprise visit in knowing I was alone. Vampires with red eyes were _not_ to be trusted. I wouldn't be an easy kill, and maybe by the grace of god, I could survive._ How? _I had no absolute fucking idea. But it seemed like a shitty deal for Forks that the only person with knowledge of vampires would be slaughtered in the beginning of her uprising and abandon that town to be slaughtered as well.

"Did you like Victoria's present for you?" He asked with a cheshire cat smile adorning his face. With one question, Laurent shattered my world. An uncontrollable shudder swept through my body as a wave of bile burned in the back of my throat. With the mention of _her _name, whatever courage or fearlessness I once had was plucked and shredded into tiny, _tiny_ threads. I was coming undone.

It **WAS** my fault.

I deserved this quick death.

Laurent appeared by my side before I could blink. "She has been playing _such _a fun game with you. It honestly tempted me to confirm what she believed. The Cullen's are gone. While she likes her games and would patiently wait _somewhat_ longer to kill you after more tormenting, _I am kinder_. I will give you a quick death, my dear. She will get what she wants in the end either way," his soothing voice was anything but as my body crumbled to the ground in acceptance of my fate_. Sympathy, terror, torment, grief, guilt, humiliation_, and any other emotion that could have taken form in me in that moment disappeared from my body as Laurent bent down and pressed his teeth to my neck. I closed my eyes and a tranquil liberation manifested in myself knowing it was all over, and I would soon be with Charlie as I begged for his forgiveness for the rest of my after-life.

A sharp howl cleaved the still air around us and Laurent froze from fulfilling his promise of offering me a quick death. Before I could request he get it over with, Laurent disappeared. My eyes bulged when a massive wolf appeared in my view a second later hot on his trail. A snarl erupted from its mouth and revealed its sharp fangs as it ran past me. And while I should have been frightened and drowning in self-loathing, a story popped into my mind from Jacob about wolves and vampires being natural enemies. With that story, a brilliant and stupid idea followed up. What if those massive fangs could rip through vampire skin and how could I get ahold of one?

My first vampire killing weapon formed in my mind with the promise I could succumb to self-loathing and hatred at a later time, as I sprinted after the wolf.

* * *

_**AN:** _Coming up in CH 6, the rude guy from the museum reappears. But _**WHO**_ is he?! Other wolf drama happens. Jessica makes a guest appearance. Bella has to dig deep and makes me LOL! And WILL she get a hold of THAT wolf fang? :O 'til next time! - Lalaland972

P.s. Let the adventure now begin!

P.s.s. _The museum used in this story is fictional and does not exist in La Push, fyi._

* * *

_**Lalaland972's Response to Reviews:**_

**tracybuie:** Don't worry Jake's going to get in an earful in the future. Bella was just too nice then. You can tell in this chapter how much she is changed! Thanks for reviewing each chapter, I love seeing reader's thoughts on each chapter when they feeling like sharing ^_^ Also, I really am pro-Jessica in this story. She is the kind of friend a badass bella needs in her corner lol

**Lazygirl89:** I thought on your comment. I hadn't much given thought to who her hint/tease of romance would be with. It will not be Jacob/Edward. She is staying human in this fic as far as I can tell and I have some interesting prospects in mind for her. Stay tuned for that ^_^ But for now, bella's eye on romance is zilch lol

**Guest:** Thanks for commenting on each chapter! I am glad you are supportive of the OOC Bella. I have enjoyed getting to her to this point and so on. I hope you continue to enjoy and share your thoughts when you feel a chapter warrants that : )


	7. Chapter 6

_**AN: **__Okay, I had too much fun writing this chapter! __Honestly, I had no real idea what to do with this chapter, but feedback inspires me to figure it out ^_^ - Lalaland972_

**_Chapter theme:_**_ Bella gets spunky, creative & a lil crazy! Response to reviews at the end. __Enjoy!_

* * *

**The Phoenix**

**Chapter 6**

I lost the wolf's trail only about 100 feet into the forest. I happily admitted to myself that I would not have made it a-tenth of the way without Jessica's training. As I neared the house from my short walk back, I noticed a _**very**_ familiar looking bike parked rather crookedly 15 feet off from the front driveway. _Jake is here? Did he see the wolf and vampire?!_

My gaze darted in the proximity of his bike, attempting to absorb every detail as I looked for signs of Jacob Black. "Jake?" I called out. A terrible thought arose. What if Laurent saw him first? "Jake! **Jake**?!" My voice was elevating in pitch and volume as I began to call his name frantically. _No, no, no, no this is __not__ happening!_

My eyes scoured everywhere around the yard of my house for Jake. When hyperventilation began to set in, I stopped myself mid-panic attack. I stifled it as my orders from within started coming out. _Grab the shot gun first. Then survey the area. What if that damn wolf comes back too? I need cover and can't waist a chance to get that fang._

I bolted inside the house at a speed that made my recent effort of suicide repeats during training look like I wasn't even trying. I returned back to the front yard with my hands molded around the hand stock and grip of the shot gun. _I have to save Jake or recover his body._ "**Jake!**" I repeated over and over. The shotgun stayed steady in my arms while I further scrutinized the grass for signs of blood or Jacob's limp, dead body. Fear would have to come back later. I didn't have time for its shit right now.

Before I knew it, a thunderous roar of a motorcycle delighted my ears and I dropped the shotgun on the ground. _Jake_! I sprinted to the front of the house to confirm Jake was alive. _But_...it wasn't Jacob Black I saw. Instead, a new bike was parked besides his, a _much_ better park job might I add, and my mouth dropped to the floor. The same body build and clothes of the rude stranger at the museum were mounted on that new bike. _What the hell!_!

I had so many things I wanted to say or ask, but all that blurted out of my mouth was, "Can I help you?" in a frantic voice. I cringed at my idiocy.

"You need to come with me," the stranger said _all_ _too_ _casually_ through the open visor of his helmet.

"No way, serial killer," I stalked backwards to retrieve my gun. Looks like I had a third unexpected threat to deal with today. "Come closer and I shoot," I informed him with the shotgun now back in my hands. _Next time let's __not__ get ahead of ourselves and drop the damn thing!_

"_Or_..." I mulled over another thought as I pointed the barrel of the shotgun towards the ground. "Help me look for Jake. I think he might be in danger." The stranger had the audacity to laugh at me as he took off his helmet. The handsome face of the stranger which I never bothered to notice before almost blinded me. Not in a good way. More like an annoying way that someone could be so good looking yet such an asshole. _What a waste._

I decided to ignore him and began to call out Jake's name once again. I_ had_ to go back in the forest. _What if Laurent fed on him out there? What if he is still alive? Can I suck out poison or will that turn me? __**Shit!**__I'll decide on that when the time comes.__** Find Jake first!**_

My body was working against resistance for some reason as I attempted to continue walking towards the forest. I looked over to my left shoulder and saw a large, dark hand holding me back. "Don't make me pull my gun on you again. This is serious. Something bad happened to Jake!"

"Don't be stubborn. It's not safe. Come with me. I'll take you to Jake," he grunted through irritation, but I could tell he was making an effort to be polite.

"I know it's not safe. _Hence_ why I have my gun. You find Jake your way. I am going into the forest," I insisted while I lowered my teeth to bite his hand.

***crack* **

_I think I just chipped a tooth! Fuck me._ _Who has a hand that is as solid as a rock? What roids is this guy on? _I spit out the speckles of tooth that dusted my tongue.

"Get off me or I'll shoot. If he dies because of you, **I will kill you**." My threat was whispered low as a promise if this asshole didn't let me go.

He let me go and I let a victory grin overtake my face too soon. Before the second step into my sprint, I was hauled off the ground, without my shotgun he smacked out of my hands, and thrusted onto his wide shoulder.

"**Get off, get off, get off****!**" I shouted feebly while I squirmed around in his tight grasp on me. Despite my increased strength and flexibility, I was not finding myself working my way out of his grip. To his detriment, he faced me backwards. My legs subtly trailed his stomach for a rough estimation while they dangled, only pretending to momentarily halt my resistance. I demanded everything from my body in that moment as I swiftly pulled my right leg back and laid my foot into his balls.

In a heartbeat, the stalky man dropped me like a sack of potatoes. I somersaulted my landing, without knocking into the gun thank god, and the man bent down to his knees while groaning.

I grabbed the shotgun and continued to venture into the forest. His continued groans, speckled with cuss words here and there, behind me brought a very pleased grin to my face as I continued my search for Jacob.

"**Stubborn bitch! Die for all I care!**" The man bellowed _well_ far in the distance behind me. I snickered while resuming my search for Jacob. "**Jake! Jake!**"

My search went on for an hour and every few minutes I felt more torn up in my gut. Another person had died. Because of me. I wanted to cry/shriek/throw-up and chuck down the shotgun and wait for Laurent to finish what he started. But instead, I just bellowed a sighed and turned around to walk home.

In the distance, my ears picked up on howling. Now not just one wolf..._but several_. My encouragement hit an all-time high as I wondered if the odds of getting my hands on a fang from a monstrous K9 were _now_ realistic. I reviewed the forest around me and realized I was going to have to set a trap in this breeding ground for **XXL** wolves. _Tomorrow though. _

Charlie was dead. Jake was a goner at this point. I was really having to step up to the plate to take on the monster I had brought to Forks. My self-pity party would have to be put on hold for another time.

I returned to my house to find _that_ damn asshole leaning against the front door of my house like he was some invited guest I forgot was coming over. "So little red riding hood is back now?" he sneered in disapproval. I furrowed my eyebrows as I gazed down at my outfit. _Just as I thought, I am __**not**__ wearing any red. _

"Why are you still here?" I asked through an exhausted exhaled breath. I wasn't in the mood for this. I had to find the courage to call Billy and tell him we needed to put a search party together...to find Jake's body.

"Not my choice."

"No free will there,..._uh_?" It dawned on me I still didn't know his name. But it wasn't worth knowing.

He shoved a cell phone in my face and pressed a button with his fat thumb. I assumed he must of hit call because it immediately began to ring.

"_Bella?!_" My soul began to reignite that I wasn't the worst person alive in the world. I grabbed the phone from Asshole's sausage fingers and shouted, "_**Jake**_**?!**" Tears mixed with joy and relief leaked from my eyes. Then I swallowed those feelings and said, "what the _actual _fuck?!" Then I snapped the flip phone shut and handed it back to Asshole.

Asshole's dark eyebrows flicked up in surprise. I think had Jake painted a picture of old me to his friends so new me was..._well_, **something else**.

"Great. He's alive. _Yay_. You can leave now."

"You don't want to know more?"

I laughed darkly. "Look," _Asshole_. "Buddy, I have _other_ problems to deal with in my life. _This_..." I waved my arms around in a circle around his figure and then redirected them to point and wave to the bikes in front of my house. "-shit is above my pay grade. Go back to La Push with Jake and tell him to stay away from me and Forks, and I'll return him the favor. _**Thanks!**_" I ended my appreciation by slapping his shoulder with the "_atta boy_" feel to it. Asshole eyed my hand with disgust before whacking it off. "_**Bye!**_" I shouted as he stalked away to his bike.

As much as I wanted to investigate Jacob's disappearing act, it was more important to keep him away from me and Forks. I was a dangerous person to be around with Laurent and Victoria on the prowl. My mission was clear. I needed to get my hands on a wolf fang. I couldn't say with confidence if it could penetrate a vampire's skin, but the fact that beast frightened off Laurent spoke volumes to the possibility that it was _not_ impossible.

It was clear to me now how I would be spending this weekend. After a trip to my former workplace Newton's Olympic Outfitters, I was going hunting. Now did I have any experience hunting? Well, no… but I couldn't let that stop me. I was just going to have to wing it and hope for the best.

I glided the tip of my tongue over the right front tooth I cracked on Asshole's hand as I walked into the kitchen to make myself a sandwich for dinner. It was jagged and beginning to feel extra sensitive with the adrenaline tapering off in my system. A whistling sound emitted from my mouth as I sighed. _Weird. Going to the dentist to fix my cracked front tooth is the last thing on my list of priorities right now. Cosmetic stuff will not matter if I am dead before the weekend is over anyways as wolf chow or just depleted of my blood supply. _

...

At 8 AM on the dot on Saturday morning, I greeted Mike Newton with a chipped smile outside of the glass door to Newton's Olympic Outfitters that he was unlocking. Mike jerked his head back after performing a double take of my _award-winning_ smile. Mike shuffled his feet back in the store after he pushed the door open for me. I only let my eyes settle on his wide baby blue eyes for a second. "_Hi Bella_," Mike's voice was an octave higher than normal in his greeting. I stifled my urge to snicker and instead murmured "hi" as I brushed pass him and B-lined to the hunting section of the store.

I couldn't ignore the steps behind me, attempting to match my speed while looking casual. As I began to peruse through the bear traps, Mike finally summoned the courage to approach me. I let my eyes drift to Mike standing _too_ close to my left shoulder. He began to scratch the blonde stubble on his chin before asking, "so, uh, you chipped your tooth?"

I looked down at my shoulder that he was too close too and spotted a spec of lint on my jacket. I picked at it before flicking in on the floor. "You know me, just an accident waiting to happen." I batted my eyes in an innocent like fashion towards him.

"Uh, yeah, sure," Mike stammered while a heavy blush stained his cheeks. _Oh boy. _I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. I had to play my cards right for help. "Are you looking for _anything_ in particular?" Mike's gaze curiously looked at the bear traps I was now feeling my hands over. Mentally I was trying to gauge what size was needed to trap those wolf paws. **The bigger the better. **

"In fact, I am. I need your largest bear trap. All of them you have in stock." Mike's gaping mouth and rapid blinking were on par with what I expected.

"_Uh_, are you sure?" That was not the question I had expected him to follow up with though. _Way to surprise me for once Mike. _I nodded enthusiastically and then he asked the question I expected. "Why?"

My tongue ran dry to smartly resist my likely inept response of "**wolves, duh**". My brain _thankfully_ came up with a smarter and more practical answer. "Bear problem around the house."

"Oh, wow. I didn't know. Do you need me-" I cut off Mike before he could finish his thoughtful but unwanted offer.

"These will take the cake. We have had this problem before. Those _pesky bears_ like our trash for some reason. I helped Charlie deal with them in the past. Don't worry, I know what I am doing." I offered Mike a reassuring, front chipped tooth smile with the vote of confidence oozing from my blatant lie.

"Sure. Let me go check the back." Mike's weary smile was heartwarming. He waved awkwardly before leaving to check the stock. While working here, I never worked in the hunting department. I wasn't sure what they had, but I was hoping I would leave with a fat stock of bear traps.

**I was wrong.** I left Newton's Olympic Outfitters with _**three**_ 18-inch bear traps, two boxes of bullets, a XL net and 60-foot rope.

I assessed my hunting gear on the floor of the living room. It seemed pathetic paired with my lacking knowledge of knowing what I was doing. But I didn't know when Laurent or Victoria would strike next. I had to pull out _**all**_ the stops. A dog would have been a perfect hunting partner for this _or no_\- a wolf instead! _Oh god, if I could domesticate a massive wolf... What a formidable team we would be taking on the vampires! __As if. __But...it is nice to dream. We are on the same team...unless they hunt humans as well and are fighting over hunting ground territory with the vampires._ I shivered at the thought I had more mythical creatures to take on. _Just my luck! Where is Van Helsing when I need him? Coach Jessica won't be enough!_

I slumped to the ground and dared to take deep breaths to calm myself. _If not me, then who?_ It was a question that drove me forward. Reminding me to rise from the ashes each time I was knocked down and thought I was dead or couldn't take anymore. I _had_ to get back up and fight. Because no one else was doing it. _So_, Forks was left with me. _And_...I did bring this upon them. The least I could do was attempt to kill the vampires to avoid collateral damage of any extra lives in Forks being taken.

My confidence, a never-ending oscillating spectrum, was _just_ rebuilding again when I heard knocking on the door. _**Fuck!**__ Who now? I don't have time for this!_

I decided to ignore the uninvited guest and wait for them to leave of their own accord. "Bella, I saw you leaving the Newton's store and your truck is parked out front. I know you are home, _bitch_." Jessica was here and I wasn't mad about it. She had become a _very_ good friend to me over the weeks as we bonded over training and she built me up into something more than I could have ever imagined for myself. The joy surging through my body was cut off from its supply when I rethought this over.

Jessica was here. At my house. And I was being actively hunted by Victoria and Laurent. Victoria killed Charlie.

My body began to spin. I was growing dizzy. _**Not her**__. __Not Jessica_. Jessica was a fucking firecracker that saw more in me and demanded better than my best. Jessica's whose wit defended me to others but also called me out on my bullshit. **She deserved better**. I would not bring her into this. I swallowed the lump rising in my throat when I realized what I had to do. What price I had to pay.

I walked up to the front door with a heavy heart that was attempting to anchor me to the ground. It protested my decision. My brain kept forcing my feet forward. It had to be done. I made my choice.

I opened the door to see Jessica's bright eyes gleaming with delight that she got me to come to the door in the end. I clutched the watch, **Charlie's watch**, on my left wrist after I exited the house and closed the frontdoor behind me. I had to do this.

"Hi Jessica, what are you doing here?" I asked in a curt tone while narrowing my eyes. Her eyes remained sparkling as she waved her hand in front of her body in a "_tah-dah_" like fashion. Jessica was wearing grey sweat pants and a t-shirt that said Forks High School Athletics. When she realized I was still puzzled over her hint, she lifted her right leg and extended her foot forward toward me. _Okay, she is wearing running shoes? So wha-_

My hand slapped my forehead much to Jessica's pleasure._ She made plans with me to go running this morning._ _**Shit! **__How did I forget that?! Whatever. Regardless if I had plans or not, I need to get this over with. _

I channeled my inner bitch as Jessica chastised I needed to tap into more often. "No," I said bluntly while I flicked my hair over my shoulders.

"If you forgot, we can reschedule and do it tomorrow morning?" She asked while her eyebrows knitted together in confusion towards my shift in attitude towards her. I resisted my urge to avoid contact as I hardened an unyielding stare into Jessica's blue eyes. My _favorite _color of blue because they belonged to her and she had been my saving grace since Charlie died.

"**I quit.**" After I spoke words I could not take back, I directed my eyes to point her towards her vehicle…parked next to Jake's bike…so she would take the hint to leave.

"_Seriously_?" Jessica pursed her lips as she thought over what I just informed her. A tight smile plastered on her face as she said, "_okay_" and turned away from me. I didn't know what hurt worse, the fact I lost one of the best friends I ever had or that like Renee, she gave up on me so easily. She didn't even turn back _once_ to look at me or give me shit for quitting. I reopened the front door while reminding myself I had a job to do and no waterworks were allowed. I was a death sentence to anyone close to me. It was better to force people out of my life for their own protection. I was used to being abandoned in the end anyways.

…

To be honest, Jessica's rope climbing challenge over the last week had come in handy. Instead of climbing a rope, it was a tree I found myself crawling up. I had set up two of my bear traps covered in leaves in the near vicinity of where my bait was laid. Beef jerky. It was an easier and less stinky option than carrying undehydrated meat in my sack. I had scaled the tree around 15 feet when I lost my grip on a weak branch and found myself sliding down the bark of the trunk. Earning splinters and cuts on my venture down. _Ugh_!

I reassessed the traps once more for good measure after the ground broke my _graceful_ fall. Without any further delay, I imagined Jessica being present and demanding me to climb. _So_, I climbed up that tree like I was Mulan proving my worth _not_ to my war buddies but to myself.

A jittery feeling of excitement gushed over me when I successfully climbed around 25 feet into the air. I bellowed a loud "whoop!" for myself in appreciation before I crouched to take cover amongst leaves.

I waited.

And I waited...

My time spent in the tree was a chance to_ finally _let everything soak in. I _truly_ was alone in my endeavor. No more Jessica having my back. Jake had been withdrawn from my life the last week. Renee had called but twice since she left after Charlie's funeral and never sincerely apologized for skipping out without saying goodbye to me. **My life was a mess.** Or a real shit show. But I clung to my hope, in the deepest form of desperation, that I could pull this off and be one step closer to actually being able to take on a vampire.

I began to lean back into the tree branch behind me and let my eyes drift off when a rustling on the ground below called my attention.

I peered down and a smile nearly split my face as I noticed a big ass wolf sniffing my beef jerky and then the tree. I dropped my net before pulling the shotgun off my back to shoot. The wolf howled and ran away so fast that my net hadn't even descended half way down its fall.

That was my first attempt of many repeats of the same stupid plan. I switched trees each time, but after the first try, it was like the pack of wolves were smart enough to avoid my beef jerky trap. It_ almost_ seemed like I wasn't giving them enough credit for their intelligence. _Stupid animal_.

On Sunday, I decided to break away from my first method and come up with another way to trap the beast. After failing all Saturday to trap it, I considered it worthy to live based on its intelligence. If it turned out it hunted humans, I would have to try to kill it. For now, I just wanted to ensnare a _**damn**_ fang.

As I began to lay out raw salmon (_which may have been more of a bear bait than wolf bait_) this Sunday morning instead of beef jerky, I heard a heavy growling noise behind me. _Shit! _The shotgun was 10 feet in front of me laying at the edge of a tree trunk.

I flung my body around, slipping my hand over my waist band. Today I was more prepared. I _had_ a hammer. Hanging from Charlie's tool belt I snagged from the garage.

As I stared in the amber eyes of the wolf with dark silver fur, I hovered my hand over the hilt of the hammer. My other hand, I guided to the raw salmon as I bent forward while never releasing my eyes from the wolf's glare. I began to whistle, "_here boy_" in a sing-songy voice as I dangled the salmon in the air.

Its ferocious growl would not let up. I stepped closer to it. As a sign of peace. I got the feeling it was _way_ more intelligent than I had been giving it credit for while it intently processed what I was doing. It snapped at the salmon, despite knowing it was not within distance to eat it. It was..._trying_ to scare me. And _failing_.

The wolf bared its teeth and I knew I could not waste any more precious time on this game of chicken. I tossed the salmon towards its mouth before bending over to grasp a fist full of dirt. The wolf continued to blatantly stare at me with now a more confused edge to its growl emitting from its mouth. Teeth still on full display. _Perfect_.

I slung back my hand, and then in one quick motion, I released my elbow forward like a spring while releasing the dirt in the wolf's eyes. The wolf howled in response with eyes squeezed shut and I slammed my hammer on the closest fang to me.

*_ting_*

The fang vibrated like I hit a pathetic steel triangle at the end of a beautiful musical score just for kicks and giggles. Can't think of a better way to piss off a wolf. Because the next thing I knew, it had me pinned to the ground and was all but foaming at the mouth while it growled in my face. _Welp, had to try. _Once again, the feeling of "_the end is near_" purged my soul as I accepted this time that my death warrant was being signed, sealed and delivered by this wolf AND not a vampire. The warm breath from its snarling mouth (_the size of my head_) was nauseating _and_ overwhelming as I was trying to concentrate on my final thoughts in this life.

A different howl ripped through the air and _almost_ instantaneously, a reddish-brown wolf knocked the silver wolf off of me. Taking this as my cue to leave, I recovered the gun and left my hunting gear and that salmon bait in the dust. Just as I was feeling more comfortable with the distance, I was putting between myself and the wolves, I heard a blood curdling yowl from one of the wolves. My body tensed when I recalled the two traps I set in that area. With a heavy sigh, I turned around to see if I needed to remove the trap from one of the wolves. Preferably, not the one already set on biting my head off. Why did I feel compelled to do this? Because I understood what it felt like to be trapped, surprised, in pain and I honestly wished the wolves no ill will aside from wanting a fang or two.

I retraced my steps until...my view in front of me caused me to stumble back and trip. My hand flew to cover my mouth while my eyes processed what I was seeing despite my disbelief.

"**Quit being a baby, Paul!** You'll heal once it's off." Jacob Black, _very_ naked, then chuckled as he bent over to force open the trap ensnaring Asshole's foot. Asshole was naked as well and I blinked excessively to make sure my eyes weren't playing a trick on me as some form of a mental breakdown. Which wouldn't surprise me at this point.

They both went quiet as their attention was directed towards me. "**Shit**!" they yelled at the same time.

On that note, I took off running like a chicken with its head cut off. Like I said before, I wanted no unnecessary subplots and I was smart enough to make the connection. Jacob. Legends. Cold Ones and wolves. Natural enemies. The Quileute's, once upon an old ass legend, transformed into the wolves. And _apparently_, the genetic trait hadn't stopped from being passed down. "**Bella, wait**!" Jacob called after me.

I did not and found myself at my house after thirty minutes of relentless running. Jessica would have been impressed by my pace which I think was a personal best.

Just as I was unlocking the front door of my house, an unfamiliar green truck pulled up into my driveway and out popped three, rather large, strangers who looked to be of Quileute lineage. "**Nope!**" I said to myself and then I rushed inside and locked the door.

"_Bella Sawn_, we need to talk. Open the door or I will be forced to break it down," an authoritative voice demanded on the other side of the door.

I presumed the strangers at my front door were more boys who could transform into wolves because the "_it's just a coincidence_" excuse seemed to go out the window in my life a long ass time ago. As much as I wanted to make a peace treaty with them after hunting down their fangs, I also wasn't ready to deal with more super natural shit at the moment.

"Come back with Jake, and I will consider it!" For now, I was just buying myself time with a demand of my own.

* * *

_**AN:**__ SHIT went down, guys! In __**Ch 7**__, we will pick up with the conversation with the pack. Will they team up or make Bella quit hunting them/vampires? Will she get that fang? And what is going to happen with Bella's relationship with Jessica? _\- Lalaland972

_P.s. This chapter was pretty crazy. But I thought it was a fun read. I kinda imagine reading this like a ridiculous adventure manga because we all know I don't go 100% with describing every scene/character in this story AND Bella is eccentric as hell right now. CUZ…that is just how I write._

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_**Lalaland972's Response to Reviews:**_

_Thank you each for your awesome review!_

**tracybuie:** Lol bingo, it was PAUL! The wolf tooth retrieval attempt in this chapter was pretty dang funny in my own opinion. Because, _well_ she is a human and it's a wolf. haha Pairing still up in the air! But if she does end up with a wolf, it's going to be a different take because she would not put up with any of the territorial bs and it WILL NOT be an imprint. But IDK who yet *_*

**Pink Basilisk:** Awesome, thanks for sharing! Glad you are enjoying the story thus far! I was trying to be "realistic" with the Bella's development but not drag it out _too _much because I wanted the adventure to begin which involves more supernatural dabbling because let's face it, human training can only take Bella so far! Lol Cullen's are definitely coming back. Not sure when yet, I am looking to develop more relationship for Bella first before Edward comes and kinda mind fucks her. P.s. MULAN IS MY FAVORITE DISNEY MOVIE. Glad there are other fans out there who appreciate the reference in this story!

**Marlastiano: **Oh yas, all the power to Jess! She is a spit fire who ignites a fire under Bella's ass! lol

**Guest:** Honestly the running after the wolf line had me real life LOL because it is kinda ridiculous, but you can tell Bella's desperation of finding a weapon throughout the whole chapter five so it _kinda_ makes sense? Lol I wonder if you guessed which wolf saved her after this chapter lol!

**Wpear:**Yay glad you found it and liked it! I needed to take a step back from drama writing and this one has been a lot of fun to write haha I needed a female empowering story that the protagonist didn't have to sit-back to wolves/vampires **and** could also just be a normal girl. So, I am happy I took this on even though I was initially really hesitant about writing Bella's POV lol


	8. Chapter 7

**_Chapter theme:_**_ The wolfpack is unappreciative of Bella's efforts. Response to reviews + Author's Note at the end. __Enjoy!_

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**The Phoenix**

**Chapter 7**

As soon as I heard marching orders being delivered to find Jake, I mentally retracted my offer that I wanted to talk to them even if Jake was here. Jake was an unreliable source given his recent gossip mongering that gave these wolf boys a negative perception of me and him. So, I came up with a better plan.

I ran to the phone in the living room and punched three numbers before the phone began to ring.

"911, please state your emergency."

"Strangers are trying to force their way into my house at my front door. I live alone. I am Chief Swan's daughter. Please send help!"

"**OH my god**, Bella Swan?! Please stay on the-"

I hung up the phone then dragged my tired ass up to my bedroom. I had an exhausting day. Charlie's former cop buddies would be here soon. All would be good. Tomorrow's Bella could deal with the aftermath of _this_ discovery. I needed to rest my eyes. My body had been on high alert all weekend after Laurent popped by for a surprise visit and I was finally allowing myself to succumb to it. To finally rest.

The blaring sound of a siren was music to my ears, as I _was_ aware that the wolf boys had yet to leave thanks to my diligent need to peep outside my bedroom window every minute or so. I let a devilish grin take form on my face as I lingered in the window to watch the showdown. My grin quickly faltered into a devastated frown as I watched the Forks cops shake hands with the ring leader of the group. It was obvious. His aura exuded I am chief of these Mutts. _Fuck!_

I almost about cried when I saw the cop car pull away from my house. Why hadn't they come in to check on me? Did they not want to hear my side of the story?! Too _perfectly_ timed, Jacob and Asshole showed up, nearly naked aside jorts, just after my saviors abandoned me to the wolves.

The knocking was more forceful this time and Jacob's voice followed it. "Come on, Bells. **Please**!" Jacob's booming voice carried up to my room. Knowing I was out of options, I trudged down the stairs to open the door to the sub-plot I never wanted any part of.

I opened the door at a deliberately slow rate. Prolonging the inevitable.

Before it was a quarter of the way open, my body was dropped to the floor thanks to a forceful shove of the door by Asshole's body. "Enough of this shit. This bitch has been growing to be on my last nerve all weekend. I am tired of her damn crazy games! **And she ensnared my foot in a fucking bear trap**!" Asshole snarled after stomping inside my house. The veins in his neck remained twitching even when he stopped speaking.

"You look fine now it seems," I muttered as I picked myself off the floor and moseyed myself along to the living room couch. Jacob, Asshole, Chief of the mutts and Thing 1 and Thing 2 were soon gathered around the couch. They all stood over me assessing the situation. I was growing so tired too. I struggled to keep my eyes open as soon as I slumped my body against the couch. I just wanted to get this peace treaty over with.

"_Bella..._?" Jacob asked while he bent down to meet my eye level. He brought his hand forward to touch my face, but I jerked back before he could make contact.

Asshole laughed. Chief of the mutts told Jake to give me space. And the others just watched.

"She looks like shit, right?" Asshole barked _too_ joyously.

"You try spending most of your weekend living in the forest!" I protested in my defense when I should not have felt compelled to.

"Been there, done that, leech-lover!" Asshole sneered with superiority.

"**I will trap your other paws in my beartraps if you say that one more time**!" Venom seeped from my every word while my pulse began to speed up and erased whatever desire of sleep my body once had.

"Look, uh, Bella…" I craned my head to give my full attention to their leader. "My name is Sam Uley. I need to ask what you know."

"That your wolves? Kinda duh there Sam when you spot naked boys where wolves should be," I stated matter-of-factly.

"Yeah you guys _so_ fucked up," Thing 1 snickered.

"Okay. Before we get into that, can you explain, uh, why you were trying to catch us?" I weighed the pros and cons of what I should share. Honesty seemed best since I had no one else to talk to about it.

"A wolf fang or two," I said simply with a shrug of my shoulder like it was obvious.

Asshole roared with laughter. "Really Jake? This is the dingbat you've been hung up on since you phased? She's a nut case who loves bloodsuckers! You sure know how to pick them." Asshole slapped his knee in amusement, but I had already snapped.

As soon as the word bloodsucker dropped from Asshole's mouth, I was flying in the air off the couch to direct my foot to his balls. Mid-flight, someone hooked their fingers on the fabric of my shirt behind my neck and I found myself dangling in midair.

"Paul," Sam exhaled exasperatedly. "You're not helping. **Leave** or shut up."

Asshole rolled his eyes and walked around the room to a new location to watch the show unfold from a safer distance. Sam soon lowered me to the ground, and I flipped off Asshole before I flopped back on the couch.

"Okay, Bella, can you elaborate on why you need the wolf fang?"

"Yeah you sound kinda crazy," Thing 1 commented.

"And she looks crazed too. Especially with that chipped tooth," Thing 2 agreed.

"Well you guys would be too if you had to take on a _**fucking **_vampire! And not just one; now I have two!"

The room fell silent.

"What the hell?" Asshole exclaimed.

"_Fuck_." I heard Jacob curse under his breath. I looked to Jacob who had pinched his lips together before he began to shake his head at me. "_Bella_, why on earth do you think you have to take on a vampire?"

"Because no one knows about them! At first, I thought it was targeting people in Forks, but now I know it's me so it's even more personal!" I felt my nostrils flare while my skin began to flush from the heat consuming me. Instinctively my hands flung to wrap around my torso to brace whatever feelings were coursing through me. It was a bad habit of coping in difficult situations that I hadn't leaned on to for so long. "She killed Charlie. Now she is after me. Laurent was scared of you! You guys should be helping me! Not just frolicking in the forest for damn fun." I shouted as my thoughts jumbled in my mind.

"Bella, that is our sole purpose for why we turn into wolves."

I wanted to ask so many questions, but the most important one surfaced first. "Then **WHY DIDN'T YOU SAVE CHARLIE?!**"

Sam's face fell to mark shame and guilt. "We were too late. I am so-"

"Stop." I sighed. "It's not your fault. I am the reason she went after Charlie. It probably would have happened sooner or later. I am going after her. But I really need a weapon… and your fangs are my first and only weapon I have knowledge of right now. Which is why I was stalking all of you this weekend in the forest...". I let my voice trail off as something began to choke it. Then whatever "_it_" was began to choke the life out of me because I was being complacent like a _good little_ Bella Swan should be. I should have been mad. No, irate that these _so-called_ protectors had let Charlie die and didn't do a _**damn**_ thing to make me feel safe over the last few weeks. I felt alone. So ALONE. And Laurent almost killed me. Some protectors these pups turned out to be. I didn't trust their ability to protect me or Forks as far as I could throw them. And hell, I probably couldn't even budge them to move even if I threw all my weight into. I thus decided to change my tune.

"Give me a fang and we will call it even." The eyes on me were wide and paired with stunned and confused faces.

"Whaaaat?" Thing 1 asked.

"I want a fang. I need a weapon. You can't protect me, so help me protect myself." I held out my hand to Sam as if I was compelling him to do this here and now. "_Come on_, you're the leader, right? I bet you have the strongest fang."

"He is _**the Alpha**_, Bella." Thing 1's tone was not as threatening as I am sure he intended it to be.

"Uh, no Bella. **You are not** continuing this vendetta against the bloodsuckers. We are taking over from here. We will set up patrol-" I laughed hysterically that Sam thought I would feel safe with his wolf patrol.

"Don't bother. I just need a fang. _Look_, if you guys want to expand your patrol to not just La Push where I am assuming you mainly stick to, by all means protect Forks. But I won't trust you to protect me. Charlie is dead. Laurent and Victoria are mine. _It's personal_."

"Bella don't be ridiculous! You aren't fighting them!" Jacob snapped, and I let my eyes convey to him I didn't give a shit what he said. He momentarily flinched back when he caught my stare.

"Damnit Sam, just give her a damn fang. Let her get herself killed for all I care. One less person to worry about protecting is fine by me." Jacob lunged for Paul until Sam ordered him to stop.

"Are you offering up your own fang, Paul?" Sam countered and Paul snorted in response.

"_Fat chance_. I paid my dues to the crazy bitch twice already. Let Romeo here give him one of hers." Paul directed his eyes to Jake and Jake shifted his own weary eyes to the other wolf boys to see who he could in turn shirk the responsibility to.

Jacob soon sighed in defeat. "Only if you use it to protect yourself, Bella. You can't go actively seek a vampire. Just for protection," Jacob insisted, and I nodded my head eagerly as I crossed my fingers across my back. The hair on the back of my neck began to raise when I remembered one of _them_ was standing behind the couch. I slowly turned my neck to face Asshole to see if he would rat me out. Instead, he offered me a wink and I saw him as a little less than an asshole for one second.

"Okay, we will work on that," Sam grunted in agreement. "But no active hunting of them, Bella." _Just because Sam commands these puppies doesn't mean he commands me. Just grin and bear it for now so he feels satisfied. _

"Bella, can we talk about you now?" Jacob asked in a very low voice that had hints of concern.

"What about me?"

"You look..._uh_?" Jacob closed his mouth as if to collect his thoughts before he continued. But I didn't give him a chance to speak on them.

"I know I am less skinny! I told you I wanted to train! It was so I could take on the vampires!" I screeched in annoyance.

"Well, yeah, sure you are a little more toned, _I guess_. That's not what I was referring to though..." I felt my eyebrows furrow in confusion. I assumed the confusion was set in by the sleepiness beginning to take hold of me again. _I am sleepy. Oh, so sleepy_. I held back my yawn as I waited for Jacob to finish his thoughts this time.

"You look like shit!" Asshole followed up. We had already been over that though.

"Shove off, Paul! You look tired, _Bells_. Like a zombie. Have you been sleeping?" Jacob's face began to blur some as my mind was confirming the answer to his question.

"Bella, just how much sleep have you been getting lately?" Sam asked me with a very concerned look on his face.

I was tempted to lie but just admitted the truth for once. "2-3 hours a night. If I get _lucky_, **I hit 4**!"

"_God._ For how long?" I didn't have to ponder his question. It was an easy answer. "Since Charlie died." The room went quiet and guilt was strung up in the air. Tied from every pair of their eyes and knotting at the end on me. _Even_ from Asshole. I felt his eyes on me even as he stood behind me and the couch.

"This could explain…" Jacob trailed off as he not so subtly muttered to Sam. Sam nodded in their silent agreement on what they both thought _this_ explained.

"**Explain what?!**" I demanded to know from them both.

Sam hesitantly walked towards me before crouching to my level and putting his hand on my shoulder. I knew he meant it as a kind gesture, but on instinct, I swatted it off of me. "Tell me, _Mr. Alpha_," I sneered with contempt at these _so-called _"protectors".

Before I could register what was going on, Asshole jumped over the back edge of the couch and slung his arm around me and taunted, "your irrational, erratic, and bitchy behavior there, _Bella the Vampire Slayer_." Then he fully wrapped his arms around my body as I protested by attempting to wriggle myself out of his grasp. I started to grunt in an effort to annoy him. "**Pipe down!" **he commanded, but I wasn't one to take a command from anybody in the room at this point.

"**Paul!**" Jacob roared while his face reddened and his hands clenched into fists ready for a fight.

"_Paul_, I don't think-" Asshole cut off Sam before he could interject his _Alpha like _advice.

"Look, _my mom_ went through spells like this too after she left my dad. This _thing _has been scared shitless and hasn't slept out of fear. Right now, she needs to sleep to be of clear mind and coherent when we talk to her. Her now like this…" Asshole jerked his head around to shake a "hard no" at his alpha. "She will continue being deadweight, a liability, and a basket case."

"Like I could _even_ sleep now knowing there are shapeshifting wolves roaming around the area…" I muttered that lie under my breath. Everyone in the room chuckled. Well, except for Jacob.

"_Bella_, we are on the same side!" Jacob insisted with a devastated tone.

Asshole clung me tighter while anchoring my head to his chest. Which was hard _yet soft_. Almost pillow like. _Sleep does sound nice. I should send them home. _I felt my heavy eyelids droop and I was tired of trying to keep them open much longer.

"See, the power of a weighted and warm Paul blanket is _already_ soothing the beast."

"I am not a beast," I grumbled half-heartedly into Asshole's chest. It was warm. And for some odd reason…I felt safe. _Very_ safe. As if I woke up, I wouldn't be alone to face Laurent or Victoria. Someone would be there who would fight with me.

And that was a very peaceful thought to have before I drifted off to sleep in Asshole's arms.

...

"_See_... look Jessica, Bella is alive _and_ well. Just sleeping. She has been _really_ sleep deprived since Charlie passed." Jake all but whispered after I heard the squeaking of what I presumed was a door opening. I hadn't opened my eyes yet. I wasn't sure if I wanted to wake up. Then I would notice the difference between dreaming and reality, and I wasn't mentally prepared for that _just_ yet. My thought process was seeming more streamline and rationale then I had noticed as of late. I wondered if that was a good sign.

"Don't speak for her! Or pretend like you've been watching out for her since then. **I have!** You have just been a thorn in her side via the telephone!

"Maybe if you didn't push her so hard in train-"

"_Oh_, don't give me that shit! Our training has been _the one_ thing keeping her going. Inspiring her to tackle each day and live with her grief. You just give her a fucking headache after every phone conversation. She has changed Jacob Black. Forever. Stop trying to make her go back to how she was before," Jessica snapped at Jacob in her ball buster tone that she reserved mostly for men. Or when I was ready to quit before a workout was over.

"I know she has," Jacob admitted softly. I wondered if he got the picture more now with understanding my drive to train. What my motivation was in this life was now. To avenge Charlie.

"Are you ready to leave now?"

"What are you, _her_ body guard? **No**. I am staying here until she wakes her ass up."

"No, you're not. It's time for you to leave."

"Don't you dare touch me-" I had enough.

I sprung out of my bed like a jack in the box and greeted them both, "I am up now. Please stop bickering." The sleep fog was real as I let my eyes readjust to sunlight in my bedroom. _And_ the fact that I hadn't dreamt everything, and my recent spiral down into crazyville was indeed real. I wrapped my hands around my head as I comprehended the last 48-hours.

"What time is it?" I asked.

"5:38 pm... Tuesday." Jessica beat Jacob to the punch.

Correction, as my head comprehended the last 96-hours. _Greeeeeeeat. _

"So...what's the deal? Jessica, why are you here first. Then Jake."

"Why me first?"

"Because I quit?"

"Don't worry. I understood what was going on as soon as you said that on Saturday morning. You looked like utter shit and had a chipped tooth-okay, well you still have that chipped tooth, Bella. _Anyways_, you were having a bad day. Grief does that to us. Of course, you weren't really quitting. I was giving you space and knew on Monday you would be back at school ready to pick things up. Then you didn't show, and I got worried. I overheard my home room teacher say to another staff member that your mom called in to say you needed to take some days of rest for your health. But I know you were _not_ talking to your mom with all the shit she pulled and that sounded too motherly of her. So, I was suspicious. Then today when you were not at school still, I knew I had to show up to figure out what happened!" Jessica said that all about in one breath and I was on my stomach laughing. And _so relieved_. It was Jessica, after all. I would expect nothing less.

I soon covered for my absence and reaffirmed to Jessica I would be at school tomorrow and we could pick up back on our training. This was all on the condition, mentally, if I had that wolf fang and the pack held to their promise over patrolling Fork's. Before Jessica took her leave, she forced me to call my dentist Dr. Gold and book an appointment ASAP because I looked pretty sketchy. After I appeased her wishes, she left, and I felt my heart soar knowing I would see her at school tomorrow.

That happiness was soon killed by fighting Jacob to leave me in peace and demanding to know when I would have his wolf fang. He promised me he would get it done tomorrow. Our friendship hung on the balance of him fulfilling that promise to me.

* * *

_**Authors Note:**__ Geez. What a chapter lol I think Bella is tapering back a bit. In ch 6 she was super eccentric, and also in most of this one, due to the extreme stresses she was facing and being **super** sleep deprived. She still will be OOC, just not so extremely despite how fun that was to fricken write. I have no idea where the plot is going tbh. I usually like writing with an anticipated timeline of how many chapters I think the story will take to write. And some of me thinks, I don't see this being that long if I keep up with decent chapter lengths (3-5,000 words). Ugh idk. But anyways, your comments always inspire and help plot development haha_

_Next up in __**Ch 8**__, __Bella gets her fang. Begins training with a wolf. __**And! **__A Cullen make a surprise appearance! _\- Lalaland972

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_**Lalaland972's Response to Reviews:**_

_Thank you each for your review!_

**tracybuie:** I love that you have that reaction! Minw was the same as I wrote it hahaha Bella will continue on being her take no shit and I can figure it out for myself kinda girl : )

**Ray Star Hinamori:** Awesome! Glad you love how it is going so far! I hope you liked her conversation with the pack this chapter! They did fail and she recognizes that and hence why she won't give up what she started despire their insistence they will 'protect' her lol. I am happy you can tell how much I like this story in my writing ^_^

**sbcorn:** Shout out to your for giving me the inspo for the 911 call scene lol! Glad you enjoyed the humor of the last chapter! : )

**Guest:** Glad you enjoyed the humorous theme of the last chapter! You were right on point with your assumption!

**Wpear:** I am glad you enjoyed it! She was definitely slightly crazy. It was like Laurent's appearance was the straw that broke the camel's back for her sanity that weekend lol Bella/Jess friendship is back on track for now! And her and Paul seem to have an understanding. I like writing their squabbling ^_^

**Blistful2006:** Thank you for your comments after each chapter! Really enjoy reading what readers think of the plot. I hope ch 6 didn't scare you off from the deviation from the so-so serious tone of the story to a comedic one haha I hope you continue to read and enjoy this story! P.s. totally obvious it was Paul but still _kinda _fun just to tease people in case they don't catch on lol


	9. Chapter 8

**_AN: _**_Slightly tipsy_ while posting this. 10:1 I will re-edit text for grammatical errors in the next day or two. I don't have a beta, so _welp_. Here ya go you **_125_** peeps who have read the last chapter since I posted it last night ;)

**_Chapter theme:_**_ Bella channels her backbone with men. Response to reviews at the end. __Enjoy!_

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**The Phoenix**

**Chapter 8**

I continued to stare at the wolf fang now in my hand. It was a creamy white surface marked with small nicks here and there. It wasn't perfectly straight but curved a smidge at the end. I wanted to memorize its weight and feel in my hand. This fang would become an extension of my hand as I mastered my training with it. The giddiness surging through me was uncontainable as I found myself wrapping my arms around Jake and repeatedly thanking him.

Jacob returned my hug with a fierce intensity that set off a bell in my head. I was thankful, but we still had not mended everything between us. I let our embrace linger for a few more seconds before I pushed myself out of his arms.

"Thanks, Jake. I really appreciate it." Jacob looked down to smile at me with his pearly whites and I felt my face pinch to the right side in confusion. Why wasn't Jacob missing a tooth?

I lifted up my right hand and pointed my index finger to my bared teeth. To ask without having to speak on it.

"We heal fast, Bella."

"How fast? When did you do this?"

"This morning." It was evening now. That is a quick healing time. I must not forget this trait of theirs.

"And it's _just_ for your own protection."

"I know, I know." I insisted with a wave of the hand.

"Are you still going to train with Jessica?" His hidden implication in his question didn't go over my head.

"Of course. Like she said, it's been a good way to help me cope with my grief." Jacob nodded his head in agreement, and I pushed down the disappointment rising in me. Jake so easily believing I would just back off and let them take care of this was absurd. _Well_… absurd to the new me. His acceptance just showed me he was ready to settle back into being the boy that needed to save the girl from a broken heart. Honestly, after this last weekend, whatever was left of Edward in my heart was obliterated into smithereens. I didn't have a heart to give out anymore, _if _I even still had one. Instead, whatever was keeping me going was just beating for one thing. **Vengeance. **

"Well, I should get back to my homework. Calculus is kicking my butt," I lied in hopes Jacob would leave without protest.

"Sure. You know, maybe in the future we can work on our homework together?" I had to draw a line if we were to be friends. But I wasn't sure if that would matter to Jake. Could he just be my friend?

"Yeah, maybe another time. Jake, I want to make it clear about my only intention between us is being friends though. If you want more, I can't give it to you and won't give you false hope."

"Do you have someone you like now?" Jacob asked and I wanted to snort back and reply 'hell no!'. But a part of me wondered if it would be for the better if I lied. Then it would further drive him to accept that we were only friends.

"I do."

"_Who_?" I hadn't thought that far ahead and knew the panic was starting to creep on my face and reveal what a fucking liar I was.

"Paul," I blurted before I realized who's name I was speaking. On some level, I wondered if my subconscious muttered that so I could tick off Jacob though. It was cruel and I instantly regretted my actions. _Better take it back before things escalate. Sigh. _

Before I could open my mouth for my retraction statement, I caught the tail end of Jacob's convulsing before he exploded. _Literally_. Into a wolf. In front of my house. At this point, he was already five feet backed up from me. But I still found myself knocked to the ground from surprise as Jacob's wolf bellowed an agonizing howl and took off to the forest. I eyed the shredded clothes and shoes he left in his wake and made myself collect them.

I spent the rest of the evening mastering balancing the fang on my hand. Connecting to the weight shifts at every point along the fang as I handled it at different points. I wanted to know it. It was honestly the only thing I had in mind to begin my training. I knew I had no idea how the hell to train to fight with the fang, _but_ I had to start somewhere.

When I finally felt satisfied with the effort I put in studying the balance _my_ fang, I realized it was past 10 PM. I soon was settled in bed but couldn't find myself sleeping. Fear started to creep its was back in me. Sure, I had a weapon, but I didn't know how to fight with it. I was still a goner if I faced Laurent and Victoria one on one. That fear drove me to sit up from my bed and run outside my front door with my fang in my hand.

Why practice outside? Because it seemed the right fit to imitate my imminent battleground with Victoria or Laurent.

As soon as I began slicing the air with my fang, I heard mild yipping. My attention drew to the direction it was coming from. A sense of dread came over me as I wondered if Jake returned to talk. But it wasn't Jake walking into my view on all fours, instead it was a dark silver wolf. _I recognize you. _

"Asshole?" I covered my mouth quickly to cover my mistake, but it was too late. The barks coming from his wolf almost seemed like laughter. "I mean, Paul?" He walked past me to my front door. His head pointed to the door knob.

"I don't want to go back inside," I resisted stubbornly.

Paul sat down by the door and I found myself wondering if Jacob gossiped about what I said to him today to his pack. I felt myself pinch the bridge of my nose in frustration if I now had to explain to Paul that I lied. I am sure he found it hilarious if he knew. He _hated_ me.

I continued to swing my fang wildly in the air to work out my frustration. There was no way I could sleep now. Paul walked back to me and laid down. He watched me curiously as I performed my secret, amateur, training. "Look, I know I lied. I want to fight them still. Just don't tell the others."

Paul had a glazed over stare on me as his wolf head neither nodded nor shook to give me some sort of answer. He almost looked indifferent. _Whatever_.

I wasn't sure how much time had passed, but I was finally growing tired. My moves were growing sloppy and I soon tumbled on the ground. Paul didn't react to my relief. He just continued to lay down. I decided to stay on the ground as well. It felt nice to take a break and feel some support on my body. I dreaded returning to my room and falling asleep with the worry I would wake up with Laurent in my face. Sam promised they would patrol around Forks, especially my house. But I did _**not**_ trust their capabilities to protect me. There were only five of them and there was **a lot **of ground to cover. With these thoughts surfacing my mind, I found my eyes just begging for me to allow them to rest for a second. Just a second and then I could march up to my room and sleep.

My eyes weren't shut long before a warm body curled around me. It was soft. I opened one eye and caught onto Paul's silver coat. I should have protested and told him to fuck off. But that sense of security I had a few night ago washed over me as I wondered what it would be like to fight side by side with a wolf.

...

When I woke up from my bed, I began to frantically search for my fang first. My chest expanded in relief when I caught the fang glimmering in the sunlight on my nightstand. _How did I get here_?

I squinted and realized there was a parchment with words scribbled on it under my fang.

* * *

_You can't handle that fang for shit. You looked fucking ridiculous waving it in the air last night. I can teach you how to handle it. 8 PM. Tonight. - Asshole_

* * *

I groaned when I confirmed he now knew what I called him. But following my groan I could feel my lips curling into a smirk. I had acquired a new trainer. And this one actually knew my real objective.

...

"What's gotten into you today?" Jessica asked without hiding her surprise.

"What do you mean?"

"It's like you are hitting everything hard. Maybe that sleeping beauty level of rest you got was beneficial. You are firing on all cylinders in your training today, Bella. I am..._**impressed**_." I wiped the sweat off from dropping down my chin before I let a smile take form on my face.

I carried on doing my squats with weights before I transitioned to my 800m run on the track outside. She was right. I felt different. The confidence in myself was growing and it was reflected now in what I did.

We finished the workout with abs and for the first time in our friendship, Jessica hugged me. She commented on how proud she was of me, and for the first time in my life, I cried happy tears.

...

I slashed the fang in the air and drove it to Paul's thick, ugly neck.

"_Oomph_" Paul's kick to my stomach knocked me to the ground. I struggled to direct my lungs to take in some god damn air.

"Is this all you have, Bella? Because it's _rather_ pathetic. Why don't you pack it in and give up?" A death grip clung to my fang in defiance.

"Did Sam or Jake put you up to this?!" I asked enraged. "Let asshole Paul train Bella so she figures out she can't do it then quit and forget her silly little idea to kill a vampire?!"

"You don't know me. Jake doesn't know me. Sam doesn't know me. You have no idea what hell I have gone through to be laying on my ass right here. Being knocked down by you for the 30th time. But I get my ass back up Paul because I am resilient. Persistent. Determined. And you and the rest of your pack can protect everyone you want. But not me. I will protect myself because at the end of the day, that's the only person who will be there for me when Laurent and Victoria make their way back to me."

"Laurent? That leech that Jake saved you from biting your neck?" I let my eyes convey a duh despite not expecting him to _really_ know who Laurent and Victoria were.

"He is dead Bella."

I scoffed at his weak attempt to play some mind game with me.

"Sure, whatever Paul," I remarked while picking myself off the ground and walking away from him.

"We killed him. That night. Well the rest of the pack did. I was sent to fetch and look after you." My body froze as I processed his words.

"Laurent's dead?" I squeaked in disbelief.

"Yeah if that's the leech who tried to kill you, then yes."

"Why the fuck didn't you guys tell me sooner?" I turned around to face Paul and didn't hide my seething rage.

"Sam meant to that night. But it was low priority while we were figuring out what was up with your crazy ass," Paul said casually. As if this wasn't very important news to me. I wanted to strangle him and the rest of the pack with my bare hands.

"Fuck you."

"_Awww_ that hurts, _Bells_. I thought you liked me." I dropped my fang in its sheath and rose both hands to my hair and began to scratch my fingers along my scalp in a crazed fashion. My hair fell into my face to hide my contempt before I spat out my next words.

"It was a lie!" Fucking Jake gossiping like a golden girl. What the fuck?!

"We both know you have the hots for me, Bella. It's written all across your face that you are poorly trying to cover up." The gleam in Paul's dark eyes made it indistinguishable if it was from believing it or toying with me despite knowing it wasn't true.

In _that_ moment, I had two options. And while my rage spoke to me and said let him have it... another part of me said to fuck with Paul.

I reran my hands through my hair to smooth it out. I licked my lips slowly. My tongue ran over the smooth skin to rewet them for moisture. But mostly for my current audience. I perfectly painted on a shy smile as I strolled over to Paul.

Paul's right eyebrow arched on his _undeserved_ handsome face as he was failing to gage what I was about to do. Paul remained silent as he watched my flawless performance.

"_You're right_..." I sighed innocently. I looked up at him with wide eyes and a perfect pout. It was a look I once mastered with Edward to guilt him into physical intimacy. It has a 63% success rate..._with_ Edward.

"Of course, I am." Paul fucked up. His voice faltered in its cockiness with hints of doubt and surprise.

"Paul..." I cooed while I slipped my right hand to his hard and bare chest. As soon as it settled on it, he slapped it off.

"**Off**, Bella," he sneered as he looked away from me. His eye contact avoidance was another sign I was getting to him.

"Paul, please at least let me confess once then I promise to drop it. _Forever_." Paul huffed in resignation before he turned his head back to face me. As soon as he did, I brought my hands to his face and brought his head down for our lips to meet.

Just as I expected, he didn't put up a fight. I noticed the bulge in his pants _**ten**_ take downs ago. I wasn't blind. His lips fiercely molded over mine and I felt a fire rage that I never had occur with Edward. But this kiss didn't make me dizzy. It left me feeling empowered as I began to suck on Paul's bottom lip. As he began to moan, I bit his lip with a vengeance.

"**What the fuck**, Bella?"

I wiped whatever trace of saliva he had on my lips and then spit out whatever was still lingering in my mouth.

"**I would never** have the hots for one of you. Because all you wolf's want is to be protectors and save people. I presume you want women who will stand back and let their _big_, strong wolf save them. Fuck that notion. I am taking on Victoria. Finishing what _she_ started. You either take me seriously and train me Paul, or I figure it out on my own. Don't waste my time otherwise."

Paul wiped the blood from his lower lip and looked at me like he finally saw me and _**not**_ what picture Jake had painted of me.

"Pick up your weapon. Vampires are fast. You won't be faster or stronger. But you have to be smarter and more cunning."

"Won't Sam be mad you are deciding to _really_ train with me?"

"Did I say you could ask a question? Pick up your weapon."

As I withdrew my fang from the sheath of my belt, Paul softly said, "_I'll figure it out with them_."

I widened my foot stance and waited for Paul's next order.

...

**[ One month later]**

"Why can't I ride on your back?" I whined to Paul as we concluded training for the day. "My legs are tired!"

"You're too heavy," he stated simply.

"_Oh_, fuck you. No, I am not. I have only gained like 12 pounds of muscle since January."

"Yeah, you're looking pretty beefy there, Bella." I scoffed while patting my arm and leg muscles in pride.

"Just what I wanted." I smirked and Paul rolled his eyes at me.

"Please can I ride on your back? _Pretty please_! I'll give you a kiss." I puckered my lips before winking at Paul playfully.

"You kissed like a fish that _ONE_ time. Is that how the Leech taught you how to kiss?" I snickered and knew he was _so_ bullshitting me. He enjoyed the shit out of it. I was even _almost_ tempted to try it again.

"Teach me the right way then, Paul" I challenged him with a smug grin. Before I could antagonize him further, Paul phased and began to growl lowly. He bowed his head to the floor. I was taken aback. Aside from my light teasing, I never expected him to give in. Something must have been wrong. I leapt on his back and dug my fingers into his fur before he sprinted off.

When I noticed him veering in the opposite direction of my house, I instinctively slid off his back and tumbled to the ground. Paul stopped and trailed back to me. "Why aren't we going to my house?" Paul howled and obviously knew that didn't answer my question. I didn't speak wolf or share the pack mind.

I set off in a sprint to my house to see what was ruffling the fur of Paul. Paul's attempts to cut me off failed as I kept finding my way to work around him. When he finally accepted I wasn't giving up, he lowered his head and this time brought me to my house.

Where we found...**_my ex_** standing off to the right of the front door of my house.

_**Edward was back.**_

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_**AN:** _TWO CHAPTERS LEFT IN THIS STORY NOW I THINK?!** Yay?**

_In __**Ch 9**__, _Jessica gets more involved than Bella imagined. A wolf imprints. Bella is tested on her resolve if she is actually over Edward. Training continues!- Lalaland972

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_**Lalaland972's Response to Review(s):**_

**Wpear****: **I am glad you enjoyed the last chapter ^_^ I like their friendship and you see it really solidifying in this chapter. Just in time too before Edward appears! Lol I am SO looking forward to writing this scene next!

**tracybuie:** Honestly, I think this story is going to end with Bella with no one. But I like the challenge of incorporating Paul in this story as a friend (one she will have a flirtationship with) because I wanted to write her with friends that aren't typical for her character but fuel her fire and embrace her drive to become something more. I hope you don't give up until the end but understand if it's not your cup of tea :) I think you should at least try the next chapter that follows to say the least!


	10. Chapter 9

_**AN: **__Mention the magic word '__**imprint**__' for a next chapter preview and every comes out of the woods to review for a love interest for Bella. __Y'all crazy__. But I read and contemplated. Your thoughts changed my mind from doing a __once__ crucial plot point in the original story I had. And now we are left with this chapter. Here you go you **114** peeps who have read the previous update, chapter 8, in the last 20 hours lol _

_**Chapter theme:** They were given it. __**But she EARNED it.**__ Response to reviews at the end. __Enjoy!_

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**The Phoenix**

**Chapter 9**

My toes curled in my leather combat boots while my eyes were fixed on the source of my suffering for months. I jumped off of Paul's back into what I wasn't sure was a dream come true or a nightmare. I found my feet shifting me forward of their own accord toward Edward. Was he real? A few steps into my path, Paul cut me off. My transfixed curse was momentarily broken as Paul offered me a pained stare with his amber eyes paired with a low growl. He was telling me no. But we both knew he could never tell me what to do.

I lifted my hand to touch the front of his muzzle. I curled my fingers to brush the area he found most comforting of all my touches in this form. "It's Edward. He won't hurt me. Go back for coverage in the forest and watch, or phase back behind the house and grab your spare clothes from inside. It's too light outside for you to stay in this form out in the open." Paul whined in response and opted to take cover. _As expected_. He wouldn't chance not being in his wolf form around Edward. His sworn enemy despite the treaty.

As I continued to walk to Edward, instead of focusing on his demeanor and the emotions flashing on his face, I began to tally all the things that could go wrong in my head. I couldn't even settle on what question to ask first.

"You're drawing blood," Edward whispered solemnly when I was just about five feet in front of him. His voice was exactly what I remembered and had dreamt about for months. It was smooth and soft. But it was missing an element to it. It was no longer comforting.

"Huh?" I asked like an idiot.

Edward reached his hand toward my own, but he backed off when I flinched from his touch. I took notice that there _had been_ some pain coming from my palms. I raised the palm of my hands in front of my face to see my nails drew blood from my skin with how tightly I had clenched my fists on the walk over to Edward. Both palms had light traces of blood on them.

Without a second thought, I took off my black shirt I was wearing and ripped it down the middle. I wrapped each shirt piece around my hands as a makeshift over-the-top band aid. It was a light bleeding, but I still imagined the smell of it would be difficult for Edward to control himself. Blood like this, even in such a small amount, would have once made me queasy as well. But the aftermath of finding Charlie's dead body allowed me to be able to stomach this pin prick.

Edward's body posture went rigid. "That wasn't necessary."

"Did you forget my birthday party?" I scoffed and didn't let it pass me that there was no resentment in my tone as both Edward and I would have expected to occur.

I finally looked at Edward and my heart stilled. I was looking at the boy who put a hole in my heart. Who left me… He was still the same ageless boy who had inhuman perfect beauty. His gold eyes. Bronze hair. His symmetrical face. _It all_...no longer mattered to me or cast this spell over me. That spell was broken when Charlie died.

"Why are you back?" I cut to the chase. As he seemed to think on his response, Edward took off his button up white shirt and offered it to me. He had a white under shirt on, so Edward Cullen was _still _proper and decent in the presence of a lady.

I refused his offer though by shaking my head. "I am still warm from training, so I could use some cooling off as I am." I looked down at my exposed upper half of my body and fought off a smile. Edward must have noticed my physical transformation. I had faint lines tracing my abs on my smooth stomach below my sweat ridden Nike sports bra and no longer looked like I could be snapped in half.

"Training for?"

"Why are you here, Edward?"

"You look..._different_." Edward avoided my question yet again.

"Like I said, _training_. I think this new figure suits me better too. Edward, if you're not going to have a real conversation with me please leave. I have homework to get to." I began to brush past Edward to the front porch of my house. I was bluffing but I didn't want Edward to think he was in control here. I was. **For once**.

"Carlisle called me. _He said_...he was told about Charlie from one of his colleagues working in Forks."_ I figured as much. Couldn't be him wanting me back. Just guilt. It's __**always**__ guilt with Edward. _

"You're a couple months late for your condolences _but thanks_. If that's all..." I turned away from Edward and continued my journey to the front door with the knowledge I needed before Edward left Forks again forever.

"I am sorry, _Bella_. _So sorry._ I should have stayed and protected you and Charlie. I am coming back. I would-"

"**No**!"

"No?" Edward asked with wide eyes and disbelief etched in his perfect face.

"You do not get to come back and do this. You left. You _**fucking**_ left, and I was broken. Broken beyond repair. I lost so much time with Charlie by being a zombie because you left. Being a zombie was my fault, but you didn't make it better by how you left or erasing yourself from my life. Then Charlie gets killed by a vampire and **I was all alone**! No one from your family called! Where was Alice to have a vision about what happened? You guys abandoned me to vampires and..." My rant stopped there because I had a strong feeling that it would not be wise to tell Edward about Victoria or my hunt for his kind.

Before I could comprehend what was going on, Edward held me in his arms to comfort me. It was a touch I had once craved so often and to feel it once again was surreal. _What am I thinking? _I snapped out of the dazzling effect he had on me and pushed him away. He didn't understand at first, so I began throwing my body weight around so I wasn't subtle about it.

Edward released me from his hold, and I put a good five feet of distance between us again. "_Okay_, I can understand you don't want my comfort at the moment. I can be here for you now though. Even if you don't want me back romantically anymore-"

"**I don't**," I snapped while crossing my arms over my chest.

Edward's jaw set but other than that his composure did not falter. "As I was saying, even if you don't want that anymore, I can still offer my protection as my family figures out what's been going on around here."

"Don't come back. _Any of you_. Just leave Forks in peace. Even if you are vegetarians, you attract others of your kind. And they don't all have gold eyes like you, Edward."

"_Bella_, please listen to me. I am sorry._ I regret what I did and how I did it_. I was honestly doing it for your own protection. I-"

"**My protection**?!" Rage rippled through my veins and my heart began to pound against my ribs. "You were wrong. _**Wrong**_." _Don't tell him about Laurent or Victoria._

"I protect myself now," I spat at him. Edward's eyes narrowed and he turned to look in the distance where we both knew Paul was.

"_Really_, Bella? You protect yourself or let that wolf do it for you? Their kind is dangerous. You should-" A howl shrieked in the air and Paul bounded for us.

"**Paul**!" I snapped. "Get back or change back. Think clearly. You are exposing yourself now in a public area." Paul darted behind the house and it was only a minute before he was back among us in his human form in his classic "_shirtless barefoot just jorts_" ensemble. Paul's eyes were blazing as they locked on Edward. They both stared at each other like I didn't _fucking_ exist. _What the fuck?_

"Hey, both of you listen up right now. Edward, Paul is my friend. He is not my fucking protector. I protect myself. You are my ex and trespassing. Please leave. I am asking nicely." The warning in my tone did not dissuade Edward from keeping his stare fixed on Paul. But Edward's face soon shifted from a hard glare mixed with disdain to a grief-stricken expression.

"_Victoria killed Charlie_?" Edward turned to ask me in a broken voice and with guilt riddled golden eyes.

"**Paul!**" I shoved him with no expectation I would move him but to get my point across. "Whatever you are thinking, **stop it**!"

"He deserves to know, so he can know why you want him to leave," Paul sneered with a confidence that blinded me with rage.

"You don't get to tell him though. **It's up to me!**" I kicked Paul in the shin. My side eye glance caught Edward's bewildered face over my behavior. He didn't know this new me anymore. He would soon figure out I was all but a stranger to him. "Also, only **I** know why I want him to leave. Don't go assuming. You know nothing of our relationship."

"I know enough," Paul muttered, and I resisted my urge to sock him in the face. I didn't feel like bruising my fingers like the last time I tried that.

"Edward, go. I am handling it. I have _asshole_ friends such as Paul to help out. We don't need you or your family's support back here."

"Yes, you do," Edward stated simply yet with a confident edge that I did not like. He knew something. That much I knew. _Fuck_.

"And why is that?"

"There are more coming." _Shit. Fuck. Are you kidding me?!_

"Alice?" Edward nodded to the rest of my unspoken question.

I held a blank stare of indifference on my face. "Well go talk to Sam then. He is the Alpha. It's his call if you help as well as your family. Maybe you team up? I don't know. Just stay away from me in the process."

"Bella, you can't fight Victoria. You know everything I have told you about us being lethal predators," Edward admonished.

"**Dammit, Paul!**" I slapped Paul's bicep to no avail of any damage. _Stupid wolf magic body strength. I had to earn mine the hard way. _

"**You both are so INFURIATING!** Edward, you are powerful because Carlisle changed you into a vampire. Paul, you are powerful because you have a genetic ability to become a shapeshifter. _**Me**_? I have earned what capabilities I have. I have fought, clawed, and fucking drained myself to become stronger and be able to handle a vampire killing weapon. When Charlie died, I died. I had to become who I am now to survive in this world of supernatural creatures I am _**not**_ supposed to know about. I answered the call to protect Forks from vampires through my own volition and not because I had some hidden power that made it the obvious choice for me to do."

"You're not a Phoenix; you are still Bella," Edward sighed while shaking his head.

"_A Phoenix_?" I repeated. My ire was becoming all consuming depending on his follow up words.

"You know, the bird-"

"I know the _**fucking**_ bird,_ Edward_. Harry Potter. Come on!" I growled while Paul just looked between the two of us wondering where this was going as well.

"_You're wrong._ I am a Phoenix. You weren't here to see the transformation. But I did it. I rose up from the ashes and became a new and better me. And it **ALL** came from me. _So_, both of you fuck off tonight. I am going to make myself a TV dinner and do my homework." I huffed and went to my front door finally to close the door on this conversation.

"Bella wait-" I cut off Edward because I was sick of it all.

"Go talk to Sam. Paul can put you in touch. You should tell them everything you know." I walked inside and left my anger on the doormat. Once inside, I blazed a trail to my bedroom to continue sharpening my arrow heads. I was behind and would need them now more than ever. After receiving FIVE wolf fangs over the last month, I had created from them a stockpile of 25 arrow heads and two daggers hidden under my bed. When one of your best friends is a wolf, it's easy to convince them to give you a fang when they grow back so easily.

That evening, I fell asleep early, but my subconscious wrestled with nightmares of wolves and vampires in my dreams.

...

Edward and Alice were back in school the next day and Jessica was livid.

"_What the hell are they doing back here_?" Jessica whispered in my ear _not so quietly_ as we walked down the main hallway to the gym for our second period training session. Edward and Alice had walked past us in the hallway, and I hadn't bothered to pick my head up to face them. I should have. I was not scared to. But I was mostly fearful if I made eye contact, they would believe that was an opening to approach me in which no way in hell I wanted. Yes, Alice and I had been close once. _Very close_. But things had changed, and I wasn't the same Bella she could push over as before with her sense of fashion or her drive to pigeon hole me into the future she thought was best for me.

Once Jessica and I were in the safety of the gym locker room, I spilled the details of Edward's surprise return the day before.

"He actually expected you would just take him back?"

"Yes."

"Who does he think he is? God's gift to earth? _**Ugh**_, I could _so_ kick him in the balls right now for this shit. We have TWO month's left in the semester, why did he have to come back now?" I shrugged with indifference. The only thing Edward Cullen was to me at this point was my ex and a possible, _yet undesired_, ally depending what news Paul brought me today after Edward's chat with Sam.

"For the love of God Bella, please be more mad!" Jessica exclaimed while throwing her hands up in the air. I just giggled in response.

"It's hard to be at this point. I am _just_…over it. I have more important things to focus on and it's a waste of my mental capacity spending any more time thinking about him. I think he got his share of "_I am on Bella's mind_" in the first few months after he left." Jessica barked with joy at my zinger. The laughter died when a surprise visitor entered the locker room though as we had just finished changing.

My attention was immediately drawn to Alice's feverish, over-bright golden eyes. "_Alice_?"

"Can we chat alone in private, Bella?" Jessica cut off Alice from my line of sight as soon as she finished her question.

"**No. **This is my time with her. We had stuff to get done. Find some other time to talk with her." Jessica's voice had dripped with malice. I felt bad, but not too bad to reject what Jessica said.

Alice pushed aside Jessica and looked at my face for confirmation of Jessica's words. I swallowed a snide remark before saying, "Jessica's right. We have stuff to work on, and honestly, I don't feel like talking to you, Alice. I am sure Edward conveyed my message yesterday. Leave it at that." I again swallowed. This time it was the phrase "I am sorry" that never left my throat.

Alice pressed her lips together to mask how upset she was before she turned away and walked out the doors.

"Well now that that is over…let's do some circuits!" Jessica pulled me up from the locker room bench and I offered her a grin of reassurance I was fine.

…

I was sitting on the stoop of the front porch when I saw Quil pull up in his gray Honda accord on the street. I assumed Paul was with him, but only Quil exited his vehicle. "Quil, what are you doing here? Where's Paul? Is he still pissed at me because I sent him away with Edward?"

"Uh, not that. He has to be on shift." Quil continued to walk up to me until there were a few feet of separation between us.

"_Bullshit_. Sam always gives Paul this time off to work with me. What gives? If he is pissed off still, that's fine. Just don't lie about it."

"Okay sorry. He is not on shift, but he is phased. He needs to clear his head."

"Because he is angry?"

"...yes."

"About Edward?" Quil hesitated to answer and I sighed. If Paul wanted to be a baby about the situation, then so be it. His loss.

"_Whatever_. You know where we left off at?" I tapped my right index finger to my head to see if he had paid attention to our last training session through Paul's eyes. Quil nodded. "Alright Quil, let's go."

As we began to walk the well-worn trail from my house that led to the forest, Jessica called my name. "Bella!" We turned around and Quil grabbed my arm. I tried to shake him off. But his grip strengthened as he asked, "_who is that_?" in an oddly strained voice.

"_My BFF Jessica_," I replied in an over-the-top cheery voice as I shoved my fang into his hands. "I'll handle this and then we will head off to train. K?" Quil stood _very_ still and remained in place keenly watching us in the distance as I approached Jessica.

"Bella, when are you going to drop hanging out with the meat heads?" Jessica joked as I approached her.

"They aren't _too bad_. And you like Paul. Watching you both argue is insane good fun. I would put my money on you any day."

"Damn right you would! You would be a fool to not bet on me." Jessica smiled at me before she began to dig around in the purple canvas bag strapped across her shoulder.

"What's in the bag, Jess?"

"My mom is trying to make up for not being present since my Dad died by allowing me to throw a _rager_ for my birthday. And I am here to give you a formal invitation. Since you know…" I bit my lip in satisfaction to diminish my smile. I knew what she wanted to say but didn't have the nerve to go soft on me.

"Because we're best friends?" I finished for her with a wide grin.

"_**Maybe.**_ Jury is still out." I chuckled and took the invitation from her hand. As I began to read it, my eyebrows shot up to my forehead.

"You're just turning 17?!"

"Yeah, _bitch_. I am smart. They had me skip first grade." Jessica winked and I felt myself keel over in laughter. When that wave of comedy died down, I was more astonished by the girl in front of me who kicked my ass on a weekly basis and made me into a better person.

"_Awww_, how adorable." I was able to get in a quick pinch of her left cheek before she swatted my hand away. Her cheeks tinged red before I felt someone at my back. _Oops! Forgot about Quil!_

Before I could introduce him, Jessica just had to ask, "are you bringing your boyfriend?"

"What?" I stammered before asking in bewilderment, "_Who?!_"

"_Duh_. Paul."

I about choked on my next words of absolute refusal while my ears burned. "_We are just friends_, Jessica," I said with all the conviction I could muster with Quil being a camcorder for all the pack to review later to watch the play by play. _Ugh!_

I waited for Quil to chime in from behind me with some smartass quip in agreement with Jessica, as often the pack liked to do. Aside from Jake. Jacob was resentful of my friendship with Paul, but he was slowly coming to terms with if he could let go of his crush on me, we could be just as square as Paul and I.

Jessica began to squirm with an edge of being uncomfortable and I turned to face Quil to find out why. Quil sported owl sized eyes that would not release their stalker stare on Jessica._ Jesus Quil. She is cute, but you have to play it cool!_

"Um…well I should go. See you tomorrow?" I nodded at Jessica before saying goodbye and pushing Quil back on the trail to head to our training ground. As we restarted our journey, I pick-pocketed my favorite fang (Paul's, duh!) from Quil's back jean pocket.

After I looked over my shoulder and confirmed Jessica was well out of ear shot, I whispered, "What the fuck is wrong with you? Don't you know it's rude to stare? Yeah Jess is hot, but like come on, Quil. What you did back there was just creepy."

Quil stopped allowing me to guide him on the trail. "I have to go." I gauged Quil's face to determine what the fuck was going on. His dark skin had slightly paled and his eyes shifted around the area like he was lost. I rubbed my forehead before letting a sigh escape my lips. "I am sorry if that came off too harsh. Jessica is my best friend. I got defensive you made her uncomfortable and that didn't sit well with me. I know we aren't that good of friends because of your allegiance to Jake, but I think-"

"Bella, shut up. It's not that. **I have to go.**" I felt my face flush in embarrassment in dropping my tough girl guard to go soft. The bite in Quil's tone was apparent and before I could offer a bitter retort, he took off running before erupting in a seamless phase mid-air. I looked at the tattered clothes and shoes left on the grass where Quil once stood. I was a maid way too fucking often to these wolves. I collected it before heading back to my house since I needed to exchange my weapon of choice anyways now. If it was solo practice for me, I was going to have to try out some of my newest arrowheads. My archery lessons had been limited since they were always conducted by Jake, and he was a challenge to work with when he got too handsy when offering pointers. He learned his lesson _each _and _**every**_ time though.

Soon enough, I found myself at Paul and I's usual training spot drawing a target on a tree trunk with white spray paint. When I finished my poorly drawn target, I gauged 30 feet of distance from the tree and began to set up my bow and arrow.

"No trainer today, _Bella_?" My heart slammed around my chest as I attempted to pretend his voice didn't scare me as shitless as it had because of the surprise.

"_Edward_…" I breathed a heavy sigh of disappointment. "Why are you here? Was I not clear yesterday?"

"Don't you want to know what Sam said?" I did…but not from him.

"They will tell me when they are ready," I replied in a flat voice as I pointed my bow down and attached the arrow to the bowstring. I straightened my spine before curving my fingers around the thin cord, pulling back my arrow back to aim it at the poorly drawn target. The bowstring quivered as I could not ignore the pressure I felt to not miss. Ignoring the nerves trying to undermine me, I pinched my face to concentrate on the bulls eyes and released my arrow when I felt confident about my marksmanship. The arrow soared a foot to the right of the tree.

_Fuck. How embarrassing. _

Understanding the only way I could improve was to practice, I swallowed what little pride I had left and forced myself to continue. Even with my unwanted audience. As I began to pull out my next arrow from my stockpile, Edward decided to pipe up again. "How will that help defend you from a vampire? You know I can outrun that arrow's speed, right? I can prove it to you, _if you wish_." I knew what he said was true. However, his arrogance in thinking I would shoot one of these arrows while a vampire was aware of it was the most ridiculous thing.

My jaw clenched when Edward nabbed the arrow I just acquired from my grip. _What the hell? _He gracefully glided his fingers over the edge of the fang I carved into an arrow head. His eyes widened before he asked, "_what is this_?"

"Wolf fang." An arrogant laugh escaped my lips before my smirk reached my eyes. He soon returned my smirk_ and_ my arrow back to me. "_Clever_. Will it work?"

"They killed Laurent with those chompers, so why not?" Edward prolonged his eye contact on me before he erupted in laughter.

"You are more…_vivacious_."

"You adapt to the new me or not… either way, this is it now." I waved my hand in a grand gesture along the length of my body for emphasis.

A soft smile touched Edward's lips before he said, "Yes, I can see that."

"Do you want me to assist with your training?" I felt my jaw drop. _What?_ This was worlds away from the Edward from yesterday,_**but**_ I also suspected he had hidden motives with the offer. _Should I really pass up on real life vampire target practice? Training with Paul and Jessica is great, but that isn't the same. __This could be beneficial__. I will have to be careful though. I don't understand why he would do that? This is out of character for a defining trait of being "over-protective" for Edward. _

I knew Edward was astutely studying my face while I played chess in my head over whether it was worth the risk dabbling with my ex or not. _Maybe it was a sign that Paul didn't show up today and Quil had to bounce? It gave me this opportunity…I would be a fool not to take it, right? _

"_**Fine**_," I agreed after I chewed through most of my inner right cheek during my internal debate. "Not today though. Target practice is commencing. Uh, I guess, tomorrow we can talk at school and work out a schedule."

"Perfect." Edward flashed me a dazzling smile and I felt the sirens go off in my head blaring "_**BAD IDEA**_" over and over again. "I will find you between classes tomorrow. Enjoy your training, _Bella_. And I didn't get to say this before, but you look well. You have always been beautiful, but your confidence is really shining through this time around." I stared dumb-founded at Edward before he disappeared in the blink of an eye.

…

As soon as I got home from my utterly pathetic attempt at archery practice, the phone was ringing in the living room. I decided to ignore it as I trudged up to my bedroom to put my gear away. When it rang for the third time in a row in a five-minute time span, I finally dragged my ass downstairs to answer the phone.

"Hel-"

"_**Where have you been?!**_" Paul's gruff voice cut me off and I was tempted to slam the phone back on its receiver.

"_Training_, Paul. Just because you guys take a day off doesn't mean I get to," I retorted with all the sass I could draw upon.

"_By yourself_? Were you in the forest?"

"I _**was**_ in the forest." I omitted answering the first question because it was a tricky one to answer.

"Are you stupid? You are going to get yourself killed!"

"Not if you train me right. Have some faith. It was fine. It's not my fault you ditched me and then Quil decided to bail last minute as well."

"Oh _yeah_…well that is actually the main reason I have been calling."

"How long have you been calling here?" I asked curiously.

"_Just_…the last 20 minutes."

"You could have run here as a wolf in less than that time."

"I know."

"So why didn't you?"

"Can you come to the reservation for me tonight? We are having a pack meeting to discuss the temporary alliance with the Cullen's, and we need your input on something."

I felt the stars grow in my eyes as I realized they _finally_ saw me as a real asset. "Sure thing. I wanted to know how that went. Where should I drive to?"

"Do you mind meeting at Jake's and riding with him?"

"I can drive myself."

I heard Paul growl. It was muffled. I assumed he covered the phone during it. "Take your car. Fine. We are meeting at Sam and Emily's." My face fell when I remembered I had only been there once, and it was a while ago. _Fuck it. I will wing it. La Push isn't that big. I am sure I can piece back the old memory and figure it out for myself._

"Be there in 30?" I confirmed for him I would before I hung up. _And then_… something clicked in me. The nervous edge to his voice at the end of our conversation drew concern in me because this was Paul. Paul didn't get nervous **OR** skip training. That nervous feeling began to pit in my stomach as I ran to my car to drive to La Push.

When I pulled up to Emily and Sam's with my windows rolled down, an hour late by Charlie's watch, the most devastating partial sentence passed through my ears as I drove by Jacob and Embry huddled around Quil.

"Imprinting on Jessica-" My ears cut off listening after that point as I thrusted my truck in reverse and sped out of the driveway.

* * *

**AN**: _I was honestly surprised by the reviews I got on the last chapter. I was feeling a little defeated, so I thought I would cap the story at chapter 10. But the recent increased reader engagement has inspired me to give it a little more 'oomph' and add more to the mix in this story._

_In __**Ch 10**__, __see how Bella handles the news about the imprint. What agreement did the Cullen's/pack make for whatever danger is heading to Forks? Is Edward being earnest in his desire to help train Bella? Also, we find out __**why**__ Paul blew off training with Bella!__\- Lalaland972_

_P.s. Going on vacation. Probably won't be updating for 1-2 weeks :(_

* * *

_**Lalaland972's Response to Reviews (**__in alphabetical order__**)**:_

_Thank you each for your review!_

**Alex:**Hi! Thanks for reviewing! SO awesome to know that people from other countries get to ready my story and actually enjoy it ^_^ hope you enjoyed this update!

**Alessandra215:**They definitely have love/hate chemistry. In a good way though. They have more fun moments to come, don't worry ;)

**Guest:**Haha you and lazygirl89 are working them theories hard for Paul/Bella. You do have fair points about there being "something" there though.

**hufflepuffhugs:**Yay Hufflepuff house! Glad you enjoyed it!

**Kaaio:**It had crossed my mind! But I was really keen on the friendship exploration with characters that aren't typical for canon Bella. Bella may had a girl crush though because Jess is a badass.

**Lazygirl89:**Creative theory of the slow burn lol When I first began to write this story, I was dead set on having Jake imprint on Jessica. I have other plans in mind for Jake to get the message to back off though haha

**LTAX1:**I decided to not cap it at 10 chapters for now given recent reader comments lol I thought on your suggestion about Quil/Jessica and decided I really liked it. So, we see that this chapter lol I am a fan of Paul/Jessica interactions as well. They are fun to write! I am glad you are loving this story!

**Ray Star Hinamori:**She literally does with Edward! I am glad you appreciate that. I personally dislike reading stories were it takes forever before the plot moves along and for you to see _main_ character interaction – so that is why you mostly get from me lol More Cullen verbal take downs in the next chapter as we see the allies meet.

**tracybuie:**I hope you liked the _first_ conversation she had with Edward lol Glad you liked the last chapter. I really like their friendship. You can tell Paul is the only pack member pro-Bella thus far.

**Wpear:**I thought about Paul imprinting on Jessica. But then…I was like I think it would be more fun to see another wolf imprint on her. Especially because I really like Bella/Paul's banter and it would be doused out if that happened. The turn of events now with Jessica in the mix is going to be so flipping fun. I have so many ideas!


	11. Chapter 10

_**AN:**__ I have a serious problem. Eat. Sleep. Work. Run. Write. I guess writing is better than watching __**too much **__Netflix?! I wanted to get this out of my system before I jet off on vacation and to gage reader's response before I start Ch 11._

_**Chapter theme:** What goes up must come down and a sprinkle of _SCHADENFREUDE_.__ Response to reviews at the end. __Enjoy!_

* * *

**The Phoenix**

**Chapter 10**

My world was flipped upside down as I found myself speeding out of La Push double the _dinky_ speed limit. It would have been more, _if _my truck could have handled going past 40 mph.

_Are you kidding me?! _I thrust my right hand on the stereo knob to turn the music off while my thoughts were on a rabid rampage. _Of all people, one of the wolves has to imprint on Jessica? And Quil!? Seriously? He is so...__**bland**__. No backbone and always makes dumb bets, that he loses, with Embry._

My groaning turned into a screech to help release my aggressive desire to turn around and tell off the pack. I followed up by beating up my steering wheel with the heel of my hands.

_She doesn't deserve to be tied down to their world. She is not a Kim or Emily who would be complacent in their role as an imprint. This is __total__ bullshit! _My thoughts toiled on all the times I encountered Emily and Kim sitting back to do what was asked of them. For their "own" protection. Even worse they were like love struck bafoons who could hardly stand to be apart from their wolf. It was disgusting. And Jessica would never want that. Never! That I was 100% absolutely, positively sure of.

My anger allowed my trip home to pass by almost _too_ fast. I wasn't done processing everything. And by processing I wasn't implying I was accepting of this. It didn't even occur to me I should have apologized to Paul for missing "the meeting" when I walked into the house and saw the phone _not_ ringing off the hook. But then I felt completely stupid a second later when I figured out he was going to _fucking_ blind side me with this bomb! It made sense that was why they wanted me there. Quil needed the lowdown on Jessica, _his new imprint. _The thought made me sick to my stomach as I clenched below my abdomen for physical support. The pack never wanted any input from me on their alliance. I cursed each of their names as loud as possible in my living room.

After the insults were hurled, the most vicious directed at Quil, I had an epiphany. No one had my back like Jessica, even Paul's allegiance was to the pack before me. The pack wasn't getting her too. I wanted the upper hand. Now that she was going to be brought into the loop anyways, I was going to make it me who caught her up to speed on the world she was now involved in. I was behind the steering wheel of my car before my thoughts finished, on my way to Jessica's house.

I pulled up in Jessica's driveway, after taking several periodic deep breaths, with a heavy heart knowing there was no going back after this conversation. I sighed and committed to myself I was doing this despite the damn consequences with the pack. I was bound by nothing to them to keep their secret, but I had. Telling Jessica before Quil wasn't breaking their secret because he would most likely tell her _eventually_ anyways. I just desired to speed up the timeline and turn it into my favor. Because..._I am selfish_.

...

"Bella, to what do I owe this surprise of a late-night visit?" Jessica asked with raised eyebrows when she opened her front door. "You could have just RSVP'd with me at school tomorrow," she joked. I just patted Jessica gently on the shoulder as I walked past her inside the house.

I turned my head to take in the front hallway we were standing in. I had never been _inside_ her house before. It looked like...no one lived in it. A model-esque type home. I was a little speechless. With Jessica's bold personality, I had expected something else. My expectations were, however, met when she showed me to her bedroom. It was colorful and loud. _Everything_ I loved about her. The only thing out of place were the stars littering the ceiling. They were a puke green, presumably the glow in the dark kind. I ignored them and focused back on Jessica.

I felt my mouth run dry as soon as I was about to spit it all out. Jessica's expecting eyes were fixed on me. Her blue orbs were mixed with perplexed amusement while she waited. I balled my fists at my sides and demanded my words to fall out. It was time to get this over with.

"Jess, I have something big to tell you. And you're most likely not going to believe me _at first_. Then when you do, you'll probably freak out. But that's okay because you can handle this, and I want to be the one who gets to tell you. I have earned that right." My voice grew louder in confidence by the end of my proclamation.

"You're preggo?"

"**Oh god no!** Still got the v-card, Jess!" I insisted in a mortified tone. After my defense, I lowered my voice to convey my seriousness. "_What if I told you_, some monsters we hear legends about are real? They aren't just tall tales to scare children."

Jessica offered me a blank stare, which I interpreted to mean I was allowed to continue, as she sat on her bed.

"Forks is a fucking cesspit of vampires and wolves." I cut straight to the point. Jess didn't need the glamor of the legends to go off of. Maybe later though. She always surprised me. "The Cullens? Vampires. My meat head 'friends'? Wolves." I lavishly threw my hands around with my words as if I was unveiling a magic trick before her very eyes. When my hand gestures were complete, I seated myself in the flimsy bean bag at the edge of her bed while gauging her reaction. She was still impassive with no hint of skepticism yet.

"Fuck off, Bella. Are you tripping on drugs right now?" Jessica waved me off with her hand, looking rather amused. She then proceeded to pull out a nail file from the back pocket of her jeans and began to sharpen her nails. She was not taking me seriously._ Yet. _

"_**I wish**_," I whispered with a deadly serious edge without breaking my gaze on her. I just needed her to look at me in hopes my facial expression would convey to her that I was telling the truth. I ended my long pause when it was glaringly obvious she wasn't going to look up at me any time soon. "The _only reason_ I can tell you this now is because one of those fucking wolves imprinted on you. Which is some bullshit mating or friendship or you are tied together thing by fate. Otherwise, I would have been forced to keep my trap shut." I didn't sugar coat anything. Because I felt Jessica was owed the truth.

"You must be high!" Jessica cackled while she flopped over on her bed to her stomach with her nail filing complete. She supported her head on her fists as she _finally _looked at me.

"Quil, the guy outside my house with me today, he is the one who imprinted on you. Did you feel something at all when you looked into his stalker sized eyes?" I felt my pulse quicken with anticipation on what her response would be.

"Yeah..._the creeps_." I bellowed a heavy laugh. Typical Jess. No gravity shifting, world tilting bond for this chick.

"Well he did. Now you have a choice to make. Accept this world. _**Or**_ tell me to fuck off and drop it. AND ignore Quil, if he ever tries approaching you. I support either option you make." Jessica's smiled faltered.

"_If I believed you_..." Jessica began slowly while she rocked her body side to side on her elbows. "Why are _you_ wrapped up in their world?" _I knew this question was coming. _I clasped my hands together before coaxing my vocal cords to release their tension.

I turned my head to stare off at the teal blue wall to my left before a dejected sigh left my lips. "It's a_ long_ story, Jess. But in short, a vampire killed Charlie and I am training to take my revenge." I closed my eyes in relief that while my response was strained, it still came out. The words hung in the air between us in a conflicted silence. Did I need to follow up with more or did she feel compelled to respond before I elaborated?

Jessica broke the silence first. "Killed...Chief Swan?" Jessica repeated with a remoteness in her voice. "You're not fucking with me?"

"**Dead serious**, Jess. If you choose to accept this world, I will help you. And if you choose to fall for Quil, great. Just let it be your choice. All they want, it seems to me is submissive women who they protect because of this bond. You're not like that though. If you want that in the end, that's your choice. I just want you to be aware from an unbiased party from your bond then to let Quil make you gaga and forget who you are." My chest puffed up while the last of my scornful words left my mouth. Jessica raised her left eye brow deliberately before tilting her head.

"This is weird. I still don't know if I believe you."

"That's fine. Think I am crazy. For the Cullens though, think on them more with what I have told you."

"_Okay_..."

"And Jess?" Jess looked at me with a dazed over look as she was processing everything I told her.

"Please keep this between us. This secret is for others protection. I would have kept you in the dark as well until my hand was forced today." Jessica nodded to me while rubbing her eyes.

"Bella?" Jess called me before I exited her room.

"Would you mind sleeping over? My mom's out of town on a work trip _and_ I feel a little..."

"No need to say more. I have my fang on me. I got us covered." I offered Jess a thumbs up with a confident, wide smile.

Both of Jessica's eyebrows arched up on the word fang. I withdrew it from my satchel and her eyes went wide before narrowing.

"_**Fuck**_. I need to sleep on this. Hit the lights, _bitch_. I am going to bed."

"Sounds like a plan to me."

...

I squirmed on Jessica's firm mattress, restless. Sleep wasn't coming for me. Instead I spent my time reflecting on all my life choices that led me to lying awake in Jessica Stanley's bed, staring at a ceiling of glowing green stars.

Sometime after mentally reviewing all the ways training with Edward could go horribly wrong, I noticed Jessica's tossing and turning pattern had increased in frequency. The guilt over her troubled sleep also burdened my own ability to fall asleep. I knew I was a selfish bitch for _what_ I told her and _how_ I did it.

"_Bella_?" Jessica's weak voice cracked at the end of calling my name. My heart leapt into my throat. Jessica wasn't weak. _What have I done?_

"Yeah, Jess?" I croaked with guilt thickening my voice.

"My dad died when I was 14." My head jerked back into the pillow under it. I wasn't sure where she was going with this.

"I remember you saying that before..." I lightly whispered into the darkness.

"He was healthy. Super fit. Only 42. And yet he died of a heart attack. He was found in the parking lot outside of work. He didn't even make it to his car." I fought to keep my body stiff despite its desire to crumple into a ball and disappear. _Charlie was young and healthy as well…_

I remained silent, fighting to focus on the fact that this was about Jess and not me, while I let Jessica piece together her thoughts on where she was driving this conversation.

"I was with my mom when she was called to the coroners to ID the body. And Bella?"

"Yeah?" I breathlessly replied, concentrating on the stars on the ceiling.

"That was my first time to see a dead body. And it was my dad's." I reached to her side of the bed in the dark and found her closest arm to me. I offered her a quick squeeze of comfort. "They didn't want me to look but I insisted to my mom she let me. I had to see it for myself that my dad was dead. And when I looked at his body...he looked drained. Like all his fluids drained kinda thing. My mom explained it was a part of the autopsy process. That was her excuse too when I pointed out two holes on my dad's neck behind his ear." Jessica went still and her voice hushed to barely above a whisper before she spoke, "I am no medical expert and only have knowledge of medical shit from ER and Grey's Anatomy...but that doesn't seem right they would drain a body of its fluid that soon and that they chose to suck some out from the neck, right? If vampires are real could they have..." My breathing was slow and uneven as I absorbed her implication. _I did ask her to look in Pandora's box._

"I can't say for sure, Jess. But if you know what you saw, I wouldn't put it pass it being a high possibility your dad was killed by one."

Jessica inhaled a sharp intake of breath and began to cry. In that moment, I felt remorse over that fact I could have possibly broken my best friend over my selfish-desire to not be alone in this.

I fell asleep holding Jess's trembling body while she continued to sob.

...

"**Get up, Bella**!" Jessica commanded. My eyelids flew open in a drowsy haze as I recalled the events from the previous night.

"_Ugh_...what time is it?" I groaned while adjusting to the sun's light in Jessica's room.

"6 AM."

"Why so early?" I whined as I pulled the covers over my head.

"You're paying me back the favor. I trained you to be more athletic. _Now_ you're training me to wield a vampire killing weapon."

"Whaaaaat?" I asked while unpeeling the covers from my face.

"Isn't that why you told me? To team up as the only humans in Forks to oppose the human killing bastards?"

"_Well_...I hadn't thought that far ahead to be honest," I mumbled as I sat up straight in Jessica's bed. I looked at the split ends covering my shoulders and began to unknot the bedhead I was sporting.

"Too late to decide now. I am not letting you do this alone. I don't know if the same vampire killed my dad, but I don't want them in my town anyways. And **OMG**...you were dating a vampire!" Jessica's voice had cracked at the end of her realization while I giggled over the fact that _that_ realization _finally _sunk in for Jess.

"_I was," _I admitted with a casual shrug._ "_But Edward and his family are one of the few who don't drink human blood. They refer to themselves as vegetarians since they only drink animal blood. You can tell by their gold eyes. When vampires feed off of humans, their eyes are red. So, it's a dead giveaway."

"_Ugh_. I will process that all later on my own time. What vampire weapon options do I get? Or do you just use that lame dagger you showed me last night?"

"_**Lame**_?! That was a wolf fang! It is a hot commodity. As far as I know, if a weapon isn't made of that stuff you aren't making a dent on that impenetrable vampire skin." Jessica began to fumble through her closet for clothes I presumed.

"I mean I have a bow and arrow, but I suck balls at shooting it because Jake is a pawsy trainer; so, I haven't been trained much. All I can help you do is wield a dagger fang and not be incompetent."

"**Archery**! Bella!" Jess exclaimed with bright eyes and a sock in each hand held high in the air.

"Yes?" Jess threw her socks on the ground and began to pilfer for something else in her closet.

"Who do you think started archery club in middle school?" I pointed to her and she nodded with such vigor I thought her head was going to pop off from excessive use.

"Me! I mean I quit after my dad died and then the club abolished...but! I am sure I could recover my rusty ass skills. Like riding a bike. Now fill me in on everything start to finish while we head to your house to grab training stuff."

"I don't think we are going to have much time before school starts, Jess..." I admitted reluctantly.

"Oh, we are skipping school today!"

"We are?!"

"_Yeah, bitch_. I have a feeling your story is going to be long so you gotta make it worth my time while showing me your archery and fang wielding skills..." I laughed while Jessica and I made our way out the front door of her house to my truck.

Jessica proved to me how I should not lack any faith in her athletic abilities. Because she recalled the right archery techniques in less than an hour before she began training me on better form. I spent the day in bliss that Jessica wasn't going anywhere.

...

When Jess and I parted ways, I found an enraged Paul on my doorsteps. _What am I supposed to tell him? Jess and I promised to keep what I shared with her between us until we figure everything out. She plays ignorant and we train at school to throw off suspicion. Hiding that from the pack is easy enough…Edward will be tricky. And Alice not seeing it will only be by blind luck. I don't want to lie to Paul, but I have no choice…_

"How's my _favorite _wolf doing?" I asked in a chirper voice as I drew closer to Paul. The porch light reflecting off him highlighted each line in the frown overtaking his face. _Yikes. _

"_Well_ he is _**pissed**_." I bit my lip to prevent myself from giggling over Paul referring to himself in the third person. I pushed him to this side while I jangled the keys in the lock on the door. "You said you were coming. Then you were late. _And_ as soon as you pull up to Sam's, you high tail it out of there. _So_, **no**, I am not _just_ pissed. I am **SUPER **pissed off, Bella. What the fuck?!"

I averted my gaze from Paul as I opened the door and ushered him inside. "_Language,_ Paul." Paul emitted a soft growl as he shoved past me to the living room couch.

"_Sure_, make yourself at home. _Mi casa es su casa_," I muttered while I tossed my backpack, _not_ filled with school supplies, on the living room floor.

"But before you go getting your panties in a twist, you blew me off first!"

"I sent Quil in my place, Bella!" Paul roared in defense while taking out his frustration on _my _favorite couch pillow he was squeezing into a tight ball.

"**Quil ditched**! And _the infamous_ trio saw me split, so they obviously relayed the message to you."

"_Yeah…_" Paul's voice grew low with suspicion peppered all over the one-word syllable. "_Why did you leave?_"

"Calculus," I lied smoothly while my gaze shifted away from Paul.

Paul snorted. "_Calculus_?" he then asked in a mocking tone. I only allowed myself to cringe on the inside.

"You heard me right," I huffed while pacing in front of Paul on the couch.

"You have to give me more than that, _Bella_," Paul remarked with a stormy expression on his face.

"We had a test today that I forgot I needed to study for. As much as I live for the hunt to one day kill a vampire, I _need_ a high school diploma." _100% true we had a test that both Jessica and I missed today. Fuck. We will have to figure out how to make that up._

"_Oh_…" Paul's voice faltered with his expression softening. _Holy shit. Is he buying this?_ "Did you do well?"

"Bombed it."

"Bullshit." _Good boy! He should know how smart I am at this point. _

"I am thinking B-." I decided to finally join Paul on the couch. We both sat in silence staring at a blank tv screen. It was weird. It wasn't how we spent time together. It was usually 70% training and 30% at each other's throats in a loving brother/sister way. With a sexual edge I speckled in every once in a while just to _piss _him off. I was far from his type. He made that clear many times over. And with that knowledge, I could be completely myself without worrying about impressing him. I was just…_**me**_.

"Now why did _you _miss training?" I turned to face Paul.

Paul emitted a strangled-sounding laugh before clearing his throat. I scowled as I read the uncomfortable aura radiating around him. "Spit it out _already_," I said while slapping his leg. "You imprint or something?" My pointed question missed the mark as Paul's frown deepened, _if _that was even possible at this point.

"_**What**_?" Paul adopted a challenging tone.

I began to tap my toes on the hardwood floor in impatience as I waited for the truth to come out.

"No! _Jesus_. _Is that why_ you changed your mind on coming to the meeting last night?" _What the fuck?_

"_Fuck you_. Calculus," I reminded him while rubbing my temples for emphasis I was being truthful when I was an honest to god _fucking_ liar. "_Sorry_. I should not have even suggested that. _Even_ if you had, that is none of business. I know you guys are sensitive about that _thing_."

"Okay…" Paul sighed before looking away from me. I was relieved his anger towards me at least had disappeared by this point. "If I am being honest, that is why we wanted you to come to the meeting."

"_What_…Quil imprinted on me after knowing me a month-ish by now?" I joked despite knowing where Paul was going with this. I began to slip off my shoes; my feet were tired from being on them all day with Jess.

"You know that is not how it works. He did imprint though." Paul shot me a speculative glance. I gave him nothing to read off of though before I responded.

"**OH** wow. _That is big_. It is supposed to be _**rare**_, right? But the stats for your pack just keeps increasing it seems beyond those odds," I snickered as I drew up my feet from the floor and laid them across Paul's lap. Paul offered me an exasperated look. I, in turn, offered him my best puppy dog eyes as I pointed to my feet for a non-verbal foot rub request. Paul sighed before beginning to massage my tired feet. It felt_ so_ good as his fingers kneaded into the soles of each foot. I was taking advantage of this moment, _little did he know_. He reeked of guilt, otherwise this foot massage would have ended with a "hell no!" response and he would have flipped me off the couch to emphasize that message.

"Don't you want to know who?" I shrugged my shoulders lazily while enjoying the bliss of Paul's magic fingers.

"_Probably doesn't matter_. I assume I don't know her." Paul began to work his thumbs in my arches, and I stifled my moans of pleasure. This had to have been better than sex. That I was sure of.

"_Why _do you assume that?" Paul asked in a quiet and thoughtful voice. He was treading cautiously. He assumed rightfully so that the news would make me explode. But that was yesterday me. Today me would take it with a grain of salt.

"Emily and Kim are Quileute. I figure you're meant to imprint on your own people if that "right" person is around." I stretched my back and lifted my arms in unison. _This is fucking heaven. I should book a professional massage. Yeah, that is a good idea!_

"_We thought so too_…" Paul began to pull each toe on my feet with the right tension to pop my knuckles but not hurt me.

"Why do you say that?" I asked with a feigned innocence. It was coming. And I emerged from my relaxed state to observe how he planned to tell me.

"_Bella_…" A pout formed on my face as soon as Paul stopped working his magic on my feet, but it curled back up into a smile as I began to melt in his palms as his hands ran up and down my calves with the perfect pressure being maintained. _Guilt tripping Paul is AMAZING. Must think of more ways to do this in the future….__** please**__ take note of this important lesson Future Bella. _

"_Yes…?_" I purred because I couldn't fucking moan because it was fucking Paul.

"It was Jessica." The curtain was pulled, and my act had to begin. _Fuck. I wanted ten more minutes. No, I will just take FIVE! Please!_

I kicked my feet off Paul as I chuckled and said, "You're funny. Who was it really?"

"_Bella, _it was Jessica," Paul said assertively.

"No, it wasn't!" I crossed my arms over my chest to show Paul I wasn't playing this fun little game of his.

To my surprise, Paul reached over to me and unfolded my arms. "What are you doing?"

"_**It was Jessica**_," he emphasized with more confidence than he said the previous two times. "I told them that blind siding you at the meeting wasn't a good idea. Sam thought it would taper off your reaction if he shared the game plan with you for the alliance, and to let you know you could participate in the battle." I felt my nails dig into my palms to reopen my old wounds at the thought they were using my ability to participate (_which I would have done regardless with or without Sam's permission_) in order for me to accept or help with Quil's imprint on Jessica. But I swallowed my pride knowing I needed to accept the hand I was dealt.

I licked my lips and narrowed my eyes that were focused on Paul's face. "You are not fucking with me?" I asked in voice that tripped over each word. Paul shook his head and grabbed my left arm that was settled in between the cushion and the back of the couch.

"I know you wouldn't have wanted this for her… We don't choose this. We hate it just as much that we have no control over it. But it happened and now…"

"What now?" I spat in malice. This time it was real because it channeled from the feelings I first felt when I heard the news. "**Quil gets a claim over my best friend? Do I get nothing for myself? Everyone leaves or is taken away from me!**" We both knew my anger wasn't directed at Paul though. It was directed at fate's cruel idea of fucking around with me.

As soon as my body began shake, Paul wrapped me in his arms and apologized in the _softest _voice I ever heard from him over and over again in my ear until I stopped shaking. His embrace didn't release me when my shaking stopped, and I wondered why he felt the need to still comfort me. This was Paul of all people. Paul wasn't soft or kind. Which is why I liked him as one of my best friends. I needed bite and brashness in the dark, cruel world we lived in. And he never failed to deliver. The world _**sucked**_ and we endured it in solidarity.

"Paul, I am _fine-ish _now." I began to push on his defined chest to break our embrace.

"_Fine-ish_?" I was puzzled by the odd expression I was observing on Paul's face.

"You are the messenger and my trainer. SO verbally assaulting you doesn't seem in my favor. I will save my choice words for Quil when I see him next," I stated matter-of-factly.

"Leave him alone. He is already fucking messed up about it without you adding to the mess." I felt my stomach lurch as I remembered that I already fucked Quil over with Jessica. To make this worse, an uncontrolled moan left my lips because my guilt wouldn't let me off so easy with the just suffer in silence ordeal. _Too easy. Fuck me._

"It will work itself out."

"When did you become so optimistic about imprinting? Or like Quil? You usually roast the shit out of Jake, Quil and Embry. You're no fun when you're on their side."

Paul rolled his eyes before telling me to shut the fuck up. "_Look_ who is warming up to their pack," I cooed before winking at him. He bent over and grabbed by legs from the floor. I felt my brow wrinkle while my lips pressed into suspicion. _What is he trying to pull? He doesn't need to butter me up anymore unless he has more bad news! _

When Paul resumed my leg massage, any suspicious thoughts I had turned into internal encouragement and praise over the upstanding guy Paul Lahote turned out to be. I sifted under the couch cushion supporting my butt and withdrew the tv remote. "Shall we?" I asked nonchalantly. Paul nodded. "Whatever you want." _Fuck yes_! I was asleep before I could settle on a channel.

* * *

_Bella- Sorry, we didn't get to talk about this last night. To sum it all up, looks like a vampire army is being built by the red head bloodsucker based on the spiky haired leech's "__**visions**__". We are going to do some wolf/vampire training. The Cullens __requested__ you not be a part of that. Too dangerous. We could use the additional practice according to Sam, so he agreed to their terms. You can still train with me and Jake when you choose too though… there just may not be as much free time from us available. The leech who has visions thinks the army will come around the time of Fork's High School graduation. She said when her visions are clearer, she can __perhaps__ be more precise with her date/ time prediction. We will talk later. Training will resume tomorrow. Hope you passed your Calc exam. - Paul _

* * *

The strangest thing was that after reading the _almost too sweet_ letter from Paul after I woke up the next morning, I didn't feel guilty about lying to him. Quil _**did not**_ imprint until our "training session". Paul skipped out and sent Quil in his place. Paul never told me why he skipped, and in that moment, I decided he lied by omission, so I was therefore justified in lying to him as well about why I ditched the pack meeting.

…

Saturday was here and I was filled with not dread…but I anticipated that by the end of the day I would be consumed by my first experience of schadenfreude. That thought tickled my toes as I finished getting ready in my room before grabbing my fang. I was taking Jacob's fang today though. For some reason, I didn't trust using my good fang on Edward. Some part of me didn't dispel the fact Edward was _full _of bullshit and would crumble all my weapons into bits in order to prevent me from participating in vampire hunting. Therefore, I hid my fang from Paul in Charlie's gun safe…for extra precaution. However, if Edward surprised me, Jessica would reap the benefit of our vampire killing lessons as well. So far, Jess and I had made away like bandits with Alice not seeing anything or at least not acting on it. As for Edward, Jessica had become pretty decent at singing terrible song lyrics in her head at school. We communicated by written note and saved in person conversations for when we were secluded_. Did I know if we were actually preventing him from hearing her thoughts? Hell no. But I hoped Edward tuned her out since he once upon a time found her annoying when we dated. Until he proved otherwise, we would assume he knew nothing and continued our precautions around him_.

When I heard a knocking downstairs, I looked down at Charlie's watch and noted as in usual Edward fashion, _he _showed up right on time.

When I opened the door to see Edward, I felt like I was sent back in time before Armageddon. He hadn't left me. Charlie was still alive. Life was normal. _What really is normal though?_ I shook off my blast from the past and walked out the door.

"No archery today?"

"You would outrun my arrows, remember?" I joked while tilting my head up to meet his face. Edward's mouth flitted into a soft smile and for a second, I felt powerless to the boy who stole my heart, crushed it, and left it with a gaping wound. _And_ all it took was one ghost of a smile and I was utterly disgusted with myself.

"Anyways, just my dagger today. I am leaving the expertise of where to start with you. Let's head into the forest first."

"Why there?" Edward's voice was devoid of emotion and I didn't understand why.

_He broke up with me there. He thinks I am doing it on purpose...__** Well good!**_

"It's to my advantage."

"Care to explain why that is?"

"Frustrates you not being able to read my mind still, _right_?" I smirked as we drew closer to the thick of the trees and the forest's soil.

"_Always_," Edward sighed, and I tipped my head back before merriment tickled my throat audibly. _Clutch!_

"_Edward_," I stopped before we barely made a 100-foot dent into the forest's territory. "Why do you care to train me? This is everything you would have never wanted for me while we were together." Edward froze when he was put on the spot, and I knew something was wrong. It wasn't the sense of wrong that this was a trap, but that _he knew_ that _I knew_ he had something up his sleeve. He couldn't pull the wool over my eyes anymore. He was going to have to learn this here and now.

Before my thoughts settled on what I should say next, Edward picked me up by my throat and slammed me into the tree within the closest reach of me.

"_Ed-ward_?" I choked out while his grip tightened. My breath was being stifled and yet I didn't have the will to fight back. It was Edward, and I knew he wouldn't kill me despite the death grip he had on my throat. Pain trailed down my back after Edward threw me on the ground at the base of the trunk before zipping around and tying me to the truck with a vine before I could comprehend everything going on. When my breath filled my lungs again, I exhaled his name, "_Edward_?"

"I am faster than you. Stronger. My teeth will rip through your skin and can crunch your bones. **You will never win against one of us**. Why are you trying to do this? Is it to punish me?" Edward Cullen was unhinged as the last of his emotional, unstable words poured from his mouth.

"It's **ALWAYS ABOUT YOU**!" I shouted in anguish. Edward blinked as he tried to comprehend my outburst.

"Always about what you think is best. I just followed the lion like a _good little lamb_ because I thought I was so unworthy and whatever you gave me was more than I deserved. I saw nothing in myself. I don't honestly know what you loved about me before. I was drowned out by you. Not anymore though. If you want me to go back to her, you might as well kill me. Because the Bella you knew died a long time ago." As I said my words, I was scared by how much I meant them. A part of me feared what I had left going for myself once Victoria was dead. "I loved you, and maybe some part of me will always love you, even in this new bitchy form of myself. I gave you a piece of myself that will not grow back." I shut my eyes and commanded myself not to shed any tears.

"I don't want to kill you," Edward confessed softly. I opened my eyes to see the pained expression of his I used to know so well. "If you become a vampire, you could take one on and not have to worry about dying so easily…not as you are now."

"_**What?!**_" I asked aghast. This was not the Edward I knew. He never wanted that for me. Had he changed irrevocably as well? Were we both now strangers to one another?

Before I could follow up and ask why he felt this way, Edward was gone before Paul's wolf form was barreling to me with a crazed look of fury shining in his eyes. Paul snapped the vines around me in one bite with his beautiful fangs. When I was free from my support, I slunk down the tree to the ground to a more comfortable position as I let Edward's words affect me as it turns out they _always_ would. Paul didn't let me rest long before he forced his head under my body and I wrapped my arms around him. It didn't take long before we were at my house, and I still wasn't released from the spell of hurt that Edward cast over me again. Not a broken heart this time. But the disillusion that _maybe _taking on a vampire was too unrealistic. And I would die.

As soon as Paul lowered me to the step of the front porch, he ran behind the house. He was back sooner than I expected, half naked as usual. Paul repeatedly rubbed his face as he reviewed me. Nothing outwardly was broken. Or inwardly…but I was disturbed. Without asking any questions, Paul carried me to my room and laid me on my bed.

"_He _crumbled your fang." Paul's bitter tone didn't go unnoticed by me as he backed up to my bedroom's doorway. I was too tired in the moment to address his comment in any real fashion.

"That's why I took Jake's," I joked without the humor reaching anywhere on my face. Paul didn't laugh. I hadn't expected him to though. He just gave me one last look-over before he turned away and left me alone to process what happened, and the key fact that I wasn't getting 1:1 training with a vampire after all.

…

On Sunday, Paul and I met up for our usual training and he didn't say a single word about the day before. He acted like nothing happened. That he never came across me having a very candid conversation with Edward while tied up to a tree.

Only thirty minutes into our session, and I was confident that Edward's forceful scare tactics with me the day before were all show with little after effects. I was hitting every move like my confidence hadn't been reset from 110 to 40. I was just thankful I wasn't working my way up from zero. That was a bitch back in January.

"You're doing decent today." I scoffed at Paul's compliment. We both knew I deserved to be paid a higher compliment than that. I wiped the sweat beading on my forehead while shaking my head at him. I fought off an amused smile despite the annoyed look on his face. Paul kept a focused stare on me as I ripped out my pony tail and braided my hair out of my face.

"It looks better in a ponytail."

"But it stays out of my face in a braid." I stuck out my tongue to assert my opinion I didn't care if I looked pretty while I was training.

Paul offered me his hand to help me up. It was his non-verbal cue as of late to stop flapping my gums and resume training. He stopped yelling at me after Quil's imprint on Jessica, and it was rather unsettling. I thought he would have been over his guilt trip by now. His yelling was in fact a great motivator to work harder to knock him on his ass. I was a little less inclined to work as hard when he was being _so nice_. I needed to motivate him to be asshole Paul again, so I could continue to make progress. And I knew just how to get a rise out of him.

I took his rough, warm hand as he bent over to me and used all my strength to pull him to the ground. In one swift motion, I rolled to my side and sprung up like a grasshopper to straddle him. As soon as my legs were locked around his waist, the end point of my fang was kissing his neck.

"Going soft on me, _Paul_?" I asked with a smirk.

Paul's eyes held indifference while he sighed. "You going to get off of me now?" I was not pleased with this toned-down version of Paul. _What gives?_

"You're no fun when you're docile," I huffed as I rose from my straddled position.

"We're done for the day."

"**What!** _Why?_"

"I am tired. I have been running extra shifts on top of vampire combat training and I just can't put up with _you_ today."

My throat began to close up before my mind could even settle on what form of response I would have to that. Witty words were not coming to me as easily as they should have been.

"_Sure._ Get some rest. I can continue without you."

Paul's eyes flashed with a rare emotion I could not place a name to. "No fight?"

"No fight," I reassured him as I played with my fang between my fingers. It was a habit now.

"_Why?_" Paul's face held a bland façade and I wondered why he even bothered asking that question.

"On rare occasions, I get tired of fighting too. I was never this way before. It's exhausting sometimes."

Paul laughed. "_Yet_ you do it _so well_."

"As do you," I assured him with a smile. "Go home, Paul. Get some rest." Paul hesitated before turning away from me. I let him go because it was nothing new for me. Important men in my life left me when I needed them the most. Now Paul was no longer the exception. I turned around as well to head home.

"_Bella_?" Paul called after. I turned back to face him and the 20 feet of distance now separating us.

"Sup?" I wondered if my smile reached my eyes. Because it sure didn't feel like it did.

"_Are you okay_?" Paul's low and tender voice unsettled me.

"Never better!" I grinned and threw him the middle finger for good measure. Soft Paul was annoying and wearing down my walls.

"You can have off days too, you know? We're all in this together. You're not alone for the fight anymore despite what you think."

"If I rely on having support in the end, it would be my undoing. I rather assume it's just me and Victoria one on one in the end and be wrong, than not train for that scenario and be right."

"Is that why you wanted to train with Edward." The hard edge in Paul's voice sparked my body to go rigid. _Here? Now?_

"Didn't pan out it seems. You said it yourself you weren't going to be able to train with me as often." I picked up my head and held by chin high as I continued. "_Was it wrong_ to pick up another trainer who was actually the same kind as what I am trying to kill?"

"**But him?!**" I flinched at Paul's threatening tone.

"_Who else then_?" I threw up my hands in the air in frustration. "No one else in his family was volunteering!"

"_Oh,_ because Alice wouldn't have been happy to?" Paul sneered. I felt my face scrunch up as his words sunk in.

"What makes you think she would have been happy too?!"

"I am not dumb, Bella. Jacob filled us in on enough before they left. We know you were good friends with her." My face flushed in anger. _Paul knows nothing of that time!_

"**She left me too!**!" Paul was uncapping my rage and he knew it.

"**Yes, they all left and you're ready to not take back any of them in your life aside from Edward; the one who prompted them to leave**!" Paul's dark eyes had swiftly morphed into black holes while his face reddened. As I took in his anger mirroring my own, I decided to recap my own anger.

"_You're right,_" I sighed and a blank look enveloped Paul's face.

"I am fucked up. I knew better to accept his offer, but Edward has never had ill intentions towards me. I foolishly hoped he would actually take me seriously. I was wrong. I just wanted a leg up on Victoria. I want to feel like I have a chance to take her on. The only thing Edward did was shred my confidence down more…" I laughed darkly. I peculiarly watch Paul walk up towards me. Every step he took he hesitated on like it was an internal battle if a step closer to me right now was a good choice. When he was close enough, he traced his fingers along the bruises on my neck I had cataloged in the mirror this morning.

"Does it hurt?" he asked weakly. I shook my head while I blinked away the tears brimming my eyes.

"Just the lack of faith in myself hurts." My admission was more for myself than Paul.

Paul drew his hand to the top of my head to pat my hair. "Let's get you home." I blinked, startled at his swift change in attitude towards me.

"_You're walking me back_?" I asked in surprise. "Are you sure you're willing to put up with the extra time you will have to spend with me?" I cast a line to let a playful atmosphere pick up again between us hoping he would take the bait.

"It won't be pleasant, but I can suffer through it." Paul's eyes twinkled while he smirked at me. A slow smile began to build on my face, and I _just_ knew we were going to recover from today's set-back.

* * *

**AN**:_ Ok, you may or may have no noticed I did not cover why Paul skipped training last chapter in this chapter. I decided it would be better to reveal that in Chapter 12. I like some of this chapter and some I am like, could I have written that better ? O_o oh well._

_In __**Ch 11**__,__we fastfoward in time! The BIG battle is upon us. Is Bella ready? How much progress have her and Jess made in their secret training? What is the aftermath after Edward tried to scare Bella into realizing she could never take on a vampire as a human? __**A lot of shit goes down between Bella and the Cullens/Pack,**__ but it doesn't bring Bella down!__\- Lalaland972_

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_**Lalaland972's Response to Reviews :**_

_Thank you each for your review!_

**tracybuie: **I shall continue to write Bella as strong and Badass. The pre-ballte meeting is going to be where she finally gets to confront them all! :O

**Wpear: **Next chapter we are going to see Jessica's progress in her training with Bella ^_^ she is going to be super bad-ass. My #1 for this fic is Bella is happy by herself and finds her strength within ^_^ thanks for your faith in me!

**Marlastiano:** Thank you I like the funny bits in it too hehe

**Guest1:** Glad you were surprised! I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**Guest2:** Glad you're loving it! And you may be on to something about Paul ;)

**LunaM303:** Glad you caught up on the story and have continued to enjoy it! Thanks for the comments while you caught up. Bella does totally rock ^_^ and Edward was not trustworthy this chapter!


	12. Chapter 11

_**AN:**__ Happy Thanksgiving/Black Friday, if you celebrate! This chapter is long and took awhile for me to write & figure out. I would appreciate your thoughts on it, if you have any to share. ^_^ P.s. Incase no one has picked up on this yet, __"jean shorts" = jorts__. I feel like I mentioned it earlier in my story but just in case just wanted to add a reminder. Especially for those who live in other countries. _

_**Chapter theme:**_ Consequences. Not just for Bella though. _Response to reviews at the end. __Enjoy!_

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**The Phoenix**

**Chapter 11**

My Monday morning was off to an okay start until I retrieved a piece of paper clinging to the windshield wiper of my truck.

* * *

_Dear Bella,_

_When I left, I did what I thought was best for you. Before Carlisle received the call about Charlie, I was almost at my breaking point of being away from you. I was on the verge of crawling back to you and begging for your forgiveness. It was my hope that you would take me back or give me the opportunity to make you fall for me again. _

_Here we are today though. My actions and presence in your life forever altered it with what happened to Charlie and who you are today. I blame myself. Saturday was a wrong approach to remind you how dangerous my kind are. I didn't think it through and feel appalled at what I did. __I love you, Bella__. I want to protect you and make you feel safe again. I know you have been missing that. However, who you are now won't accept that from me. _

_Going forward I will do my best to allow you to live your life as you wish. I will not stand idle if Victoria is after you or any other vampire. The least I can do for Charlie is keep you alive. Even if you won't give up the idea you plan to take on Victoria, I promise you it won't come down to that because I will be the one killing her. It's for the best, Bella. _

_If you feel like approaching me to talk, I always will make time for you. Until then, I will keep my distance. Neither myself or anyone in my family will feed into your idea you can fight a vampire by training you. It's for the best. _

_With love always, Edward_

* * *

When I finished reading the letter that Edward wrote to me in his _perfect penmanship_, I crumpled it up. Edward owed nothing to Charlie, and I owed nothing to him _or any man_.

I decided I was skipping first period today as I walked with a purpose to the backyard. I tossed the _**bullshit**_ letter into the firepit Charlie only ever used once. Once I collected kerosene and matches, I burned the shit out of that piece of paper. I felt my soul purge the last of Edward's lingering fragments within me as I squirted more kerosene on the roaring flames. I burned with a vengeance the ideals of a man who _**never**_ would have saw me as his equal in his world. _Could any vampire or wolf see me as a formidable foe? No. But I will make that their undoing. _

My eyes trailed the smoke rising from the fire in the crisp morning air. I felt a smile tug at my lips as I watched the smoke dissipate in the atmosphere. I wondered if Charlie was looking down at me and thinking "_atta girl_. That's my Bells. Don't underestimate yourself." I swallowed the lump rising in my throat before looking at Charlie's watch on my left wrist. It was time to leave. I had second period training to get to. And Jessica and I decided to add new elements to our training sessions. Strategy. No longer just a purely physical focus. Paul was right when he first told me I had to be smarter and more cunning than a vampire. Jess and I would be. If there was ever a time I leaned on Mulan for inspiration, it was circling around that focal point that her thoughts and strategy are what defeated the Huns and saved the emperor compared to her male counterparts.

…

"_You_ are skipping training this evening? _To go to a party_?" Paul repeated what I told him like he was slow or misunderstanding me. It was late to cancel our training session on a Friday at 5 PM, but Paul hardly made time for me to do it sooner over the last week as he was "_too busy_".

"Yes," I affirmed he was in fact hearing me correctly over the phone.

"Whatever happened to _Miss_ "I don't get to take days off training" _priss_?" I rolled my eyes and held my middle finger to the phone.

"_It is Jessica's birthday_, alright? It's an exception. Get over yourself and get a life too for once," I growled into the phone.

"No fight here. I can go on a date finally." I barked with laughter immediately at the thought any girl would want to put up with Paul.

"Good luck there, _buddy_. Okay I am going to get going now."

"**Wait!** I need you to do me a favor."

"No. I cannot give you any pointers to win over a girll. You're a lost cause." I smirked to myself in appreciation of my wit.

"Fuck off, Bella. It's about Quil. Can you take him to the party? To meet Jessica?"

_Hell no! _"No."

"Don't be a bitch, Bella."

"No way, Paul! _It is_ her birthday. Another time! But let's not spoil things for her tonight," I insisted with an urgency I hoped Paul would give into. A low growl rumbled through the speaker of the phone and I knew I was just not going to be a fan of his response to me.

"He is going with you. _Or_ I stop training you." Paul's words were solid and as unyielding as a big boulder blocking the one-way road you're traveling on. I had to fight him anyways on it though.

"_Bullshit_!"

"Dead serious." The boulder on the road grew in size in parallel with my irritation that Paul was waging my training in order to submit me into helping Quil. _That's so cheap and unfair!_

"You can't fucking do that." The hostility seeping from my voice was at an all-time high.

"I am just asking you to help him put his foot in the door." My hand squeezed the shit out of the phone I was holding in protest.

"I am not ready for this!"

"**It's not about you! **Stop making it about you. The world doesn't revolve around_ poor _Bella because her daddy was killed by a vampire," Paul snarled at me and his words carved me down the middle. My body begged me to not let his words have power over me. Not like with Edward. I had just given up Edward's hold over me; I couldn't be transferring that to Paul now. No man would get that power over me again.

"_I know that..._" I whispered in defense while my body trembled. Something within me was hurting. _Hang up the phone! Hang it up! Or fucking cuss him out for saying that._

Silence traveled the airways between our phones, and I knew it was my cue to hang up to take my power back. Before I set the phone back on the receiver though, I heard Paul call my name. His voice was thick in regret and my hand wavered in uncertainty an inch away from hanging up the phone to disconnect us.

"_I am sorry._" My eyes clenched tight upon hearing Paul's words smothered in remorse. They wrapped around me and held my body. I ceased trembling as I waited for his next words to follow.

"That was a step too far. I didn't mean that. _But you are being selfish._ Please just do this _for me_. Quil is a good guy, and you're the only one with an in with Jessica. _Please Bella_." As much as I wanted to tell Paul to fuck off and I was fine without training with him again... I knew that wasn't true. So, I dialed back my selfish meter and agreed to let Quil come with me. I had to warn Jessica though. That wasn't anything Paul needed to know.

The train of thoughts I just followed were a farce as to why I was submitting to this request. _But _I didn't feel compelled to dig deeper to know the truth of why I was doing this for Paul. Some stones were better left unturned.

"Okay, just him. No Jake or Embry to tag along. **And not even you**." I had enough of Paul for this evening just over the fucking phone. He was draining me. "If he wants to meet her, he is going to have to ride it out alone or I am not helping for shit." After I uttered the word shit, I hung up the phone and Paul did not call me back.

One hour later, I found Quil Ateara on my front door step looking _semi-decent_ for a Friday night party. Except the jorts. "_Really,_ Quil?" Quil quirked his left eyebrow and gazed down at his ensemble in a confused daze. When he finished his quick assessment, Quil returned his eyes to my face and then shrugged.

"_Fine_," I grumbled. "Keep on the jorts. But you could have put in a _little more_ effort than jorts and a cut off shirt. _Even_ if you have a handsome face, your attire is throwing it out the window," I scoffed in disappointment. I brushed past Quil to my truck. Along the way, I heard Quil snort. I turned over my shoulder to look at him. Quil's face bloomed into a cheery grin. I focused on the amused glint in his eyes and knew I was missing something. I chewed on my lip as I decided if it was worth asking. My curiosity in the end had overridden my initial desire to ignore Quil's quirkiness.

"_What?"_ I asked in bewilderment.

"That's going to drive Jake crazy!" Quil clapped his hands together and began to rub them in excitement. I resisted my eye roll because… a wave of nausea washed over me as I distinctly recalled I already fucked over Quil with Jessica. I swallowed my initial snarky response and decided to tap into "kind Bella" for the evening.

_But is it really for Quil's sake? Or Jessica's? Or Paul's? Or because I want to be nice? I used to be a very nice person…._

"Care to explain?" I asked in good humor. I let a soft smile form on my face as I recalled I was capable of being kind and soft. Even to a wolf that imprinted on my best friend. Or at least I liked to hope so. We would see how long I could play this game of nice Bella.

"You've kissed Paul and now have called me handsome. I can't wait to replay this to Jake later." Quil's cocky display was putting on a show for the wrong audience. Despite my best efforts, I could not resist succumbing to shaking my head in annoyance and muttering "_boys_" as I opened the front door of my truck. _Guess "kind Bella" didn't last that long after all. Oh well._

Quil jumped in the passenger side of my truck, and I had the sudden urge to flee. I clenched the steering well with an unnecessary fierceness and recalled the time to drive to Jessica's would take ten agonizing minutes. _Hey! It's just ten minutes! I can do this. Deep breaths and just ask a question. It's not like I am incapable of holding a conversation._

I swallowed, then asked the first thing that popped in my mind. "Quil, why does Jake _still_ have a crush on me?" My bluntness caught Quil off-guard. From my peripherals, I watched Quil shift uncomfortably in his seat. "I mean if that's too forward of me to ask, _I apologize_. I can't really talk about this with Paul, _well you know_...because Paul would say '**who gives a shit**'." I stifled a laugh from my poorly performed Paul's annoyed _deep_ voice. I pursed my lips in anticipation that maybe, _just maybe_, Quil would give in to answering my question.

"I don't know if that's for me to say." Quil averted his face from me with a stiff posture. I leaned back into my seat, unsurprised by his response in the end.

"I get it. I am s-"

"_If you help me start a conversation with Jessica_, I will tell you." Quil interrupted me and my back straightened up in my seat with intrigue. Quil still looked stiff from my side eye glance, but he had redirected his head to face me. His dark eyes were forthright in their stare on my impassive face. They were daring me to accept his proposal. I skillfully hid my bafflement over Quil's proposition. To be honest, I was impressed Quil had it in him to sell Jake out. It was a harmless secret to sell_, but still_…

In the end, I decided to accept Quil's offer in that he was willing to barter Jake's crush for an "in" with his imprint. I admired his ruthlessness and decided to play ball. Everything was Jessica's decision in the end, and she knew he was coming. I was just putting him up to bat. It would be up to him the outcome of his swing.

"_**Deal**_," I announced with enthusiasm to lock in our verbal agreement. "_Now_, lay it on me."

"Jake finds you attractive." I nodded to Quil to encourage him to tell me something I _didn't_ know. "At first, he wasn't for this "_new_" you. _I mean_, I still think the old you is down in there somewhere. But there is now this side of him that finds your confidence sexy." A long pause lingered in the air; and after long enough, I let it sink in that that may have been it. No substance.

"That's it?!" I gasped between my bouts of laughter. My eyes prickled with tears as I attempted to control my comedic take on Quil's response.

"We are horny teenage boys, Bella. Don't give us too much credit." My lips curled into a smirk at Quil's smug smile and I nodded at Quil in agreement. _Quil got me good, I hate to admit._

I felt my shoulders dip into a relaxed state while I began to prattle on about what to expect at Jessica's party. When I finished my spiel, Quil was ready to change the conversation.

"It's nice actually talking to you like this, Bella. It reminds me of when I first met you in Jake's garage in January." I didn't know how to take what Quil said. Was I feeling defensive? Bitter? Annoyed? Anxious? Frustrated? Guilty? Before I could settle on which emotion prevailed, Quil continued. "You know, you never tried to get to know any of us. You just stick with Paul. That hurts Jake too because he was friends with you before everything happened." I darted my gaze briefly to the watch on my wrist. I felt my defensive walls build up, clinging to the foundation that Quil imprinted on my best friend. Jessica came to my mind as well. Images flashed when she cried over the fact that her dad could have possibly been killed by a vampire, and I realized maybe fate was pulling us all together. I sighed and knew kind Bella was going to make an appearance, I just had to get something off of my chest first.

"Jake can't let go of his old perception of me. Or his crush. I want to be friends with him. It's just not the right time. I am not dumb enough to be friendly with you and Embry and leave Jake out in the cold. _Plus_, Paul gets me. _He gets this new me_." After those words rolled off my tongue, my once pinched, unhappy expression dissolved from my face and was replaced by a soft expression of a Bella I used to know. I looked in the rear-view mirror to get a glimpse of her. The girl I used to be so proudly.

"Being a bitch doesn't have to be a personality trait, Bella." I downplayed my wince and shook my head at Quil. He was right.

"_No_...I know that. But it is who I need to be to do this." My voice dropped at the end of my confession and I pondered what I would say next. The truth seemed most fitting. "Quil, if you don't like me, you won't be able to handle Jess FYI. I can't hold a candle to her bitchy-self. Where do you think I learned it from?" I giggled and let my memories split between all the feistiness I learned from Jess.

"_So, I have heard_...but I am trying. I appreciate what you are doing. I know you're not happy this happened. I can't say I am either, but I have to know _why her_." I turned to Quil and offered him a small smile to convey my acceptance over what he said.

"She is everything I wish I could be. Don't smother her or expect what you see with Jared/Kim and Sam/Emily. She is not like them. She won't submit to that kind of life. But everything in the end is her choice. She could surprise me. I know she will surprise you. She is incredible..." I said proudly as we pulled up to park two houses down from Jessica's. I unbuckled my seatbelt and turned to fully face Quil. "Good luck, kid." I patted Quil's shoulder in encouragement and put on a brave smile. _Brave_…because I felt certain I was going to lose Jessica to Quil in the end.

"You drink much?" Quil asked as we exited the truck and followed other teens heading to Jessica's house. I caught onto the keg his eyes were trailing. It was being hauled between two underclassman I had seen around the hallways in school. _Wow! Guess we are really taking advantage of this unsupervised party by an adult…Jessica did mention it was going to be a rager. What am I in for? _

"Never!" I snickered. "I figured it would be best to avoid drinking tonight, so I can do two training sessions tomorrow to make up what I missed tonight. My one with Paul in the morning and then a solo one in the evening." Quil's sigh was mixed with amusement but almost sounded more like a scoff. I let it roll off my shoulder as I ushered him inside Jessica's house to the party.

**[Five shots and two hours later]**

My brain's reception of what was going on around me was static-y. My body wobbled as I was trying to figure out why the grass was so soft underneath my bare feet. I looked up and found myself confused as to why the stars above me were yellow and _so_ far away. Jess was _supposed _to have green stars on her bedroom ceiling. I closed my eyes when my head began to spin and swirl the stars into a motion picture of shooting stars. I fell to the ground for stability.

"Quil, why the fuck are you calling me? Bella can take care of herself." I heard Paul's booming voice in the darkness. It was muffled though.

"I have two drunk girls and an out of control party to moderate. Jessica and Bella are piss drunk. I can barely keep tabs on one while the other gallops off making a fool of herself. _Please!_ I would call Jake or Embry, but Bella would only listen to you. You know that! Especially with the chaotic mess she is now!" _Chaotic mess? Not even. I am a brilliant mess. And so fun and lively. Drinking is awesome. I feel so warm and tingly. It's been so long since I have felt so happy! I would dance if I could command my legs to move._

"Be a man and figure it out." _Paul again being Paul. He knows I can take care of myself. Duh Quil._

"**FINE!**"

**[Twenty minutes later]**

"Again?! I will rip you to shreds, Quil," Paul snarled.

"This is bad. She is crying. Uncontrollably. I don't know what to do, man. And Jessica is trying to dance on the kitchen table top inside and flash guys that aren't this one guy named Mike."

"On my way," Paul's voice was gruff. _But_, it sounded like soft Paul made his unwelcomed return. _Or_ maybe I could use soft Paul though. The tears won't stop, and I feel lost in a world full of despair. The time in this world was agonizingly slow as I spent my penance being burdened with sorrow.

My mind blurred in and out of consciousness, every once in a while hearing Quil's panicked voice, until…

He was here. I heard his uneven breathing and light growling not too far off. AND he was pissed.

"**I don't understand why you are acting like this! **What is wrong with you? Has his sudden appearance broken you down into the pathetic girl you were before?!" The disgust in Paul's tone was evident. But it didn't snap me out of it. Whatever it was I needed to be snapped out of.

The smell of _rust and salt_ impaired every other sense in my body as it flooded my nostrils. Didn't Paul smell it too? My eyes cracked open and I stumbled onto my feet. _Where is it coming from? Who is it? _

Each aimless step of mine was weighted with resistance in the forms of anxiety and terror. My blurry vision distorted my ability to comprehend my surroundings. My brain, with urgency, sifted through the fuzzy images, searching. Looking for an object. _What object?_

"_Bella_?" Paul's concerned voice was almost inaudible from wherever it came from. My brain was filtering out everything that would distract me from finding _it_. _What am I looking for? Who am I looking for?_

_Charlie. _

My heart throttled around in my chest like a pinball. Where was Charlie? I felt what was weighing me down prior be snipped as I was unleashed. _Find Charlie. Save Charlie._ _I can do this. _I patted the space where my sheath should have looped around my front belt loop. I felt horror grip me as I confirmed I in-fact did not have my fang on me. _Save Charlie!_ I began to sprint like I was putting everything on the line, even without my weapon on me.

A searing touch engulfed my waist as I found myself in the air. "What the fuck are you trying to pull, you drunk bitch?" I thrashed in Paul's tight grip. He didn't understand. I had to save Charlie. I could do it this time.

_Wait. Why am I saying this time?_

My body halted its movement. My incoherent thoughts tapped into the memory of my brain that the alcohol had temporarily smothered into silence. Charlie was dead.

I felt my body jostle. Paul was trying to make me come to life again. I am sure if he looked into my eyes, he would see the light had gone out in them. If it ever had been reignited sometime in our time together.

"Bella," Paul bellowed in a low voice of exasperation as he lowered me onto the ground and my lifeless body slumped to meet the lush grass.

A sober state of mind temporarily returned to me. "Do you want to know a secret?" I whispered in a hushed voice after the ignition was turned for a secret long ago buried.

Paul's reluctance to answer me right away inspired me to continue. I knew he was there despite my eyes being squeezed shut. Everything within me fought to keep the secret down, back to the tiny box it was once locked away in. But somehow, the alcohol had been the magic key to set it free if for just but a moment. It clawed its way from the depths to my vocal cords and made its sweet escape.

"I am a liar." I grabbed the grass under my hands and squeezed it like my life depended on it. My knuckles strained in my current grip and my voice carried on spilling secrets in a quaking tone. "**I am not **strong. **I am not **fearless. **I cannot** take on a vampire. **I am** **just **a scared little girl that is suffering through guilt over being the reason her dad was killed by a vampire." I ripped out the grass, roots, soil and all, and chucked it somewhere in the distance.

"Temper tantrum much?" Paul sneered. He had no sympathy for me as I expected. It was why he was the only one I could share this secret to.

I brought my dirt covered hands to my face to cover my shame from Paul and the world. "I just wished she finished me off when she killed Charlie," I croaked. That was the biggest secret of them all. I finally admitted to him and..._myself_.

I felt Paul kneel on the ground next to me. And I was ready for it. He was gearing up to kick me in the ass and tell me to toughen up and be stronger.

I was startled when Paul's hands wrapped around mine and pulled my hands from my face. I felt his fingers trace my eyelids. He wouldn't command me to open them, but I did it anyways and found brown eyes staring back at me, swirling with concern. Not anger or disappointment. Paul didn't know this Bella. _The Bella _Jake had always claimed I truly was and in the end he was right. Him and Edward. I was a foolish little girl.

"No, you don't." Paul's words were heavy and loaded with reassurance.

"I don't what?" I felt my eyebrows draw down together as I focused on the palm of my right hand. Paul's massive, warm hand was covering my own.

"Wish that she killed you." Walls of resistance to his words surged upon my ears. Created by the splintered confidence Edward had made his first cut into a week ago.

"Give yourself enough credit. You usually are overdoing it. But I think I rather see that version of you then you like this..." Paul's grip tightened on my hand as if he was reinforcing the meaning of his words with his touch. Was it enough though?

"You are here today because you chose to be. You met obstacles at every step, yet you plowed forward. Mowing down anything in your way." My heart cajoled my ears to absorb Paul's words. They needed to be heard. My pulse quickened as Paul brought the top of my hand to his soft lips. He brushed his lips against my hand with the utmost affection. I felt my eyes bulge as different departments in my brain called an emergency meeting to decipher Paul's actions.

"It's why I like-" the vomit coming out of my mouth cut Paul off before he could finish. My stomach curdled while every wretched alcoholic fluid that touched food in my stomach convinced it to come up. Not all at once though. It wouldn't let me off that easy. It decided to come in waves. And for a short amount of time I went from feeling my world tilted to watching my stomach deplete everything it could in the grass until the reception in my head cut short. Everything faded to black.

…

I woke up to a headache grinding its punishment for me into my temples. The intensity of the pressure insisted I should not open my eyes any further than necessary. But my throat made an excellent case that my body could use water. I had never felt so dehydrated in my life. I found myself piecing together I was waking up in Jessica's bed. She was dead asleep three feet away from me dressed up in her party clothes as well. Black mascara streaked her cheeks along with other makeup residue left behind. I could only imagine I mirrored the same hot mess she was. I moaned in regret upon forcing myself to get the hell out of the bed.

I stumbled down the stairs from Jessica's room. I was thirsty. _Water. Water. Water_. As I walked into the kitchen, I did a double take of Quil Ateara wiping down pristine black granite counters. "Quil?" I asked softly. I groaned when my own voice triggered a throbbing vengeance on my temples with my current headache. "What are you doing here?" I croaked with my dry throat. But then, I looked around. Everything was...clean. No red cups. No sticky floors or trash everywhere. No signs of an out of control teenage party was thrown the night before. "Did you clean up everything?" I asked incredulously with wide eyes.

Quil nodded to me and resumed cleaning. I felt my temples twitch and began to gently rub them with my left hand. I sifted through the cabinets for a glass with my free hand. Quil pointed me to the glass cabinet. I thanked him before filling up the glass with water. After chugging two mouthfuls of _sweet_, _delicious_ water, I asked a question I wasn't sure I wanted the answer to.

"What happened last night?" Quil erupted in laughter and asked what I last remembered.

"Singing happy birthday and eating cake. Everything else is nowhere in the old memory." Quil shook his head at me and muttered "_go figure_".

"Was it bad?" I asked apprehensively.

"Yup."

"Do I want to know?"

"Ask Paul." I felt the color drain from my face at the mention of Paul's name. He wasn't supposed to show up last night. I vigorously jerked my head around the vicinity of the kitchen to see if Paul was here as well.

"He left after he put you to bed." I cringed at wondering how bad I got that Paul had to be summoned.

"And Jessica?"

"She was crazier than you. But she is fine." I noticed Quil's mouth twist into a smile that accentuated his cheeks, dusted with a faint blush.

"Not too much for you to handle then?" I asked with my tongue in cheek.

Quil threw the kitchen towel he was wiping the counters with over the shoulder. "Oh, I can handle her."

"Good." I filled up my glass with water one more time and began to climb up the stairs. I stopped on my third step up.

"Hey Quil?"

"Yeah, Bella?"

"Just a warning, but she can't be tamed."

"I wouldn't want to do that." I nodded and believed the truth in his words. I let him continue his clean up while I fought back the vomit wanting to rise up my throat.

Three more hours of sleep, piecing together the previous night with Jessica, and chugging more water, I dragged my ass home. I left in time to give Jessica privacy to call Quil to thank him for cleaning up. Jess said it was innocent and meant nothing. I couldn't recall how Quil's time with Jessica went the previous night, but I assumed he wasn't a lost cause after what he did this morning. I dreaded catching up with Paul. I was going to be rolling home at 11 AM and missed our 8 AM training meet up time. I knew he wouldn't be happy, especially with whatever he had to handle of myself the previous night.

I pulled up to the house with dread as I caught Paul's motorcycle parked next to the driveway. On the front porch, he was leaned against the front door with a face void of emotions. I felt my hand waver over shifting my truck in reverse and fleeing the scene. I knew I would not do that because I owed Paul more than that. Or that is what something inside of me said, and I wasn't sure why….

"I heard you made a guest appearance last night." I watched Paul's eyebrows quirk up in surprise.

"Heard?"

"Apparently, I am a lightweight. Jessica says the coined term is that I-" I raised my hands to air quote my next words. "-blacked out." Confusion at first cracked Paul's face and then anger tore through it.

"How stupid can you be?"

"_What_?"

"What if Victoria chose to strike last night? Wasted Bella would have been a leech's dream and everything you worked for would have been for nothing!" Paul clenched his teeth and his neck ticked. I dared to look into Paul's eyes and the impact of my actions pierced my heart. The pain in Paul's eyes was obvious, and I could tell where his anger was coming from. He was right. I was careless.

"Get changed. You don't get to skip training today. Yeah, you reek of booze and smell like you have thrown up everything in your stomach. Prove to me you are still worth my effort to work with. Otherwise let's just wait for Victoria to get it over with," Paul sneered.

I felt like shit. "Fuck you. Gimme five. You cannot stop training me. I took Quil to the party last night."

"Don't be late again, Bella." I nodded as I pushed past Paul to run in the house to change for training.

Deep in the forest, surrounded by the same eight trees within a ten-foot radius and soil with deep impressions of my boots a million times over, Paul hardened his stare on me. I gripped my dagger with an edge of confidence. I inched my right foot forward for balance. As soon as his eyes averted to my movement, I glided forward. I slashed the fang across him within an inch of his chest.

Paul slammed my arm and I dropped my fang. I dove to the ground to retrieve it while dodging his kick to my stomach.

My eyes diverted to find _my_ tree. I ran over to it and scaled it like it was a ladder.

"Running away, _Bella_?" Paul questioned me but should have known better.

On my eighth branch up the tree, I unhooked my bow and retrieved three arrows. Hidden in the leaves, out of Paul's site, I released a rapid fire of shots.

"_Fuck_." I smiled at Paul's cursing before climbing down the tree. I jumped to the ground and turned around to face Paul.

"Fuck!" I yelled when I realized how far off my aim was from him. Each arrow had to have been more than 5 feet or more off my target. I grumbled at my shit marksmanship while ignoring Paul's assessing eyes.

"I don't know where to start."

"Ugh. Start with the bad then work up to the good."

"Shit aim. But you know that. Your distraction with your feet in the beginning was pathetic. I appreciate your creativity with the hidden bow and arrow. I knew eventually you would catch on to that fact you have to be more cunning with vampires. _And_ I suppose wolves. Like hell I didn't see that shit coming." Paul's eyes lit up and I wanted to be happy with my work. But my body was not ready to catch up as my smile was quickly marred with an open mouth throwing up the scrambled eggs Quil had made Jess and I for breakfast.

"Yeah I expected that sooner or later. You still have a ways to go, _but_ I appreciate your effort. Even when you feel like shit. Let's go again. You're out of surprises though so you'll have to rely on your skills."

I wiped my lips with the back of my hand and spit out what vomit was still lingering in my mouth.

"I'll master both," I replied with a cocky arrogance I could tell for some reason Paul appreciated in that moment.

"Let's begin Round 2." I winked at Paul and readied my stance with my favorite fang.

…

**[Two Months Later]**

An average day unfolds for me as: wake up, go to school, train with Jessica, resume school, and continue training after school by myself or with Paul. The days ran together seamlessly. I began to measure time in my progress of my skills with my dagger and archery. And my ability to think on my feet for my strategy against vampires.

I think about training. I dream about training. If I didn't concentrate on that, a certain red headed vampire would be the focus of my mind.

There was one week until my graduation ceremony at Forks High School. And like any dramatic story, the climax was upon us. Victoria and her army were making their way to Forks this weekend.

Last month in April, we had a false alarm. The Cullen's brought news that the Volturi brought down Victoria's army. This ancient order of vampires that the Cullen's do not like to speak of. Edward had mentioned them but once when we were together.

Victoria was not captured though, and she reignited her forces at an accelerated rate with less training. They were coming for us tomorrow. Saturday. Today I was muddling through my last day of school before finals and then graduation, unsure if I still had that future to look forward to.

Jessica uncharacteristically approached me before I even made it to my first period class. Edward was out of school today. It was a "sunny" day, so we were safe to talk. Jessica offered me a hesitant smile before I turned my face to my locker.

"I am having second thoughts."

"On the battle?" I was perplexed on her sudden change of mind while I shuffled my books around in my school locker.

"No! Telling them all tonight. Can't I just show up for the, _surprise_?" Jess's voice was an octave higher than normal and I felt the anxiety dripping from it.

"Why the change of heart?"

"I am not ready for Quil to know I know. Once we open that door, we can't close it." I still hadn't turned to face Jessica as I was trying to dig out my Calculus book from my erratic, unorganized stacks of notebooks and papers. I needed to finish my Calculus homework during classes today.

"But you guys aren't even friends. So why does that matter? He has no claim over you."

"We've been texting." My hand stilled on my Calculus textbook I finally uncovered. I began to run my fingers along the edges, admiring the straight lines along the spine of the well-used book.

"Did you hear me?" I sighed and fumbled my fingers around the book with the intent of retrieving it.

"I heard you. How long?"

"A month." My heart hurled hurtful accusations at my brain for not picking up on this sooner. I laughed softly to mask my devastation. I knew what the implication of her words were.

"Are you more than friends?" Curiosity peaked through my tone because I buried the resentment that wanted to rise up in it.

"_No_..." Her voice provided me with absolute clarity that what she meant to say was "not yet". I bit back a bitter smile and let a jovial grin pull at my lips. Forcing them to be happy for my best friend.

I stepped aside my pride. "How would you like to tell him or them, Jess?"

Jessica's pensive face dwelled on my question, but the first period warning bell rung before she could answer me.

I sulked in private all first period. I knew this was going to happen sooner or later. Despite it all, I felt lighter. The inevitable was on course and now I could acknowledge it head on versus peering around every corner wondering when it was going to sneak attack me.

In our training session during second period, Jessica asked if I wanted a day off before the battle. I insisted we trained though because I needed the stress release more than ever.

To relieve that stress, I climbed that damn 38-foot tall rope, _twice_. I fired my arrows without hesitation and in good form, earning the remarks, "_strong shot_" for each target and the coveted praise of "_shooting clean_" from Jessica. In hand-to-hand combat, I knocked Jessica to the floor twice. In battle strategy rapid fire questions, I earned mission success during 70% of the scenarios Jessica threw at me.

I was ready. She was ready.

Tomorrow was the day I had been waiting for since January.

When we finished our last training session, Jessica decided the right thing to do was show up at the meeting. I knew she was doing it for me though.

…

After school, I had an important score to settle with the Cullen's. Edward accepted the meet-up on his family's behalf at the beginning of the week when I caught him during lunch. Edward didn't seem surprised, which really irked me. Since he had come back, I wished he could read my mind so he would understand how much his "protection" of me was undesired despite his "good" intentions.

I arrived at the meeting point an hour before it was expected. I had preparations to make after all. When I finished, I laid in wait. I was pleasantly surprised with my good luck that not only were they all out of the vicinity of where our meeting was to be held (_it was only 500 feet from their house in the forest_), but they all showed up together for our meet up.

I felt a proud, perfect posture take over my body as I jovially watched the Cullen's frantically race to the tree 30 feet in the distance from where I was watching. They were gathering around the base of the tree slathered in my blood which took a week to collect. I looked at the fresh scar on my leg and nodded at in praise and thanks. Assessing they were about to scatter, I gathered it was time to make my move. I clicked the remote detonator in my hand, setting off a loud bang 50 feet - give or take- in the distance. It was just a _harmless_ gadget Jessica and I pilfered from some weapons storage vault we discovered in the basement of my house. As soon as the air rippled with my distraction, I fired my first arrow and my second arrow within seconds.

I watched the first arrow hit my mark in the chest- just to the left of his dead, cold heart. The second arrow he barely caught in time with his hand.

Edward soon found me up in the tree 30-feet from where he was standing. I looked in Edward's eyes as they demanded an explanation. I smiled and waved like an old friend saying hello after its been ages before climbing down the tree with the bow strapped around my back.

None of the Cullen's spoke of my entrance while I approached. I was expecting a lecture off the bat. It was refreshing that I couldn't always peg their reactions.

"_Funny_ how you can outrun an arrow, but were still struck by one," I chuckled while locking eyes with Edward first when we were all within 10 feet of one another.

"_Bella_, why would you-"

"Good to know that the fang's do work." I cut off Carlisle's disapproving tone; he didn't have a right to take that tone with me. "Edward is fine. I needed a test subject while proving to Edward speed and strength are not everything." Their gold eyes held a solemn stare despite the blank faces. They were not amused. _Yet I am._

"_Anyways_, I'll get to the point. We have the meeting with the pack tonight, and I would like to get some things off my chest. _Si vis pacem, para bellum."_

"You _want_ war with us, Bella?" Carlisle asked skeptically. Disappointment marred his face. I barked a laugh before shaking my head no.

"No, but I feel that phrase applies here. I want peace within myself over everything that happened. Closure so to speak. Not just with Edward, but all of you." My eyes burned as I reviewed their guilt riddled faces.

"_**You each**_ just followed what Edward asked and left me. After everything we'd been through and calling me a part of your family. Alice-" My eyes shifted to focus on Alice. Her head immediately bent down with her eyes downcast, unable to meet my own. "I expected more from you. You were supposed to be my best friend! But you disposed of me like garbage because Edward deemed it was best. **And you**, Edward." My voice was an oscillating struggle between enraged and shrill. "You sheltered me and protected me as best you could while we were together. Then you abandoned me. Thinking it was best, but you NEVER asked more from me. If I could be who I am today. You assumed weak Bella was all I could be. But here I am, and I could have been enough. An equal, but you never would have allowed that to happen. Charlie is dead by both of our faults. You killed James and now Victoria is mine. Her and I are inevitable. After this battle, my ties with all of you are severed. I need people in my life I can count on when things get tough. The only one of you I respect is Rosalie. She never liked me, so at least her leaving I take at face value of her never liking me." I walked up to Edward to retrieve my arrows, but he crumbled the fang tips before I reached him. _Predictable_. I watched him release the sticks remaining to the ground by his feet in amusement. I fought back a smile while I bent over to collect them. Upon my retrieval, I slipped out the tiny fang I palmed under my sleeve and inserted it in his right foot. I scrambled back as he screamed a string of curses. "_**Who are you**_?" Edward snarled as his eyes finally saw who I was now.

I waved my sticks at him. "Bella the Vampire Slayer." I winked at Edward and then waved to the rest of the Cullen's with a smile smeared in vengeance. "_See you beautiful vamps tonight_!" I sung offkey upon my departure.

…

Friday evening, fear pulsed in my chest as I walked to the treaty line with Jessica in tow. Her hand was clasped in mine for comfort and courage. We had to be brave. We knew the consequences of the decision we made months ago after I told her. She was in this too now.

The tense atmosphere was sent into full throttle when eyes fell on Jessica as we approached within their view. I expected the heat to come from the pack as their eyes held upset confusion. The Cullen's were however unphased and I wondered why. _Edward?_

No one spoke on her presence. Instead, Sam mapped out the plan of attack with Carlisle. Nothing in their plan pertained to my participation, and I was peeved. I looked between both parties as the discussion continued and no one would make eye contact with me since I first arrived.

"_**What about me?**_ And aren't you going to ask about Jessica?" I exclaimed while shaking my head between both groups. Expecting someone to respond.

"_Bella_, we will address this when the Cullen's leave," Sam spoke, and I understood I could not question it. At that moment at least.

The Cullen's soon left, and I was growing antsy that Sam was going to blow up. The full moon in the sky illuminated the rage Sam had sequestered while in the presence of the Cullen's. It was about to be unleashed though.

"_**Quil**_, take Jessica home." I tightened my grip on Jessica's hand.

"_Why_?" I asked with a tight chest.

"You know that answer, and Bella, we need to discuss things without her here."

"She is battling too."

"No, she is not!" Sam's voice shook the trees and my legs began to follow suit. His voice stirred terror in me I never knew before from a _friend_. I loosened my hand on Jessica's grip.

"Go," I whispered to Jessica. "I'll talk to you later. Sam and I do need to clear _some_ things up." I talked with words as sharp as the tip of my fang, sheathed around my hip. Jessica squeezed my hand before she let go and walked towards Quil. I wanted to take back meeting Quil's eyes for the brief moment I had while Jessica was walking to him. Because I felt the piercing sting of betrayal_ he_ was feeling.

Once Quil left with Jessica, it was just me facing the pack. Paul was standing somewhere between both sides, but I couldn't care to focus on that in the moment.

"_**You are such a selfish brat!**_ This isn't **about you**. It's about protecting people. That is _what_ we do. We didn't choose to have this ability. It was forced upon us. Yet you're skipping along like we want this fight. Just because you want this doesn't mean we would choose this life, Bella." Sam's eyes burned as if he wished he could set me on fire with them. My skin began to feel scorched by them.

"Stop making our jobs more difficult! You're just a _pathetic_, weak little human. We've been humoring you long enough out of guilt over what happened to Charlie. **No more though**. You're a liability, and this shit you pulled with telling Jessica about the imprint _before_ Quil could shows what little respect you have for us."

His words sliced through me. Cutting up everything once held together by a thin layer of hope. But something inside kept me standing on my feet when everything else compelled me to fall to my knees.

_Grief_.

I was wrong. Vengeance wasn't what kept me beating. It was my grief and the promise that once I finished this task, I would finally submit to it. Charlie deserved my tears. But not until this was over.

I stood my ground and kept my focus on Sam's commanding eyes. They commanded everyone else here. _**But**_ not me.

"I will see you all tomorrow," I whispered with defiance as I stood tall. I turned on my heel and felt a hand on my shoulder jerking me back to face the pack.

"_No_, you will not." I looked up at Paul's face, the owner of the hand. His expression was hardened, and his eyes _didn't_ reflect regret.

"_Paul_?" I asked in disbelief over what I was hearing.

"You _**are not**_ going. You will just get in the way. We need all our focus on the fight. We can't afford to worry about you prancing around in the forest playing _vampire slayer_." The words of his betrayal began to crawl their way through my ears and be transcribed to my brain and heart. I wasn't mishearing him. I slapped his hand off my shoulder.

"You don't mean that, Paul." I was offering him an out. A lifeline to save our friendship hanging by a thread in this moment.

"_But I do_," he said coolly, and I watched the thread be clipped by his words.

If they wanted my submission, I was going to put on the best _god damn_ performance of my life. Because they once again would underestimate what would break me.

My body began to quiver, and I let tears well up in my eyes. "_Paul_, why did you train me then?" I cried in frustration.

"Like Sam said, _**guilt**_." The pack's eyes were on us as they knew that Paul would be the one to perform the "killing" blow of disillusioning Bella that she would not be participating in the battle tomorrow.

"No! I convinced you, Paul. **You saw something in me**!"

"All I saw was a _weak_ and _scared_ little girl who was grieving her dad's death. You needed something to occupy your time to stay out of trouble. We knew there was no other way for you to let us protect you and for us to get closer to catching the red head leech." I swallowed my ability to laugh. Even if it _was_ the truth, it still worked to my advantage.

I began to beat my fists on Paul's chest as I repeated "_**Liar**_!" in a shrill voice. "Don't agree with Sam, _Paul_. You know me. I can help! I am an asset."

"_But you're really not._"

I dropped my fists and looked at Paul with a pained stare. I allowed the effects of his betrayal take form on my face. The tears began to fall as I choked out, "I thought you were different. That you saw something in me. Something worthwhile. But you lied to me and let me believe I could see something more in myself. _**I hate you**_." I let my voice tremble with my last delivery of my performance and walked away from Paul. No one called after me to stop me. They assumed their plan worked. _Jackasses_.

As soon as I arrived home, I called Jessica. "Jess, it's go-time. They don't think I am heading out tomorrow. We have to start setting up the traps."

"Did they say anything about me knowing about the imprint?"

"Ha! That was like their focal point of what pushed them over the edge. The fact that I told you the truth before he got to."

"That's bullshit."

"I know. Come over in...20. I am working on packing everything up. And _Jess_...this is very dangerous. I won't tell you that you cannot come. You don't hold the same stakes in this that I do. If you want to stay out of it, please don't come. I can handle myself."

"Bella, did Mulan save the emperor by herself? No. She had her friends with her. I mean, I kinda think I am Mulan _always_...but in this scenario, I'll let you be her." I laughed and agreed with my crazy best friend.

"**Alright**. Let's do this. Fuck boys. Fuck vampires. Let's save Forks," I cheered over the phone.

"See you soon."

"Bye Jess."

Jess was at my front door knocking in 20 minutes. Ten minutes into our final preparation, another knocking came at the door. Jess and I both threw bewildered expressions at one another as we were hesitant at who was at the door. Our silent agreement when looking at each other was not to answer it. We continued to separate supplies on my living room floor.

When the knocking became more pronounced and the uninvited guest was not leaving...I sighed and walked towards the door. I veered last second from opening it to peeping out the side window to see who it was.

"Jess! Did you tell Quil?!"

"What?! **Hell no!**"

I opened the door a smidge before asking, "what are you doing here? Didn't Paul and Sam tear into me enough this evening?" Quil rolled his eyes at me before forcing the door open despite my resistance on it.

"_What are you two up to?!_"

Before I could cover for us, Jessica beat me to the punch. "Quil Ateara, if you ever want a chance at a real imprint relationship with me, you will forget what you have seen and leave us alone." I admired her confidence before having to burst her bubble.

"He can't Jess."

"What?"

"When he phases next, the rest of them will see our stockpile."

"Don't phase then!" Jess commanded.

"I'll help you guys." Quil shrugged as if he said something casual and _**not a big fucking deal**_.

"What?" Both Jess and I asked in unison.

"I'll phase late, so they won't know until it's too late," Quil replied softly.

"Why would you do that?" Jessica asked before I could.

"I know you won't sit back because of her." Quil flicked his eyes to me before refocusing them back on Jess. "And I know you don't want my protection. So, my only objective is to make you happy. If making you happy is helping Bella and fighting alongside her, you got yourself a wolf sidekick."

"Are you serious?" Jess asked in awe.

"What about Sam and the pack?" I interjected before Quil could respond.

"Imprint comes first. Before pack. Sam's command cannot override that. And at the end of the day, I am still helping them fight and protect. _Just_… in a different way. Now what's the game plan?"

Jessica and I looked at each other before agreeing with a head nod that Quil was in on it now as well.

I threw Jess a quick wink- silently giving Quil my full support in that moment over his imprint-ship with her. I ran upstairs to get more supplies and to give the two of them a brief moment alone. In that time by myself, I secretly hoped Paul would soon follow Quil's lead to join us. But as soon as that seed of hope was planted, I ripped it from the soil and set it aflame. It was a stupid wish and my heart squeezed while I watched the seed burn. When I disposed of the ashes, I was recommitted to the cause. This day I had been waiting for too long to let anyone ruin it for me.

_Even Paul._

* * *

**AN**: _Our heroine's epic conclusion for __Part I of the Phoenix__ resides in __**Ch 12 – coming in Decmeber!**__ Sorry no preview this time. Just know a lot of answers to a lot of questions asked by readers will be revealed! __**xoxo**__\- Lalaland972_

"_Si vis pacem, para bellum" = "If you want peace, prepare for war"_

* * *

_**Lalaland972's Response to Reviews (**__in alphabetical order__**):**_

_Thank you each for your review!_

**Asia Joanna 7334:**unsure if you kept reading, but if you did, I hope you still found the plot interesting!

**DxGRAYxMAN:**Always time when you don't want to sleep! Haha Glad to see you are still reading this story!

**Guest:**Even more words in this chapter update! Crazy, no? Jess and Quil's understanding of one another really grew in this chapter. And more about what is up with Paul to be revealed in the next chapter!

**LTAX1:** Bella was a bit humbled this chapter. She is narrow minded right now but still growing on her perception of imprinting/the pact aside from Paul. Bella definitely is reaping what she showed this chapter by telling Jessica instead of Quil. More to be explained about Paul's side of things in the conclusion of Part 1, next chapter. I am glad you loved my FF! I did a good trip and did not forget y'all ^_^

**LycanVampireHybrid:** More is here ^_^ More action to come next chapter along with finding out what the heck has been going on with Paul these last few chapters!

**tracybuie:**The plot about jess's dad was a twist for me too. I thought it added another great element for the story that was briefly hinted at in this chapter. I PROMISE what is up with Paul will be explained in the end of Part I, next chapter. Haha. We will also get some more insight from Edward. A lot of stuff will be explained!

**twilight:**I feel flattered that as a new user you stumbled upon my story! I am glad you are enjoying this story! Thank you for the compliment and finding the idea interesting. I like Bella with a backbone as well : ) I hope you continue to enjoy reading this!

**Wpear:**I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Thank you always for your praise and encouragement. It is always appreciated, and I love reading your reviews! Thanks for sticking with me on my stories : )


	13. Chapter 12

_**Chapter theme:** Fire and Wolf-fangs.__ Response to reviews at the end. __Enjoy!_

_Shout out to __**Lady Sloane**__ for Beta-ing this chapter! Thank you!_

* * *

**The Phoenix**

**Chapter 12**

Life used to be simple. I was happy. I had Edward. I had both my parents.

_I don't recognize who I am anymore._

Life became complicated. Edward left. I was depressed. Charlie died.

_I used to be kind. Patient. Quiet. Thoughtful. Selfless._

I am no longer that girl. I was carved into this new Bella. The Bella I didn't ask for, but I wouldn't wish to trade back to my former life for a new ending. I learned to toughen up. I stood up and put up my fists after life knocked me down.

The fire burning in my eyes as I stared into my bedroom mirror belonged to a girl that was determined. I knew she was selfish and stupid, putting her own life in danger. Possibly a liability like they all insisted. But when I looked into her eyes, I knew we had to go. Because if I didn't go out there and fight for Charlie, I would lose to my grief when it came for me.

I placed my right hand on the mirror. Our hands touched. We looked into each other's eyes. "This is for Charlie. For myself. Victoria won't stop until she has me. It has to be me who ends this." We nodded at each other and as I turned around, I wondered if we would see each other again after the battle. Would those fiery determined eyes ever return in me or would I be killed? It was time to roll the dice of my fate. I cast the dice behind me before descending down the stairs back to Quil and Jessica. I didn't bother to look back to see what fate I rolled. I was walking into it regardless of the final outcome for me.

I found Quil packing the last of the supplies on the floor. I tossed him the extra bag I retrieved from my room. Quil's eyes sparked with curiosity when he caught the heavy bag clanking around in his grip. He used his free hand to feel around the bag and his eyes widened in surprise. "_**How**_ did you get so many?!"

"They were rewards from Paul when I exceeded his expectations when training." I flashed a strained smile and felt my heart drop in my chest. I heard Jess rummaging around in the kitchen and I knew I had to make my request quick.

"Stick with her the entire time. After the traps are laid, leave. Away from the battle."

"That's not what she wants."

"It's not coming from you, Quil. It's coming from me. I am Victoria's target. I am being a selfish bitch by wanting this fight. _I know this_…" I sighed and rubbed my face vigorously. "Jessica hasn't been around a vampire before. She doesn't know what she is getting into. I fucked you over." My throat began to dry out, but I persisted on. "I told her. I won't apologize. But I owe you. Take her away after and drop her off somewhere safe. Make me the bad guy."

"No."

"No?"

"No. Yeah you fucked me over. Honestly, it may have been in my favor. When I talked to Jess when I took her home from the meeting, she explained a lot of things to me. She wants this. She is your friend. Trust her _and _me, Bella. You and I are friends too, _you know_. We will follow the plan until the fight is over." I felt the tears escape despite my demand to push them back down. "Oh...you should know Paul was ordered by Sam to do that. At the meeting. Paul was furious. But it's an Alpha's order and I think some part of him agreed with Sam that you'd be safer out of the battle." Quil offered me a tolerant smile. Something within me hurt when I met his eyes. They were deflecting an emotion that they wouldn't let take form.

My hands began to tremor by my side. I clenched them into fists to gain control over them. It made sense. But I had believed Paul had turned on me so easily. What did that mean then? I shook off my thoughts and reminded myself that Paul made his choice. _Well, not of his own accord. But he has pack loyalties and I could never be the one to break that_. I wiped the tears from my face with the back of my hand.

"Thanks..." I choked out. "I would have been okay without knowing the truth. But knowing it makes me feel a little better. I don't know if we can recover from this despite it though. He used my insecurities against me in front of an audience. I doubt Sam gave him a script of how to get me to not participate."

Quil nodded solemnly. "Bella, there is one more thing..." I peered over my shoulder and saw Jessica drawing nearer to us from the kitchen. I bobbed my head for Quil to continue. "Edward knew of your secret training with Jessica. He knew you told her about wolves and vampires. He didn't say anything until this evening about it though. Before you both showed up." I strolled over to the nearest pillow on the living room couch and punched it several times before exhaling deeply and redirecting my gaze to Quil for him to continue.

"_**Why **_did he say something now?"

"I guess you pissed him off earlier?" I chuckled to confirm that was correct. "And as a bargaining chip. He told us as an extra measure to ensure you weren't allowed to participate. As soon as he mentioned Jessica's name, Sam was willing to accept his terms without knowing what he had to say. I knew there was more to it though..."

"So, does that mean Sam was going to let me participate before then?"

"He was undecided. Paul was on your side. I think he almost convinced Sam to agree until that came up from Edward."

_Fan-fucking-tasti__c__._

"What a shithead," Jessica commented as she offered us both water bottles.

"It's fine. They probably would not have been keen on our trap suggestions anyways. What are your thoughts, Quil?"

"_Well..._it's kind of clever. _We_ are more of a brute force attack type though."

I snickered. "I know. This is to help damage them so they are easier to take out. Weakening any of the newborn strength is in your favor." Quil shrugged at my explanation and flashed Jessica a tentative smile.

"I am not a fan of your tactic with Victoria though."

"Me either!" Jessica chimed in with a stern expression capturing her entire face.

"_Why_?" I asked because I knew they expected it. However, their opinions wouldn't change my mind.

"It's dangerous and you have to take in consideration opportunity and luck to pull it off," Quil chastised me. I rolled my eyes. Paul would have been more supportive. _I think?_

"_Yes..._that's true. Let's just say I am feeling lucky!" My face split into a confident grin and my audience was not amused. "Either way I know she is going to find me. I rather it be my way then her way. This is the only way I feel comfortable standing a chance."

"We will be your back up." My eyes darted to Jessica.

"No, you won't. You have other jobs to do."

"She is right, Jessica. We have to ensure the traps work."

"I am most concerned with Jacob or Edward interfering. I think once they all realize I am there, everyone will be too distracted to give a shit and will think if she wants to die, _let her die_. Edward will not go for that. Jacob also has a hero complex too. Keep them away from me, if you can Quil." Jessica's blue eyes hardened in disagreement with my face. I averted her gaze as I said, "_If I die, I die. _If I don't try doing this, I can assure although I won't die a physical death, I won't come back emotionally from squandering this moment to take on Charlie's killer."

"You're not dying," Jessica said with a passionate conviction despite the pact we had previously made to one another awhile back.

* * *

"_Oomph," I harshly exhaled while falling to the ground on my back. Jessica's kick landed with immaculate precision in my gut and knocked the breath out of me. In __between __my gasping breaths, I caught her failing to mask a confident smile. She enjoyed being the athletic__ally_ _superior one between the two of us. When my lungs recovered, Jessica offered me her hand to pull me up. Mid-pull up she released me to the ground. My ass hit the wood gym floor with a hard thump. "Ah Jess, what did you do that for?" I pouted while rubbing my ass cheek that took the brunt of the fall with my right hand. I looked up to Jess for an explanation._

_Jessica's face fell in the blink of an eye. Inscribed in her face was the unease of a girl taken aback. Her stunned eyes intently focused on my left arm draped over my stomach._

_I felt myself lean away from her stare and look for something to cover my shame with. Before I knew it, Jessica knelt down by me and forced my left wrist to rise and rotate in the air for her inspection. Her grip tightened just above_ _my scar before she asked, "_Did he do this to you?_" Jessica's face was turning a violent shade of red as rage began to enthrall her very being. "Why aren't you one now too?"_

_I used my right hand to untangle her death grip from my left arm. I pulled my arm behind my back as if that would actually erase the scar. I sat up straight and took a __deep_ _breath. "No. Edward saved me by sucking the venom out. If he hadn't, I would have turned. Another vampire __that __was hunting me for sport bit me…" I lifted my chin to meet her eyes. Her cerulean blue eyes were whirlpools of confusion and impatience. She needed more from me despite me not wanting to share more of my past in th__at_ _moment._

_I proceeded to spend the rest of our second period explaining James and my scar. When I finished, __the stakes we were playing for finally sunk in to Jess. Fighting vampires was a risky business._

"_We won't ever become them," she stated simply to me with her back pressed against the bleachers in the gym. We were still alone and just outside of the locker room. I nodded to her in silent agreement. "If I get bit, kill me. Don't let me suffer that fate. __**You understand me, Bella**__?" Jessica's confident words cut through me like a knife me as I realized what world I was pulling her into. I felt my chin quiver. I had to know this was coming. I would have told her about this at some point._

"_Of course. Same goes for me." I wet my lips before offering a reluctant smile. God as my witness, it will be me over Jess if it ever comes down to that._

_Jessica stuck out her hand and I shook it with the mental promise __that_ _I would be 6-feet under the ground before she ever would._

* * *

I wasn't dying today. Victoria would be the one dead between the two of us. It was do or die time. I gathered two bags from the floor and waited for Quil and Jess to get the rest. I locked eyes on Quil for confirmation.

"No one is patrolling close enough for them to notice our presence or exit here. Let's move. We got a couple hours before they are up and making their way to the battle ground." Quil strapped both XL duffle bags over his broad shoulders before walking to the front door with a nonchalance of someone with nothing to lose. _Of course_, I saw through the act for Jessica. I hoped she did too. I appreciated his brave display, nonetheless.

Jessica and I followed his lead, carrying additional supplies and our own battle gear. Jessica's weapon of choice was the bow and arrow- which was an advantage now that she could ride on Quil's back in his wolf form on the battlefield. I was going for close combat with Paul's fang as my main weapon. I wasn't a fool though, I had plenty of backup weapons strapped on my body.

My eyes fell back on the front door after I closed and locked it, I wanted to imagine it wasn't the last time I could possibly be looking at it and I had just told Charlie goodbye and would be back soon. My heart hummed with an inner peace. But my fantasy vanished into thin air when my eyes drifted to Charlie's watch on my wrist. My constant reminder of the cold, harsh reality I was subject to.

The walk to the forest was quiet between the three of us. I averted my eyes from wandering to the clasped hands of Quil and Jess. The weight of the bags wrapped around my shoulders was light in comparison to the burdensome weight of accepting Quil and Jessica's _evolving _friendship. I was happy for Jess, _really_. Love seemed out of reach for me when my heart was blocked up by grief and vengeance.

A fighting spirit swelled in my chest as my eyes swallowed our future battleground, according to Alice. The fight was not too far off. Every second counted as I nodded to Quil and Jess to start laying the foundation of our traps. I gripped the hilt of my fang in its sheath, slung around my waist. Even if Paul wasn't there to support me, his training wouldn't go to waste.

Time passed too quickly as we tailored the open space of the forest to our advantage. These were all last-minute changes. Deep down I had a suspicion that Edward could have been putting up a pretense of not reading Jessica's mind, so I always kept a contingency plan which we shifted to after Quil told me what transpired at the meeting before we arrived. The real plan for killing Victoria was also my little secret as well. As much as I wanted to trust Jess, I knew my mind was the safest vault for those plans. From here on out, I wouldn't be seeing Jess until it was all over.

I was on my own.

I knelt to the ground and grabbed a fistful of soil. I rubbed it between my fingers. As it grated my skin, I honestly pondered if this site would be my grave or Victoria's today. My teeth clicked before a faint chuckle escaped my lips. I had just recalled my journey.

To here.

Today.

Every moment of the journey was surreal.

I tapped into something deep inside which allowed me to become something more. I made unlikely friends and allies. My story was nothing anyone would read about, _but it was mine_. I was a flawed protagonist with a hell-bent fury on vengeance. I became selfish and uncompromising in my efforts to take on a vampire. To some it was a death wish; to those who knew me, they understood it was the only way I was surviving my guilt. Today was the day I enacted my revenge. I rather die fighting then miss this fight. It was the only way I could live with myself after it was over.

_Every low I dropped down to allowed this moment- this highest in my life, to taste so sweet. I can finally embrace who I am. A new Bella. Maybe not a better Bella, morally. But the Bella I need to be to do this._

I released the remnants of soil dusting my palm and fingers onto the ground. "You or me, Victoria. We're settling that today." I stood up upon hearing the short-long-short howl echoing in the air. It was Quil's signal. It was time. "I love you, Dad. Be with me through this, _please_." I took off sprinting to the tallest tree in the distance.

_**My tree.**_

I _fucking_ climbed that tree like all the newborns in the world were chomping at my heels. A smile snapped on my face as explosions rocketed the sound waves of the air. I originally was supposed to be setting off the detonators, but with Quil on the team, I trusted Jessica to pull the trigger. She had to be putting massive distance between her and the death traps by now. Death trap was a strong word, but we assumed it would strongly impair the newborns with wolf fang shrapnels embedding their bodies. Fire and wolf fangs were the underlying theme of our weapons arsenal I spent months putting together from countless fangs pawned off of Paul.

If the detonator had sounded, I had to trust that the newborns passed the clearing and weren't too far off from the battleground Alice predicted the fight to occur on. I allowed my heart to say a silent prayer that it helped.

I perched at the top of _my tree_ in waiting. Jess and Quil's part was just beginning. Now they would be left with Jess firing off arrows on Quil's back while they worked to set off other traps in the battle field. Those took more care to monitor as we didn't want to injure one of our own. It is honestly where Quil's wolf telepathy would actually improve our plan since he could tell his brothers where to lead the vampires for the traps lying in wait.

Edward once wanted to know why I wanted to train in the forest. This forest _was my fucking playground _at this point. In open space, I was easy slaughter. With a playground filled with booby traps, I wasn't such a lost cause.

Time passed in a dreamlike state as the anticipation of the unknown was boiling my insides alive.

My stomach fluttered as my ears focused their listening to the whooshing sound coming from below. It was faint. Subtle. Paul taught me how to train my human ears for it. To make any vampire's sudden appearance less of a surprise.

My muscles tightened in unison in readiness. Each one was prepared and flexed just as they had been trained. The moment they had been training for had come.

My eyes took in the long-awaited appearance of Victoria. Bushy red hair cascaded along her beautiful face that hid the devil within. I noted her clothing was similar to mine. Her leggings, boots and shirt would not work to my advantage in hand to hand combat. _Disappointing._

I _always_ knew I would meet Victoria head on eventually. I never dreamed it would actually go this way. I conceded subconsciously she would sneak up on me when I least expected it. Today I am at the advantage though.

Her and me.

No one else.

I didn't need someone like Edward or Jacob to show up to save me. The last few months everything I had done had been leading up to this moment.

She was mine. Human versus vampire.

This wasn't supposed to be a fair fight in her eyes. It was a joke. But she didn't know what I had gone through to be here today. **What I endured.** To show her that humans weren't as weak as she had thought. Her underestimation of me would be her undoing. I, _Isabella Marie Swan_, was going to kill my first vampire today. I would be the one to dim the glowing crimson eyes gazing upon me.

Just me.

"_Bella_, it's been a minute, hasn't it?" Victoria's sultry voice sounded more like nails scraping along a chalkboard to me. _Bitch. _Victoria flashed a menacing smile while I didn't bat an eye. I wouldn't cater to her need for me to fear her…_yet_. A few feet separated us on the strongest branch of the tree we were holed up in. I was on the thickest part of it, closest to the trunk. I had one foot of space to close before my back was slammed against the base with nowhere to go. I had counted on this.

I licked my lips as my eyes narrowed in on the red orbs lusting for my blood to be smeared where I stood. "I am surprised _your mate_ parted from you and thought this tree would be a suitable hiding place." I held in my scoff and need to correct Victoria on my relationship status with Edward. Every bit of misinformation she had, I could work to my advantage.

"_I wasn't supposed to be here_…" I quivered my lower lip as my voice dipped at the end of my response. I bridged the final gap to the base of the tree to keep up my pretense of my fear to Victoria. Her eyes revealed she was lapping up my act. _Good. Keep believing me, bitch._

"If I knew it was going to be this easy, I wouldn't have bothered building up so many newborns for this second army. _Training newborns is a pain in the ass_. I just sent them on a frenzy with a promise all the towns people of Forks were their reward when they finished of the wolves and vampires opposing us." I resisted a smirk betraying my mild confusion that she didn't catch on to the traps that went off earlier. _Maybe she went down a separate route th__a__n the newborns? _"You know what your father said before I sliced him up with _my nails, Bella_?" Victoria presented her hand in front of her face and admired the razor-sharp red nails she was adorning.

I shook my head in "_fear_" while covertly wrapping my hands at my waist level around the base of the trunk.

"He asked to be spared because he had a daughter." Victoria delicately licked the tips of each nail on her left hand before refocusing on my face. "I then laughed and told him you were the reason why he couldn't be spared. His eyes widened in shock before I clawed out his heart. I didn't bother drinking his blood. Now me being a vampire, you may think _how wasteful_ of me that was. _But_… I wanted your eyes to absorb every ounce of blood spilled out of your dad because of you." Victoria winked before puckering her lips and smacking them together.

A sour tang sprung in my mouth as my mind began to replay, _in agonizing detail_, the moment when I had found Charlie's corpse. My heart began to beat wildly with a vicious purpose for once in my goddamn life.

Victoria's words were gasoline on my fire. She wanted to break me. Smash me into pieces and obliterate the pieces into smithereens. _Little did she know,_ I was catching my second wind.

My nails dug into the tree bark as I gripped it. It was almost time.

_Five. Four. Three. Two. One._

Explosions crackled in the air and Victoria whipped around to view the source of it.

_Right on time. Every five minutes. And_ _**fucking**_ _luck._

With all the strength I could summon, I sprung my body off the trunk, my legs directed to hit Victoria behind her knees. Victoria stumbled slightly upon the impact of my feet jabbing into her weak spot. _Thanks Edward!_ The buckling needed further coaxing to sacrifice Victoria's stability. Victoria was strong. But she still had tendons and bones.

**And I was going to fuck them up to my advantage.**

In a split second, I flung out the mini daggers velcro-strapped within the long sleeves of my shirt. Each dagger jetted through the tendon behind each knee that subsequently bent her knees into submission. I eagerly pushed her off the tree branch. As her body flipped around to face me mid-fall, I relished the fury and surprise screaming from her eyes.

I didn't have time to watch her full descent into the hole covered with leaves. I was on _very_ borrowed time. I scaled down the tree with a paranoid desperation- not taking for granted a single second of the time I was allotted. Uncertainty seeped from my pores in sweat as I finished the climb down in record time. I tugged at the rope wrapped around the base of the trunk to double check its sturdiness. I looked into the hole that I intended to throw the length of the rope down.

I barely had time to exhale a breath of relief as I observed Victoria's body riddled with a variety of fangs. She was impaled over… 60 times by a conservative estimate. Though there were 200 fangs sprawled over the space of the hole. Victoria was struggling to work her body through every fang. I couldn't allow her the time to escape.

I dropped the rope into the hole and descended down the 10 feet rapidly. Victoria's vigor to make her escape was ignited by my appearance next to her. So of course, her head had to go first. I withdrew the fang from my sheath with its newly minted serrated edges. I began to saw Victoria's head at the base of her neck without letting the fear of her breaking free distract me from the task at hand. Within 30 seconds, it was off. _Just like I practiced. _The arms were next and then the legs. It was an easier job done without Victoria's eyes flinging death threats at me. My breathing was sparse and shallow as my lungs combated the overwhelming smell of kerosene during my actions. When I finished, I stabbed the limbs and head on their own spikes before jetting up my rope at a lightning speed I had acquired with _much practice._ I didn't dare look down at all during my ascent. When I was out of the pit, I grabbed the matches from my front right pocket. I looked down in the pit at the pieces of Victoria for one last time. _One, two, three, four, five, six. _She was still in six pieces, but the pieces were beginning to violently shake and fight the impalement in hopes to solidify her body back together. _**But that wasn't going to happen.**_

"**Bye, bitch**," I muttered with glee as I ignited my match with a flick of the wrist on the back of the matchbox and dropped it into the kerosene doused pit. I ran back five feet before the pit erupted in a blazing glow of victory. I brought my right hand to my chest as I exhaled a breath I hadn't realized I was holding. On the exhale, I let a tear escape too.

Before I could relish in my victory, I realized I wasn't alone. I snapped my body in a 180 to face my surprise visitor. I wanted to freeze when I realized what peril I was in with newborn in front of me. Who was I without my vampire traps? I was outmatched in _every _way physically. I had to try. I could not have gone through everything with Victoria to die here like this.

I could still feel the wave of heat behind me. It whispered to me it could burn more of their kind. I agreed with it and hoped I could make up a plan on the fly to get the damn newborn into the flames.

_Just five feet. Improvise._

Time slowed down as the most action packed ten seconds of my life occurred.

I sprinted backwards two steps before the newborn was in front of me. I dropped to the ground on my back with my legs angled in the air at a 90-degree angle. The newborn predictably lunged for me, but the bottom half of its body dangled in front of my legs. I shoved my first fang in the right eye socket of the newborn. It snarled as I snapped the leather band around my neck holding Paul's fang beneath my shirt. I pierced its other eye with it. As I withdrew my empty hand back, a wild snap of the newborn's bite penetrated my wrist. Its jaws latched onto me and it proceeded to suck my blood out in a frenzy. As I grew fainter, I came to terms that this was the end.

I couldn't go out like this. This bastard was fucking dying too. My body began to succumb to _the familiar _blinding pain of the vampire venom. The ticking bomb for how long I had a beating heart drove me to run my free fist into the fang in the closest eye socket. In a quick second, the vampire unhooked its teeth from me to release an anguished scream. I took advantage of that second. It was all I needed as I rocked my body backwards while plunging my legs forward to angle the newborn into the fire pit.

An upsurge of relief and peace came over me as I watched it descend into its fiery grave. The overwhelming heat behind me plummeted into a whisper of warmth as my body was now focused on the pain and change tearing at my body. I closed my eyes and released myself from any more worries in this world. Jess wouldn't let the change set in.

She would kill me first like she had promised.

…

A once familiar scent of fried food invaded my nostrils. My eyes snapped open and I found myself in the diner. My nerves grated against my steady and still posture as I took in my immediate surroundings. I clutched my arms around my torso as I processed where I was. It was surreal finding myself here of all places. The details of the diner were immaculate. The black and white, scuffed up checkerboard tile floor looked 10 years overdue for being replaced. The dark gray walls still supported a mix array of non-sensical art that perfectly captured the essence of Forks. It didn't go over my head that the place was empty as I stalked over to mine and Charlie's favorite booth. I felt a wistful smile grow on my face as my eyes raked over the well-worn green leather seats that sported the usual wear and tear of constant patrons. My heart stilled upon closer inspection when I noted the presence of two plates of food waiting. Steam was rising from my usual eggs, toast and bacon plate. Basic but my favorite. Across from it was Charlie's go-to. Cheeseburger, fries, and ketchup and mustard on the side.

"Gonna take a seat,_ Bells_?" My head whipped up from the table and my eyes widened upon seeing Charlie standing right in front of me. I drew in a long, ragged breath as he scooted into his usual seat and a pleased look overtook his face as he inhaled the wafting smell of his freshly cooked medium rare burger.

I slid into the booth across from him. I didn't care about the food in front of me.

Charlie was here.

**Alive.**

I clenched the sticky table top edges for support. It was the first thing I had touched here. I needed a reality check before succumbing to the understanding Charlie was here. With me. In front of me…

"_Dad_?" I asked in a shaky voice and my body wavered on the edge of keeling over in shock. Charlie looked into my eyes mid-bite and I felt it all hit me at once.

How much I missed…

Looking into my father's caring brown eyes.

Charlie's unyielding support and love.

The few but thoughtful words he spoke when he deemed it necessary.

His effort to repair our relationship after his long absence from my life.

I missed my father. More than I let myself grasp on a surface level.

Charlie swallowed. "Your food is going to get cold," Charlie laughed as he nodded at my plate gesturing for me to eat. I grabbed a piece of toast and took a bite to appease him. It was hard to swallow my chewed-up bite upon the contraction of my throats muscles with the stress of seeing Charlie. I grasped the water glass in front of me and took a sharp swig to sooth my throat muscles.

I was looking at the first man to ever love me. _Really love me_. It was an unconditional love that I would never have again while alive. Not even from Renee. All other loves would be conditional. I blinked away tears as I took in the sight of my dad. He looked happy.

"I should have come here with you when you last asked me too," I whispered towards my lap in regret. My hands clasped together in my lap to hold me up.

"You're here now," Charlie reasoned with an easy-going and calm voice. True to his nature, he was calm and forgiving. I looked up to face him and my vision was blurred because of the tears welling up in my eyes.

"_Where is here_?" I choked out in curiosity. Charlie finished chewing and set down his half-eaten burger.

"An in-between so to speak." The words sounded so simple coming from him, but they caused me to have so many more questions than answers. There wasn't time for that though. I could feel that in my bones.

"It was my fault you died, Dad." Remorse trailed my cheeks in the form of tears. "It should have been me from the start who she killed, not you."

My body jostled, startled, with the loud clank made on the table as Charlie slammed his fists down. "**No!**" My eyes widened in terror over his blossoming anger. "I rather it had been me, _Bells_. If I lost you like that, there would have been no coming back for me. _I am not like you_. I am not strong. I would have lost it. You _Bells_, you have it in you to live with this. Look what you have done over the last few months!" His anger swiftly turned to pride when he finished speaking.

"I need you to fight. Fight for yourself. Your right for a happy life. That's all I want for you as my daughter. I will always be here waiting for you when it's your time. But I don't want that to be now. You have more to do." I was lost in my tears before I felt Charlie slide into my booth and wrap his arms around me. Charlie pressed his warm cheek to my head and whispered the forgiveness I had craved for _so_ long, "_It's okay, Bells. I forgive you. Now forgive yourself_."

I turned my body to embrace my father and whispered that I loved him and missed him _every _day. "_Me too, Bells_," was the last thing I heard Charlie say before my vision faded into a bleak darkness.

…

"**Jessica!** What are you doing?!" Quil's voice vibrated my body as I felt its shock and terror.

I barely made out Jessica's response as she sobbed, "We promised each other if we were bitten, we would kill each other before we were changed." _She's right. Guess I am seeing Charlie sooner than we expected. _"**But I can't, Quil!** I rather have her alive, _even as a vampire_, then gone forever." Jessica's words were meant to be filled with innocence, but I felt the betrayal strangle my heart as the searing pain of the poison worked its way up my arm. I couldn't protest her weakness of being unable to do it in the end because the only emission from my throat was going to be the agonizing screams to mirror the poison rippling through my body with a vengeance.

I was ready to resubmit to my pain and fate when I felt pressure tearing in the same spot the new born ripped into my flesh. Something was fighting the venom. Vacuuming it from my body. The venom resisted the pull as it squirmed within me to make its way to my heart. Once there, it would easily be pumped and spread to the rest of my body before my heart stopped beating.

But_ it_ was losing the fight as it was being forced to withdraw. Pain still seared and mapped my veins upon its retreat. I felt dizzy dealing with everything. If this wasn't a mistake and I was allowed to stay human, _again_, there must be a reason for it. But whatever reason that was, it alluded me.

I wanted to open my eyes and look into the eyes of my savior. I dreaded it was a Cullen though as Edward had once saved me as well. _This _bite was different. It had a warm presence. And as I focused on associating warmth with werewolves, my eyes demanded my lids to open in hopes of seeing Paul.

When I unbolted the lids of my eyes, I saw a relieved face belonging to Quil Aterrea. _My savior_…

My heart dropped into my stomach as I realized the ramifications of what this save meant in the long term. But I buried that realization to deal with later. I gingerly tilted my head over to face Jessica and turned my lips to offer her a weak smile before weakly croaking out, "_We did it_."

"Yeah, _bitch_. We did," Jessica bellowed before leaning forward and pulling me into a hug. I closed my eyes and let our victory set in. If they were here, it meant that the others were most likely good as well and the battle was over. I let my eyes peel open and found them instantly locking with the amber anamorphic eyes that used to belong to one of my best friends. _Paul_.

Even from far away, I knew what question he was silently asking me. I removed my right hand from Jessica's back and waved Paul over. Paul took five tentative steps before turning around and running away. I knew why he couldn't come over to me in the end.

_Guilt._

I gave Jessica another squeeze in my arms before my consciousness released its hold on my body and allowed me to drift into a sleep that for once was free of Victoria, vampires and wolves in my dreams.

…

I recovered at Jessica's house the rest of the weekend. No one came to bother me. Jessica convinced Quil to make the pack back off. However, Edward slipped in through the stronghold. Jessica was asleep at midnight while I laid awake wondering what would happen next for me. I had finals and graduation to focus on…but what would come after? I hadn't applied to any colleges after everything that unfolded for me senior year between Edward leaving and then Charlie dying. I hadn't planned for my future. I was stuck and nervous my grief would be my only company when everyone else left me.

It was almost like the old days. Edward was outside Jessica's bedroom window and he didn't have to knock for me to sense his presence. I motioned to him with my index finger to meet me downstairs. I wasn't fond of repeating a habit that the old Bella was fond of. Edward had to meet me at the front door. For what reason? At this point I had nothing left to lose in my life and was indifferent to why he needed this late-night chat.

"_Edward_." A curt greeting was all I was bestowing upon Edward as I opened the front door. My heart tensed as I looked upon Edward's face. He seemed…at peace. _Almost_…happy. Confusion crumbled my defensive walls when a smile flitted on his lips. Lips I once begged and yearned to kiss when we were together. Now they were just two flaps of skin that I couldn't even begin to imagine what Edward what have left to tell me that he didn't assume I was told or figured out for myself. As if he knew what I was thinking, Edward got straight to the point of his visit.

"They wouldn't have let you participate regardless if I hadn't made it a condition. Sam had already made up his mind. He just didn't have the guts yet to tell Paul." I grabbed the column beside me for support. "I knew if I helped him get his wish, it would be the perfect opportunity for you. Making me the underlying bad guy helped feed Paul's anger that ended up affecting his rejection of you at the meeting." My heart jack-hammered against my ribs, begging to be set free from its cage. "With Paul's performance and yours, there wasn't any doubt you were crushed into believing you wouldn't be mentally capable of showing up to the battle. They of course were wrong. I knew that, and Paul subconsciously did as well." I tried to focus my eyes on Edward to read the truth in his words. His gold eyes reflected sincerity…one of my most missed attributes about him when he was gone.

"That day when I pretended to train you, I was convinced I was right. But after, I decided to challenge my perception of this new you. From a distance I watched you train with Paul, Jessica or on your own. How you dedicated yourself to this one cause. I had underestimated you, Bella. My only gift I could give was allowing you to keep your training secret from the wolves. I am sorry I had to divulge about the imprint. They would have found out anyways when you showed up, but they needed to believe my sincerity when I offered the trade of information. It was the only thing worth offering up.

I knew you fed on the belief I didn't believe in you. I saw you, with my own eyes, rise up these last two months and become this strong woman who has a determination like no one I have ever seen in _all_ my years alive. I am sorry I hurt you. Before and since I have been back. You have changed. I can see that. I can also see that our paths diverge after graduation, but I want you to know, I will always be here for you if you need me. _I love you_. _**I always will**_. But I will let you go as I originally intended when I first left and let you make your own journey. You have a lot to figure out."

Edward removed his right hand from his jean pocket and hesitantly rose it to my face. When I didn't back away, he caressed my cheek and wiped away the tears streaming down my face.

"Sam and the pack…they were scared of losing you. Not just as a friend. But for Paul." My eyebrows furrowed in puzzlement over Edward's words. "Find your peace, Bella." Edward removed his cold hand and swept his lips over my cheek. I closed my eyes to soak in the fond memory of what Edward's lips felt like. Old memories stirred of my first love and I let them catch in the ensuing breeze.

"Goodbye Edward. I wish you well. And…_thank you_." I offered Edward my first real smile to him since he returned. A serene look enveloped Edward's angelic face before he took off from Jessica's front porch.

After gazing at the stars above for a while longer, I returned inside the house to head to sleep. When I woke up the next morning, I was able to evade Jess who was still asleep. I decided to head to my house on foot. The walk felt nice as I embraced the unknown for the first time in a while.

As I was walking up the front porch of my house, I found a cream envelop taped above the front door handle. It was addressed to me. I picked it up and hastily opened the envelope expecting some _long ass apology_ from Paul. _But_…it wasn't from Paul. I read the contents with disbelief clouding my brain.

* * *

_Dear Miss Isabella Swan,_

_The Secret Order of V.H. Invites you to attend our next meeting. _

_To be invited, you have to meet the following criteria:_

_-Kill a vampire _

_Congratulations on your recent kill__**s**__ and determination! We have been watching and are impressed by your growth and resiliency. _

_We understand you may want companionship. We would not be imposed to extend an offer to up to three of your personal "companions" or "allies" for a trial membership. Non-human members take extensive screening to achieve membership, FYI. _

_The next meeting date is June 3rd in Amsterdam. Time and specific location will be administered once you land on Amsterdam soil. _

_We look forward to adding you as an asset to our order. Your potential seems...__unlimited__. _

_Sincerely,_

_Maximus Van Helsing_

_President of the Secret Order of V.H._

* * *

I clutched the letter to my heart. _Is this a joke…? _The ink cursive penmanship and the seal branded of the Order's symbol was swaying me to believe this was the _real fucking deal_. I folded the letter and clenched it tightly as I ran up to my bedroom to grab my school supplies to prepare for my open book exam.

…

"Bella." I looked up to the tattoo artist calling my name. She had blonde, short and spikey hair. Her gray eyes looked unimpressed with me as her next client. "You requested a free hand artist for this bird drawing?" She asked in a dull monotone.

I resisted from laughing at her displeasure of me being her next client. "_That's me._" I inferred she was resisting an eye roll.

"Come on back with me. _So, what is this_?" She held up a piece of paper of the drawing I submitted to the tattoo parlor when I booked my appointment to my face. "A phoenix with a twist?" She asked with a twinge of curiosity in her voice.

"The twist integrates my last name Swan. So, I tailored it to have some swan like features." I bit down on my lip to resist my urge to snicker at her unimpressed expression.

She failed to muffle her scoff. "So, _you _identify with a phoenix then?" She pointed me to sit in a red leather chair.

"Yeah. I suppose so. An ex inspired it." I watched her eyebrows slightly rise on the mention of an "ex". I had her attention. Her expression softened to _almost _a friendly expression.

"_Interesting._ Tell me about this tattoo inspiration Bella _Swan. _And in the request, you mentioned your left wrist, correct?" I extended the wrist with my healing scar. Her face fell upon assessing it.

"I shouldn't be tattooing on skin like this," she muttered in annoyance.

"_**Please.**_ I don't have much time. But I wanted to get this done before I leave." An apprehensive look sprawled on her face. Her eyes refocused on the skin.

"_Okay_, I _guess_ I can make it work. It will probably hurt like a bitch possibly though when I get near the scar. I won't cross over these…_teeth marks_?"

"That's right. Long story."

"Have to do with your ex?"

"_Sort of_."

"Alright, start from the beginning while I get my tool loaded up." I closed my eyes before summoning a cliff notes version in my brain that omitted any hint of the supernatural world. When an idea sparked, my story began to unfold from my mouth to my "new" friend, Ray.

In between breaks of spinning my tale, I intently watched Ray make my design come to life. The needle and ink were branding my skin with a reminder I needed. _I __could__ survive_. The lines were sketched deliberately with caution by my scars. The old and new teeth patterns marked my vulnerability as a human, but also my defiance and luck to not become one of _them_. I was a Phoenix on the verge of observing the end of another cycle of my life. My chest hollowed out as my pain was presently focused on the needle engraving me. A bruised smile engulfed my face as I embraced what was to come that would mark the end of this journey.

…

I ardently watched our principal address our graduating class. Bad butterflies ran rampant in my chest as I was closing a chapter of my life. High school was over. In less than an hour, I would be walking across the stage behind Jess to receive my diploma.

Renee couldn't make it. I hadn't wanted her to come anyways. I needed time alone before I could repair my relationship with her. My hands fidgeted in my lap over the silky material of my blue graduation gown.

Jess took my left hand and twisted her fingers through my own. Each set overlapped the other's hand. The offer of comfort was a small, casual gesture between friends. I released the butterflies.

I turned to assess Jessica's side profile. Her heart face shaped facial structure exuded a simple yet defined beauty for the small town of Forks. Jessica's slender nose and defined pout couldn't hold a candle to her stunning blue eyes. There was a reason she was popular upon my arrival to Forks. Her true beauty though shined from the inside out to me. My brow wrinkled when I recalled that Quil probably saw this now too. Perhaps on a deeper level given their imprint bond. Fate tied them together, but I chose Jessica as my trainer. I worked hard to earn her respect _and _friendship. My gut twisted in defeat, but my body language exuded a senior excited to graduate. I put all my effort into keeping up the pretense I was doing fine. **Just fine**. I had to hold it together the next hour or so. I would soon be relinquishing Jessica because I owed Quil that much. If Quil hadn't helped us out and then saved me, I perhaps would have stayed on course with my selfish path with her. I, however, was not telling her where I was really going after graduation and that I wasn't sure if I would be coming back.

I also acknowledged to myself and gave up denying that I did not want to drag Jess into another dangerous adventure. I had to embark on this one alone. I looked ahead to the stage and allowed my "ignorance is bliss" veil slip back over my brain. No more reflective thoughts until I was alone again. If I drifted off into my sea of negative thoughts for too long, my poker face would crack. I decided to savor every remaining second I had in the presence of my best friend.

I applied pressure to my grip on her hand as our vice principal began to call the senior's names to receive our diplomas.

"_Hey Bella_," Jess whispered as she lowered her head towards mine. "_You sure you can't make the party tonight_?"

"_Yeah_, Charlie bought me the plane ticket to leave right after graduation. It was supposed to be a surprise..." I lied to Jessica. I hated myself for doing it. I could have put off leaving for a little longer, but I needed to get away. I never felt more alone without having revenge to live for. Jessica was becoming wrapped up in Quil. Paul and I still hadn't talked. I needed to escape and do something for myself. I needed a purpose, and I wasn't going to reject the offer extended to me. My life depended on it at this point.

Jess tsked and sent a pitiful pout my way. "_Bummer._ You'll be back next month though, right?"

"Mmmm-hmmmm," I confirmed before bumping her shoulder with my own to lighten the mood.

"I really wanted to pack in some summer adventures with you before I have to leave for college in the fall." _I would have had to share her with Quil._ "But you'll come and visit me when school starts right? And you're still intending on applying for college next year, right?"

I made her another false promise and apologized with a squeeze of our hands.

Time passed unapologetically in a whirlwind of our names being called and walking across the stage to accept our diplomas. The audience's cheer for my name was lackluster with an absent family. One voice heeded my attention though. I locked eyes with Paul in the very back of the audience standing next to Quil. His stare was unrelenting before I passed the principal to shake his hand and take a photo.

After the obligatory photos with friends when the ceremony commenced, I shuffled through the crowds to avoid a run in with Paul. I strategically took a photo with Jessica first to avoid that pack collision. _Even _if it was just Quil and Paul. I just couldn't do it before I left.

Elation tingled in my fingers as I wrapped them around the car door handle to my truck.

"_Really?_ You can't even talk to me?" An accusing tone beckoned me from behind with an underlying hint of caution. I sighed upon realizing my endeavor to avoid Paul was pointless. I proceeded to open the door anyways.

"Wanna go for a drive?" I hopped into the driver's side seat before waiting for his answer. As soon as I turned the key in the ignition, Paul was sitting next to me in the front passenger side's seat.

I remained silent as I pulled out of my parking space. It was up to him to make the first move.

"Heard you're leaving."

"_Yeah_. Charlie set up the trip as a graduation present. Seemed like a good idea to not let it go to waste."

Paul grunted in agreement. Or so I liked to interpret it that way. "I guess this could have waited until you got back, but I wanted to talk about...what happened."

I barked a sarcastic riddled laugh. "I'll save what I want to say and let you go first."

"**You should not have been there! **You could have gotten _yourself_ or Jessica killed!" Paul snapped and I was taken aback. I had expected only an apology from him in this car ride. Otherwise I would have never extended him an invitation. "You_ almost_ did die, Bella! **What the hell!?**"

I wanted to punch something. "You fucking trained me so I COULD HANDLE MYSELF! Don't give me this protector bullshit. You knew I was going without Sam's blessing or not. I needed to do it."

"You needed to risk your fucking life?!"

"_Yes_."

"Why?"

"_Because I needed a life worth living for!_" I had so many inner demons I was battling since the veil of revenge was ripped off along with my mask of ignorance.

"_It wasn't your fault_."

"What are you talking about?"

"Your dad's death. It's mine. I had just phased and Sam was focused on me. No one was patrolling when Charlie was killed…A week too late, we caught the faint whiff of leech at your house. We thought it was a random incident. We didn't know _that leech_ was after you, Bella..." Guilt etched in every facet of Paul's face. I didn't blame him at all though. It wasn't his job to protect Charlie then, and I put Charlie in Victoria's crossfire by existing.

"I don't blame you, Paul. _Just_...like I don't blame you for what you said at that meeting. Quil told me Sam ordered it. And I know the effects of an Alpha's commands. It hurt though." I gripped the steering wheel with the full force of a girl clinging to an inanimate object for stability. Paul nodded with shame smeared all over his handsome face. Guilt clouded his eyes. It didn't dissuade me from what I needed to say next though.

"_You_...you exposed my insecurities for everyone to see. _It was_...**cruel**. Even for you. After everything we'd been through. I deserved better than that."

"_**Fuck.**_ I know, Bella." From my peripherals, I saw Paul claw his fingers through his cropped dark hair. "I am a cruel bastard just like my fucking father. I could hardly believe I pulled that shit after you walked away." My neck stiffened when Paul mentioned his father. We never talked about him. It was one of the few ground rules Paul laid down for me when we even began to train together. I knew enough. I never asked for more detail besides the basic understanding that Paul's mom left a bad man with Paul when he was young. They fled to the Rez for protection. Paul was only half Quileute.

"Bella, can you pull over?"

"Almost home and I have a flight to catch." Paul fidgeted in his seat. I sighed and gave into his request. I pulled off onto the side of the road. When the car was stopped, I turned to face Paul to offer my full attention.

"I know you're leaving. I'll exit the car after I say this, okay? I just want you to understand. I know I am an asshole and I have been hot and cold with you since we started training. You needed asshole Paul to train you. That was easy. I got the perk of getting Sam off my back for a bit and pissing off Jake. So, I offered to train you and keep an eye on you.

_Howeve_r, it wasn't just that. I didn't realize why I put up with your annoying ass until that _**fucking**_ leech showed up on your doorstep. _Your Ex_. The way you looked at him, _Bella_...It made me sick to my stomach. I _should have_ been pissed a vampire was present but instead I was focused on your reaction to him. Because you still-"

"I didn't have feelings for him anymore!" I protested in annoyance.

"Don't lie," Paul sneered. "**It was written all over your face.** You couldn't even offer him half of your full potential to be a raging bitch when he deserved it." Paul's words chewed me up and spat me out because I knew the truth in them. _He was right_. I had been soft then. A side of me that Paul had yet to _ever_ see.

"What does this have to do with anything, Paul?" I exhaled and looked over my shoulder. Our conversation was pointless. We were_** not**_ fixing anything between us anyways. We were broken and I just wanted to abandon the mess in place.

"I..._realized_ I was growing feelings for you then." A quick, disgusted snort fled Paul's nostrils. My eyes absorbed a blush creeping on his pronounced cheeks despite his previous display. I sucked in air trying to process what Paul was telling me. "Which pissed me off. _If anything_, we had fun flirting, but to actually like you was not something I _**ever**_ wanted." My eyes began to blur in their vision as I kept their gaze on Paul.

"It didn't make sense at first 'why'. But when I saw my mom next, it all made sense." Paul unclicked his seat-belt and turned to face me head on. My rage was simmering, and an understanding position was beginning to sway me. It persisted that I owed it to Paul to hear him out.

"My father was a physically abusive sack of shit to both my mom and me. It took my mom _**too long **_to leave him. And when she did, _she was defeated_, Bella. She couldn't come back or fight for herself _or me_. I used to be _**so **_angry at her, but not as much now. She suffered the worse by my father. I had once wished so often she would fight to come back to life for me. Then as I grew up, I began to wish it for herself. That she would pick up the pieces and put herself back together. I see more now how broken she was by him. Not physically anymore at that point, but mentally. She was beaten down to about nothing." Paul clenched his hands into fists in his lap. "I have been angry for a long time at everything that happened. It only quadrupled after I began to change into a wolf. My anger finally felt justified._ Then_ in comes Bella Swan. When I realized _why_ you were acting like a psycho bitch in the beginning…something in me was rattled. Here was this girl who was broken and alone, but she decided to piece herself back together to not just save herself but others from a vampire after her dad was killed by one. _You know the reason why I really offered to train you?_" Paul unclenched his hands and began to run them along his thighs.

"It was what I _always_ wanted for my mother. I helped you because I would wish someone would help my mother if she ever asked for it. Allowed her to build herself back. You were fighting for yourself and building yourself back up. From Jake's memories I saw your ground zero between you after Edward broke up with you and at the funeral. You came back from a point not many would come back from." Paul's hands stilled their movement. He drew in a deep breath to stay his course.

"_Yeah_, you're a pain in the ass and initially I trained you to spite Jake to be honest. The more I saw you fight for it, the more I wanted to stay near you. Watch you grow and help you get there. _At first as a friend_, and somewhere along the way I grew feelings for you. So yeah, I _fucking_ like you. I didn't know how to act at first when I realized it. That's when I skipped training that _one time_ and sent Quil in my stead. When I finally cooled off and knew I had to face you again, I was positive it was one sided and then there is the whole fucking imprinting bullshit to worry about. I started off too soft when I was with you after my realization, then I wrestled with swallowing that you still had lingering feelings for the leech.

You didn't need me to have feelings for you. I knew it wasn't fair. I could imprint, and you had a whole lot of shit to deal with. Your Ex. The red head leech. Processing your dad's death. Your training. I didn't want to weigh you down by even mentioning it. I was just going to be your friend. You needed me to be tough on you and make you better. Train you. So, I kept on that path. We were doing so well. I was giving you what you needed, and it was easy.

Then _that _meeting and the battle. What was I supposed to do when Sam commanded I convince you to not fight by tearing you down? He only did it out of partial concern for you as well, Bella..."

My chin quivered as courage abandoned me and pitted in my stomach behind my conflicted apprehension. Paul was Paul. His feelings were intense and not something he would offer freely. His rough exterior allowed me to think it would take someone special for him to fall for. But me? We were too alike. While his confession scratched the surface of my hardened heart, it was too encased in grief to open up for anyone. I wasn't capable of giving anyone anything. I was running on empty of love to give. I still had to repair what was broken before I could be refilled.

I relaxed my shoulders into my seat and swallowed. My words to come were clear in my head now, and my heart was temporarily unblocked to tap into a side of me Paul was not accustomed to. "Imprint first, then pack. Bella comes behind both. It's as simple as that. You **are not **your father. _Yeah_, you can be an ass. But you're a good man. You gave me a chance and you were who I needed you to be for me. To do this." I looked down temporarily at my lap before speaking my next words.

"I have nothing to give you or anyone. I barely have enough for myself. I am hoping my trip overseas replenishes what I need for myself. I couldn't have done it without you." I resisted the urge to look at his face. "I don't know where our paths go now."

"_Are we not friends anymore_?" A violent anxiety surged within me and my head involuntarily shifted to take in Paul's face. One look from Paul and I melted. I became a puddle of uncompromising feelings of what was once there. I didn't want them though. I was incapable of giving anything to anyone.

"I evolved into this new person after Charlie died. But there were layers to her that I didn't know existed. You and Jess helped peel them back without even knowing it. You exposed who I am now standing right in front of you. _I am_...a fighter with a bitchy edge. But I could not get rid of the part of me that is vulnerable and seeks good in this world. I wanted to look at everything through this harsh filter that revealed life sucked and no one gets a happy ending. Not me. Yet there I was having fun and making true friendships with you and Jess. I have come to accept my true self. I am flawed but I mean well." I swallowed and tapped back into the Bella who had to put on a front one again. "I saw you and Jess as my best friends. Things are changing. We are splitting on different paths. She has college and Quil. You have your pack duties and to protect La Push. I have nothing on the horizon and only an allegiance to myself. You know me, _selfish Bella_." I displayed a false cocky smile to convey my confident attitude was truthful.

"Why do you sound like you're not coming back, Bella?"

"Lighten up, Paul. Forks is in my debt. And I have Charlie's house here. Of course, I am coming back." Paul nodded as his eyes were transfixed by his shoes.

"We can talk more when I get back. I need to grab my bags and check over everything before I leave."

"You're back in two weeks?" I nodded. "Need a lift to the airport?"

"Don't worry about it. I called a cab for a scheduled pick-up. Did you want me drop you off somewhere before I drive home?"

"Nah. Think I am going to go for a run before pack stuff later." Paul opened the passenger side door to exit my truck. I now knew what kind of run he meant. I followed his lead. We met behind the truck bed.

"No party?" I quipped. I stopped with a few feet of separation between us. He knew as well that I was referring to the party Jess was taking Quil to tonight for other graduating seniors of Forks High School.

"Probably later." I nodded curtly before turning around to walk back to the driver's side door.

"_Bella_?" My body paused and tensed. Paul was now standing behind me. His hands wrapped around my shoulders and he braced his head on my right shoulder. "_I am sorry for everything._ I am proud of what you did. I know you needed to do it for yourself. When you come back...let's repair our friendship. I know there are grudges you are holding on to you aren't speaking of right now. But I want to work on them with you. I don't expect more from you then friends. Let's be that. I can be asshole Paul or nice Paul. Whoever you prefer." Paul's voice was soft, and his words hugged my heart and offered me solace.

I turned my face to press my cheek next to his. The warmth spread through me like a wildlife. I would miss it. "_Asshole Paul_ _is __**my favorite**__. _I need someone to put up with _Bitchy Bella_," I whispered between us. I turned my face in more and pressed my lips onto his soft cheek. "I'll get in touch when I get back, okay?" I meant it. _Truly_. If I ever did come back. If and when were big questions I couldn't answer with any assurance.

Paul released me as he replied okay. I felt his presence disappear and wondered if he would be okay if I left and never came back. Jess had someone. Paul could imprint. I couldn't forget that. When that happened, what he felt for me now would be a distant memory.

I drove home and admired my diligence. My bags were ready to go after countless checks over the last few days. I had advance payments made towards future bills for the next six months. The house was pristine clean, and files were organized so there would be no misunderstanding of where Charlie's money went if anything happened to me. I had a few charities picked out. The money left to me was more than I needed in one lifetime. Charlie's big secret was that he was a trust-fund baby by his grandfather. He never desired to do anything with the money he inherited and saved it in bonds and stocks for me. I could want for nothing if I chose that life. _However_, I understood why he chose his lifestyle in Forks. It was apparent in every crevice in the house you looked in.

When the taxi arrived to pick me up, I found myself in a fragile balance between life and destiny. I swung my packed duffle bags over my back. I was tired of being careful. I was going to embrace my future and grief with everything I had.

When the ride was over, I handed my money to the taxi driver and thanked him for the ride. My eyes took in the airport doors waiting for me to make my entry.

It was my time to be reborn again.

**[The end of Part I]**

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**_Author's Note:_**

_Well! Here we are. I hope you liked it!__ I hope you enjoyed what you read and thanks for following me on the adventure to see what Bella the Vampire Hunter was capable of Part I. After my responses to review, feel free to look over deleted scenes (unedited) that didn't make it into my story._

_Thanks for all the reviews, follows and faves along the way! __**Much appreciated. **__– Lalaland972_

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_Laland972's response to reviews (alphabetical order)_

**Djayden**: Glad you enjoyed my story! Hope that continued for this chapter!

**DxGRAYxMAN**: Good guess and inspiration for my newborn bite soon. Also I don't think I ever told you but you gave me the idea to actually call her 'Bella the vampire slayer' in this story, so thank you!

**Guest1:** Hope the battle scene is what you were looking for! Quil was earnest and Edward we find out isn't the hugest dick at least lol Paul redeemed himself this chapter too I thought.

**Guest2:** GLAD YOU DIDN'T HAVE WORDS! SUCH A HIGH COMPLIMENT! Hope you enjoyed this installment!

**Hejen white:** Lol! Glad you love this story! I hope Bella's action scene is what you were looking for! I wanted to show more of jess but it just didn't come for me. I think if there is a part II, we will see her skills show cased more

**Lazygirl89**: All good guess you had! If there is a part II, we would see some more of you predicted

**LunaM303:** haha still loathe him? : O

**LycanVampireHyrbid:** GLAD you loved it! Hope that continued to this chapter :D

**Marlastiano**: Thank you for reading! Hope you enjoyed this ending!

**Miller18:** Totally agree about your assessment! But, we all know Bella was going to go anyways lol Your comment inspired the intro for this chapter, so thank you!

**Rachel:** UPDATE IS HERE! Hope you enjoyed that battle

**Ray Star Hinamori:** To my first reviewer on my journey, thanks for your support and encouragement along the way. While Bella isn't going to the sunniest of places, I think she will really enjoy her time with the Order. Part II will be more about her grief journey if I go there. We see a hint of her acceptance this chapter though. I just didn't want to overdo it incase this was the ending of this story.

**Traceybuie:** You guessed right about Paul! So much goodness in this chapter! Hope you enjoyed it all! Thank you for your reviews and support along this story!

**Wpear:** Haha good glad you were mad! This was my goal : D Bella def kicked butt this chapter! Thank you for your reviews and following this story

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**The following scenes take place in Chapter 11...**

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**[2 months later] (QC _what time table?)_**

"That's going to leave a a scar," I chuckled as I wiped blood from the gash on my knee.

"Nothing new for you," Jess retorted with a gleam in her eyes.

"True. I guess that's the price of wearing shorts when training now that it's warmer outside."

"_Well_ we cant be slashing fangs at each other in the school gym," Jessica taunted me with a smirk while waving her fang.

"Archery is cool though. So unfair."

"_Bitch_, you need **all** the practice you can get."

"I know," I sighed in resignation after I wrapped up my wound with a shredded piece of scrap from my shirt.

"Look at those abs," Jess whistled while throwing me an over the top wink. I flexed in response before knocking my fist on them to show how solid they were. "Bet Paul likes feeling those up."

I threw my sneaker at Jess. "Don't even! He has been constantly remarking I look like a drowned rat when we finish training lately because of how much I sweat," I barked in laughter. "I bet Quil though-"

Jessica cut me off with a murderous glare and I shut the fuck up instantly. Quil had yet to make the big reveal and was failing at even becoming more than an acquaintance to her. Mostly my fault...since she knew why he tried to talk to her if we were in a group setting. The pack tried to rope me into helping but I told them to leave me out of it. They were all flabbergasted as to why Jess was like this given Emily and Kim's warmer reception to their wolves...

"Jess?"

"What?"

"It's coming up in two days. If you want to show up, we have to tell them you know."

Jessica sighed and threw her fang on the ground with excessive force that was all for show. It would do no damage to the fang. We both knew that.

"I don't want him to know I know!"

"He will know something is up if you're there with me!"

"I know...I am just not ready to deal with this. I want to make my own choices. I want to mess around with hot guys in college! Not be bound to some guy I don't know."

"It doesn't have to be like that..." I insisted but it wasn't the first time she heard me say that. It was probably the 20th by now.

"I don't need a best friend or a brother either! I have you and Josh!" Jessica began to pace in front of me with her hands on her hips.

"It's total bullshit!"

"I agree."

"But I know I have to...I'll just draw my lines with him after the meeting."

"They may not let you come still."

"Will they stop you?"

"I don't know but I won't listen if that try."

"I won't either."

"We have to be more cunning. And smart then them. _All of them_." - Bella

"Which is why we have our plan and have made preparations." I nodded in agreement with Jess.

"Alice just needs to confirm details at the last planning meeting to set things in motion for us." Jess stopped pacing and offered me her hand to help me off the ground.

"We are ready for this!"

"I agree."

(Self-note: _Josh is Jessica's brother. If I decide to give her a brother? In this scene, Quil/Jess hadn't become closer before the battle_)

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**{Last interaction with Paul before wolf/vampire meeting before new born battle/Victoria face off}**

"This is our last training session, Paul. Then you'll be rid of me. Aren't you happy?" I nudged Paul in shoulder.

"Incredibly."

"Awww you're breaking my heart. Where are your cries of protest that we should continue until the end of time?"

Paul erupted in laughter while not missing a beat with his steps forward. "I am sure _you'll_ somehow survive."

"_Somehow_," I murmured agreement. "Will we still remain friends?" _I don't know if Paul even knows I consider him one of my best friends. _

"_Are we_ friends?" I kicked his knee in reply.

"No. I was just being generous with my labeling," I scoffed. Paul wrapped his warm arm around my shoulders before saying, "yeah I suppose I can't get rid of you that easily."

"I know how we can spend our together time instead!" Paul's left eyebrow arched but his mouth still held a firm straight line. His silence promoted me to continue. "Massages. Lots of them. I want Paul's magic fingers to rub all over my body." I winked because I knew he would twist my words into some sexual innuendo.

"Hard Pass. When you stop training, your body will become all soft and doughy. My fingers prefer working on muscles not fat."

"Fuck you. I am not losing this sick body." I waggled my eyebrows and he released his hold on my shoulders. I missed the warmth.

"Maybe you can retrain yourself on your domestic skills. Jake used to talk those up in the beginning but I have yet to see you cook or keep a clean house."

"Waste of my time!"

"Or lazy. I think Jake made up those traits about you..."

"No. They were true once upon a time...I kept the house for Charlie and cooked for him often." Paul kept quiet as we both knew I rarely talked about Charlie.

"Anyways. No going back. We will figure something out. I'll see you at the meeting Paul. I'll be the sexy female with the braided hair!"

"Get over yourself." Paul rolled his eyes before waving to me upon his departure.

_[Cut this scene because I felt it was too friendly before Paul's harsh words at the meeting. Also, I like the ambiguity of the two months of time that elapsed from their last training session to this meeting. It really marked the impact that Bella didn't need to lean on Paul to kill Victoria]_


	14. Part II - Preface

**Warning: ****There are three chapters for this story. Then I just tell you rest of the plot/end. Read at your own discretion or be satisfied with how part I ended. - YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.**

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**Summary: **Against all odds, Bella Swan killed Victoria and survived. But the victory did not bring Bella inner peace, just relief that she saved herself and others from Victoria. Her journey of self-discovery is far from over. The Order of V.H. is unlike anything Bella could have imagined. She is amongst humans like her who are training to kill vampires. Her comrades aren't limited to humans though that oppose vampires. As Bella increases her skills, a startling revelation brings her to the center of attention at the Order and inspires a revolt against the Volturi. She will need her friends, old and new, to have courage to figure out how her story ends.

**Story themes:** Adventure/Friendship/Romance

**Main Characters:** Bella, Jessica, Paul, Garrett

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**The Phoenix - Part II**

_Preface_

Prophecy. The Volturi. Right. Wrong. Balance. Order. Love. Life. Death. Grief. They were meaningless words at the end when a choice had to be made. The weight of my decision played into destiny's hands or defied its will. Having to make a choice between two evils was something I was not equipped to do. If I learned anything from Geralt of Rivera's sage advice in _The Witcher_ book series, "_If I'm to choose between one evil and another, then I prefer not to choose at all_," it didn't make a damn difference. I would be forced to choose.

I was embarking down a dangerous path either way. If I was going to hell, I was going to plunge down into the depths in a blazing glory. I tightened my grip around the fang in my hand and strode down the path in front of me towards a fate of _my own_ choosing.

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**Author's Note: **Welcome to Part II which I was sure I wasn't going to do. I have no idea of an update schedule, Part II of this story will take more time/research and hopefully I will get my Beta again. For now, I am committing to once a month updates but hopefully will do better than that. If you're along for the ride, awesome! – Lalaland972


	15. Chapter 13

_Shout out to my awesome Beta, __**Lady Sloane**__! Seriously, she elevated this chapter so much. I never knew how much this story could be improved with a beta T_T_

**_Chapter theme: Bella is not afraid to fall anymore._**_ Response to reviews at the end. __Enjoy!_

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**The Phoenix**

**Chapter 13**

Leaning into the corner of my seat, I craned my head to look out the oval window. A muffled cry escaped my mouth while I stared at the runway littered with flight crew handlers in neon yellow safety vests and other planes. Counting the miles and projecting the days I would go without seeing _them_ all again, if not forever, weakened me into a miserable state as the reality of my situation sunk in.

I could do this though. Because of everything I went through. Jessica and Paul, while making a significant impact on my life, had only come into my life six months ago. I could make new friends.

I was determined to find meaning to my life. My purpose. Beneath that superficial need lingered unavoidable thoughts of how this trip to a new life would help me answer a question I couldn't escape.

I couldn't hide from it anymore or deny it.

_How do I survive and live with my grief? _

I hadn't talked about it to anyone. _**Ever**_. Even at the funeral. I didn't know how to start allowing those feelings to permeate through me.

I had always been distant about it. Unfeeling. A mishmash of feelings that never once crossed into grief territory. I hadn't allowed it. I struck a bargain with my grief the night of Charlie's funeral that I would succumb to it when Victoria was dead. And she had been dead for six days.

It was unsettling that I always felt I was looking over my shoulder or on edge waiting for that foreign emotion to paralyze me at any moment.

I couldn't stick around Forks for my eventual breakdown. I didn't want _them_ to see what shape I would be in after being so strong and fearless for _so _long. Paul and Jess wouldn't know how to handle that side of me. Hell, I didn't know what to expect either.

While working on that, I figured I wanted to do good in this world and find my peace to avoid the damage of the guilt I still suffered.

I watched the glass window pane my cheek was pressed up against fog up as I released a breathy sigh. My fingers traced my initials on the fogged-up window. If I was going to breakdown, I would do my best to prevent the start of it from occurring on a ten-hour plane ride.

I bent over to rummage through my backpack under the seat in front of me and pulled out my newest reading material, "The Last Wish". My kickoff to The Witcher book series.

I thumbed through the paperback book to pick up on chapter two, where I last left off before boarding the flight. I was ready to get lost into a different world of monsters with an anti-hero protagonist. It was replacement reading material for my well worn out copy of Wuthering Heights that I had tossed out sometime after Charlie had died.

"_Hello_." I briefly glanced at the gentleman on my left, my neighbor in first class, offering unnecessary pleasantries as he pushed his carry-on luggage into the overhead bin. I offered a curt nod, unwilling to divert my full attention from the book in my hands.

"Not much of a talker, are you?" I gnashed my back molars together in irritation, unsure of the stranger's intention in attempting to engage me in frivolous small talk.

"Not so much," I answered in a low and clipped voice.

"_Hmmmm_...well that's disappointing. I was hoping for a change with a new recruit." My shoulders straightened in attention and my grip on the pages of my paperback book was on the verge of doing some permanent damage. "Everyone is _so_ silent and broody. You're an anomaly for recruitment, so I was hoping you would be a _touch_ different. Add some razzle-dazzle."

Confusion pulsed within me. I swallowed before twisting in my seat to provide him with my full, undivided attention thanks to some pertinent key words he just said. The gentleman removed his navy baseball cap while taking his seat next to me, and his sandy blond waves cascaded over his head in a disheveled look stopping just short of his shoulders.

I hadn't been paying attention before. But now? _Now _I noticed his familiar colorless skin with which arm by arm comparison made a pale person such as myself look tan. My eyes traced the handsome features of his face from his slender nose to his prominent jaw. By all accounts he had the kind of face that stopped you in your tracks. He displayed a rare beauty about him I had only seen in seven people before. I had skipped over his eyes originally because I was denying what I knew. When I summoned the courage to peer into them, the dark brown coloring the iris was masking a bright color glowing just beneath the surface.

_**No!**__ Maybe I am wrong? If he is from the Order, he can't…_

On instinct I touched his exposed hand resting on the arm rest meant for only _his _occupancy. We weren't in economy and forced to share one. My hand shivered from the ice-cold touch of his skin as I confirmed what he was.

"Are you here to kill me?" I hissed while mentally reviewing my options for impromptu weapons on a plane. Unfortunately, making an exit was not an option at this point.

"No, _my dear_." His charming laugh set me on edge. "_We_ are on the same team. I am your mentor, so to speak. Or maybe escort? How else did you imagine getting around once in Amsterdam?"

"You're part of the Order?!" I exclaimed in a hushed tone as I recalled we were in a public setting. I frantically eyeballed his appearance for some sort of tall-tale sign I made the correct assessment.

"Someone had to break the mold for non-human recruits for the Order, love." He sent me a sly wink with his _fake_ _brown_ right eye.

I choked on the breath of air I inhaled at the unwanted pet name and in disapproval of his wink. "_**Gross.**_ Am I special or do you call all females with that term of affection?" I stuck out my tongue at him while mimicking a gagging gesture.

"Both." I delivered a quick glare.

"_Peachy._ Why did they let you in if you still...drink..." I shifted my eyes around us uncomfortably. We were in first class but still I wasn't sure how private our conversation was. I cleared my throat. "Well, you catch my drift."

My face scrunched while he clicked his tongue in disapproval. "We can go over that later, _Bella_." Without any warning, my stomach flipped on cue by the sound of how my name rolled off his tongue. It was delicate. Intimate. And I didn't like that at all.

"Alright, you know me…" I snarked. "And who might you be?"

A devilish smile sprawled on his face. He was trouble. I just knew it.

"Your escort, remember?"

An aggravated grunt fled my lips as annoyance catapulted through me and sidelined my urge to ignore him and return to my book. "**Name**," I insisted.

A slim, pale finger waved in front of my face in a metronome like fashion. "_Temper, temper, Bella_. Those wolves rubbed off on you a touch too much."

"You know?" I asked indignantly.

"Enough."

"Stop being so cryptic. It's annoying." Vexation had to be radiating off my skin at this point in our conversation thanks to this insufferable asshole who apparently was my escort to the Order.

He began to fiddle with the magazines and pamphlets lining the interior pocket of the chair in front of him. "You get used to it."

"Or not." I blatantly rolled me eyes for my audience.

"That too." I tried to ignore the innocent curve to his lips and refocus my attention back to the well bent and crinkled pages of my book.

"Are you going to talk to me the whole flight?"

His delayed response amplified my anticipation that our conversation was finally over.

"Nah. I am good now." I released a breath I hadn't realized I was holding while awaiting his reply. "Just wanted to get a feel for you. You haven't disappointed thus far. But there is time."

I scoffed as I smoothed the pages of my book. His voice reminded me of Edward's. Velvety and smooth. Drawing me in to hear it more. But I purged that thought immediately.

_Damn vampires and their ability to __**dazzle **__you. _

"Great." I pulled my book up to my face and pointedly asserted that I was going to resume reading.

"Ah yes, read that series. It's good. A bit unrealistic in the fantasy world department."

"Why, no vampires?" I quipped whole not removing my eyes from the pages. Then I mentally chastised myself for falling into the trap of being sucked into further conversation.

"Actually, yes. But their idea of vampires is very wrong. It_ always _is."

"I thought we were done talking."

"We were. I'm bored."

"Don't you have lots of practice of keeping to yourself?"

"True. But one finds it difficult in the company of a beautiful lady."

"Not interested."

"Aren't you tempted by my looks?" His jest didn't go over my head. I turned the page in my book despite not absorbing a single word I read on it. I discreetly dog eared the top corner of the page in case I continued on the path of _pretending _to read.

"Been there. Done that. _**Hard pass**_," I muttered in annoyance.

"Enlighten me." His curious tone seemed genuine.

"Maybe in Amsterdam."

"_Touché._ Not a little hint though?"

"You wish. No. I am off the market anyways."

"Boyfriend?"

"Grief. I don't have room for anyone else." Saying it out loud made it feel more real. I promised myself I wouldn't hide from it anymore and I meant that. I knew I wasn't required to be this honest. Let alone with a stranger. But somehow it seemed a little easier talking about it on my own terms with someone that didn't know my past. Or so I hoped. I wasn't sure what my mentor/escort had been informed of with my invitation. Or what was known about my past in general to the Order.

Finally, common sense knocked into me and I had the sensibility to ask a pertinent question.

"How do you guys know about me? How did I get an invitation?"

He brushed a loose lock of hair gracing his high cheek bone behind his ear. "I am just the escort. You'll have to ask Maximus that one."

"Okay. Fine. Can I read now?"

"Can I ask who died?"

I huffed and combatted the grief spiking in me and the thought of revealing more hard truths to this stranger. "My dad. One of your kind killed him."

"I'm sorry to hear that. We're not all bad or monsters."

"I know. My ex wasn't."

"Intriguing." He began to tap his fingers on the arm rest. "That never happens. _**Never.**_ In all my travels. Sure, we find you humans fun but nothing ever serious."

"Well it didn't last. He broke up with me."

"Oh, is that how you got your first kill?" A full, carefree laugh tickled my throat at the thought of what he mentioned.

"No…We buried the hatchet and just are on different paths."

"Sounds like you have an interesting story, _Bella Swan_."

I shrugged while pressing my lips into a thin line. "Perhaps. Not an average one to say the least."

"Tell me more then."

"If I say enough, will you let me read in peace?"

"The odds are in your favor." I closed my book and set it on my lap, ready to dive into a half-hearted version of my story. I was reluctant to share this with a near stranger, but at least I might be allowed a chance of a quiet flight at some point.

...

Dusk was falling as we began to walk on a gravel path. Embarrassingly enough when I had imagined the location of the Order on the flight, I had envisioned walking to a grand castle in a secluded area surrounded by decay and ruins, cut off from the city. But nope, turns out it was hidden in plain sight. The perimeter of the premises was fenced off in addition to being monitored 24/7 by security. Hence, they had no worry for some elaborate coverup to warn off trespassers, nosey townspeople and stupid tourists.

Garrett had mentioned that the city had once begged Maximus to sell his land to turn it into a park. It was still an ongoing fight, but one they would never win with Maximus's family's legacy. No, not the vampire killing one. His family was old money in the community that helped the economic growth of Amsterdam and Netherlands as a whole for over the last two centuries. And that money stemmed from the profit of killing vampires, which apparently was a lucrative business, in Europe. The perception of where the money came from had several different origin stories, but none of them were even a light year close to the truth.

When darkness began to cloak our path, small lights I never noticed before lit up the edges of our walking path and in the distance, I saw we had almost reached our destination. Garrett continued to ramble on about the history of the Order, but I was too enamored by our current whereabouts to pay him any mind.

_I am here. _

_In Amsterdam. _

_At the headquarters of a Secret Order started by Abraham __**fucking**__ Van Helsing. _

_It is real. _

This was something I could never have even dared to dream. When I first began my vendetta to take down Victoria, I had joked about it, but I had never thought it would actually come true.

The path ended at metal gates. Garrett pointed out a blinking red light in a tree overreaching the gate's highest point by at least 10 feet, and the gates opened, as if beckoning us inside. I nodded at the camera before following Garrett's lead through the gate. Just when I thought I was about to see the mansion in all its glory, we had at least a football field's length to walk. Bright lights lit up the grounds…and it was hard not to jump to the conclusion these were training grounds. I had a feeling that I would become well acquainted with the field of grass I was walking across in the future to come.

Once the mansion came into view, my jaw dropped. I released a low, impressed whistle while trying to find the end of the brick manor on either side. Cast iron gargoyles were popping their ugly heads out under the trim of the tiled roof every five feet or so. I wasn't sure if I found them creepy or badass. It was the sort of house I never could have imagined but then again, I was culturally limited with no time spent outside of the United States until now.

I wasn't disappointed as my eyes drank in the exterior of my future living corridors. I was becoming more excited to absorb the interior of the mansion and the kind of people who inhabited it. Those who belonged in the Order. Which was good timing as Garrett began to push me along the path because through my haze of excitement, I heard him murmuring he was growing impatient with my doddling.

"Bella, are you listening to me?" I snapped my attention to the fact Garrett was blocking off my entry into the house. The giant dark stained wooden door, ingrained with symbols I had no earthly clue of what they meant, was parted a few inches but he was for some reason adamant we needed to talk more. We had talked for too long already. Wasn't he tired of it? I was.

"No, I didn't catch what you were saying."

"I figured as much. This is important. You need to listen otherwise they will descend on you like a pack of vultures."

I wafted my right hand in the air to display a carefree indifference but hinting I would indulge him. It was all an act. I knew his influence would only go so far with the human members of the Order. I needed to stop getting lost in La-la-land and pay attention. That much I knew, but my exterior did not give away how diligent I intended to listen to his next words and take mental notes.

Garrett popped out his contacts in one swift motion with one hand. Color me impressed. But he was putting on a serious face with his real eyes on display and his demeanor oozed "take me seriously, Bella".

And I was!

Though a part of me couldn't help but notice his eyes were not as vibrant as Victoria's had been when we faced off. It was a back story I intended on following up with him at another time, but I trusted Garrett even though it was not his previously dark, brown colored eyes staring at me, but rather his real, ruby eyes.

I began to twist Charlie's leather watch on my left wrist to direct my anxious energy somewhere while Garrett purposefully allowed the silence to build up between us as our staring contest ensued.

"You don't choose your weapon. It chooses you."

I suppressed my laugh, sputtering like an old water faucet. Garrett was not amused by my reaction. "Oh, good grief! Don't give me that Harry Potter bullshit. Are you going to offer me a sorting hat to decide which section of the mansion I should be residing in too?"

"No," Garret scoffed indignantly. "That much is obvious. We are divided by humans and non-humans. Then by gender after that divide."

"Okay." My delight in the news was captured in the snarky smile I delivered to Garrett. "I am set then. I know where I sleep, and I have my weapon." I jutted my right hand forward to push open the front door farther, but Garrett yanked my hand back before I succeeded.

"Oh, that _dingy _wolf fang I take it?"

"Correct." I wiggled my arm within his grasp as a sign he could let go and I wouldn't push the door open further until we were done.

"That won't be good enough. Your _little_ weapons and tricks that you used in Forks are mere child's play compared to what we take on in the Order, Bella. You need a proper weapon and you need to increase your fighting abilities. You would be easy prey in your current condition on our most basic mission."

I chewed my inner cheek while swallowing the truth in his words. I hated to admit it, but he was right. I used tricks in Forks with Victoria to kill her. _And_ I was lucky to survive my one-on-one with that newborn. It wasn't a new revelation, but never one I had dwelled on as much as I should have. An intense upsurge of unease began to manifest at the thought of my options going forward. I was in a desperate need to find answers, but I was not willing to reveal that desperation to Garrett.

I thrust my chest out and lifted my head up high. I commanded myself to keep up even breaths while exuding a calm aura. Any hesitation in my physiological response, and Garrett would figure out my bullshit like any of my friends in Forks would in a heartbeat.

"_If I considered it_..." I drawled, enunciating each world slowly, to insist on my casual take of his assessment. "What are my weapon options? Will they make up for my lack of speed or strength? How can humans even take on a vampire?" I resented the fact that my anxiety shone through when I actually asked that third question. If he didn't hear the anxious tinge to it, the question itself gave it away. I folded my hand without putting up a good poker face. It was pathetic.

I hated that in a short span of a minute of Garrett calling out my shortcomings I was already beginning to doubt if I belonged in the Order after all. And I hadn't even walked through the fucking front door yet. Once again, it was pathetic.

At the end of the day, I had to try. I had wished for this all along. To team up with others. Sure, I had the wolves back in Forks, but they never saw me as their equal. Here? Amongst humans, I could work my way up to being on their caliber. Their equal. Maybe not now, but one day.

When I focused in on Garrett's stare on my face, I shrank back with worry that he was now easily reading all my insecurities off of my face.

"I don't want to spoil it. Tomorrow you'll observe training sessions and you'll learn from there. Then what isn't answered, feel free to ask me." I nodded in understanding. "And Bella?" I mentally prepared myself for possibly another shakedown of my self-worth in being here as I considered Garrett's impassive face. "You were extended an invitation for a reason." My mind went blank for a split-second, as if my brain stopped working. "And to let you in on one thing, you're the first human female to make it in the Order in the last 50 years."

The revulsion of being subjected to another boy's club was made known from my next complaint cleverly masked in questions. "_**Seriously? Why?**_"

"The lineage of vampire hunters of the Order seemed to have only male heirs in the last two generation of offspring. _And_ mothers are not normally keen on letting their daughter's sign up for the family business." I began to roll my eyes when I realized a key piece of information was dropped in my lap over what Garrett had just said about the Order.

"_But I'm not from..._" I began to tug at the straps of my backpack dangling by my hips.

"_We know." _Garrett smiled wryly- of course he knew, I don't know why I thought otherwise. "I know you have more questions. Maximus will address them all in due time. He is the one who requested I extend the invitation personally." My sigh of relief slipped out despite my wishes, and Garrett's full lips contorted into a genuine smile and I hated that I was warming up to this vampire.

Assuming what he needed to divulge to me was over, I continued with my mission of opening the door and successfully entering the mansion. Unexpectedly, I found myself slowing my pace as my eyes never left the string of runic signs and symbols carved into the dark gray walls illuminated by a string of torches Garrett was leading me past. Not by fire but electrically lit. Because we were in the 21st century after all.

I found a pattern to the repeating symbols, but even catching on to that in the end meant nothing when I couldn't interpret what each symbol meant. They were _beautiful_. Elaborately engraved with a perfection of how they were mirror images of one another. I couldn't detect any flaws or differences when a symbol repeated. Then again, I only had human eyes. And given my recent acknowledgment of my alarming need to squint to focus on objects in the distance, I could bet I didn't have 20-20 vision.

Garrett stopped, and I only knew this because I slammed into his back. "Ow," I mumbled before rubbing my forehead which took the brunt force of the collision. I stepped around my duffel bags that Garrett dropped onto the white ceramic tile floor of the kitchen we were at the threshold of.

"Only Benjy seems to be here at the moment." If Garrett was disappointed by the welcome party attendance, he didn't show it. I casually dragged my head around the vicinity of the kitchen looking for Benjy. When I couldn't spot him, I asked, "Benjy?"

"Benjy to me. Benjamin to you unless you want to start off on the wrong foot with him." I gulped and grunted in agreement.

"Well done, Garrett, you didn't scare her away yet." On instinct, I first focused on the eyes of the man strolling across the other end of the kitchen to us.

_A muted red. Similar to Garrett's. _

_Vampire._

_How many are there in the Order?_

Before I could formulate some form of a greeting, Benjamin was standing in front of me. He looked frozen in time around my age with olive skin and midnight hair. His face was round and boyish, but still refined with the beauty that came with the territory of becoming a vampire. He cleared my height by at least four inches, give or take an inch. His face was oddly cheerful as he bobbed his head up and down my frame. He _almost_…gave me Seth Clearwater vibes.

"They are on a mission. Humans only this time." I knew he was addressing Garrett's unspoken question, but I was interested to know why a vampire couldn't assist in this mission that the others were on. "But it seems I received the better end of the deal getting to have a proper introduction with _Isabella _before the scoundrels repulse her from social pleasantries while here." I resisted the temptation to call out Garrett for saying all members were silent and broody in the Order, especially when I caught Benjamin's covert wink on the word scoundrels. _Perhaps he was speaking of the human members?_

Benjamin held out a hand and I was leaning into the implication he was offering to take my hand to kiss it. I didn't like the tone that set between us. So, while I accepted his hand, I turned his hand over and tightened my grip to solidify we were shaking hands.

"She prefers Bella," Garrett remarked in a superior tone while Benjamin and I were mid-handshake.

"_She_ can speak for herself. Nice to meet you, Benjamin. Please call me Bella." I withdrew my hand from his grasp and ignored the sparks flickering between the two vampires. They were on edge for some reason and I couldn't fathom why.

I was about to initiate more small talk, when I realized my body, without my knowledge, had finally submitted to the jet-lag of my journey. The exhaustion swept through me with a vengeance.

"I apologize but the time spent traveling today is starting to get to me. I think I should settle into my room before I commit to sleeping on the ground we are standing on."

"_Oh_ to be human," Garret bemused before Benjamin added in, "Come find _me _first in the morning, Bella. I will be a more thrilling guide than Garrett." Benjamin bent his neck to place his lips by my ear to whisper, "He still _acts_ like he is in the American Revolution."

"A war _is _coming, Benjamin," Garrett remarked in a disapproving tone. The steely look in his eyes further affirmed the tension between the two. Perhaps needing to go to bed soon was in my best interest anyways.

"No promises; I don't really know where I am going around here." I felt I offered a safe response without rejecting or accepting Benjamin's offer. I looked between the two wondering who was showing me my room or if I was going to be left to figure it out for myself and most likely claim the wrong room knowing my luck.

Garrett bent over to pick up my duffel bags without saying anything. As he walked off, I figured I was supposed to follow him. I shrugged my shoulders to Benjamin and mouthed "good night" before jogging over to catch up with Garrett. He was walking in a huff and I wasn't in the mood to lend an ear in my exhausted state. After _too_ many turns down hallways that I knew I would get lost in come morning, we made it to "my room".

"This is the female's wing. As I mentioned, you are the only occupant so you can claim any of the other seven rooms before the hallway turns off to the common room with three fire places." I nodded along pretending I was going to remember all of this tomorrow. "This one is the largest one and the only one with a fire place. Up to you." Garrett dropped my bags on the red rug that lay on top of most of the wood flooring in the room. As he began to walk out of the room, I called after him. He stopped but didn't turn around to face me.

"Thank you for escorting me today, Garrett. I appreciate that and all the advice you gave me. I hope I can prove to you why I belong here in the weeks to come."

"You don't have to prove anything to me. I can see the fighting spirit in you. I would be worried about the others, Bella. They will think you belong less than me because you aren't from the right bloodline _and_ you're a woman."

A soft chuckle bubbled up my throat before escalating into a roaring laughter. I clutched my sides to support myself from falling over to the ground. Garrett turned around to face me, lines of irritation on his face highlighted his frown of disapproval over my reaction. But that was because he didn't understand.

"Mulan."

Garrett's left eyebrow twitched in confusion while he cocked his head to the side before asking, "Mulan?"

"Mulan. This won't be my first rodeo proving the opposite sex wrong and that I shouldn't be underestimated," I affirmed in a strong voice, emboldened with a determination Jessica had inspired in me. Garrett's eye contact held strong as his face relaxed and I almost wanted to believe he seemed…pleased with my response.

"I don't think they should either. Goodnight, Bella."

"Goodnight."

…

I noticed the large window by the bed was missing blinds and curtains as I settled into my dreary and drafty room. After I heard some odd noises while unpacking, a burst of adrenaline spiked within me. On a whim, I decided to explore the _very_ empty female corridors. Garrett had assured me privacy in this section of the mansion due to my being the only female. As I walked past the third empty room in the hallway, my stomach churned in resentment that I didn't bring Jess with me.

Since landing in Amsterdam, I had missed two calls and one text from her on my cellphone. I was putting off the inevitable. Admitting I wasn't coming back for a while and not disclosing what I was doing or why I was really here. It shouldn't have mattered at this point. I knew she could handle the news. But I myself was feeling brittle and I knew once Jess knew, if she asked to come for the summer, I wouldn't have the heart to tell her no.

Eventually I would have to get back to her. Future Bella could handle that. And as I thought of Forks, my mind drifted to the other most important person in my life in the last few months. Paul. Was he okay? Would he be disappointed and mad when he learned the truth? Or did he sense I lied when I said I was coming back?

Those were just more questions I didn't want the answers to right now. In the end, I pushed Jessica and Paul away metaphorically by running away. I was on a perilous journey that I had to do myself. Paul or Jessica couldn't save me from my grief. I had to face it. And here, killing vampires, I couldn't think of a better way to be forced to face my grief since Charlie was killed by a vampire.

And with that brief thought, the first wave of my journey of grief hit me.

As I was spiraling down into a hole of despair, I whispered to myself, "I'm not afraid to fall anymore". I saw grief at the bottom and knew I had to take the plunge. My time had come.

In fact, it was long overdue.

* * *

_(Any mistakes/typo are mine because I probably didn't catch it with Lady Sloane's edit despite looking through the edits twice!)_

**Author's Note:**_ Wow, what a start, am I right?! I have like 20 different scenes already written out but not a full next chapter. I feel like part II will encompass less chapters if I write more. Also, I am sorry to say I cannot commit to once a month update. I will do my best and will wait for my beta to review when she can to improve story quality. _

_In __**Ch 14**__, Bella meets more Order members, observes training… and perhaps acquires a new weapon?! Things are spicing up! But Bella still has friends she owes explanations too back home and her grief to battle with._

_**Side Note:** I haven't been to Amsterdam (but it's on my places to visit!) before so I am just going based off of what I researched and I extend author's creativity to turn "Park De Oeverlanden" into the residence of the Order's house/plot of land by Nieuwe Meer. If someone has input or corrections to my take on Amsterdam, you can express where I can correct myself in a review/PM. Otherwise, just think of this as some slightly modified Amsterdam in the Twilight-verse where vampires and wolves lurk _

Thanks for follow, faves and reviews. Reviews are always appreciated.

**Response to Reviews on Part II Preface:**

**DxGRAYxMAN:** Yaaaaaas! Happy you're along for the ride!

**Tracybuie:** First installment is here! Hope you enjoyed!

**WolfPackMama:** Yay I am glad you are excited for this and that you are such a big fan of this story! Paul will be coming back into the picture later in this story :)


	16. Chapter 14

_OMG __**Lady Sloane****,**__ my beta, is my hero! She salvaged this chapter for me. Thank YOU!_

_**C****hapter theme: Become stronger in the places you are broken.**__ Response to reviews at the end. __Enjoy!_

* * *

**The Phoenix **

**Chapter 14**

After enduring a tidal wave of tears and memories, I tossed and turned in my sleep my first night at the Order. I struggled through wondering if I had made a mistake by coming here. In between my rounds of grief, I was KO'd every time.

When I woke up the next morning, I felt paralyzed laying in bed as I reflected on why I had hardly slept the night before. I didn't understand the version of myself I had become in the late hours of the night. She was despondent and broken. Too pathetic to be considered a member of the Order. No one could ever see me in that sorry state. I had to make a commitment to myself here and now to only allow that Bella to come out when I was alone in this bedroom. She was unfit to be anywhere else in our current surroundings.

After the mental pep talk to myself, I rolled out of bed. I rotated my shoulders before stretching my arms above my head because I knew what to expect before I stood up. My back was stiff after "sleeping" on that rock they called a mattress. Persisting with my wake-up routine despite the limited mobility in the stiffness of my body, I forced myself to find the nearest bathroom and take a shower.

Once my morning appearance was in order, boots paired with black leggings, a black tank top and a slicked back ponytail, I was ready to face the day. Garrett had not provided me with the time I should be at breakfast, so I decided to just take it upon myself to figure it out.

Forty-five minutes, three dead ends, and maybe stumbling upon a secret passageway I would need to investigate later, I found the kitchen. Empty. My stomach growled upon my arrival**,** and I agreed with its disappointment. I had double checked that I reconfigured Charlie's watch to my new time zone but couldn't help but wonder if I was too late or early. Even worse, I wasn't sure if it was rude to presume I could raid the kitchen for breakfast. Garrett had mentioned that I should imagine the manor as my new living quarters all expenses paid. That still didn't settle well with me.

My need to eat something soon overrode my initial desire to care about my apprehension. Rummaging around in the cupboards and refrigerator was almost invoking the spirit of my inner cook to come out. She was still in there even after long ago being cast aside. She was itching to put on a show. I had the right kitchenware in front of me and a stockpile of delicious**-**looking food that could surely feed the pack twice over. So, I decided to say fuck it and cook a labor-intensive breakfast because I had the time**,** and the taste would make it worth the wait

…

"Smelling that makes me wish I could eat." Without needing to turn around, I was positive that cheery, yet smooth voice did not belong to Garrett.

"Good morning, Benjamin," I replied while flipping my egg over in the sizzling frying pan. Perfecting an over easy egg required concentration, so Benjamin receiving my full attention was going to have to wait.

"Maximus has a butler who cooks for everyone here, you know." My shoulders tensed when Benjamin hovered over my shoulder. The last person to hover when I was cooking was…_Charlie._

"Um…can you…" My voice grew thick in emotion as I stumbled over just asking for some personal space. Benjamin jerked his head away and quickly moved himself to the other side of the kitchen. He understood what I was trying to ask**,** but I was afraid he misunderstood the reasoning behind it. All I knew, grief was a bitch.

The kitchen counter next to the stove top was on the receiving end of my frustration with myself as I pounded the palm of my left hand on the surface. I drew in a shaky, deep breath to compose myself before turning around to face Benjamin. I wasn't cool, calm or collected. I was none of those. But damage control was needed**,** so I had to suck it up.

I knew I was confusing Benjamin with my recent reactions. I hardly knew him, but the way his face twisted from a blank expression to that of concern seemed to exude the question, _are you okay? _His red eyes were focused on me while mine bounced around all over in his direction. I couldn't focus and speak about my feelings because I had promised myself that Bella was only reserved for the evenings. If I grieved in front of other members, I would look weak. I had too much to prove already that I couldn't add "mentally/emotionally stable" to the list of other things to prove as well. So, I had to lie.

"Look, Benjamin," my voice rasped. I was affronted it wasn't along for the ride of the brave front we needed to show. "I didn't mean to respond so poorly."

"I thought you were okay with vampires," Benjamin interrupted sullenly.

"**I am!**" I insisted. "I am just a little skittish this morning. I had a rough night's sleep."

The tension in Benjamin's face eased. He seemed to accept my lie, which I was grateful for. His frown shifted into a half smile for a split second before returning into a deep grimace.

"Your egg."

"Dammit!" I turned around to find a charred egg that could not be salvaged. "Son of a bitch," I groaned while scooping up my egg. _Rest in peace_. "Trashcan?" Benjamin pointed to the other end of the kitchen. By the time I disposed of my egg, we were no longer alone in the kitchen. From the east hallway came strolling in Garrett with five human looking companions.

A nervous smile spread across my face as I was uncertain what characters of the Order I would meet this morning.

"What's that burning stench?" The snide remark came from the blond male in the center of the posse next to Garrett. He exuded an arrogant aura from the spiked tips of his hair to his masculine saunter into the kitchen. My nose crinkled as I could tell off the bat he would be a nuisance. When his light blue eyes locked onto me, a sneer enveloped his whole face. "Looks like we got a Betty Crocker in the house. Or is it more American to label her as a Martha Stuart?" Chuckles and snickers emitted from the group aside from Garrett who rolled his eyes in disapproval.

"Or you can call her by her name? I am Bella." I straightened my shoulders while my eyes weaved through the group, locking onto each person aside from Garrett for at least one second. Two redheads, who looked similar enough to assume that they were related, broke from the group first to approach me.

"Chadwick Wainwright," the taller of the two extended his hand first. Ignoring my intuition and nipping my inclined apprehensiveness in the bud, I tossed the spatula to my left hand and received Chadwick's hand with a tight grip before shaking it.

It didn't go unnoticed in the next three hands shakes to follow, they relished in showing their dominance by squeezing my hand to almost a point where I was certain I could hear my bones start to crack.

I had the _pleasure_ of shaking hands with the other red head, Chadwick's brother, Jamie. Carl was the shortest in the group with brunette hair that was almost equally distinct by his long, braided beard and the pink scar running along the left side of his face. Peyton was the third, and ironically**,** had the least forceful handshake despite my urge to scream and cry during it anyways. I didn't though. For any of them.

Then there was blondey. Of course, the hugest dick was the most good looking of the bunch. Isn't that just the bitch of life? He had just mocked me from a distance with no urge to put up the pretense he was going to play nice. At least what he offered was at face value unlike the others.

"Whose dick did she suck to get in?" Blondey locked eyes on me, daring me to respond instead of letting Garrett do it for me.

I snorted when recalling Garrett's words. He was right. Everything back in Fork's was really going to be child's play compared to what I would find here.

"Oh." I pursed my lips as if I was in a dilemma of how to break the news. "Is that how you got in? Guess they have different recruitment techniques these days."

Surprise flashed before rage sieged blondey's face. It took all my will power to hold an innocent face of "_sorry I had to tell you, bud" _when I shrugged and to not break out in the smuggest smirk known to man.

Laughter roared between the Wainwright brother's, Carl and Peyton. I watched in curiosity as the slaps on blondey's shoulders only encouraged more veins to pop up on his face and neck. Taking the imminent blow-up as my cue to leave, I turned my head to Garrett and mouthed "time to leave?". It was rather unfortunate that this confrontation had robbed me of my appetite.

Before his head bent down to nod in confirmation, I caught an appreciative twinkle in his red eyes. Like I didn't let him down with how I handled myself.

…

I went back to my room after breakfast (this time it only took me 38 minutes). Garrett had asked me to bring my fang to show him my moves after we watched the others train in the morning. It seemed pretty intense to me that they had just returned from a mission and were not taking a day off. They were just back at it. Training.

As I tore through my duffle bags trying to recall which bag I stuffed my practice fang in, my cell phone fell on the floor. I would have ignored it and continued my search if my eyes hadn't caught a glimpse of the phone lock screen. Five new missed calls. That was alarming. I clicked through my phone to see who they were from. Three new ones from Jess and two from Paul. Thinking on it more, I realized that going completely dark on communicado may have given them the impression something bad had happened to me while traveling overseas and alone. I could only assume Jess was worried and told Quil. Then Quil told Paul or something along those lines. Just what I needed. To address their worries in one shot, I decided to send a mass text.

**To: Jessica, Paul, Quil**

**Hey, sorry for the late check in. I am alive. About to embark on this retreat I signed up for last minute. I won't be able to talk for most of the time there. I'll text when I can.**

It was impersonal and a huge, flat-out lie. It bought me time though. Two weeks to figure out how to break the real news that I wasn't coming back. I would focus on that later. For now, I was running out of time and needed to focus on finding my fang. After that, I still had to travel down the maze-like hallways and hopefully score a better travel time.

...

For three hours, I sat on a wooden bench in amazement. The human members of the Order…they were the _real fucking deal_. Flawless techniques. Lethal execution with their weapons. Speed and strength that seemed parallel to that of a vampire. I was mesmerized while I watched them in silence.

As Garrett sat next to me, he didn't comment on any of the battles. His only words to me so far had been at the very beginning before the first battle took place. He explained that there were different branches of the Order all across Europe. This one though, this was their main headquarters. Only the elite resided in it. Which confused me as to what the hell I was doing here then. But I didn't question him because I was more concerned when he next mentioned that I wouldn't be meeting Maximus today. His trip had been prolonged. But Garrett was supposed to pass on that he was looking forward to our introduction when he got back. Which I hoped was soon because I had a lot of questions that Garrett defaulted to "Maximus will answer that". That line was getting really old, and I was only on day number two.

I continued to watch the battles and couldn't help but notice that Garret wasn't impressed like me. He actually seemed bored. But while I was impressed, I also wasn't dumb enough to not compare myself to them. There was no way with all the training in the world I could have their perhaps inhumane strength and speed. Their skill with a weapon? Highly possible with dedication, which I had a full arsenal of. I couldn't defy the laws of physics or genetics though with what their bodies were somehow capable of.

I dropped my elbows to my knees and cradled my face in the palm of my hands. I released a heavy sigh. _Perhaps they just invited me to be a cook somewhat capable of defending __herself and knowledgeable of vampires?_

With my current display of patheticness (which was an obvious contrast from my once audible "Ooooo's" and "Ahhhh's" paired with wide eyes of wonder while gazing upon those training), Garrett decided it was time to speak.

"You didn't think the gods would be so cruel to leave humans completely defenseless against other kinds, now, did you?"

I shrugged but did actually believe that they were that cruel. Seemed like I was wrong though.

"You're thinking that they are on another level, right? Displays of speed and strength similar to a vampire?"

I nodded in response while never breaking my gaze from the battle commencing between Jack, formerly known as blondey, and Chadwick. The blows exchanged between their weapons were escalating to a force beginning to shake the earth that stretched between them and us. They both had determined eyes while their swords clanked against one another. But no, these were not just ordinary swords. Each had their own special feature which set it apart from the rest. I hadn't been privy to what that was yet, but I was eagerly hoping that I would get to visually witness their underlying powers.

"There are more to these weapons."

"I know," I muttered.

"You do now?" Garrett quipped in a mocking tone that I didn't appreciate. I delivered a quick glare at him before returning to the fight. "No, you don't. There is more. I wanted you to see this before I delved in deeper though. Have you been paying attention?"

"Yes!" I snapped. My eyes were practically glued on this fight and every fight before it. Studying. Learning. Absorbing every move I could possibly recreate and committing it to memory.

"Then why haven't you asked about it?"

"I thought I was supposed to sit and observe?"

"Yes, but this is a key piece to everything unfolding in front of your eyes today. I am disappointed you haven't asked. I will be even more disappointed if you haven't noticed."

I gritted my teeth together. I had no earthly clue as to what he was referring to**.** I was supposed to have noticed. This was bullshit. There had to have been a simple explanation. What was I missing?

My mind replayed everything I had observed up to this point. It was just all a hodge-podge of awesome fights and badass weapons used. With that conclusion, I knew I epically failed to observe what Garrett said that I should have. _Fuck me_.

With continued silence being my answer, I shoved down the disappointment spreading across my face. It was spreading from the tears welling in my eyes to the frown I was on my way to displaying in full force.

"It's fine. When I think about it more, you probably couldn't see it. You are near**-**sighted, right? That's why you squint so often when you look far off into the distance?"

I squirmed in my seat. It was embarrassing that it was something I hadn't taken the time to get checked out. I hadn't been very good at the whole take-care-of-myself business for a long time. "It's an unofficial diagnosis but that seems like a correct assessment…"

Garret raised his right hand towards me. My attention was drawn to the silver band wrapped around his ring finger. He wiggled that finger towards me. On the top, it had a circular flat surface. He brought his left hand toward it and used his thumb to slide the circle cap to the side, still hinged onto the ring. Its absence uncovered a sharp pointed needle within the base of the ring. I was drawing a blank as to what secretive purpose required it to be sealed behind a false top on a ring.

"Those weapons they use are called Arcas. They require a blood sacrifice to activate and bond with the human wielder. For _every_ use. The weapons you have seen used in the one-on-one battles. Before each one-on-one battle starts, each fighter pricks their finger with blood to tie into their weapon. Jack's Arca is known as Tridam and Chadwick's is called Belmont. Those weapons grant them the power to achieve the speed and strength you have observed."

"But...you have a ring? You don't have blood?"

"To show where my allegiance lies." Garret offered me a bemused smile. "I also don't have a weapon. Don't really need those kinds of power**-**ups. The weapons are meant for only humans to use. They will die easier than us vampires. Their skin is not impenetrable while they hold the weapon, but they do have higher stamina to last longer in combat as long as they stay in possession of their weapon."

"And I get one of these?" I exclaimed in awe and curiosity.

"Perhaps. Like I said before, it chooses you. You have to be worthy. The Order only has so many. You will have your chance to see if you can claim one for yourself soon enough."

"Where did they come from, these weapons? How are they even possible?"

Between his laughs, Garrett said he would save that story for another time. It was better said in larger company. Everyone had their family twists they like**d** to add in to the legend of it all.

A roaring chant of "I win, I win!" drew my attention back to the battle that was now over. Chadwick extended his sword far over his head with his left arm, taunting the defeated Jack. The fourth round of Chadwick's chant was cut off when Jack kicked him in the ankle, sending Chadwick to the grass with him.

"Dumbass," Jack murmured before picking up his own sword and casting a nasty glare in our direction. It specifically seemed directed at me. The object of his hate. "Come on, princess. Let's see what you can do," Jack challenged me with a daring look in his eyes as he stood up. I tightened the belt slacking around my hips by two holes and patted the hilt of my fang before standing up. I was outmatched in every possible way with an opponent like Jack, but I couldn't back down with his open challenge. That was just asking to look weaker in our audience's eyes.

"It's not her decision to refuse or accept. You know Maximus wouldn't allow that until she has a weapon or has received basic training. Stop trying to intimidate her."

Jack shook his head and muttered something under his breath. I sat down, obedient to Garrett's voice. It was an out I was more than happy to take, but I couldn't let them know that. So, I huffed a show of disappointment to my audience.

Jack narrowed his eyes, keeping his intense focus on me still. "I wasn't going to use my weapon. I was referring hand-to-hand combat. If she can kill a vampire, she can handle a little rough housing from me."

"**No**." It was subtle, but I caught sight of Garrett's left fist clenching as he rejected Jack's request. I knew I was lacking in talent and strength, but I was tired of obsessing over my flaws and shortcomings. Or worse, being judged on them by others. I knew I had a long way to go to be on the same level as those around me, but what would I prove to everyone if I sat back and let Garrett protect me or defend me? I hadn't needed that help with the wolves, and I sure as hell didn't need it now.

"I accept." I stood up with confidence and brushed off Garrett's hand attempting to grip my right wrist. "I have to," I whispered in a low voice imploring him to understand the importance of the stand I was taking.

I scanned the grass in front of me as I walked toward the designated battle area. I would be in a battleground of open space between green grass and blue sky. No trees. No tricks or traps. In short, I was F-U-C-K-E-D.

Chadwick backed away from Jack as I approached. He turned to head the way I was coming from. "This should be fun to watch. _But quick_. Go easy on the poor thing, lad. It's only her first day. Don't take out your anger on her just because you lost." It was difficult to tell if Chadwick was being genuine or not. "Good luck, _Bella_." Chadwick's mocking tone behind me confirmed he was just being a dick. No surprise there though.

Once in the center of the circle marked by a faint, painted white line on the grass, I craned my head over my shoulder. I was curious if Garrett was staying to watch and had any last-minute words to throw out to me before I got my ass kicked. All I found was a blank stare and an aura radiating a nonchalant attitude around my "mentor".

"He is not your opponent, I am. Look at me, Bella. Let's see what you got."

I grunted before turning to face Jack. His gold hair burned in the sun as was his pale skin. He was hungry for a win**,** and I was an easy target. He wanted to get his kicks off by belittling me or showing me up. But he didn't know what I was comprised of.

"Alright, let's—" Jack's fist connected with my jaw. It was lights out before I hit the grass.

…

**[Three days later]**

After another takedown during that day's combat training session, Garrett allowed me to rest.

And in that moment of allowing myself to slip into a relaxed state, my world came crashing down. Grief was on a warpath. Showing me no mercy. Ripping me apart from the inside out.

It struck out of fucking nowhere.

I siphoned off the rush of feelings flooding my soul.

_Not here. Not now._

I couldn't break down at such an inappropriate time.

Yet somehow, I was still sinking in my feelings.

"Get up, Bella."

I heard Garrett**,** but his harsh words didn't compel me to move even an inch. The break from my grief was switched off**,** and I couldn't force it back on.

_One more round. Save face. Push through._

Those encouraging words failed me. My thoughts were focused on another unexplored horizon of my grief. I couldn't save myself in the moment despite my desperate need to not give in.

_You are here today because you chose to be. You met obstacles at every step, yet you plowed forward. Mowing down anything in your way._

Who had said that to me?

For some reason, those three sentences kept repeating in my head. I could get up. This was another obstacle I had to face. I could grieve. But later. Right now, I had a job to do. Training would commence.

I dug my hands in the grass and pushed myself up onto my knees. As I stood up, I remembered**.** I was Bella Swan. A girl who rose from nothing to kill a vampire. Who trained with wolves. I was not allowed to submit to my grief in such a time or place. It had to play by my rules.

Adversity was a good teacher. And oh boy, I was taught new lessons way too often.

…

After another day of laborious training, from what felt like dawn to dusk, passed by, I felt alone. A part of me wanted to go home and see _them_ all. Hang out with Jessica. Goof off with Quil and Embry. Reject Jake's misguided flirtatious advances. Tease Sam about the woes of being an Alpha. Repair my friendship with Paul. I wanted to call and apologize to each of them for leaving so suddenly and then offering the cold shoulder. They deserved so much more than that.

I had trouble letting them go. I felt incomplete without them.

But I couldn't go back or give in. Nothing was going right. There was a reason at least three of them weren't here with me at the moment. I needed to do this for myself. I had to heal. While I missed them, going home wasn't an option until I found my purpose of being at the Order and had a better handle of my grief.

…

I was at the end of my first week at the Order, and I still had yet to meet Maximus. I was only thinking of this because Garrett was peculiarly running late**,** and I didn't know what else to do with my thoughts.

Then, Jack came into the picture looking like the picture-perfect image of Satan in human form. His contempt for me was hard to miss in every interaction. I was lucky he only struck me once in our fight on my first training day and that he didn't break my jaw.

In a true Jack fashion, he came firing on all pistols. He threw out every insult under the sun, with vicious or nasty being too lenient of labels for what he called me. Soon enough, he was in my face. I could feel his spit splash on my face from his too close proximity. I could never get a day off with him. I avoided him when I could and had developed a decent foundation with the other Order members, but Jack was insidious. He had to push and prod me because he wanted to break me. And I was fucking sick of it. Especially after the shitty night I had coping with my grief and missing my friends.

I took a deep, haggard breath. My thoughts were too tangled to speak coherently. I knew my worth despite every ugly word coming from Jack's mouth viciously aimed towards me. Since my words were failing me in the moment, I would let my actions speak louder than any words could mean from me in my defense. In the end, I was my own biggest enemy. Not Jack.

I dropped to the ground faster than a thought, pure action. Just doing it, like Nike's creed.

Jack's shocked expression didn't even make it through his second blink before my right foot sprang forward from my crouched position and connected with his nearest ankle. Jack's parry did not evade the initial blow of my attack. He cursed before transitioning into the offensive. In one swift motion, he grabbed a metal eight-pointed disc from his belt. I lunged away from my current spot before he sent the disc flying where I was easy prey. I knew I failed in avoiding his first counter attack when I felt myself nicked by the damn throwing star above my left ankle. I ignored the twinge of pain as I changed directions every few strides of my sprint in evasion of the rest of Jack's discs. This was only the warmup leading to his real assault weapon.

After I counted the seventh disc soaring past my body, I knew I survived all the stars he had in his arsenal based on my previous notes when watching him battle others._ **It**_ was coming next.

I stopped mid-sprint and spun around to face Jack. My body stood motionless wondering how I was to defend myself against Tridam with no Arca of my own yet.

In terror and fascination, my eyes were glued to Jack's left hand as he stretched it over his shoulder and behind his back to retrieve Tridam. The terror stemmed from the unknown of if I would be taking on Jack with or without his unfair advantage of enhancements. When you were advanced as Jack, you could use an Arca without the blood bonding; he would just be without his power ups but still fighting with a magnificent sword.

Jack laughed ominously as he withdrew Tridam. My breath held as I awaited his choice of how the battle would proceed. When ten seconds passed in silence staring at one another, I knew his decision. And in agreement of the fight to come, I stuck my hand under my shirt and yanked on the fang dangling around my neck. I heard a soft snap of the leather band before the fang rested fully free in my grasp.

"To the death?" My mouth fell open. I hadn't expected that extreme of fight conditions. Did I have a choice to say no at this point? I knew Jack disliked me, but this was a whole new level that made my initial thought of dislike from him seem...down right stupid.

Jack roared in pleasure at my hesitation. He knew I was cornered into accepting his conditions at this point. "Please don't be more stupid than I have given you credit for. Maximus would kick me out if I cut you down here and now. Even if you agreed. Just a spar, first to draw blood will be the loser." I gulped as I processed I wasn't to be killed but was allowed to look forward to being depleted of some of my blood contents for a "fun sparring session".

"You're on," I gritted through bared teeth with a silent prayer that Paul's fang would not fail me in the fight to come.

The tightness of my grip around the fang loosened while I watched Jack break into a fit of laughter. He roared in pleasure, and his face was starting to turn bright red. He dropped Tridam on the ground while not missing a beat of his continued enjoyment at my imminent loss of blood.

"Let's get this over with already," I snarled, daring him to pick up his sword with my eyes.

"As if. I would cut you down like a weed. The fang will offer you no protection even when I am not blood locked into Tridam. Don't be stupid. I thought I had already warned you."

I didn't understand where he was coming from.

"Garrett's not here today on purpose. You're training with me."

"But, but..." My jaw slackened while anything further to say blanked from my mind.

"Don't speak unless you can add something worth saying. Now shut your mouth. You look like a cod fish. Put that silly needle in your belt and follow me. We need to retrain you because your fundamentals are poor. And that's where I shine best."

I did as Jack instructed and followed him in a trance because I had no idea what the hell was going on.

**[1 hour later]**

"You become stronger in the places you are broken. And **I will **break you."

I wiped the blood pooling under my eye. Jack's tactics didn't scare me because he didn't know the actual places where I was broken. The physical bruises and wounds I could recover from in a matter of days or weeks. The scars from Charlie's death were open, festering wounds that only I could see in the middle of the night when I allowed myself to feel them.

So I was willing to submit to Jack's tactics because if I was to be rebuilt, I hoped another, better version of me would come out of it. Another me that wasn't crippled by my emotions and grief.

…

I still hadn't met Maximus yet. He was out taking care of Order business. I was growing impatient. The Order meeting coming up on June 3rd would mark my second week in Amsterdam coming to an end. I still had to tell the truth to my friends back home. I was still ignorant as to how I was chosen or why I was allowed to be here. I didn't even have a weapon as once promised by Garrett. Nothing was going as planned, for whatever I could even call a plan.

Garrett's finger tapping on the center of my forehead reeled me back from my thoughts. I swallowed my mouthful of cheerios. I looked down at my bowl surprised to see it was almost all gone. I had apparently been inhaling my late-night snack while zoned out.

"Today is the day."

"For what?" I was lost over what Garrett was referring to.

"Finding a weapon." I dropped my metal spoon mid-air when Garrett said the word weapon. Goosebumps trailed down my neck. My excitement was blooming from within, but I was trying to act composed. Before I could express my excitement with the news shared, Garrett continued. "Your weapon is merely a personification of your beliefs when it bonds with you. It will take no other owner while your heart beats and blood courses through your veins. What would your weapon reflect of you, Bella?"

I had no answer for him, but Garrett hadn't seemed to expect one.

"You have a trial to survive before you're allowed in the weapons room." Garrett turned away**,** and I followed his lead.

"What kind of trial?" I quickened my pace to keep up with his long, fast moving legs. He remained silent as he continued to lead me to what I presumed was my trial. _No, heads up? Why am I even surprised?_

"Wait and see."

We walked in silence for a while in the unfamiliar grounds of the Order.

I crossed my arms across my chest in irritation as Garrett began to slow down and stopped in front of a massive green field. We had to be only 2 km away from the mansion. But the territory had a forbidding aura around it. On opposing sides of me were the woods and the lake. My quick visual assessment concluded no obvious obstacles. I had no idea what to expect.

"Each month around the full moon," Garrett looked up at the sky lit up by the stars and full moon, "the weapons room can be accessed by others aside from Maximus. The last two months, we have noticed a pattern of someone or something not affiliated with the Order trying to find this location. Someone knows our secret and hide-out. They fail. But every time we have shown up, they disappear. Catch and kill them, _Isabella_. That is your task."

I gulped. What if it was a vampire? He didn't tell me to bring any weapons! It was a suicide mission I was being sent on.

I opened my mouth to protest**,** but Garrett disappeared before my first word could come out. "Fuck! What if I fail? How do I defend myself? Fuck you, Garrett! What sort of mind fuckery is this?!" I screamed before kicking the ground.

_*Whoosh*_

"Garrett?" I asked in a low whisper. Was I not alone anymore? But who was with me?

When the whooshing noise occurred again, I confirmed it was not in my head. Assuming it wasn't Garrett, I sprinted to the forest.

The trees were different here with less branches, so I had to use my strength to climb up and begin to have a better understanding of what I was facing. Adrenaline drove my limbs to move quickly up the tree. When I found a sturdy branch, I settled in on top of it. I was out of my element and in unfamiliar surroundings. I was kind of fucked to be honest. Seriously, no weapons. Not even my fucking fang. Why did I do this to myself? Maybe the lesson was to always be prepared?

_*chink*chink*_

I closed my eyes and focused my ears on the clanking noise I heard below me. It reminded me of metal chains colliding.

_Oh god I really need a weapon._

I stopped focusing on the noise around me and let my mind concentrate on the scene playing out on the ground. A dark figure was moving around the open space of the green field investigating the ground. I could only assume the door to the weapons room was out there? Which seemed pretty fucking stupid to me. Put it within the secu**ri**ty walls. Duh.

It moved every few seconds at a speed that would not register it as being human. Fuck me.

My heart began to pound vigorously in my chest**,** and with its increasing rhythm, I noticed it seemed to be in sync with the noise of the clanking chains. Where was it coming from? Did it have to do with the weapons room?!

I couldn't just stand here all night. If I failed, I certainly would be kicked out of the Order. _Fuck. Do or die time._I descended down the tree in a slow and quiet fashion to prevent the figure from becoming aware of my presence. I suspected it should have smelled me**,** but maybe it was too focused on its task at hand to take notice?

Once on the ground, I tried to observe my options.

_*chink*chink*chink*_

The clanking grew louder! What the hell? I couldn't think with that racket around me. I would certainly die if I couldn't focus my full attention on the mission at hand.

_Kill the source of that noise. Then kill the intruder._

I backed away and began to weave through the trees in the forest. Driven forward by the increasing levels of sound. It stopped at the largest tree I had come across so far.

I began to climb the tree but noticed the noise grew quieter the farther up I moved. I returned to the ground and began to dig. My nails scraped in the dirt, scooping pile after pile to find the fucking source. Each pile removed coincided with the irritating noise's volume increasing.

Finally, I hit something solid. The source! With a lot of effort, I yanked up the solid object my fingers had wrapped around. To my astonishment, I found myself holding a fucking ancient ass weapon. Probably from the Middle Ages. A coincidence...or was it?

I dusted the dirt off from a metal curved blade that was trailed by a long metal chain with a handle. Not realizing how sharp the old ass weapon was, I cut my finger when brushing the pointy end of the blade. _Fuck! _My blood dripped down the blade and pooled on the handle. And then...it began to pulse. The handle began to glow, and I felt immense power emanating from it, coaxing me to take hold.

After my hand connected with the handle, a force ripped through me. Tearing me apart. Bonding to me. I was becoming something new, and I embraced the power that was provided.

I inhaled the possibilities and exhaled my doubts as we merged into one.

My mission was only starting.

* * *

_(Any mistakes/typo are mine because I probably didn't catch it with Lady Sloane's edit!)_

**Author Note's:**_ This was __**SUPER difficult**__ to pull together. I really struggled with where I was taking this chapter and could really use reader feedback. **Do you like the direction this is going?** I know we have new people added in Part II, but the world has to expand some. And Bella needs to grow on her own for another chapter._

_In __**Ch 15 Part I**__, we find out more about the mission Bella was sent on, her new weapon, and she begins to train on a whole new level._

Thanks for follow, faves and reviews. Reviews are always appreciated. 

**Response to Reviews on Ch 13:**

**Tracybuie:** I am happy you liked their intros :) I was nervous about the addition so I needed one person to at least tell me that, so thank you! lol Thanks for your review, til next time!

**LazyGirl89:** I actually hadn't even heard of that author until you mentioned the name. I looked them up, looks like they have some pretty cool Bella/Garrett stories I will need to check out when I finish writing this. I have to wait because I don't want her characters to influence with where I planned on taking mine. I like your theory! Paul is coming back, in a future chapter ;) The Garrett inspiration came from reviews on earlier chapters which mentioned him. Based on his fiesty personality in BD, I thought he would be a fun addition as well as Benjamin. Honestly, I am just making this up as I go haha


	17. Chapter 15

_**Lady Sloane**__ you ARE a god-level beta. Without you, some plot points would not add up. Any mistakes/typos and plot inconsistencies are mine for not catching them when implementing my Beta's edits._

_Chapter theme: Equals.__ Response to reviews at the end. __Enjoy!_

* * *

**The Phoenix **

**Chapter 15 **

Shooting pain snaked up my spine. A chilling scream left my mouth in a voice that I did not recognize as my own. I squirmed around in the dark, helpless and unable to do anything but endure the shadows of my mind.

_"Your weapon is merely a personification of your beliefs when it bonds with you. It will take no other owner while your heart beats and blood courses through your veins. What would your weapon reflect of you, Bella?"_

I was still as far from knowing the answer as I was then. Who was I without vengeance inspiring me to fight? Was killing vampires really the solution to my grief?

Just as fast as it began, the throbbing receded and soon disappeared.

_**We will find out together. **_

…

When my mind became alert again and free from the cage of darkness, my body jerked up as my weary eyes absorbed my surroundings. A short, uptake of air inflated my lungs before my shoulders slumped forward. The whole world seemed to be moving in slow motion as I attempted to comprehend what I was observing. I hoped to god that this was a horrific nightmare instead of real life. Because if this was real life, I had failed my mission and would be kicked out of the Order.

_Please let this be a nightmare. Please. Please. __**PLEASE!**_

I was unnerved to find myself not in the woods outside of the manor. Instead, I was staring at Garrett's tall frame slouched on a chair at the end of my bed. Dizzy from the rush of popping out of bed like a pop tart in a toaster, I anchored my palms on the bed just outside of my thighs. Garrett propped his chin on his hand while settling his elbow on an end table.

"Have a good rest, _Sleeping Beauty_?"

A scream sliced through the fog in my brain. I shrank farther away from Garrett towards the headboard of my bed. The wood frame supporting my back bobbled. In vain, I tried to will my body to cease trembling. It was pointless. This wasn't a dream. I could feel it in my bones. This was real life. I had failed to complete my mission. I wasn't going to be allowed to stay. This was what Garrett was about to tell me.

I swallowed before focusing my full attention on Garrett. I would brave his words and then figure out my next steps. I didn't have a backup plan because I was foolish enough to believe I could survive being here.

I bristled as Garrett let out a guffaw that echoed throughout the room.

_**What. An. Ass.**_

When I scrutinized his face further, I realized his broad laugh reached his eyes, spreading small lines outwards.

"Explain yourself, jackass," I demanded. As Garrett stood up and meandered around the edge of the bed to my side, I felt my anxiety levels collapse as I realized that perhaps I wasn't being kicked out after all. I kept composed despite wanting to snicker at his unkempt appearance. His disheveled sandy blond hair brimming his face and his wrinkled beige shirt that had quarter sleeves…_wasn't he wearing that yesterday though? And those brown slacks? _I mentally shook off my need to play Nancy Drew as I waited for him to enlighten me on what he had found so funny and what the hell had happened last night. I fought the desire to admit he still looked breath taking. He was a vampire and they had the unfair advantage of appealing to your physical desires.

Garrett sat next to my feet on the bed and patted my shin before looking up at me. His smile reassured me that I shouldn't fear what he was about to tell me. Despite the little time we had spent together so far, I…trusted him. Not as much as Paul and Jess, but I imagined he could get to their level someday.

"Well done, Bella." I chewed my bottom lip unsure of what to make of his compliment.

"Care to elaborate more?" I asked in a voice that strained to feign nonchalance. But I was certain some tell on my face betrayed me based on Garrett's amused expression.

"What do you remember?"

"Uncovering a weapon that was buried in the ground and…" A memory flashed in my mind of my blood seeping onto the glowing weapon and the intense pain that followed. "Did I blood bond with that weapon?" Garrett nodded. "And then that overwhelming power took over my body and I went into an auto-pilot mode, killed the intruder and passed my mission?" I questioned in one over-excited breath.

"That sounds ridiculous _and_ like a work of fiction." I couldn't fight it anymore. Garrett's lighthearted wisecrack unleashed my smile. I slapped away his hand that was still resting on my shin in protest as I thought my explanation was very reasonable.

"Alright then, buzz-kill, what's the story? Fill me in what happened after I found _my_ weapon."

"You found Bulat."

"Bulat?" I recited, wrapping my mind around how badass my weapon's name sounded. _Bulat. _That name resonated within me.

"That was the mission. To see if you were meant for it or not."

"_Excuse me?_" I hissed, affronted by the news. I should have been relieved that I didn't squander a real mission, but I didn't like being duped. Garrett's dark eyebrows drifted up, daring me to continue. I wasn't one to push my luck, so I shut up and waited for him to explain more to me

"Benjamin was the 'intruder'. Did you _really_ think Maximus would have the Order's weapons room in such a vulnerable location? And that we can access it once a month? Don't let Jack's assumption that you're stupid come true."

His face held steady in this carved out expression of looking exasperated with me. Fed up with my politeness to my 'mentor', I grabbed the pillow curled next to my side and hurled it at Garrett. Of course, he caught it. But I was making a point.

"But Bulat was in the damn woods!"

Garrett's right thumb dragged across the embroidery of the pillow. The delicate stitches traced into a pattern in the shape of a gold rose, emboldened by the green velvet surface covering the rest of the pillow. I wasn't in my right mind obviously, because for a split second, I swore he sniffed the air around him. But vampires were subtle. His superior sense of smell wouldn't call for taking such a dramatic measure. So, I dismissed the absurd thought from my mind right away.

"Bulat is an exception to the weapons room."

"Okay, _I'll bite_," I spoke through gritted teeth. "Why is that?"

"No one has seen the weapon until now. There have been drawings uncovered of what it was supposed to look like, but the original owner hid the weapon in the forest until a worthy master had proved themselves. Every new human member in this branch of the Order embarks on this test. Everyone has failed. Until you."

My mouth went dry. _How did I prove myself to be worthy? _I licked my lips before swallowing. "What does it mean that _**it**_ chose me as its master?"

"That's up to you. I don't believe in fate or destiny. Take it as you wish. Just know that you have found a great weapon that no others here have been trained in. We can help, but you are going to have to master it yourself in the end. All I can say is that you're like no ordinary human girl — no, woman —

that I have met before."

The casual nature of his praise was unsettling. I considered Garrett's face. He seemed a little gaunter if not weak. I resisted the urge to reach out to touch his face when asking if he was okay. The dimming glow of his ruby eyes haunted me. "Have you fed recently?" Garret's lips twitched before a mask of indifference swept across his face.

"We have a mission coming up soon. I will have my opportunity then. You will be tagging along too if you can handle Bulat before then."

"How long do I have?"

"The Saturday after next."

_**ELEVEN DAYS?!**_

"I'll do my best." I began to twist the hair at the end of my braid that was hanging over my shoulder. My once neat, crisp braid was ruffled, caked in dirt and smelled like sweat. It didn't bother me though because of why it became that way. _I do need a shower though… I am sure Garrett is barely enduring this pungent smell I can hardly stand to whiff myself. _

"Good. Rest up some more. I put your breakfast on the nightstand." I glanced over at the oatmeal and banana as my stomach began to rumble in appreciation. "We resume training tonight. Leave the fang. You have upgraded to Bulat. Jack expects you back to basics training tomorrow morning."

I groaned and slapped my free hand to my forehead. Jack's promise of upping the ante if I ever received an Arca had just resurfaced in my mind.

Garrett strode out of my room without saying goodbye. His hot and cold mood swings perplexed me. I tried not to compare him to either Jack or Paul. But somehow, I was always driven to that place.

_Paul…what would you think of me now? Would you be proud or tell me that I am asking to be killed? _

…

I squeezed in a few more hours of sleep after eating breakfast before my curiosity of Bulat got the better of me. _It_ was calling to me. My head pulsed in a rhythm that matched the beat of the night before when I was unknowingly searching for Bulat. I noticed a sense of belonging when I grasped the hilt of the weapon in my hand. A wash of calm flooded my consciousness. As if I found a missing piece to my existence. My reason for being. When holding Bulat, my life was worthwhile. I had a purpose. _**IT **_was everything I had been looking for. I finally had the power I had been seeking. With Bulat, a previously unfathomable path was forged ahead of me. I could do this. I could be a real threat to a vampire. I could rid the world of evil vampires and protect other Charlies.

It seemed foolish to admit this, but I spent my free time up until the evening sitting on my bed with Bulat in my hand. I _literally_ had happiness in the palm of my hand, and I didn't dare let it go. So I stayed put as I admired my weapon and the confidence it instilled in me. It was the laziest thing I had done since I had first started training in January.

When I noticed the setting sun through my bedroom window, I knew I needed to head off to dinner. While I was dismayed to leave the bubble of happiness I had established, I could admit I was eager to learn how to handle Bulat instead of just fantasizing about it in my head.

…

Dinner was oddly quiet. Usually all the boys were squeezed around the table with me cramming food into their faces like it was their last meal. _Too _similar to the pack. Garrett and Benjamin would be present in a corner of the dining room and add in conversation if warranted. Otherwise, they talked amongst themselves. This evening was different because it was just Garrett and me in the kitchen. _And_, he was sitting at the table. Adjacent to me. It was weird. He remained silent while I ate. I let him do his broody thing, eerily close to early Edward days and just continued to eat in peace with Bulat strapped across my waist. It was a little less comfortable than wearing my fang, but I could make adjustments to my hilt for my _new_ favorite weapon.

I was mid-chew on the last bite of my steak when I noticed Garrett breaking from his glazed-over look. For a brief moment, his eyes lingered on Charlie's watch. My breath hitched when Garrett leaned forward and clasped his cold fingers on my wrist.

"So much on here, _Bella_. A tattoo, a watch, and _**two**_ scars. Do you always wear your vulnerabilities on your sleeve?"

I shook my arm free and scooted my chair backwards, away from him and the table. "I don't get what you mean," I gritted through bared teeth, irritated that he felt a need to bring this up when I was having a nice and peaceful dinner. All he knew about was the scar from the newborn when we first met. He didn't know the background or significance of the rest of his observations. Why was he pretending to now?

"_But you do_. Where did the first scar come from? Why is there a tattoo between the two bite marks that looks somewhat like a Phoenix? And why on earth would you wear a watch so close to such delicate reminders of your past. _Unless..._" Garret cocked his head to the side. "It is one as well," Garrett deduced.

"Why does it matter?" I snapped, daring him to provoke me more.

"Because those mark your weakness, assuming I am right. If you wear them so openly, other members and your enemies will find one more thing to use against you." Garrett's red eyes glowed with a brilliance of someone who had seen the wreckage of war and fallen comrades and was speaking from a place of harsh truth he felt I needed to hear.

"But you're wrong, Garrett." I stood up from my chair and threw my metal fork down on my dinner plate.

Garrett scoffed while rolling his eyes. "You're only 18. Do you know what I have seen in all my years of-"

Miffed, I strode forward to Garrett. When I was standing right in front of him, I dug the heel of my boots into the wood floor. "They weren't me." I jutted both hands forward and pushed Garrett in the chest to make him look at me, to make him take me seriously. "My weakness is also my strength." As my voice began to tremble, I wondered if it was from grief, fear or excitement. "Ever since I began my vendetta against Victoria, the only thought that kept me going when I was failing or not getting anywhere was my dad." As the words spilled out, I realized I was finally acknowledging a key piece of information that was my root cause of transformation. "It was one I relied on during my sleepless night when I found out a vampire had killed Charlie and _only _I knew. It was one I used to persist in finding a weakness in vampires. One that made me stand up against the wolf pack. One that made me not skip training and focus on the outcome I wanted."

Without realizing it, my right hand anchored its grip above my watch. "When I felt most weak or I couldn't do anything, I thought of my dad and how I couldn't give up. He was the catalyst for my change. He is why my heart still beats. I am living for us both now. Maybe this isn't how he imagined me to live my life, but I can imagine he is so proud of me."

My hand retracted to pinch the fabric of my shirt above my heart. "It hurts here when I look at his watch. _Or my scars_. But my tattoo reminds me that I persist on despite that hurt."

"Because you're a Phoenix?" A tint of humor, or possibly skepticism, bounced off his words.

"You bet I am," I confirmed while tapping my right fist on my heart. I challenged him with my eyes to mock me further.

Garrett's eyes darted to my tattoo before landing on my face again. The scarlet pools in his eyes were different from Victoria's. Not because of their color. But because of their familiarity and whom they belonged to. I knew why they were red, and I was most surprised when it didn't bother me.

"I believe it." The conviction in his words and the softness of his face allowed me to believe him as well.

I blinked. Once again, Garrett had an expression devoid of emotion as if he hadn't said anything that shifted my world off its axis.

"_Ahem_," I cleared my throat, unsure if the moment between us had passed. Garrett was different from the Cullens. Worst of all, he believed in me. Maybe it was better to keep my guard up with him because to be dazzled by another vampire was the last thing on earth I wanted or needed. "Ready for training?" I asked while backing up to my plate to grab my dinner roll to go.

It was subtle. Another blink and I would have missed it. But I caught Garrett's left shoulder flinch in the slightest. I wondered if I had ruined an opportunity for him to say more? But it was probably for the best.

Garrett stood up and turned away from me to exit the kitchen. "Don't doddle."

"**Hey!** I am the one who got us to get going!" I reminded him as I jogged to catch up. I fumbled catching a small and shiny object he threw over his shoulder to me. I paused mid-step when I grasped what he presented to me. It was _the_ ring. I squealed with joy over Garrett's repeated comment for me to not doddle as I sprinted to him this time.

…

If I had to describe Garrett as a teacher...he was too strict, rigid and emotionless. He only cared about me getting it right and moving on to the next technique. Compared to Jack he was a saint... but he didn't offer the same drive I had when training with Paul or Jessica. Yes, he could push me. But a small, not so insignificant part of me needed him to care. I needed him to be impressed with my progress. Blow up at me when I couldn't get the move right after the twentieth attempt. I needed him to know when to be merciless but also kind. I needed his investment in me and the potential of what I could be.

_But_ he was never was what I needed. And I could never dare to ask him to be either. I just had to accept what I was given. He was an excellent instructor, I and all his students before me surely could agree on that. However, if he couldn't offer me the emotional bond I craved, I would never grow with him. It was a tough pill to swallow and admit I had made far better progress in my training with Jack than with Garrett.

Jack was tough. He inflicted many injuries on me to really hammer on the concept he truly was going to break me and rebuild me from the ground up. But beneath his torture, he offered me small, tiny, _perhaps_ minuscule moments of approval when I did something right. When I was doing better. Improving. It would occur in the form of a raised eyebrow. A grunt with a head nod. A small flicker of _something_ in his icy blue eyes. _**But it was something!**_ They were small scraps of acknowledgement that I savored because they were the only ones I was offered. Garrett gave me nothing, nada, zilch. I was starved to know if he saw my progress the same way I did. But it turns out, I would never find out. Because he would never speak a god damn word about it, and I am too proud to ask for praise when I wanted it offered up freely from him

…

The fifth day after acquiring Bulat, I was finally permitted to blood lock into him. Quickly after I blood locked with Bulat, I realized why Garrett had hesitated on letting me do it sooner.

"Concentrate, Bella," Garrett reprimanded me while Bulat pulsed in my tightened grip. My slick hands had failed to keep a steady hold on Bulat, as the sweltering heat had given me sweaty palms. I ground the sole of my boots into the grass while panting, steadying my frame. I was on the verge of passing out. I had been blood locked in for _only _15 minutes, and my energy was the equivalent of a dead battery.

Knowing none of those were acceptable excuses to Garrett and just asking for a death wish if it was Jack coaching me, I accelerated forward, diligently keeping my hands glued to Bulat. With the spurts of energy I could summon forth from Bulat, I yanked my right hand back before whipping the chain forward to release the end of Bulat at _**my**_ target.

My eyes consumed Bulat's flight path as it soared straight to the target for the first time in this training session before my vision blurred and I tumbled to the ground.

….

My skin crawled when a cold sensation surfaced on my forehead. Ever vigilant, I snatched the icy hand caressing my skin.

Garrett smiled disapprovingly as he removed his cold ass fingers from my skin. While I was hot, sticky and clearly fatigued, I wasn't so desperate to ask to be cooled off by a vampire.

"Next time tell me when you are out of energy instead of just dropping like a fly. But, look."

Downplaying my groggy state, I followed Garrett's finger that pointed in the direction of the target. Bulat hooked around the portion of the mannequin neck not dangling off to the side. "You're kidding me! I did it?!" My excitement rejuvenated my energy levels as I sprang up and threw my arms around Garrett's neck. As soon as my fingers locked together and I grasped what the hell I was doing, I went into damage control mode.

"Damn Garrett, your collar sticking up in the back has been bugging me since we started. Much better," I affirmed with an over-the-top fake laugh while I patted the section of the collar I just 'fixed'. I casually replaced my hands by my side. Where they should have remained the whole time. "Looks like my last move was worth it," I informed him smugly before feebly rising off the ground. As soon as my legs locked in the upright position, I dropped to the ground. _Spoke too soon. My legs feel like they are composed of jelly._

"Now what were you saying?" I was relieved he didn't callout what just occurred. But something within me was annoyed that he wasn't fazed by it at all. Not upset, mad, or even happy at the touching mentor/student moment. He was just indifferent.

Buying my legs time to recover, I asked, "When do I get to learn more about Arcas?"

"Tonight." His eyes promised me the truth in his words. "You know, I have never met anyone like you. Male _**or **_female. _Hell_, if you were a vampire, one could even call it love."

My facial expression must have advertised my confusion. This fun, good-natured version of Garrett disappeared after our time spent together on the plane. He then became serious, mentor Garrett with rare moments of revealing his hidden charming personality. I could call him out or play along. Saying I was curious about where I could take this conversation was an understatement, so I followed his lead and decided to whip out my "fun side" as well.

"As if I would ever date a vampire again. Hell, I may never date _anyone_ again." My hands forced my legs to bend as I scooched the heels of my feet to my butt.

"Aren't you a little too young to be so cynical about love?" I felt the heat rise in my cheeks as I perched my chin on my right knee. I glanced up at Garrett and failed to read anything off his face.

"One and done," I remarked airily while wafting my hand in the air with a dismissive manner. "I don't ever want to give up myself to a man again. I won't ever become that broken girl," I spoke calmly and not with the blazing declaration those words deserved.

"Well yes, that sounds unhealthy. You should be with someone who sees you as their equal. _And_, your love for one another is on equal footing."

My shoulders tensed. I withdrew my head from resting on my knee and daringly looked Garrett in the eye. What he said next mattered. He had to know that. He just had to. "Why do you say that about being equals?"

"It's obvious from what you told me on the plane. It transfers over into how you carry yourself here. Your first real relationship was with a vampire. That's not normal. Try a human before you give up on love. Their imperfections should put you on equal footing."

A flame sparked in my belly. Given life from the kindling of my past. _Human._ It was an insult coming from a vampire or wolf.

"Are you _insinuating _I could never be a male vampire's equal?" I asked in a low, defiant voice. My nails dug into my palms out of habit.

"As a human?" Garrett scoffed. I bristled, ready for my counterattack attack. The flame grew as I remembered how this didn't sound like Garrett's opinion from the prior conversations we had. Had I been fooled? "In their eyes, definitely not. I wouldn't see you that way though." Just as quickly the flame grew, it was snuffed out with one sentence from him. _Equals._ "_If I had any interest_. Lucky for you, I don't. Or you'd be a smitten kitten."

I wasn't prepared for him to say that, but I was able to recover quickly.

"Okay, _Casanova_. Where's your leading lady with all this love advice you're spewing out?"

"All observation and just plain wisdom. I don't like the idea of being tied down." Not only did Garrett's tone switch all too quickly, his posture deflated as well. Something was amiss.

"I thought all vampires wanted a mate?" _Fucking Edward. I don't know why I am thinking of him right now. Ugh. _

For a brief moment, a wave of emotion passed over Garrett's eyes. "_**Never**_."

"Woah there, cowboy." Now I was certain something was off. I was at a fork in the road for how to proceed. A part of me said to leave it be. But another part wanted to know more. "Care to explain why?"

He shifted uncomfortably. Garrett was always poised and the epitome of calm composure when he wasn't trying to charm the pants off someone (namely me for this example thus far in my limited exposure). I was dying to know more. Observing Mr. Perfect thrown off his axis was somewhat exhilarating.

"No."

"Come on, Garrett! You know about Edward. Don't I get the same courtesy?" I pleaded while blinking my eyes at him.

"Never go to a seer. _**Ever**_." Garrett's dark eyebrows furrowed on the word "ever" as if to punctuate his point. Before I could respond, he cut me off.

"We are done for the day." His curt tone was all that lingered because in less than a second, he was out of my sight. He had straight up just abandoned me when I was sure I still couldn't walk off the training grounds yet.

I couldn't even fathom what a seer foretold about his mate. But he seemed displeased. I was dying to know why, but based on his reaction, I knew it wasn't a subject I should press further. For the time being at least.

_Wait…seer's are real?!_

I wasted most of the afternoon embarking on the journey of returning to my room from the training field. It took too many breaks and a lot of willpower to push through my body's fatigued state. It seemed that my disheveled appearance _somehow_ granted me a break from any snide comments as I crossed paths with other Order members to my corridors. If I wasn't so focused on making it to my bedroom, I would have been curious about the underlying reason for that. I didn't even bother to shower once my bed was in sight. I just flung myself upon it and submitted to my body's need of recovery.

…

"_Bella_."

I blinked away sleep as my eyes adjusted to the dim lighting of my room.

"Are you awake now?" A hushed yet merry sounding voice called to me.

_Dad?_

I pressed a fist against my chest, rubbing the source of the pain. As if that would dislodge it. Of course, it wasn't Charlie. Charlie was dead. Paralyzed by my grief as my eyes focused on the grey ceiling above me, I wondered if this pain would be eternal and unyielding. However, it wasn't allowed to be dealt with yet. It wasn't nighttime, yet. I was still owed more time in my day before it could consume me; it was only permitted to breathe down my neck. Reminding me of its constant, lingering presence in the shadows.

Commanding my shaky hands to resume normal operations, I forced the palms of my hands down on the firm mattress to sit myself upright on the bed. As I moved, I found that my body was no longer tethered by a hefty burden of exhaustion. Instead**,** I found myself to be floating, perhaps weightless. Well, in comparison to how I felt after training. It was a nice change. I twisted my head to face the doorway of my room to confirm that it was, in fact**, **Benjamin waking me up. His olive skin shone brightly compared to the rest of my darkening room thanks to the pleasant smile overtaking his face.

Curious as to what brought upon this unexpected visit, I decided to cut to the chase . "To what do I owe this pleasure?" I yawned while stretching my arms above my head, another test to understand to what level my body had recovered. I was dreading challenging my legs next to walk again. But given the time that had passed since I fell asleep, I hoped it allowed enough recovery time for some basic functioning. I was promised more history on Arcas this evening. Nothing could stop me from finally hearing the long-awaited background of these legendary weapons. Even if I had to crawl my way to…_**oh shit!**_ _Where am I hearing these stories? I pissed Garrett off before getting more details about this evening. __**Hey!**_ _Maybe this is why Benjamin is here?!_

"I think you figured it out." Recalled from my thoughts by Benjamin's observation, it dawned on me that I was too careless. Allowing Benjamin to read my thoughts by looking at my face. I would have to improve on that in the future. I needed to act more discrete. More indifferent. Like Garrett.

"Let me get changed before we leave," I answered. Not disputing that he wasn't my escort for the evening, I caught a mild gleam in Benjamin's eyes before he turned around and exited the bedroom, closing the door behind him.

…

"Has Garrett told you about these yet?" Benjamin's hand traced along the pattern of symbols that enraptured me the first day I arrived at the manor. Their presence was the only thing keeping the gray wall from being a blank canvas. Even if the wall had been littered with excessive art, the symbols would have undoubtedly stolen and kept my attention.

"No."

"_Hmmmmmmm_," Benjamin mused as a guarded expression masked his once lively face. While I couldn't claim to know Benjamin well—I knew him better than other Order members but less than Garrett—his current behavior seemed unusual. Off. His attitude had abruptly shifted after I had changed earlier and was ready to leave with him. I threaded my fingers through my ponytail, mentally brushing off Benjamin's brazen stare upon my face after his gaze broke away from trailing my hand. "Well, I will let this lesson occur**,** then**,** during our walk to the liquor cabinet."

Most of what he had just said didn't make sense to me. "_Liquor?_" I squeaked, awkwardness twinging my tone as I recalled Jessica's birthday extravaganza. My stomach recoiled while I combatted the urge to shudder. The memories of my first _**and last** _time partaking in alcohol consumption still haunted me. "And what do you mean by lesson?"

"This _isn't_ just art, Bella." Benjamin's gruff voice towards me was unsettling. Treating me as if I was obtuse or naive. On an occasion or two Garrett had spoken to me in such a manner. Other Order members? Sure, a few times a day. But Benjamin? _**Never.**_ No, not until now.

I couldn't dismiss the sobering stare Benjamin drilled into me before he turned away and began to drag his pale fingers across the symbols. He then resumed gliding gracefully forward down the narrow hallway to the liquor cabinet, I assumed. "There is meaning behind the symbols. They are spells." My jaw slackened as I comprehended the word _spells_. If I could believe in vampires and wolves (_which were real!_), couldn't I believe in magic as well? "Also, we are having a party tonight. Hence the need for alcohol." This time my jaw dropped to the floor. _A party? What the hell?_

Not wanting to waste my time limit asking about the party, I chose to remain quiet, trudging behind Benjamin, hungry to hear about the symbols despite his grumpy demeanor. My silence was soon rewarded.

"Did you know this mansion contains the same foundation, bricks, and windows as when it was first built?" Inclined to believe it was a rhetorical question, I didn't respond. "Do you know why that is after all the enemies the Van Helsings have made since their legacy began?" I still opted to stay silent even though this second question seemed to allow me to offer an answer without any repercussions. "This here." Benjamin halted his movement foreword and pressed both of his palms on the symbols. "It keeps out vampires." Now he said something that offered merit to speak up on.

"But you and Garrett?"

Benjamin had always seemed like an open, carefree person to me. Generally kind**,** with this rare moment being an exception. But for a brief moment, I discovered a darkness overtook his face after I asked my question.

"_Exceptions._ Not without a cost though." His steely words didn't phase me. To me, it seemed like an act. Underneath that rigid, impenetrable surface actually lay a brittle foundation. I wanted to understand what was there and why. But like I hid my grief from others, I allowed him to keep his secret as well.

"What do the symbols mean?" A bitter, disgusted laugh echoed through the hallway. In the near distance, my eyes registered the ending point of our conversation. The liquor cabinet.

"No one knows. _Not even_ Maximus."

Even though he wasn't facing me anymore, I nodded along with false confidence, thinking, "Sure that makes sense. Magic symbols that no one can translate protect us here." Bizarrely enough, I even called bullshit on Maximus not knowing just as Benjamin had just subtly alluded to. I didn't speak on this, not wanting to further provoke this strange version of Benjamin I was privy to observe. Perhaps this small, raw moment would allow me to call him Benjy like Garrett. He was showing me a side of him that was real and didn't need to be wrapped up in positivity and sunshine. I could appreciate the realness and felt daft because I had not caught onto it before. The cheery side of Benjy was not his entire being. There was more to him. And I wanted to get to know that side. I craved to have a friend to slum around in the gutters with me as I built myself anew. I desired empathy or comradery that I had not yet found with anyone here at the Order.

"One day, someone will figure it out. That and the _damn_ phoenix."

"Phoenix?"

"_No_, Garrett can cover that exhausting myth. Its origin is so obscure**,** and there are too many versions to know which one has a hint of truth to it. Honestly, it is not even worth repeating. It is all bullshit. What is important is for Maximus to focus on deciphering the symbols so—" Benjamin halted. We had arrived at our destination, but I didn't want the conversation to be over. Ready to beg Benjamin to please continue, I stumbled backwards as two bottles of wine were shoved in each of my free hands. Benjamin sighed contently as he grabbed a bottle of gin and whiskey in his own hands.

His face had reverted back to the familiar wide-eyed, fun vampire of this branch of the Order. His posture had loosened, and a lazy grin lit up his face. If I hadn't known better, I could have sworn he had just downed a whole bottle of some hard liquor to rock a happy-buzz state of mind. I wasn't even sure if vampires got drunk though…

Not wanting to spoil his change in mood, I decided to do as he advised. Wait to ask Garrett for more background. Learning about the symbols was enlightening, but I was really set on understanding Arcas better this evening. That seemed more important to me at the moment as well.

The conversation on the way to the "party" set a different tone between us. Benjamin once again was jovial and was relaying to me the different stages of drunk messes the members of the Order could level up to. It sounded entertaining as much as it was frightening. He still wouldn't tell me what the party was for**,** though. But I found out soon enough.

"The guest of honor has arrived," Peyton announced while standing on top of a chair.

"Alright, Bella, listen up. My version will be the version closest to the truth you will hear tonight." Several rounds of "piss-off" or "shut-up, Carl!" echoed throughout the room. Like Garrett had first told me, everyone had their own family spin to the origin story of Acras. I was excited to hear them nonetheless and draw my own conclusions. _Hell, maybe I will make up my own version to sell on __to_ _others in the years to come._

Five minutes into Carl's backstory, my foot began to tap insistently on the ground. My patience was wearing thin. I wanted to fast-forward through the unnecessary family history he was reviewing for me. I just wanted to hear about the _damn_ Arcas. Not how the Janssenes found their way into the vampire killing business and were recruited by the Order. Glancing over at the Wainwright brothers, their actions mimicked one another as they shook their head**s** and perhaps muttered their disapproval to one another. Relieved I wasn't the only one frustrated and suffering through this drivel Carl was spewing, I uncrossed my arms and used my right elbow to gain Jack's attention. It was a bold move. Yet I wasn't afraid to do it.

"When you're up, I hope you get straight to the point," I said in a low voice. Intended only for Jack to hear, but I was sure Garrett and Benjamin picked up on what I had whispered as well. This was confirmed when I observed the vampires exchanging knowing looks with each other.

When I refocused back on Jack, his side glance strongly suggested I "_shut the hell up and listen, dumbass. You are the one who asked for the stories. Now__,_ _listen_".

I bit my lip as I re-shifted my attention back to Carl, who was oblivious to his audience's half-hearted attention. Not that I hadn't expected such a "warm" response from Jack who seemed to tolerate me better as time went on, but I was annoyed that I should start paying attention. If Jack insisted on it though, there must have been a reason. Otherwise, I was sure another Order member would cut him off. There must have been some importance to the story of Carl's family's legacy.

In hopes of combatting my straying attention, I took my first swig of beer from the glass bottle for the evening. A Heineken that Jamie did not let me refuse. My eyes caught a look from Jamie, directly across from me. His emerald eyes shimmered mischievously as he raised his glass of whisky on the rocks towards me. I nodded before downing another swig, hoping the alcohol would subdue my impatience.

Halfway into my second beer, what I had been waiting for finally came.

"Alright, Bella, listen well. This is the only version you need to pay attention to tonight." I stifled a chuckle while raising my beer in the air in acknowledgment of Carl. He winked at me before continuing, "At one point in history, sorceresses were amongst our enemies, in addition to vampires and shape-shifters. _Not sorcerers_. Sorceresses. The magic seemed to only descend amongst female lineage. They are extinct now. But we owe them because without a sorceress, we would not have Arcas."

I took a swift swig of my beer to calm my nerves. I was sure my eagerness to know more was written all over my face. My heart was racing in nervous anticipation.

"In Hasselt, which at the time was a small village in Belgium, one of the last sorceresses was captured. Her sentence was death, to be burnt at the stake. But the crafty vixen struck a bargain with the village leader the night before her execution. She offered her services to help them with their vampire problem. See, at that time—" Carl made a grand gesture with his scarred hands, really taking his story-telling theatrics seriously. His head shifted around the room, his braided beard whipping along with it, building up the moment. None of the others chimed in or dared to ruin his story to my surprise. "—vampires, sorceresses, and shapeshifters weren't folktales to people. They were real life monstrosities, long forgotten today or chalked up to fabrication by their descendants. In exchange for her freedom, she offered to get rid of the vampires. A foolish, desperate _but necessary_ bargain. Now one might think that once she was free, she should have fled. Nothing was holding her back, but this sorceress was a peculiar one. One with honor. So the next day she ventured to the small vampire clan that had been feeding off the village. She barely made it back with her own life intact, underestimating the sheer size of the clan. Still holding true to the bargain she struck with the village leader, she had to find another way to keep her promise.

So she created the Arcas, a weapon of her own volition, not inspired by the humans. She created five and offered them to the villagers who would take on the vampires with her. Due to the rate of mortality in the village, their training with the weapons was minimal. But they hadn't needed to harness the full potential since the sorceress did most of the work. She just needed the backup. Upon the success of her mission, she was granted her freedom. However, she had fallen for the village leader; it was love at first sight from the beginning, hence why she stuck around to save the village. _Yada yada._ This is the boring part, so I am going to skip over it. She decided to give up her powers for a mortal lifespan and live in the village with her lover. Before she became a mortal, she made 35 more Arcas for the insurance of the safety of the village against future supernatural threats. This is why there are only 40 Arcas across the whole organization. Only twenty-eight of them, including Bulat now, have been claimed and—"

"_**Oi!**_" Peyton interrupted, following a guffaw. His crooked nose snorted while his light brown eyes shone fiercely. He was brimming with excitement. He had a full display of red teeth, stained from the wine, in a ferocious smile. It was obvious he was cutting in for his turn. Garrett had mentioned that everyone had their own spin on where Arcas came from. "There are fifty," he corrected while patting Carl on the shoulder. Carl rolled his eyes but submitted to Peyton taking over his time in the spotlight. I caught Carl's hazel eyes from across the way and threw him a thumbs up in approval. Although no one else clapped and Peyton was already on a roll, I still wanted to offer him a sign I appreciated his tale. A portion of his pink scar surfaced on his left cheek, visible beyond his beard, crinkled with the bashful smile he tried to hide from me behind his beer bottle. I bit back my own smile, ignoring the warm sensation in my stomach that a friendly gesture from someone in the Order brought out in me. I diverted my full attention back to Peyton, who unlike Carl, wasn't going to start with a long-winded family history before cutting to the chase about the Arca origins.

Peyton slowly circled around in the center of his audience, _more drama_. These story**-**tellers were surely trying to outdo each other with their theatrics. I didn't mind. It was the most fun I had been having in their presence since my arrival. Peyton stopped directly in front of me. His freckled cheeks glistening in the lighting above us. His dark, bushy eyebrows raised, silently inquiring if I was ready for the real version. I nodded in answer.

"That _love story_ is a sham curated for children that the Janssenes won't let go of."

"Oh, for fuck's sake, don't start this or we will never finish the night with all the backstories. Cut each other down another day," Jack grunted. His warning glare didn't go unnoticed by anyone in the room.

"Fine," Peyton conceded through gritted teeth, offering no apology to Carl. No one had expected that he would though. "The one thing that Carl mentioned that was right and will be the common denominator in all these stories is that a sorceress created the Arcas. However, it wasn't done out of _love_," Peyton mocked. Jack released a light snarl, somewhat of a last warning for Peyton. Notifying him that he was treading on thin ice. "During the time when sorceresses were being hunted and made extinct, one cunning lass realized that she needed to make some serious coin to get off the continent. Selling potions or services wasn't enough. Hearing about the brewing problem of vampires across Europe, she created Arcas. She kidnapped dozens of humans to experiment on what kind of tool their mortal bodies could be equipped to handle. It had to be legit, or she would never make the money she needed for her escape.

And no, Bella, before you ask. She couldn't make her own money. Such a spell would cause a rather nasty fate for her that wasn't worth the risk. After she made fifty Arcas, enough to surely pay a king's ransom, she worked with a black market dealer to begin selling them, one by one. Each individual sword/Arca was unique. To show off her skill and to increase the worth of each weapon when sold. After the first Arca sold, rumors began to spread about them. Soon after, an unknown assailant killed the sorceress and stole her hoard of Arcas. _Some _claim he worked for the Volturi. When transporting them back to his masters, the thief was attacked. No one knows how the Arcas were scattered across Europe, but since the Van Helsing legacy started, Arcas have been recovered one by one to be in the possession of the Order. The strangest thing, though, is that there is an unfounded twist of this tale which claims the sorceress foretold her own death, since she had prophecy capabilities. But that makes no sense since she could have prevented her death or chose another path if that was the case, which is why I leave it out of my story. Don't believe anyone who ever adds it in. Prophecies are hearsay."

Jamie stretched his hand to Peyton, offering him a beer, probably too late to save his reddening teeth. Within a second after clasping his fingers around the neck of the glass bottle, Peyton was guzzling the beer to quench a thirst as if he had been talking for an hour when it had only been a few minutes.

When the bottle left his lips, Peyton released a loud belch and quickly returned to his seat**,** satisfied the right version of the origin story was out in the open.

Chadwick and Jamie took his place, the brothers eager to split their version between the two of them. "Don't care what Jack says," Chadwick claimed with a puffed-out chest, his navy cotton shirt dipping into a v**-**shape at the apex of his chest. "_Bullshit_," Jamie drawled before pointing his finger at Carl's scrunched up face. "_Bullshit_." He drifted his finger towards Peyton, who returned a middle finger in kind. "_Bullshit_." His finger crossed the circle to land upon Jack, who hadn't even offered a version yet. Jamie ducked, barely escaping Jack's empty beer bottle that soared across the circle. To be fair, Jack had warned Peyton. But apparently, the thin ice warning wasn't exclusive just to him.

Without missing a beat, they dived into their version.

"The truest and most gruesome version is ours, Bella." Groans bellowed from both Peyton and Carl in joint disapproval. "A vampire called Felix had hunted humans for sport for centuries," Chadwick began. "However, he was tired of hunting humans for sport because they were boring and too easy to kill. He needed a challenge. So, he hunted down a sorceress and forced her to create the Arcas to give to his next prey, so he could have some sort of fight be put up against him. Of course, without proper training, he succeeded in killing them. So, he demanded she make more and more. Each weapon better than the next. Because apparently her skill was lacking if no humans could make the hunt the least bit exciting for him."

"Unlike Peyton and Carl, we don't have an estimate as to how many Arcas were created. Best guesses say at least seventy. What the others have yet to mention is that the Order is only in possession of 28 Arcas across the continent. We have no way to verify the real quantity out there. Even Maximus." Jamie eyed Chadwick, seeking permission to continue. With a curt nod from Chadwick, Jamie said, "One sly fox figured out an efficient way to handle his weapon and beat up Felix within an inch of his life. The fool wasn't aware, yet, that a vampire has to be cut up and burned to a crisp, so Felix survived in the end. Waiting for Felix's return, the man trained every day with his weapon, teaching others to hone the power of the Arcas abandoned in the forest outside Felix's hunting ground."

That mysterious man was the owner of the legendary Bulat, a weapon he named after himself."

My eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. Jamie and Chadwick guffawed at the sight of my face, pure shock emanating from it.

"Allegedly," Chadwick added.

I eagerly waited for more, but they both sat down instead.

"That's it!?" I bellowed, angry over the cliffhanger and that they knew more about _my_ Bulat.

Chadwick inclined his head towards Garrett, indicating whom the blame should be placed on. I focused on Garrett, and his familiar expression said it all. _Wait for Maximus to tell you._

I emitted a low growl of frustration before training my eyes on Jack, expecting him to step up to the plate next. Jack shook his head. I waited for an explanation, only to be unrewarded.

"Don't be disappointed, Bella," Peyton cooed. "Jack doesn't give a shit about the tradition with the stories. He wouldn't add anything worthwhile anyways."

I shot Jack a speculative glance, and his "_I don't give a shit_" mask didn't falter, so I conceded Peyton was probably correct. And of all the stories, even with the cameo mention of Bulat, I felt most inclined to believe Carl's version.

"Yeah, he's right. But someone just fucking tell her why we are all here." A playful annoyance reverberated throughout the room.

"The party is for you, Bella," Benjamin chimed in. His first words to me since our _interesting _conversation before the party. I smiled hesitantly, still unsure why the party was for me. "It's in celebration of your first-time blood bonding with an Arca for training."

My mouth fell open. With all their eyes on me, embarrassment couldn't even begin to cover how I was feeling.

"You acquired a fine weapon; I expect great things from you." Peyton tipped his wine glass in my direction.

"What is learned out of necessity makes you stronger," Carl chimed in with a wink. I had a mini flashback of him observing a particularly nasty training session I had with Jack. I ate my words I had sworn at Jack that day, "Karma is a bitch. And if she's not coming for you, I will be." It had amused Carl at least, who erupted in laughter**,** as Jack showed no mercy for my insolence. My smart mouth had been wrong that day, karma wasn't coming for anyone. I had to do the dirty work myself in order to take on Jack in training session.

I delivered a fake chuckle before I forced a grin. Forcing down the bitter memories from that horrendous training session.

"_You're alright, Swan_," Jamie commended in a jovial tone while raising his beer glass in the air. Chadwick clanked his glass of whisky to the neck of Jamie's beer bottle, in agreement.

I looked to Garrett and Benjamin, expecting the best congratulations lines to come from their mouths. However, Benjamin just smiled at me**,** and Garrett shrugged his shoulders. _My mentor_ just fucking shrugged his shoulders. At a party for me. In an appropriate setting where he could sing my praises for once. _For goddamn_ _once_. I clenched my teeth, trying to swallow my disappointment. It was a thick lump that didn't want to go down. And I hated it.

I didn't even bother turning to Jack; he would offer nothing**,** and I expected nothing more from him.

Chadwick stood up and lazily strolled towards me, a bottle of fine whisky tucked under his arm. I politely declined his offer to swig the whisky straight from the bottle. If I was forced to drink, beer seemed like a safer choice to stick with given my prior experience with the hard stuff.

Peeved, but still curious, I asked, "Garrett, do vampires get drunk off alcohol?"

"_Hell, I wish._ I miss the buzz." Garrett winked at me. Resisting my initial reaction to jerk my head back in response, I in turn raised my beer towards him before chugging three mouthfuls. Petulant? Perhaps. But teasing him seemed enjoyable after he just failed to give me the recognition I deserved – especially in front of the others.

Despite my current feelings, I had been concerned that Garrett would still be miffed at me given how our training session had ended earlier today. Everything seemed okay between us though; in fact, it all seemed rather normal. I was grateful for the fast recovery. I wanted—no, needed—him on my side. Yes, he was my mentor. But also, annoyingly enough, he was becoming a real friend to me. Maybe someday capable of working his way up to the ranks of Paul and Jessica. _Well… Jessica outranks Paul. That is for sure. He is still up there though. Why? Fuck if I know. But I can't seem to let him go so easily. After everything we have been through. Even that small betrayal can't destroy everything we have built up_ _over_ _the last few months. Should I call them? I should! It's been too long. They must miss me as much as I miss them. Where is my phone, I should_—

"Bella?"

"Yesssssssss?" I purred while joy bundled in my heart, content that I was finally being reasonable. Making sense. I was going to call them right now. Liquid courage was all I needed.

Chadwick's eyebrows lifted up in amusement as he looked down upon my face. I forgot he was still standing practically in front of me. "Shots."

"_No!_" I wailed. "Shots are a terrible idea," I muttered as I reluctantly accepted the shot-glass, reeking of whisky. _Yuck._ But since Chadwick promised to teach me something along the lines of defensive moves tomorrow, I accepted his offer by throwing the bitter liquid down my gullet in unison with the rest of the Order members.

…

As the alcohol began to make my head spin, I decided to excuse myself from the party. The rowdy idiots hardly noticed me slip out. Except Garrett**.** I felt his eyes trail me as I made my exit. But he didn't follow. I needed a few minutes to return to a state of mind where I felt in control. I walked through the hallways absentmindedly with no destination in mind. On my next turn, I found Jack blocking my path. Not deliberately. His large figure took up a decent portion of the narrow hallway as he stared out an open window.

"You look like my sister. Or maybe it's just that you remind me of her," Jack mused. He hadn't turned to face me when he said it. Just those soft words and his side profile told me enough about the Jack I stumbled upon. He was…not his usual, pompous ass self. There was something different about the way he solemnly stared out the window, his mouth pulling into a deep frown. When I thought about it more, his voice had a vulnerable edge to it. A personality trait I would never in a million years describe Jack having. He'd always looked and talked as if he ate a bowl of nails as cereal for breakfast.

I remained silent as encouragement for Jack to continue because I was unsure of what to say otherwise.

"She inherited our mother's dark hair and eyes. She trained with me to be brought up in the family business."

I recalled Garrett mentioned no females had been in the order for the past fifty years.

"We were both invited. The night of our arrival, the estate came under attack. And that..." Jack's jaw clenched before he spat out**,** "_foolish girl_ took on more than she could handle. The vampire didn't even kill her. Just sank its teeth into her neck to taunt us. I had to take her life to keep her from becoming everything we despised."

I began to rub my wrist where my scar and tattoo intertwined together.

"Girls in our family weren't supposed to be _goddamn hunters_. She proved them all wrong, just to fucking die before she realized her dream."

I rubbed my eyes with both hands as my thoughts surrounding all my interactions with Jack since I first met him swirled in my mind so quickly that it was hard to follow them.

Jack turned to face me, and I instantly recognized the sorrow harbored in his icy blue eyes. He reached his right hand up and brushed my cheek. The affectionate manner from him startled me, but I didn't pull away in my shock.

"I see her in you. Which was why I didn't want you here. You will only share the same fate. Because you and she share the same _goddamn folly_." His resentment and regret were etched plain as day in his "advice".

I glared before pulling away from his touch. "_And what would that be?_" I hissed.

"Compassion." His bitter answer was a slap across my face. "You can't afford that in our line of work. If you lose focus, _even with a damn Arca_, you're dead. If you hesitate, you're dead. If you don't have a lust to kill _every goddamn vampire_ aside from Garrett and Benjy, you'll only be a weak link on _**any **_mission."

"When have I showed compassion?" I growled, taking a step back towards the way I came.

"If you have to ask, then you're blind. _**This is a warning**_." A muscle feathered in his jaw. _"_Having Bulat in your possession means shit if you're not your best. Physically. Mentally. _Emotionally_."

His emphasis on his last word struck a chord within me. I scowled, fighting the constriction in my throat. "Why did you say _emotionally_ like that?"

Jack's darkening eyes held wisdom and ruthlessness. I braced myself for his words to come.

"I have a handle on my grief. Yours is crippling you. Deal with it or forget going on any future missions. You won't be another Vanessa. Be smarter. Make me think of you as Bella and not my sister, or you're not cut out for this life."

I bristled, affronted that he had the nerve to confront me about my grief. Had Garrett told him about Charlie? I had never let it prevent me from giving my damnest in training. Once, I slipped up with Garrett. _But just once._ And no one else saw.

"I am _**not **_your sister," I choked out in a gravelly voice.

"You might as well be. You have a target on your back blinking in flashing lights _kill me first. I am the weakest link_," he taunted with a waving hand gesture.

"**Damn it, Jack!** My value doesn't decrease because of your inability to see my worth. Why have you been nearly torturing me in training if you don't think I am capable?" I snarled, compiling my pent-up rage from every brutal training session I endured with Jack.

"To see if you could prove me wrong. But you haven't so far." His words were another slap in the face. This one stung worst, twisting a blade in my heart to inflict internal damage as well.

"I have nearly broken my body and bled all over the training grounds to deliver what you ask of me. _How am I not giving enough_?" I cried in frustration, unable to let the rage take the reins further in this discussion.

"I can break your body. But that means shit at the end of the day if you can't give rid of your weaknesses. You have to remove your emotions and ability to care about others to get the job done right. And to not die. You can't do it. _Only you_ can break and rebuild yourself mentally. I can't do that for you. I mean, I can try. But you may never come back from it if I have a go at it."

Jack grabbed my face with both of his calloused hands and forced a rough kiss against my lips. As soon as the shock wore off, it was too late to push him off of me. "Now get out of here. You've annoyed me enough today," he huffed before turning away from me.

Dazed, I walked back from where I came, opposite of where Jack was heading, without uttering a single fucking word. Because all I could think was one line over and over. _What the fuck?_

"Don't take it personally. You can't tell, but he is a stable black out drunk. He won't remember this in the morning." Garrett stepped closer to me in the light, and his ruby eyes appeared to be focused on my lips. My right index finger still lingered under my bottom lip following that uncomfortable kiss.

"You look like you have never been kissed," Garrett teased with bright, shimmering eyes. The smirk was really overkill and inspired my defense.

"You know I have!"

"But by a human?"

"Once," I admitted before recalling my first and only kiss with Paul before we became friends.

"Who is better? A human or vampire?" Garrett asked in a curious tone. His question was odd and unnerving.

My options were: Edward, Paul or Jack (_**gag!**_). I hated giving any of the three the satisfaction of my best kiss title with my limited experience, but I didn't want to back down from Garrett's question. His teasing would continue if I never picked one, and I was in no mood after my conversation with Jack. So I came up with the most brilliant answer to send him into a tailspin.

"Neither. A wolf." Garret's right eyebrow quirked up in amusement.

"In their wolf form?"

"In their human form, Garrett," I scoffed indignantly. Paul could never know I _**ever**_ said this. That jerk would become the smuggest asshole known to man if he knew what I said. I would never live it down. And given he has—or maybe now "_had_" feelings for me, it would complicate things further. Not that I had been talking to Paul or anything. But still...one day we may be together again. As friends.

I stumbled back to the group with Garrett, following his lead down the hallways, since I was utterly lost. My once quirky, clumsy habit that Jessica had trained me out of earlier this year had returned with a vengeance. Garrett was in the middle of poorly attempting a two- vampires- and- a human walk into a bar joke when my left ankle twisted the wrong way. I thrust my arm out to brace my fall against the wall. My quick recovery was perfect as I reclaimed my balance with a forceful shove off the wall. Without missing a beat, we continued forward, and I ignored Garrett's raised eyebrow. I tilted my head to eye my arm in appreciation of its quick reflexes.

I stopped dead in my tracks. The only thing my eyes could focus on was Charlie's watch. The brown, worn leather band ensnaring my wrist, cinched on the fourth notch with its pale watch face still ticking away. For a breath, the world stopped despite the second hand still charging ahead. Charlie was dead. I **_knew_** this. Every night I was reminded of this. Every_ fucking_ night. But as I walked with a vampire down the hallway to return to a party with vampire hunters, I was reminded of the reason I was here.

Charlie was killed by a vampire.

Because of me.

And while the guilt had always been there, its presence had never felt so crushing until this moment. It was usually sidelined by my grief; my guilt was an afterthought.

Until this moment.

This very second.

When my guilt reminded me why I even had to grieve in the first place.

If killing Victoria was the only way to survive my grief… how do I survive my guilt? Did I really believe that killing vampires will erase my mistake? I can't—I can't forgive myself.

I tried to swallow. The pain scraping the back of my throat was growing harder to ignore. But I refused to meet Garrett's face and explain myself as I forced my feet to soldier on, one foot in front of the other. I had to pretend I was normal—I was okay. I had to keep moving forward. It was the only route I knew to return to my room and break down. I had to deny the guilt I deserved to suffer through until then.

I just need to make it to that room.

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**Author's Note:** Chapter themes I just kinda make-up for the fun of it after I write. I don't write to a theme but make it up after the fact because I felt like it.

_Next and **last installment** will detail the rest of the plot/ending._

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**Response to Reviews on Chapter 14/15:**

Tracybuie: Bella is way stronger than she thinks! She will sadly have to break a little more until she realizes this though thanks for the support! :D **P.s.** _Thanks for your reviews/encouragement on each chapter of this story! I really tried to push through for readers like you. Even though I could not finish this, I hope you like what I offer next update for the plot/ending going forward. Thank you, truly!_

MiharuTousaka: Glad you read this story and enjoyed! Part I has got nothing on Part II which ramps on the adventure for Bella and upgrades in her fighting skills ^_^ Mum is the word on her romance prospects, but as always the main focus on this story is Bella's growth Hope you enjoy Part II when you can binge more chapters!

Guest1: Bella did get a badass weapon in the end! I am trying to tread carefully while calling out her grief but not letting it be the defining feature of her journey in Part II. If that makes sense? Her real mission will come in Part II ;) Thanks for the review!

Guest2: I am glad you are enjoying this story and found it bingable :) Hope you enjoyed the first part of chapter 15! Your review actually inspired me to post what portion of the chapter I did feel confident while I finish the rest. So, thanks!


	18. EndingSpoilers

_**Author's Final Note.** Skip if you don't care and just want to know how this ends :)_

_So...when I wrote this, I had no idea where it was going, Part I, Part II or any of it. In my own opinion, I think this story showcases the skills I developed in writing from when I started this account in June'19. It is my favorite because it develops this strong female character that has flaws but tries her damnest and relies on herself. I never thought I would write a Bella focused story on here, but then here I did. _

_When I started Part II, I knew I was taking on a lot from what I imagined of the plot going forward. It would require Bella meeting new people, learning more supernatural stuff and figuring out what she would have to endure to earn her happy ending. I feel when you put so much heart and passion into something, you really hope your readers get the same out of it. But in Part II which I felt put more heart into I hardly got any feedback even with +100 followers. Sometimes you can push forward despite this, I obviously did in Part I. But this time it felt so different. I wasn't sure if people got the same feelings when reading about Bella's journey and that left me uninspired to write. And when my passion died down, so did my ability to write what I imagined for this story._

_I put off posting this because some part of myself hoped I would change my mind and keep writing. I cannot find my inspiration to though. Like maybe there is a 4% chance one day in the future I will find inspiration to just finish writing it and post it all on here. But in case I don't below is what I intended for the ends of Bella's journey. Thanks for the support and reading. I will miss these characters and sad I couldn't give them the ending I had imagined._

_~Be safe and happy, friends!_

**_Lalaland972_**

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**The Phoenix **

**Part II**

**Ending/Spoilers**

Bella embarks on first mission with the Order. A surprise attack occurs and Benjamin 'dies'.

Jessica shows up at the Order to surprise Bella. They make up. Paul and Quil end up coming to the Order chasing after Jessica. Bella and Paul make amends.

Maximus returns to the Order. He meets with Bella. He spots her tattoo and is shocked. The image mirrors a symbol from a prophecy hundreds of years old that foretells the end of the Volturi's reign when the phoenix rises. This causes chaos at the Order and the branches across Europe.

Bella looks more into the symbols of the house and starts suspecting something is amiss and doesn't think she is being told everything about the background of the Order.

Turns out her hunch is right as she uncovers with her friends that Maximus is secretly wanting to not just kill the volturi but replace them with himself as the ruler of the vampire world (having struck a bargain with a vampire to be turned when the timing is right).

Bella now is confused if the volturi is as evil as she was lead to believe.

The ending is split into three alternate version:

-She takes down volturi/maximus and ends up romantically with Paul. Bella is not his imprint. In the end they come across a seer who mentioned Paul's imprint is waiting for him in La Push. He chooses Bella and remains in Europe with her to be a bounty hunter of the supernatural. Quil and Jessica join them as a team. Garrett is inspired by Paul and Bella's relationship and decides to meet his mate that is waiting for him in Alaska.

-She takes down volturi/maximus. Benjamin turns out to be alive and ends up taking over seat as ruler of vampires. Garrett refuses joining him as he wants to be with Bella. Bella and him confess their love despite their differences (human/vampire). Garrett leaves the choice up to her if she will turn or not, but announces he will remain by her side to the end. Bella is unsure but her ending narrative leans the reader to think that she might decide to turn in the end after all. Quil, Paul and Jess return back to La Push. Also we find out in this ending that Garrett was the one who scouted her out of his own volition (he was nearby for the newborn/volturi showdown) and recommended her to Maximus.

\- She takes down volturi/maximus. Jessica and Bella lean on each other for support in this ending, coping with their grief about losing their dad's. Jessica confesses she doesn't see herself needing Quil as more then a friend. Bella inspires Jess to talk with Quil about this. Jessica decides to put off starting college and wants to remain with Bella in Europe, rebuilding the Order. The reader gets the sense that Jessica and Bella are happy and wonder if there is ever the chance of them being more than friends down the road? Paul returns home and imprints on Rachel. Quil remains with Bella and Jessica to rebuild the Order and to look for other shapeshifter clans rumored to be scattered across Europe.

In all three endings, Bella makes peace with her guilt and grief. Understanding that it is okay to rely on other's and she doesn't have to pretend to be strong all the time. In each ending, she had a special heart-to-heart with Jessica/Paul/Garrett that showed her ability to rely on them for support.

She also is good friends with all the Order members. Depending on the ending, different scenarios were showcased with how their relationships fared. Oh, all but Jack...he was set to die in each ending saving Bella. His dying words were making peace that even though he couldn't save his sister, he was glad he could save Bella :'(

**_And... that is the end of this story_**

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**If you have questions about anything not in here, you can PM and ask if there was anything you wanted to know I didn't cover in this 'summary'**


	19. The Final Update

_Hi peeps!_

The rest of the plot and ending is posted on the previous chapter. Chapter 15 parts I and II was moved to one combined chapter. Thanks for following along!

_**ALSO!**_ Don't read below un-beta'd excerpts below unless you want spoilers before reading the ending in previous chapter lol

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**_P- Excerpt I_**

A wrecking ball was unleashed in my brain. Destroying everything I ever knew about love. Because when I reevaluated my relationship with Paul, I knew the truth. I could finally see what my brain had been concealing for so long for the preservation of my heart. What his insufferable, constant presence and support for me while I was figuring out who I was after Charlie died really developed into.

I loved him.

And a little too late.

Paul's presence in my life had an effect I never saw coming. Despite our past, he trickled into my heart. He found a crack in the encasement and slowly leaked inside. And when I tried to refreeze my heart, his mark was made. The ice expanded and widened the crack allowing more and more of myself to acknowledge what I denied for too long. The underneath the mask of my grief and need for self-preservation, I had fallen in love with Paul. A wolf who could imprint.

**_P- Excerpt II_**

Life isn't made for the weak hearted. Only the strong rise with the sun the next day. And I got up and lived through every day, so I was winning.

It was time to not do that alone anymore. I grabbed Paul's rough, calloused hand and squeezed it.

I could be on my own and be fine. That I understood now. But, it was my choice not to. What was left to live, I wanted to do with Paul. Every struggle, heart ache, laugh and beautiful moment, I would enjoy the hell out of.

One day I would see Charlie again. But for now, I knew he would be happy waiting to see what great things I would do with the life I was given.

**_G End- Excerpt I_**

"Once you start getting wrinkles, we will have to break up. Not really into that."

"Aging?" I scoffed in amusement. Garrett was different than Edward. But it was realistic, and I understood what he meant. "_Well..._" I drawled. "Guess that gives us a good few years until gravity and the sun start doing their damage."

"_Or..._" My eyebrows quirked up in intrigue as I waited for Garrett to finish his thoughts. What more did he have to add to the subject? I wasn't offended. Maybe even relieved that he had such an outlook.

"You could stop aging."

"In other words, become a vampire," I replied smoothly, hiding my surprise with a clam and steady voice. We hadn't ever talked about me turning into his kind before. With Edward, I had always brought it up. Never had the other person turned it around to me to ask. To want that.

"To spend an eternity with me. We can roam the world taking on more impossible fights and love like there is no tomorrow."

I hesitated on even sputtering out an "_um_" well I processed what Garrett was asking me. Charlie was waiting for me in the afterlife. I loved Garrett. But was it enough?

"You don't have to answer me now. I just want you to know that option is on the table, if you want it." Garret grabbed me by the shoulders before bending his head over to meet my height. His ruby eyes captivated me as they swept across my face, trying to read what I thinking from his suggestion. "You are my equal. Whether you give me a few years or an eternity, it will be something I will always cherish. I would follow you to the ends of the earth, _you know this_. You accept me for me. But I also put up with your quirks too, _Bella_. Don't forget that."

His lips brushed lips my own, but I barely registered the touch. My head was still reeling around the news he told me I was his equal. It was the second time he said this now, and it took on much more meaning this time. I didn't have an answer for him yet. I needed more time. But I returned his kiss with a passion that would make him leave no doubt of what I felt for him.

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I'll delete this once I have seen 125 views on this note :)


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